New start using My Fitness Pal - join me :-)

Hi everyone,

I am so glad I had mum for company, I can’t remember being that low, I’m now poorly, feels like I’m heading for a chest infection, awful chesty cough and I have lost my singing voice, although I can talk! I guess I’m just really run down, so, my exercise plans have to wait for now until I’m 100%!

I’m feeling much more positive and motivated now, kids rooms looking much more organised, just need to make Shayne’s bed! At least I have until next Wednesday to recover now!

I really need to get some groceries but I may leave it today and it’ll be an excuse to drag them out, even if they have to sit in the car! I have a list, so I’ll see what I can get in Aldi!

How are you all doing?
 
I haven’t been eating healthy tbh but I’ve not been shopping yet either! I’ll go tomorrow and make sure I have only healthy food in January! 😀
 
I've started a thread for onplanuary if you want to join in.
Every day in January your on plan you post in it. It should keep us motivated. It doesn't matter what plan you are doing everyone is welcomed to post in it. :)
 
I still don’t have an appetite! I ate while with mum, I’m going to have to cook for my kids today, but I don’t think I’ll have much at all!

I have my gp appointment today, so hopefully I’ll get some counselling soon!

I said my final goodbye to my ex, he refused to say it! He’s hoping once I get some help, I’ll accept that he has female friends, I won’t! So I now have to learn to be single again and find happiness in myself! I’m really struggling, especially just getting through the hardest Christmas ever and now it’s New Year’s Eve, another alone! I didn’t think I’d be spending it alone ever again, I thought we were going to last!

I need this place to offload! I will use this as my journal not just diet related!

I’ve taken social media and WhatsApp off my phone, I need a proper break!
 
See 2019 as a fresh start.:)

First thing to do is work on loving yourself and you need to dig deep to find out why you can't accept men do have female friends.
A lot of women go through it thinking that because a man has female friends he is going to go off with one of them or do something with them.

How did your gp appointment go?
 
I just want a quiet life hun, I don’t really like crowds or big get togethers, he likes to socialise and it’s just not for me! I loved it being just us and our family! I went to my gp who was very kind and understanding! I’m on a higher dosage for antidepressants now and I have to go back next month to check how they’re going! I need to speak with time to talk, last night I spoke to a mental health emergency line as I was so down, she went on and on about how him having friends of any gender is healthy! I came off the call agreeing and even spoke to him, but then I could see he was on WhatsApp constantly without a break for hours! I get the impression he needs his friends more than a relationship! I also need to look at going on self esteem and confidence courses, along with counselling! If I ever did end up back with him, I told him we’d need couples counselling too, he said he’d do that! I guess only time will tell if I need to just forget him or try hard to get past all this!

I have been signed off for a couple of weeks, my gp gave me the option of having a month off, I think that’s taking the p, so I’ll work hard on mending and concentrating on doing things that make me happy and see how I go!

I’m so sorry my journal isn’t positive, I will get there and in the meantime, I’ll be counting calories and heading towards looking the best ever! Inside and outside!
 
Had a very upsetting day yesterday and called employee assistance, it’s a telephone counselling program, very helpful and I totally recommend it, I think this is going to take me a very long time to get over what has happened to me, it’s been so traumatic! Especially as he’s still hanging in the background hoping by some miracle or just plain hard work, we might end up back together, I think though, the more I talk about our relationship, I realise, it’s not just the female friends that were the issue, nor the talks of getting married and having a baby that he clearly changed his mind on and took back, but he’s in debt, he was rude about friends of mine and simply rude in general and calls it banter, he suffers ibs which I sympathise but the wind omg! His over protectiveness of his son drove me crazy, I have two children of my own but he was spoilt rotten and knew exactly how to get round his daddy’s finger!! I actually made a list of negatives, so I could go on! I guess I’m realising that we’re just not right for each other no amount of help I get, I do have to accept I need help with my depression and anxiety, being the main causes for concern along with learning to trust everyone unless there’s a reason and a good reason not to, but I also need to learn to be calm rather than rage into a full blown argument, why do I have to shout so much?

I am looking into joining park run local to me and going running myself, it’s what I’ve really enjoyed in the past and I’d love to achieve some goals! Selfishly, I don’t think I’ll have time for a man in my life now and especially so as I’m back in contact with some friends, so I’m going to fill my time up socialising and getting out there!

I woke up today feeling a little sad, we had some good times, but I’m much more positive about my future now!

On a plus note, I lost some weight, I haven’t eaten much, so I guess that’s helped, but I do need to make use of my fitness pal and start counting calories! I have a couple of weeks at home to give this a really good go!
 
After much thought I decided enough is enough! I emailed my ex and said my final goodbye, then I blocked him from replying and he can’t contact me any other way, we’ll he can get through via my kids, but I don’t think he’ll bother if I’m honest with myself, it’s over now and I will now move on in peace! I cried so hard last night after a very dry day, but I needed it as a release!

I have registered with time to talk now so I have to wait to be contacted. Hopefully they’ll suggest some CBT and I’ll fix myself before I make any future mistakes in meeting men that aren’t right for me!

I still don’t have an appetite, in fact this morning, I was washing my face and I very nearly threw up! Honestly I heaved and stopped myself, it wasn’t pleasant, I guess reality has hit me now, where I was in denial and hoping he’d come back! It could also be cos of the higher prescription dosage for my antidepressants, probably take some time for my body to respond to them!

I was going to have leftovers from last nights dinner for my lunch, so I may have a little!
 
Aww have you had morning sickness then hun? I wish mine was due to being pregnant! Sadly not. I need to eat now really, even just a little to keep me alive lol
 
I feel sick constantly 24/7 it’s Horrible.
I get like 10 mins where feel normal
And bang it’s back again. The only time I’m alright is when I’m asleep, soon as I wake for wee I feel sick again.

Yes eat somethin do you good
 
Awww bless you hun!

I made fajitas yesterday and had a lot left over so I’m going to have it for lunch over the next couple days! Was nice cold!
 
Iv just had a mc Donald’s. Been hearing like a crunch in my mouth. Turns out big bit of my filling was hanging out . Great just what I needed.
 
I just took the kids for chips and a walk at the park and a very dark empty playground lol kids loved it! I had a really bad tummy while out, hoping it’s just a bug and not the chicken!?!? I’ll know if I get it tomorrow as I’m having the same, it was so nice! Otherwise I’m just falling apart but by bit lol hope not!

Feeling refreshed but a little lost still, I miss adult company!!
 
Starting my day off really well, apple for breakfast! And plenty to drink!

I have my time to talk appointment booked, not til 9th but at least I can work towards that!

Just gotta kick this cough and colds butt and I’ll start running again! My daughter wants us to go back to swimming, so we’ll look into that!

Feeling more positive! Ex hasn’t tried to contact me through the kids, so long may this last, I don’t think I want him back now, too much has happened and been said, I can see we weren’t compatible, I told him so and now the shock is going, it’s all making sense!

Will try not to get involved with anyone else, well not for a long time now! Get my life together and plan some nice things with the kids!
 
Had quite a good day today! My ex is constantly on my mind! But I’ve kept busy! House looking really organised and cleaner, now it’s not overcrowded with his furniture and other stuff!! Popped in to visit my mum, then come home to do more cleaning!

I counted calories, little over but at least I’m counting and less than recommended amount to maintain! My appetite is definitely back, I could eat more today!

Busy day planned with the kids tomorrow, they want to buy some things from Amazon with their Christmas money, so I’m going to bank it first! Then need to get my sons hair cut. Pop to the car dealership to arrange my service pack, talking of my car it’s desperate for a good wash, might even pay to get that done this time!
 
I’ve lost weight yay! It’s about 3lbs, so I’m chuffed, now 13st 2.8lbs! I’ll take that! I’ll continue to count calories and hopefully I’ll be well enough to do couch25k from Monday!

I’ve come on today so definitely taking it easy on myself again, so will leave the car for next weekend when I’ll be alone and gives me something to do!

I cried again before I went to sleep, still sad, still missing my ex, but I’m also still remembering the reasons why it didn’t work out! I’ll learn from this and I know to never rush in, to not introduce my kids until I know it’s going to last and definitely not have them move in for quite some time, if ever, but better still, if they have a house great, then I can keep mine and rent it out if needs be! I’m doing so much positive thinking which is keeping me going, I do have so much to live for, to look forward to!

So, just up, gonna get ready and take the kids to town as promised! Get my sons hair cut much to his disapproval lol need to get some shopping in too!
 
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