PeacefulJo - a new decade

[PeacefulJo]

I couldn't access this link- is it cos i dont have enough posts??

whats CDWM ??

but thats good about your reactions to emotions! hope you can sort it out with the plumber!

Not sure why it won't work - if you google 'syns indian takeaway', it should come up at the top, as that is how I found it.

Managed to sort things out, kind of, but I'm now just really tired and grumpy! I haven't posted about this before but I am undergoing tests for fibromyalgia/general coldness and bad circulation on top of extreme tiredness. I do work, three mornings a week in a pre-school...didn't really want to post about that in my opening posts as I want to try and keep things as positive as possible, without sounding like I am playing my violin. I know there are a lot of people a lot worse off than I am.

Well, the afternoon tea thing didn't quite go to plan as I ended up eating a lot more than I had intended to, but it was all very nice and my Grandad had a great time for his 80th.

I've only had bran flakes and a banana so far today, so I'm just off to cook some lunch, probably pasta to fill me up until tea time.

 

[PeacefulJo]

Ah what a total and utter fool I am. My friend at work gave me some chocolates as a thank you for covering for her last week; it was just a little box of Celebrations, but I ate a good six of them. Feel absolutely rubbish now. Had a very down day, my boss who I adore was rude to me in the heat of the moment, and the plumber is down in the dumps because I really laid in to him about his behaviour over the last few days, which he really did deserve. So now he's sulking like a child.

It's his birthday tomorrow so we are out for dinner, not staying at SW, he's waiting for me outside then we are going, so I feel like I've fallen at the last hurdle almost on purpose because my brain knows I'm not going to have to be fully accountable for any gain tomorrow.

Just feel really low. Fool.

 

[Lisa84]

Here to subscribe and offer support x

 

[PeacefulJo]

Thanks Lisa - I'm so fed up of constantly having the best intentions and then crashing out so spectacularly. I really don't know how I am ever going to get on top of this - it's like the second something happens out of my control, I have to punish myself and make it worse. Just so fed up of constantly making the same mistakes.

 

[Cactus194]

sorry you are feeling a bit down. x

food wise...6 celebrations isnt overly excessive not sure how many syns but not vastly over. draw a line over it...get weighed tomorrow, have a nice evening for the plumber's birthday and start again thursday.
maybe plan the next few days worth of meals & incorporate some treats.

 

[PeacefulJo]

Good advice Cactus. The problem is I then went on to eat several slices of toast! But I will start again in the morning and then face the music at weigh in - just really, really need to stop doing this to myself! I think it was more the shock of my boss being so rude to me - totally out of character for her. There's also two new people who have started and I feel a bit left out. Hmm. Also feel a bit disheartened as I went for a drink (water!) with a friend who I started out doing SW with; she stopped in November and I keep trying to get her to come back but she makes excuses. Anyway, tonight I asked her again and her husband chimed in with "It's just a total waste of money, she won't bother"...and she echoed the same. I just thought, what a stupid attitude...then I thought "I wish I could just walk away thinking that"...but she is a lot, lot taller than I am and carries her weight well; she also has a lot more money than I do and a lovely wardrobe of flattering clothes. So she doesn't have to look in the mirror wearing old rags, like I do.

Off to bed - a brand new start in the morning!

 

[Lisa84]

Great attitude! Draw a line under it forget about it. Today is a new day and a brand new start

I agree with you about the height thing.... Tall people tend to carry their weight better in my opinion. I just look short and dumpy lol x

 

[PeacefulJo]

Mood much improved today - I gave my class a miss in the end, it was all just too much! I don't "think" I gained much, possibly 1lb, but it doesn't matter in any case as today I am right back on it with a 100% plan. There are no bumps in the road at all this week - I am out for a pub social event thing on Saturday, where there will be chilli and rice, but that's never too dangerous and I'll just be syn free all day, as no doubt the mince will be the higher % fat version. I'll drink water too, lots of it - usually get through a good 5 bottles of the stuff on a night out.

I'm finding I'm bouncing back from my lows a lot, lot quicker now - this was over in a day. I'm also learning that I don't actually "like" desserts any more; last night we went out for the birthday meal and for afters I ordered a very dangerous cheesecake, one I have ordered loads of times before. But it tasted far too sweet and sickly, and I just couldn't finish it at all...afterwards I felt ridiculously sick, and had a very funny tummy (which I know isn't a sign of good digestive health, but...well, lets just say it was good to get rid of it so quickly!)

I am a member of the FB group for our class and there were lots of great SP losses this week, so I am thinking of doing two SP days on Monday and Tuesday. Feeling very inspired by their happy posts of losses and aims - think I am more motivated reading about it today than I would have been hearing it in class after a potential gain, so I know I made the right decision in using up a holiday day.

Pasta bake planned for tonight, visiting fruit shop later on, and Asda delivering this evening.

Got a big "gym day" session booked for Sunday - a good workout, a class, lots of swimming and then the best bit....the gym is also a day spa so I will be giving myself the full relaxation works...heavenly!

 

[PeacefulJo]

Today going ok though I really, really need to stop resorting to pasta all of the time to fill me up...yes it is low syn with the sauces etc but I'm fed up of relying on it...any ideas?

 

[PeacefulJo]

Oh. Was unintentionally knocked off course by my cousin today - surfer boy (my son) and I visit her regularly and surfer boy stays for tea with her children, but today cousin cooked a dinner for all of us...and it was macaroni cheese! When I've already had a vat of pasta today...ooops.

Plus points were that I didn't have any garlic bread, did have loads of veg, and totally avoided the chocolate brownies for dessert.

Feeling positive about the weekend - slow cooker sausage casserole for dinner on Sunday, with heaps of mash, and WW sausages...presuming they'll taste a bit nicer having been slow cooked!

 

[PeacefulJo]

Things not great here - just stupidly tired all the time, husband really getting me down, a lot...no idea how to snap out of this at all...am eating rubbish and barely drinking. No enthusiasm for anything...need to cheer the heck up!

 

[PeacefulJo]

Well the same old chaos is still occurring - went to group this morning and gained 2lbs, but convinced myself that as I was at a different group and didn't stay, it doesn't really matter, when of course it does. So that's my Christmas weight back on, which means I have officially wasted a whole month of opportunity.

I managed to pull myself around after Christmas but just cannot seem to manage it now. Everything seems to be blocking my path. What can I do?

 

[Lisa84]

Aww hun i know how difficult it can be to focus when your head isn't in it.

I tend to find that preparation is the key to my success. Do you plan your meals? I plan a week ahead and get the shopping i need for those meals and thats it. I find thinking what to have for meals stressful which sometimes results in me making bad choices but if my meals have been planned already i am less stressed and it becomes just part of that days routine if you know what i mean x

 

[PeacefulJo]

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for your reply. I usually am good at planning but I just feel like a boat with no anchor at the moment. I have no idea what it is going to take for me to get out of this - I gained 2lbs last week. And hid at a different class, which I will be doing again this week as it is my son's bday tomorrow. January is such a horrendous month for me. I can't wait to see the back of it.

I'm not bingeing as such now but in no way am I "back on plan"...arggghhhh. Work is a bit better...today I identified what I think is the main problem there...the two girls I was close to upon starting there last April left at Christmas...and I realised today that I miss them terribly. It just isn't the same without them there. Their replacements though are absolutely lovely although both are known by and are close to the manager, which knocks my confidence a bit.

Ah well. Today I 'won' from ebay a lovely dress to our ball next month...the one I was using as an interim target. I think when I try that on it might wake me up a bit.

 

[PeacefulJo]

Ah well, that two week hiatus got me to good places in the end...this week I lost 1.5lbs - I haven't updated my stats yet as I think it takes me back to where I was anywhere, but I'm definitely in a far far better place at the moment than I have been recently, a lot lot better. I don't know if anyone else on here takes it but yesterday I started taking aloe vera gel...not 100% convinced of its genius at all, but I was willing to give it a go, anything to try and shake off the constant tiredness. And once I have written this and had a nose around I'm going to go and tidy my bedroom (yes I know I sound like a teenager!!) as it is a total bombsite at the moment and I have had enough of it.

My class have really helped me, I've stayed to the last two classes now and it has made a big difference to hear how we are all largely in the same boat, and to be motivated by others - I'm even trying to kill that voice that whispers "you cow" when someone has had a good loss...I guess that makes me the real cow! But I'm sure we all do it, yes?!

Here's to a good weekend for us all.