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Thread: SO down, so so unhappy

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    Mally's Avatar
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    SO down, so so unhappy

    I do not know where to start, and to be frank, I don't know exactly what I am looking to achieve by writing this, but I am just so down.

    This is not my first time on this site. I put on a lot of weight a while back and out of sheer desperation turned to Exante. I actually did very well, and almost got to a stage where I was no longer repulsed by my own shadow. I maintained this for a while and actually began 'living' (I have only touched upon a very long, and very convoluted issue here). As time went on I found myself looking to the future, and for once feeling excited for what could be ahead.

    However this was short lived. My parents took two weeks off work and I indulged myself every day of those two weeks because food is a very big part of Italian life. It has now been a shocking three to four months since then, and as I have continued in this vein, I am disgustingly obese again, and am in a really shocking state.

    I have forced myself to go back into higher education (I am 20) and have never felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. My face is full of acne, and is continually swollen. I seriously cannot bare to look like me. Everyday I start with the intention to stop this ridiculous cycle, but find myself back in it by the end of the day. I simply cannot stop eating and I don't know what to do, or who to turn to. I was so disciplined before.

    I have brought some more sachets of Exante in the hope that it will kick start my old regime again, but to no avail. I cannot imagine being where I was before, it seems unreachable, impossible even. I am not turning up to college for days at a time because I am literally so embarrassed for being myself, and by the way I look.

    I am mortified just writing this post, I am such a mess. This only scrapes the surface of a very deep, and very painful matter which has plagued me for over a decade. There is seemingly no way out.
    Last edited by Mally : 28th November, 2013 at 12:27 AM

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    Diet: EXANTE
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    Hey hun sorry to hear ur so down. Im half asleep but felt i should reply to u!!! Im in the same boat as u n for the life of me feel stuck in a huge fat rut!! Ive done lighterlife previously and reached a size 12 but over the last 2 years have gone up to size 16/18 and am the heaviest i have ever been. I have had enough of being this way and will be starting a fresh tomorrow. If u would like to buddy up let me know and ill send u my number xxx also all the ladies on minis are fab, theres no judging and they support u really well!!
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    Hi mally hope ur ok.. Listen don't be so hard in urself. Things will change. Nothing lasts forever. This is a bad part in ur life but I PROMISE u it will pass by. Just try and do something for urself. U sound like ur really depressed. I have felt the way ur talking and it's really horrible and lonely. Ur only 20. Ur a baby!! work on urself. Get paper. Write ur goals. Make them as small as possible. Plan to change one habit every 2 weeks.. Like less sugar in tea or less milk in tea.. Or limiting fizzy drinks. This way ur control will grow bringing about positive feelings. I hope u are feeling better. Don't despair huni. There are prob millions of ppl that feel just like u. At least u have the courage to say it. Make a change in ur life if ur not happy with it. U will always have well wishers, family, friends to turn to. But no1 can help u but U. I hope u get back on track. Lots of love from one former black hole person to another. Xxxx
    176 lbs sick of being fat. Sick of wearing black. Sick of wearing the same clothes (uniform) day in day out. Enough.

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    Hey Mally... Sorry 2 read that life sucks 4 u at d mo... But Uve gotta find Ur fighting spirit deep down inside as only u can change thgs but Uve gotta fight for it.... Have a mantra and repeat it over and over... I've gotta change, I will change, nothin and no one is goin to stop me....
    First of all can u afford 2 join Weight Watchers as its important Ur facing d scales weekly.... Second of all can u afford 2 stock up on Exante products as removing food when ones addicted to it Definately helps one find der fighting spirit and regain control of Everythg!! Food is not worth d damage its doing to Ur body at d moment!!! It deserves more... U deserve more!!! Ur stomach is the size of Ur hand... If Ur eating bigger portions than Ur fist ... Then Ur overeating!!!!!
    It sounds as if Ur eating smthg U are intolerant too at d moment ... Speaking from experience ... If I eat chocolate it shows on my face.... I end up with big lumps of puss filled spots ....
    How is Ur energy level? Cud u b feeling down in d dumps coz of low levels of Vitamin D??? Not enough sunlight? Holland and Barratt do a Vit D spray... One squirt in Ur mouth daily will help.... How are Ur energy levels?? Vit B Complex and Rhodiola Rosia will help boost dem up... Im speakin from experience..... No one is goin 2 hold Ur hand ... Uve gotta stand up and fight 4 this... U can change, u will change... Come on u can do it!!! Life is much 2 short 2 b miserable... Be honest with urself ... U know u can change... Start tomoro.... Gud luck hon.... Xx
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    Diet: Exante TS
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    Hi everyone

    Thank you so much for your kind responses, I will try my best to answer all questions. I acknowledge that I HAVE to make the change myself, and I have done it before so can definitely do it again. However, trying to make positive changes when you feel so fundamentally unhappy is challenging. It is an undercurrent of sadness that effects every decision I make. However I would like to point out that I definitely would not consider myself to be depressed.

    I know 20 is young, but I have already wasted such a large chunk of my life avoiding situations because I do not feel happy or comfortable being myself. I have never experienced being happy in my own skin, I seriously am repulsed by the way that I look and act accordingly. I am not deluded enough to think that once I lose the weight I will suddenly feel incredible or good looking, but when I lost the weight beforehand I could at least live in a relatively 'normal manner'.

    This is another of my problems. Previously, I spent literally every penny on exante to get down to the weight I was at. As as result I now have no money, but need the restrictions and regimented control offered by a VLCD to succeed. I honestly have no idea what I am going to do.

    I think you may be right shoebedoo, I am probably sensitive to something (if not a lot of things) I am eating. This is one of my biggest causes of embarrassment, my swollen face and bad skin - I seriously look like something from a horror movie.

    All I want is some 'normality' in my life regarding food. I don't want it to control my entire day and be at the forefront of my thoughts. I have started exante today, and this time for the long run. Please do tell me off if I steer off track. I cannot afford to keep on doing this, it is getting ridiculous.

    Thanks again
    Molly
    Last edited by Mally : 29th November, 2013 at 02:37 PM

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    shoebedoo's Avatar
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    Go Molly.. U can do this!!! All walkin d same rd regardless of how much we have 2 loose...
    GOAL 10 st- 10st 3

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    Hey How Ru gettin on Molly?
    GOAL 10 st- 10st 3

  8. #8
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    Mally's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shoebedoo View Post
    Hey How Ru gettin on Molly?
    Really, really badly. I am growing by the day because I cannot seem to stop myself from gorging on food. Everything is in place for me to restart Exante, but for some reason this minor 'step' is presenting as more of a leap.

    I do not think I fully understand the gravitas of the issue I am getting myself entwined in, and simply cannot fathom why I am struggling so, so much this time. Especially considering I was incredibly disciplined previously. It genuinely feels as though I have been replaced with another human with no willpower or fight. I am at a loss.

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    How about a hypnosis app or buyin d bk U can be slim by Marisa Peer...comes with cd...
    Get measuring tape and force urself to measure waist, hips, thighs etc. Look at ur body in d mirror and be critical.... Keep a food diary.... Stop buyin Anythg other than water, bouillon and Coke. Zero .... U Dont need Anythg else... U can't let that voice in Ur head sabotage Ur efforts.... Look at Ur buying history on Exante... Are u really willing to waste all Dat money on shakes and not reach goal??? What are u waiting for? Ru putting it off til after Xmas??? U are in control.... Draw a picture of a river running across d middle of d page from left to right.....One side right notes re how Ur feeling now...fat, ugly, not in control, hiding away, no quality of life, what u can't do etc .... Draw pics as well.... On d other side of d river draw and write Ur goals... What Ud like to be, do, thgs u can't do now.... Run 5km, look in mirror and Luv urself, have a boyfriend. Etc
    Then in d river draw or write d obstacles that are Stoppin u from achieving those goals..... Eg eating junk, not exercising, hating urself, not keepin food diary, not Lookin at urself naked, how crap u feel now... Etc
    Stick this up as a reminder of where u are, where u want to be..... Keep reading it... Only u can chZnge d thgs in d river.... Start tomorrow doin what u need to to reach Ur goals. Remove all food items u Dont need from Ur cupboards... Donate to homeless shelter or throw in bin in town so u can't retrieve dem.... Go to supermarket and stock up on sparkling water, Coke Zero and sugar free chewing gum.... Nothin more... Keep a food and exercise diary..... Exante recommends 20 mins walkin daily.... Timetable it into Ur day and get urself out der for it regardless of weather.... Go to a Boots weekly and weigh in so Uve a print out of Ur efforts... Post food intake here daily... Ill respond daily if u post.... Yes u can do it... No more excuses.... Draw that river... Close Ur eyes... Imagine urself achieving Ur goals...what do u look like, how do u feel... Hear d complements... Imagine clothes Ul b buying and wearing..... U can get der... U can do it Take control... Dont let Dat inner voice stop u...
    GOAL 10 st- 10st 3

  10. #10
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    Lani123's Avatar
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    Hey hun, my heart broke reading this. When you don't feel comfortable in your own skin everything seems worse. I bet there isn't 1 person who posts on this site that hasn't felt the same at some point. You have already made one huge step without realising it...you are here! You come to this site if somewhere inside you your subconscious is telling you that it's almost time for change. You might not be 100% there yet, but it's a massive step and you should be proud of that.

    Dieting can be priciey at first, but I have halved my food bill (including buying the shakes) as I don't pop out to grab some ice cream, or get a chocolate bar at lunch, if you add those things up over the course of a month you'd be surprised how much you spend (although my coke zero bill is quite hefty these days lol).

    I am doing WS not TS, maybe this is somewhere you could start from. TS is extreme, I did similar on the Cambridge diet and after 2 months I thought I was going to die, I have never been so ill, but other thrive on it, what works for one doesn't work for another but the key is not to get down about it and feel like a failure, every small step you make over the course of your life will make a huge difference.

    Chin up hun, one way or another you will get there :-)









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