Cheerio fat girl, hello real me!
I decided to start on Slim and Save a few weeks ago. I'd done Exante in the past and I actually did fairly well on it but it felt incredibly restrictive and I wasn't too happy on it. I retried it over a year ago and I'm not sure if I lasted 3 days. I actually thought I wouldn't try a VLCD again but I had tried a couple of the Slim and Save products and knew they were nice and this past year my weight has just shot up so fast, I felt out of control, that I just felt I need to get away from food for a bit.
Alongside that, I was on holiday not so long ago with some friends and most of them are fairly active which meant there were times when I was declining doing things with them because I knew I wasn't fit enough. One day we went down to a beach and it was such a steep hill going down there that I spent most of my time on the beach wondering if I'd actually make it back. On the way back up this hill I was huffing and puffing and having to stop to catch my breath and I felt really rather embarrassed by this. My friends had also hired wetsuits and boogie boards to go in the water and they suggested that I do too and I would have loved to have joined them but I don't even think you could get a wetsuit in my size, not that I'd want anyone to see me in one! My friends actually stopped asking me to go walks with them because they knew they were hilly, they didn't do it in a mean way or anything and I'm glad as I would have declined but seriously, I'm 31 years old - it should not be like this, nobody should be like this! I think it was the night I got home from the holiday that I ordered my Slim and Save products. I just don't want that to happen again.
I've had a weight problem my whole life and my whole life I've allowed it to stop me from doing things from worrying about how I'd look in front of others to knowing I was too heavy or too unfit to do a thing - I don't want this life anymore. I'd love to be lighter and active and energetic. I'd love to feel strong and capable of doing loads of outdoor and sporting activities. On top of that - I've had relationships before but a long term one finished almost a year ago and I've been single since then. I'm in my 30s and I'd like to meet a guy and settle down so I was on a dating website recently. Why was I on a dating site? Nobody ever approaches me when I'm out and I automatically assume most won't be interested because of my weight so I don't approach anyone either. I also don't know many people in my area so it's not like I'm being introduced to friends of friends either. So, anyway, I was on this dating website and I know I'm being overlooked because of my weight. The ones who did message me seemed to either have a fetish for fat girls or were utter creeps. I know a partner should like you for who you are and it's what's on the inside that counts but I'm sure it's how you look that creates the initial attraction. How many people do you read about who lost tonnes of weight and then they finally got a partner? They're in nearly every woman's magazine. In general, my weight gets me down every single day - you'd think this would be motivation enough to not overeat but it does the opposite. Instead, I comfort eat and rationalise it with thoughts along the lines of "well it's not like I matter anyway, so who cares if I eat this?". My self esteem is rock bottom and it's because I've let my weight tread on me until I was down there. I have a lot going for me - I have a good life, I'm smart, I worked hard at uni and should be proud of achievements I made there, I have a great job that lets me help others every day, I have good friends, I have a good relationship with my family, in general folk all seem to think I'm a nice person, I am fully independent...even I can see that all of this is good stuff but my low self esteem and depression caused by feelings of worthlessness due to my size makes all of that seem utterly pointless, it just wipes it out. It's time to do something because I can't go on like this.
So the plan is to get my weight down and hopefully once it's down a bit I'll be able to introduce the exercise. I do walk around a fair bit for work so that's enough at the moment but I'm going to introduce extra stuff. Once I feel more comfortable, I'll step it up a bit. That's the plan and I intend to stick to it this time because I'm sick of this life, I'm sick of me being like this and I need to change because this is not the life I want to be living at all.
It's almost the end of day 4 on Slim and Save for me and so far, so good. I haven't had a product I don't like yet and which is very good as on Exante it got to the point that I could only stomach the strawberry shakes. I'm going to mix the simplicity and lifestyle plans but so far it's been all simplicity. Also, because I'm over 17stone I'm going for 5 packs a day at the moment but to be honest, 4 does me ok as I'm usually having the 4th pack around 7/8pm which means I'm not bothered if I have a 5th as it's nearly bed time. I'm not bothered if I do want it but I'm not gonna have it if I don't really need it, so I'll see how I go with that. I use the full vegetable allowance - this week it's broccoli and cauliflower and those 2 vegetables have never tasted so good! You get a decent sized portion for 200g so I sometimes treat that as a meal itself or I mix it with a meal pack. I'm also using the milk allowance in tea and coffee or adding it to a shake. I don't mind skimmed milk in tea but every coffee I've made with it in hasn't been that great if I'm honest. I read that you can have 100ml semi skimmed instead so I might go with that the next time I'm at the shops.
I was a wee bit worried about coping at work but it's been fine. Today, and also on my 2nd day on the diet, I sat with my colleagues whilst they ate their lunches and there were biscuits and cakes freely available to anyone and I just sipped away on my tea. I live alone so it's easy to avoid temptation here - I just made sure my cupboards were bare before I started. On Friday I'm going to a friends night out for her birthday but I'm going to drive and stick to the sparkling water and I'm not planning on staying for too long anyway. I've also been to the cinema tonight (saw the lego movie, it was fab!) and I'm going to the cinema again tomorrow so I've found this is a good place to have my bar and not feel too much like I'm missing out on my usual ice cream. So yes, things seem to be going fairly well at the moment. I've barely been hungry at all; I get hungry at normal meal times but that's ok and I'm not thinking about food a great deal at all.
So, on the whole, it's pretty positive. Long may it continue and roll on the Sunday weigh in!!
(a bit longer than anticipated but it all just seemed to come out, if I'm ever feeling like quitting I need to reread this methinks)