thin_inside
I Can Do This!
Well, it's that time. Time to start my own RTM Journey.
I have taken a giant step off the merry-go-round of yo-yo dieting and I now have to get over the dizziness and aim to walk straight along the narrow path of RTM and into lifelong maintenance. I still find it hard to get my head around where I am, but it seems it will take a little time for my head to meet my body.
Perceptions - I'm going to steal somthing I think Jez has used before, but it sums up my current difficulty in self-perception.... When I was morbidly obese, my self-perception was that of a thinner person. Now I am a thinner person, my head tells me I'm fat. Wierd. I guess it's a case of the body overtaking the mindset and now I'm playing catch up.
After 10 months of 100% abstinence I want to break it in a controlled adult way, not in a rebellious child moment. My rebellious child is becoming way too strong and harder to slap down. I have not fallen off abstinence, although there have been quite a few close calls, but I have fallen off the LL straight and narrow. I have had a bad week on the packs eating five or even six packs on all but two days this week. I know boredom was a big trigger as I was away from home and on a training course that was just too slow a pace for me. On one day I had three bars which is putting my calorie and carb intake quite high - I should only have one bar a day.
It's 10 days since my last wi and I'm not seeing a loss on the scales at home. This is demoralising as I want to get to goal so much. However, my behaviour is working against me achieving goal this week and definitely suggests it's time to reintroduce food and get a new focus on this journey.
Today I bought a lovely small piece of fresh salmon which I had planned to eat whilst everyone else tucked into the roast beef dinner I had prepared. However, I really want to relax and be able to enjoy cooking and eating my first meal and I was feeling a bit rushed looking after everyone else's needs, so I made up a soup pack instead and then got stuck into the washing up ... so I decided to wait to tomorrow. It's worth noting that I have had just four packs today, which I'm pleased with as I have been fighting athoughts of another all evening, but two of the packs I did have were bars so I am still too high on the calories and carbs.
Tomorrow I am going to focus on keeping to three packs and replacing the bar with the salmon, baked in a parcel with a few shakes of black pepper, which I will sit down in peace to savour and enjoy. This is how it should be. I have to make time for ME if I am to do this right.
So, RTM has been delayed for a day. xx
I have taken a giant step off the merry-go-round of yo-yo dieting and I now have to get over the dizziness and aim to walk straight along the narrow path of RTM and into lifelong maintenance. I still find it hard to get my head around where I am, but it seems it will take a little time for my head to meet my body.
Perceptions - I'm going to steal somthing I think Jez has used before, but it sums up my current difficulty in self-perception.... When I was morbidly obese, my self-perception was that of a thinner person. Now I am a thinner person, my head tells me I'm fat. Wierd. I guess it's a case of the body overtaking the mindset and now I'm playing catch up.
After 10 months of 100% abstinence I want to break it in a controlled adult way, not in a rebellious child moment. My rebellious child is becoming way too strong and harder to slap down. I have not fallen off abstinence, although there have been quite a few close calls, but I have fallen off the LL straight and narrow. I have had a bad week on the packs eating five or even six packs on all but two days this week. I know boredom was a big trigger as I was away from home and on a training course that was just too slow a pace for me. On one day I had three bars which is putting my calorie and carb intake quite high - I should only have one bar a day.
It's 10 days since my last wi and I'm not seeing a loss on the scales at home. This is demoralising as I want to get to goal so much. However, my behaviour is working against me achieving goal this week and definitely suggests it's time to reintroduce food and get a new focus on this journey.
Today I bought a lovely small piece of fresh salmon which I had planned to eat whilst everyone else tucked into the roast beef dinner I had prepared. However, I really want to relax and be able to enjoy cooking and eating my first meal and I was feeling a bit rushed looking after everyone else's needs, so I made up a soup pack instead and then got stuck into the washing up ... so I decided to wait to tomorrow. It's worth noting that I have had just four packs today, which I'm pleased with as I have been fighting athoughts of another all evening, but two of the packs I did have were bars so I am still too high on the calories and carbs.
Tomorrow I am going to focus on keeping to three packs and replacing the bar with the salmon, baked in a parcel with a few shakes of black pepper, which I will sit down in peace to savour and enjoy. This is how it should be. I have to make time for ME if I am to do this right.
So, RTM has been delayed for a day. xx