So BEEEEP Angry....

[Greenockgal]

Ladies, I apologise in advance, but this isgoing to be one serious rant.

To set the scene: My mum and dad are divorced, dad lives in Scotland and is widowed. Mum died very suddenly in Jan this year, her husband (my stepdad) is very poorly, mum was his carer. I live 6 hours drive away and since mums funeral, step dad was taken ill and was in hospital for a month. He has very bad legs and feet and can hardley walk.

Yesterday, I got a call from the care team to say that they had gone round the house and couldn't get in. I had a keypad installed, and apparently on Friday the Chiropodist came, let herself in and had gone, taking they key with her. They had looked through the window and saw my stepdad on the floor. I managed to ring a friend wgo went round with a key, SD had fallen the previous night at 10pm - this was 1.00pm in the afternoon. Rang SD, he's okay, sore and bruised, but nothing broken. I then got home at 2pm, and got another call, he had fallen again, but luckily had his vitaline pendant on this time, so he pressed the button and they came. Ambulancemen told him if he fell again he was coming into hospital.

Right, that was yesterday. On to today. My dad, who,lives in Scotland, has been desperate to go and visit my brother in Australia. (My brother who, incidentaly, had let his passport lapse and couldn't get back for my mum's funeral.) My dad is insulin dependant diabetic, but keeps it under control. For the last 18 months or so, he has suffered very badly with colitis. At it's worst, it makes you faecially (SP) incontinent, in other words, you have no control over your bowels, it just comes away from you with no warning. My dad has been to the specialist over this, and is mortally embarressed if he has an "accident". At it's worst, he wouldn't even go to the corner shop incase it came on.

Anyway, he got the all clear from the specialist last November, so he booked his flight to Australia and went a week last Friday. Originally for 4 weeks, but then my brother told hi8m he would have to cut it back by a week, as he had to go away for work. This cost my dad an extra £250 to change (errr, could he not just stay there for the extra week with my brothers wife and the grandchildren?)

Anyway, I have just received this email, and to say I am blazing mad is the understatement of the century:


"Thought I would touch base and give you an update on Dad.

After the disaster of him missing his flight from Dubai, things have gone drastically down hill.

Our first venture out with him resulted in an ambulance being called for. We had gone for a walk in Kings Park and then went to a cafe. As he sat down, he went into Hypo as he had not eaten or taken the appropriate steps to ensure this did not happen. I thought that he was having a heart attack, he was white and completely unconsious. Luckily there were three nurses in the cafe who knew what to do and after an hour we managed to get back to the car and get him home. Not only did this frighten me and Janice but the kids were very upset and confused.

One week on we thought the worst was over, little did we know

We set out today to go to a wildlife park. After a few minutes Dad wanted to sit down and rest. We left him in shade with plenty to eat and drink while we went on . After a few minutes I went back to get him to follow. His first request was to go to the toilets which were at the start of the trail. Half way there he mentioned that he did not think he could last. When I got him to the toilet (family toilet) I noticed that he had **** all down his leg. I told him to get in and clean up.

I went back for Janice and the kids.

When I came back into the toilet, he was standing bollock naked covered in ****, the toilet was also covered in ****. Even worse as I tried to help him, Alexander came in to use the toilet together with another man and his young son. As this was a public toilet, we are hoping that they have not informed the Police as the man was very irate and disgusted

He cleaned himself up in a fashion but the car stank of **** all the way home.

This has been the last straw. The last time he was here 5 years ago he pissed himself and walked it all the way through the house and walked passed Janice bollock naked.

When he arranged to come, he told us his problems were over but he obviously lied. He has got no respect for himself which is fine but what pisses me off more is that he has no respect for me, Janice or his only grand children

Sorry to off load this on you but me and Janice are so upset that we thought you should know as he has mentioned that he wants to visit you when he returns. I don't think it is something he can;t control, I just think that he has such lack of respect that he decides not to"

I am so angry at the moment, I can't even speak, my hands are ttally shaking as I write this. How dare he? Me and my brother have never really got on, my dad thinks the sun shines out of my brothers backside (pardon the pun) and he has always been the blue eyed boy. Ive just rung my other brother in Oxford and told him, he's raging as well. I have replied to my brother and told him to get over himself, and bearing in mind he couldn't be bothered coming back for his own mums funeral, then he should enjoy what may well be the last time he sees his father. I also said I hope he is fit and well and can travel round the world when he is my dad's age, and how would he feel if his sone had sent his daughter the email that he had just sent me? It totally stinks, I am so angry I just don't know what to do.

Guys, I'm really sorry for ranting, but didn't now what else to do, have smoked about 10 fags in the last 10 minutes, thank God I don't have his phone number, and if he was here in front of me now I would punch him right in the face.

Sorry,.

[Blonde Logic]

Les....that made me so so so sad. What horrible respect your bro has for your dad. Not an ounce of compassion. Why on earth would a man choose to live like that is he could help it - to say he chooses to be that way is, I am sorry, but it is disgusting. What a selfish brother you have. I know we have talked about him before - but man, is he flippen clueless?? They are not here with us forever! And they wiped our bums when we made messes as children. Your bro needs a real wake up call mate.

Your poor dad - the humiliation must be too much to bear at times.

I am mad too, and I don;t even know them.

You go right ahead and rant, and give that bro of yours a piece of my mind too.

I just feel so bad for your poor dad.

And also, so sad to hear your SD's troubles are still occuring. How very scary.

Poor you love. That is so much to have on your mind.

You have my thoughts, and I do not blame you one bit for being as angry as you are. I would be too.

<<<hugs>>> Its very sad news.

XXX

[lemma1968]

What exactly was the point of him offloading this onto you?

11000 miles away - what does he expect you to do?

Families are odd things. I lived in Oz for a while and my sister would constantly moan to me on the phone and by email about my mum and dad etc.

Take a deep breath sweetie and don't react to it any further. I just hope he never becomes incapacitated so he needs help and can't see his family.

<<<<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>>>

[bexnkev]

We are here for you to rant... I'd be angry too... some people are real bigots and very intolerant of things they don't understand... your Dad is just lucky he has you and your other brother

[Dancing]

i feel for you and for your father. Your brother is such an insensitive heartless selfish person - sorry to say that but it sounds like you are so rightly angry that you won't object.

This is dreadful - your poor father he must feel awful enough as it is. I'm so sorry to hear this.

I really feel so angry and sad I can't find the words.

[lighterlifeclaire]

Man this is upsetting... I want to go and clump ur brother round the head...

I hope he isn't suffering too much ... much love xxx

[Blonde Logic]

GG, you should copy all these responses and show your bro - maybe that might wake him up!!

Grrrr. How can he be so insensitive!!!

[ladylite]

Dont worrying about ranting Greenoch Girl you need us now more than ever, we all stick together and help one another.

I am so sorry for your Dad and for you with him being so far away. Some people do not have any concience, you have done the best your can. I hope SD recovers ok too.

Hope it turns out alright and ranting was better than having a bar of something you shouldnt.

[BIG BIRDY]

OH MY WHAT A PICKLE YOU ARE IN!
First off, don't panic and rave. Take a deep breath cos this is quite a common occurance except when it happens to you. Tomorrow you will have to speak to him and try to get him to say yes to a social services referral. You can't do this without his consent. He is probably known to then already due to his alarm system. If so you might be able to access his social worker and say that things have deteriorated and explain it all to them. That way some home care could be set up for him. You do not have to accept him into your home for any reason. Many families co exist and function without crossing each others threshold. TBH there is no way that I could have tish and pee in my house. It's bad enough when my dog has an epileptic fit and that happens, and he can't help it ! Old people can be very manipulative, but that doesn't mean that is whats happening now, just be aware of it. It could be a cry for help. That man in the park was awful. It must have been quite evident something was wrong. You don't have to suffer or cope by yourself, as there are plenty of services out there. I would def call social services tomorrow and see what they can do.
Thier number is 0845 607 2000 Well thats our local one and they could probably help from there, or look in yellow pages.

[Greenockgal]

Honestly, I am soooo mad, hubby just came upstairs and I'm afraid to say I told him my brother was the "C" word! he looked totally shocked, don't think he has ever heard me say that!

I cannot believe my brother is such a complete TW*T, I don't know where he gets it from, my parents and my other brother are the most caring people I know, and he is just a complete waste of my breath. In fact, i don't even know why I'm wating my time writing about him, but I had to offload.

Thankfully, i don't have my brothers phone number or I'd be ranting down the phone at thim.

But, that's it as far as I'm concerned, he can forget it, I am having no more contact with him. My other brother said the same to me at my mum's funeral, but I thought, "No, he's my brother, I can't cut him off." Well, I certainly can now.

All I can think of is my poor old dad, he's 75 this year for goodness sake, and he has the trauma of the flight home to deal with as well. It wouldn't surprise me if he came home early as he'll be so embarrassed.

I feel like emailing him the comment about the fact that I bet my dad wiped his bum enough when he was younger!!

Thanks guys, you've been a great (and very quick!) support, my initial reaction was to stuff my face, but I just smoked loads of fags instead - not sure if that was any healthier or better though!

My other brother said I should pour myself a large Baileys - I'd probably slide off the chair if I had one of them now!

Poor hubby is off to Bristol tomorrow, he's worried I will eat my way through the cuploards now! he gave me a hug and I burst in to tears, bless him!!!

[Blonde Logic]

Oh LEs - stay here with us tomorrow. We'll get you through it. NO WAY should you let someone like your bro sbatoge your diet - he is not worth it at all!!!!

That is just dreadful. I want to give your dad a hug....I feel so so bad for him. I am sure your brother is probably not being descreet with him,. and probably making him feel worse. Bless.
We are here for you hon, you know that.
XX

[userfourtwenty]

That made me feel so sad. My Dad is quite ill and has been for some time, I've resuscitated him three times now. I adore him, I have dealt with him at four in the morning when he's been covered in s**t after a perforated ulcer. It washes off for christ's sake! I couldn't give a flying hoot if he s**t on me every day, I appreciate every moment with him after he's been so poorly. Your brother has much i common with his Dad as he appears to SPEAK a lot of s**t! What an obnoxious and thoroughly nasty person, I can only think of how your dad must have felt/feel. It's made me very angry. I hope he is never poorly and relying on his precious Janice and the kids to help him!

[Greenockgal]

That's the worst part, my brother is probably walking around all high and bliddy mighty and my dad will be feeling terrible, he'll just want to be at home.

I think I'll be on here all tomorrow night, keep me away from the cupboards! I'm okay at work, it'll just be when I get home! Might drag myself down the gym!

But you're right, no way am I going to sabbotage myself for a useless pr*ck of a brother! (sorry, language is a bit strong, but still blazing, I could be spitting fire at the moment!)

[Greenockgal]

Thanks Fourteen, your words made me feel a lot better. Some men, eh? i just can't understand it......

[userfourtwenty]

It'd be better for your dad to get home, my Dad once had a massive heart attack in Portugal, it was dreadful. They wouldn't let him fly, he was stuck in a horrible ICU, nobody spoke English, I had to go in every day to wash him which he was absolutely mortified about, I ended up staying with him for weeks until they airlifted him home. All he kept asking for was to be in his own bed. When we got him home, the pharmacist gave wrong dose of tablets and within an hour he had died and I had to resuscitate him AGAIN! Bless him! Anyway, my Dad is the most caring and wonderful man ever and it makes me cross that these are always the sorts who get ill. Never the nasty ones. I do hope karma exists and that awful brother of yours suffers the same ailment when he's older!