ok, girls. we need to give ourselves a GOOD talking to. All this binging is not good for us and it's not good for our health either! We are beautiful people who deserve to be happy and not use food as a way to escape how we are feeling. So I think we need to be open and honest and talk about WHY we binge and as I'm the smart arse who came up with this (probably stupid) idea, I shall begin!
I have always enjoyed food and was always a little bit chubby when I was younger but then I had a growth spurt and became the tallest girl in my class so held my weight quite well. That was until I stopped growing and everyone else around me got taller! I was in the netball team in lower school and was always outside with my friends after school so was always burning energy. Then I went to middle school and everything changed. I found myself getting intimidated by the girls in my year so stopped playing netball. At the same time, I was in the Brownies and loved it and was happy and confident there. Soon enough though, my friends were picking on me for silly reasons but it got to a point where none of them wanted to share a room with me on a school trip to France and my best friend asked whether I would still go if nobody wanted to share with me! As you can imagine, at the age of 12, I was distraught. My parents were furious and ended up being called into school to "discuss" it with the head and other parents! At the same time, I remember being on a diet which my parents thought was a good idea because I had put on a bit of weight, so dealing with image and (lack of) friend issues wasn't good.
By the time I went to upper school, I was very insecure about the way I looked and all I wanted was to be in the popular group because I was convinced people would like me if I was. Don't get me wrong, I did have some close friends, but they all started getting boyfriends and before I knew it, I was feeling very lonely. I don't remember binging at school, but I do remember feeling so unhappy. I stayed on at 6th form and have to say it was the best thing for me because I had another growth spurt and lost 2.5 stone in weight, gained a cleavage and guys started noticing me!
By the time I went to Uni, I was so happy and confident and ready to meet a nice man but I soon found drinking student priced pints of cider didn't agree with my waistline, but I didn't care. I was happy and still getting attention off some hotties!
In my second year, it all changed. My mum and dad split up after nearly 25 years together and it tore me apart. I drank and ate all the time as comfort and rather than dealing with how I was feeling, I binged. By the time I finished uni, I had gained 4 stone. I came home and got a job where i stayed for 3.5 years and by the end of it, I was a mess! It was the worst job and it made me so unhappy and brought the worst out of me. At the same time, my Dad had emmigrated to South Africa and I was living with a friend which wasn't working out and we actually stopped talking to each other. Once again, I binged.
So I left it all and spent 6 months in Cape Town with my Dad. I had the best time of my life and even lost weight and felt like the old me again. That was 5 years ago now and here i am struggling with my weight once more. I can't work out what has brought me back to this place again other than feeling lonely. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time and don't seem to get any attention anymore. I know it takes more than being in a relationship to make you happy, but I think the reason why I binge so much is because I'm lonely. All of my friends are in relationships, are getting married and having children. I want that so badly too but feel like I've been left of the shelf! i know I need to be happy from the inside before I can show how happy i am on the outside, but I just can't find the strength to do it and so the binging starts because for the brief spell that I'm eating, I feel happy.
I don't want to be like this anymore, so maybe laying all of these feelings on the table will help me get out of the rut im in!
Anyway, I've rambled long enough now. Who's next?! xxXXxx