New start - new me

Hi all - thought it was about time I did a diary to help me on this new journey.

So a little about me, I had been overweight my whole adult life. In 2008 I was blessed to have a son, he changed my whole outlook on life and gave me a new sense of who I was and being a mum truely is the best! When I saw the pictures of his 1st birthday I was horrid, however didn't start on my LL journey until Sept 2009. It wasn't easy, but I can actually say I enjoyed the journey, the buzz of lossing weight so fat, I never once cheated, even going to Paris for my 30th! In February 2010 I hit goal, 10stone 10lb and I felt AMAZING! I had so much energy, I felt sexy, I loved how I looked and enjoyed every second.

I maintained within 10 lbs for 6 months then we decided to try for another baby... I feel pregnant the first month trying!! (super fertile since LL!). Then the sickness kicked in, I felt nauseous all the time and so ended up giving in to my 'cravings' of junk food. I piled on 5 stone over the prenancy and was horrifed. I had a c-section and so couldn't start LL after having my second son so did a low fat diet and some exercise, which went well for 4 months, I lost 2 stone, but then had to go back to work. With work (social worker!) comes stresses and trying to balance 2 young children. My second son will be 2 at the end of April and for the past year I have gone up and down the same stone, I can lose it easy, but boy can I put it on easy! I have mainly been trying exante. What I have found is that sadly my relationship with food is more messed up than ever since originally starting LL in 2009. I now can binge eat, never really did that before. MY secret eating has been out of control. I have felt just terrbile. Like an adict. The worst thing is, I have all the motivators to lose weight. I remember how GREAT it felt, I have all my clothes I need to fit in again and have only brought very few clothes at this size as I refuse to stay here... meaning I have spent 2 years in the same limiting clothes selction. I have the most wonderful, supportive husband, and a great life. My weight is the one thing that just makes me miserable.

Summer is coming, and I want to have the engery back that I had when I hit goal. The good news is I have discovered the gym and that I enjoy running! My sister and I are doing the couch to 5k, and only on week 2 but have been repeating weeks and it feels great to jog. Been going 3/4 times a week. I am hoping that this will help when I get to goal again, as I didn't really exercise much first time.

So on Saturday i decided to finally go back to LL, I have missed not having 4 packs and wanted to re-learn some of the usful CBT tools. However my LLC, who was amazing! no longer works for LL and so there is a new councillor. Too early to make judgements yet, but she is new and doesn't seem to understand what she is teaching (read from the book, never been in ketosis). However, the ladies in group were lovely, most having done it before so that is good to have like minded people to bounce off. So I will give it 4 weeks with group, if the CBT is not helping will move to S&S, having found out about that here!

So I am taking 1 day at a time, I want to sole sorce until May at least when it is my anniervsary and then take stock. The lowest I have been since having my 2nd son is 12stone, 5, so that will be the first big milestone... so here goes - cheers! (pint of water in hand!)

So that's day 3 over, have to say it went really well, the food porn has even started early! Been watching Jamie Oliver and nigella today! Planning dinner parties where I don't eat, went this way last time. I developed a real love of food and cooking, healthy, good food. Strange thing is I never make the time to cook like this for myself, it's always for others. I just shove my face full of tasteless, high surgery foods, when no one is around. Come dinner I am tired and can bearly think, I'm certainly never hungry, so just cook something easy and shove it in too. That's what needs to change...


I feel a sense of calm, control, ready to make a difference. I'm not worrying about tomorrow, 1 day at a time for now. Really enjoying my evening 'wine' aka sparlking water with summer fruit favouring! Lol not been to the gym in the past 3 days and missing my jogging so will need to fit it in somewhere.

Off to bed now, soon be in ketosis! Back to work tomorrow so the real test begins, balancing life!

Watching youtube recipes really helped me in the first few weeks. Made me not want food and sort of ... calmed it down. So there's nothing wrong with food porn!! No guilt attached either!!

I hope day 4 is going well for you - ketosis should have kicked in by now!

x

Well day 4 has been interesting! Was at work today, but working from home so kids around and my mum here looking after them = stress! By 12 I was really hungry, however got a call that I had to deal with so forgot about my porridge until 1 which was nice. Was sure I wasn't in ketosis due to how hungry I had felt, however, I am now only just having 4th pack, and don't feel like I want/need it but know I need it so having it, prehaps ketosis is here? Dispite feeling tempted for a few sort minutes, I didn't succumb and feel great about that! Roll on day 5, going to try to do abit of a jog tomorrow and see how that goes!

Happy Tuesday all x

Minerva said:

Watching youtube recipes really helped me in the first few weeks. Made me not want food and sort of ... calmed it down. So there's nothing wrong with food porn!! No guilt attached either!!

I hope day 4 is going well for you - ketosis should have kicked in by now!

x

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THanks for stopping by x

So day 5 over and feeling fine! I even did a light jog at the gym this morning, went well, so will go again Friday.

Had my first bar today, managed to convince the LLC to sell me 2 for end of the week, wasn't planning on having it till tomorrow but had to go on the road all day with visits and so took a bar. Was nice to eat, but didn't properly enjoy it as was driving, but it was good to chew and really enjoyed my porridge when I got home.

Today was a long day and on all my visits the children had cake and choclate for me! Haha typical! Was easy to say no though, feel like I'm in a good p,ace at the moment, can't wait for WI i've hid the scales to have a nice surprise hopefully.

Sounds like you're doing really well Gemma! Well done my dear, it's so satisfying to be in the right 'head' space isn't it!

Week 1 is nearly down!! It's downhill from there

x

ok so yesterday was WI day, and I was thrilled to see a 10lbs lost in week 1!!! That gives me a great boost / start so buzzing. Class yesterday was quite good, although mainly due to the chats amoungest the people, but it all helps. We are doing the cycle of change, and I was thinking a lot about why it is so hard the second (3rd, 4th, 5th, etc!) time around on a VLCD - it's weird as this time I KNOW what it's like to be slim, I had no clue before, no expectations. Now I know how wonderful I feel, how sexy, how 'normal' and how much energy I have. In fact I have MORE motivating factors to get there this time... so why is it taking me so long? Some more work for me to do to help me figure this one out...

Feeling pretty possitive going into week 2 - had a lovely day out with the kids and in-laws yesterday, was lovely to walk around a theme park and not think about food, we even went for dinner after and it didn't bother me 1 bit. I think as the sun was shinning (although it was cold!) it made me remember how great i felt the summer i was slim, I want that for 2013!!!! So here goes week 2.....

just relalised I'm almost out of obese and back into 'over weight' whooooooo!!!

Oooh well done on 10lb! That's fantastic!! I'm jealous of your BMI, my weight is stagnated and stuck and not giving me that magical BMI "overweight" I so crave!!

I really like your point about - why it's harder to lose weight the second/multiple time around on VLCD. You are so right, the EXPECTATION really hangs over, doesn't it!! Knowing what it's like to be slim, having energy, being able to bend in all wonderful ways (with no flab to hinder!) is really why it feels extra slow... It's harder to motivate myself for sure, because whenever I start fitting into the next clothes size, it doesn't feel motivational as I already have an eye on the next one down that I used to wear and still can't touch.
I am working on the motivation bit by taking pictures every once in a while and comparing them. Not looking too much at the first VLCD journey, but trying to concentrate on THIS one on its own terms. Pretty hard though!

You are doing really well Gemma! I hope you have a lovely Sunday

So time to get my head out of hte cupbaord and face up to it... no idea what has gone wrong really but have lapsed... not terribly, but not planned, crap food and lasting 3 days!!! It started after I went to the gym and did my first 'proper' jogging routine, it's only 25 minutes, with most of that walking, intervals of 90 second jogging. I felt GREAT and did it all, but then after felt REALLY hungry so allowed myself some meat knowing that would not affect my losses or ketosis... well of course that led to bread, crisps, chocolate for 3 days! Don't get my wrong I haven't eaten loads of those things, but enough to take me out of ketosis and enough to make me feel proper sh ite! I realised the massive negative effect sugar has on me, I went to bed at 8.30pm for the last 2 nights and 6pm on Monday! Totally shattered and before that had headaches. Why oh why do I still do it then? I know how it makes me feel, I know it stops me from getting to goal, yet still I make these choices. I have been stressed, trying to balanace a full time job with childcare can be difficult! and these holidays have felt really long... but I have such wonderful support around me. I just feel crap - well today is another day, trying hard to draw a line under it and move on. I hate that I am still indulgding in such negative and distructive behaviours

Oh hun Sorry to hear you had a little blip - BUT it's not the end of the world!! It's REALLY not.
You have NOT failed because over all you are TRYING. You are doing the best you can. Mistakes and accidents can happen and right now you are under a bit more stress than you should be.

You will only fail if you give up completely and the fact that you came back here to write this down shows that you really want to work on it. Exercise (even though you'd love to do it) may have a negative effect right now. Maybe you could save a shake to have after a (lighter) workout? Maybe an LL bar?

I'm rooting for you, I know you can do it! Keep on trying!

x

thanks Min it means alot - well had WI today and I only lost 1lb, but that's fine with me due to the 4 days of lapsing I ended up having

Back on it today - and have made a decision.. I am joining the world of S&S!!! My LLC was terrible again today and everyone was commenting on it as we walked out, the one week I really could have done with some light bulb moments (it was all or nothing thinking!) and it was just.. well.. uninspirational, she continues to read from a book and I'm just not learning. So off to S&S I go - and I will also source a local counsellor - the cost for that is around £30 an hour and it will totally focus on me, I think this will be more helpful in the long run! I have got LL packs for the week - I asked to buy 3 less packs due to my lapes and she said 'no, you should think twice before lapsing again!' so with that my mind was made up to stop over paying for a service and product I can get elsewhere!

Looking forward to trying to S&S products when I order back end of next week!

ohhhhhhhh just realised that with a 1lb loss that does take me under 30 bmi, wohoooooooo!!!!!

Gemma79 said:

thanks Min it means alot - well had WI today and I only lost 1lb, but that's fine with me due to the 4 days of lapsing I ended up having

Back on it today - and have made a decision.. I am joining the world of S&S!!! My LLC was terrible again today and everyone was commenting on it as we walked out, the one week I really could have done with some light bulb moments (it was all or nothing thinking!) and it was just.. well.. uninspirational, she continues to read from a book and I'm just not learning. So off to S&S I go - and I will also source a local counsellor - the cost for that is around £30 an hour and it will totally focus on me, I think this will be more helpful in the long run! I have got LL packs for the week - I asked to buy 3 less packs due to my lapes and she said 'no, you should think twice before lapsing again!' so with that my mind was made up to stop over paying for a service and product I can get elsewhere!

Looking forward to trying to S&S products when I order back end of next week!

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Excuse my language - but, what the f*ck? She essentially FORCED you to spend money. If you don't buy the whole lot, she wouldn't sell you any? Isn't that cutting her nose to spite her face (from a business perspective - negative customer interaction)? Plus, if someone is RELYING on those packs, sounds a little bit like extortion. AND on TOP of that, she made you feel bad about lapsing? Isn't she there to support you and be NON-JUDGEMENTAL?? How DARE she. I'm SO glad you made the decision to end it with her; she sounds like a total a$$. I really hope she quits the LL circuit as that is NOT the way to treat vulnerable customers. People who are trying to lose weight are finding it hard enough as it is, without being made to feel bad about it!!! GRR. Lol, that got my goat, as you can obviously tell...

... I wish you lived close to my current LLC (my third due to LLC's quitting/moving), she's LOVELY, understanding and very flexible. Even though I don't have much use for group sessions, I do remember hers being BRILLIANT. A lot of light-bulb moments.

Your decision to switch to a counsellor is really good. After all, you don't need a 'dietician', more someone who can help you work through the head demons. How we use food is merely a symptom of something deeper and more complicated. LL tried to address it on a fairly (in my opinion) superficial and generic way. I really hope the counselling sessions do the trick and that you will enjoy SnS (in fact I know you will!!). I fully recommend the Spicy Spaghetti; Chilli Con Carne; and the Chicken Curry Noodle Soup. The bars aren't as nice as on LL, but the yoghurt coated muesli is probably my favourite (though I never actually have any bars ). Also be aware that you shouldn't have more than 1 'Bolognese' per day, as it has a high carb content.
They'll be bringing back a Cheesy Pasta soon, it's worth waiting for. I can't comment on the shakes as LL put me off them for life!

WOOHOO!! Under BMI 30!! That is FANTASTIC!!! Well done Emma.

x

Hi hear you min, and agree I was disgusted at her attitude - I guess in a way I have been looking for an excuse to leave - I thought I HAD to do LL as it's the only thing to have ever worked for my fully - I've tried doing Exante on and off for the past 2 years with varying success, but really do like having 4 packs a day and so it's great to know I can make the switch to S&S and do this with the lovely support on here and finding my own counsillor.

I've ordered my first taster pack, although do have a week of LL left to use too! But was excited to get my new packs and see them next week, really quite excited about having some veggies with it too! It will also be nice to be part of a busier forum with more support - I remember how important that was the first time around with LL.

How do I go about getting my diary moved?

I was the same with LL for a long time... I thought because it worked once, it's the ONLY thing that will work... Needless to say, through a lot of false restarts and meddling with Cambridge, I finally saw, that it's not the diet doing it... it's me who has to do it. With SnS you really are your own boss in a way, but you know? It makes it sort of fun. Because you're not doing it to "please someone/to get a golden star" at the end of the week (which is what it sometimes used to feel like!! O_O ), the slip-ups seem less serious.
I really think this will be good for you mentally... I think you'll find that balance where you can plan to have 1 meal off for special occasions every once in a while without it ruining the rest of your week - because there is nothing "to ruin" that way. No one to answer to... just yourself.

I'm really, really excited for you, I KNOW you can do this!!

To get your diary moved, you can either PM Starlight or Eclipse (the board moderators) or you can post a thread in ... which you already did.

x

Thanks Min, so glad you are here cheering me on, means so much!

So day 2 getting back on track and we went to a theme park after breakfast.... And I forgot to take my bar! I was tired, but was ok and managed till we got home at 5pm when I had 2 packs, so feeling pretty good about today. Super excited for officially starting S&S later in the week, can't wait to feel more in control of MY journey, and not have to do it in the shadow of my pervious LL journey. will still do WI on a Saturday and hoping to hit the 1 stone mark.

Kids are back at school tomorrow which will defiantly relieve some of my stress of the balancing act I've had to do, so that's good news. Hope you are all well. X

I hope you're doing ok Gemma... Sending you hugs!

x

Yes I am wonderful and oh my word S&S is wonderful!! Had mushroom pasta and spaghetti Bol so far, loved both, had some mushrooms, green peppers, shallots and corgettes, yummy! Just had the vanilla shake with bits in it, was nice too, t not sure I will reorder. Loving bars too! Life is good, just need my thread moved. Work been really hectic and lots of things been p!ssing me off, but didn't turn to food, went running instead, so feeling pretty good about that! Happy Wednesday all. X