Sick of pretending I'm not fat

Emma3334

Emma3334

Silver Member
hi

I know I shouldn't use the word fat and I wouldn't to someone else but I have to face facts after pretending I'm ok and haven't put on that much weight I got weighed this morning 17st 4.5 I cried.
I remember about 4 years ago starting and I was 15st 2 I cried and said I'd never be that big again, I got down to 13st and was happy then slowly put it back on then went back to SW and was 16st guess what I did.... Cried! Got back down to 13.7 then put it back on!

So I'm now practically 3 stone heavier, I'm not fitting into size 18s and kidding myself they're small fitting.... They're not!

My bf who normally doesn't care whatsoever about my weight he's been with me at 12st and all the ups and downs and never batted an eyelid but recently he's asked me a few times about slimming world or similar and I eventually broke down and cried (trust me im not usually a crier!) he said it was cos he could see how upset I was and unhappy. That I don't want to go out anymore and don't like cuddles anymore (get your minds out the gutter cuddles!)

I'm 28 at the end of this month and feel like this has been my life for like 6 years now up and down and I need to remember that slimming world is a lifestyle change and that when you lose it don't just go back to old ways!

So today was day 1
I had 1 piece toast this morning and an apple and banana

Lunch I had a bachelor pasta packet with added onions and loads of spinach and some ham

Then tea I made bolognaise with quorn mince, onions, celery and peppers with passata and spices to make the sauce. I actually managed to not cook ALL the spaghetti lol and didn't put an entire block of cheese on!

I've had 4 pints of sugar free juice (5.5 is 3 litres) and several cups of tea so think I'm doing good liquid wise

I'm feeling quite positive, I know it's only day 1 but it's one day that I haven't cheated and I've been good and stuck to plan!
 
Jackie thank you! It's kind of you to have a read!
 
Oh wow my story is so so very similar too!! When I read the bit about your bf I felt like I was reading what someone had written about me! I'm the biggest I've ever been and weigh about the same as you and also done fit into my 18s anymore and have resorted to wearing leggings at work (extremely frowned upon!!) and my bf is literally doing the same and has done for a good few weeks (maybe months now). Thing like, why don't we go back on SW, we were doing so well then.. Or why don't you go to the gym today... All really hurtful comments to me, as I'm just so sensitive at the moment about my weight and figure.. And have zero confidence.
Day 1 for me too today
 
so I also missed out something that should be motivational but really it makes me want to dive head first into a parmo!

I've spent my entire life ok well maybe not quite but convincing myself BMI is bollocks and at 5'8/5'9 I'd look horrible at like 10/11 stone and I'd never be a size 10 it's only super models blah blah however my darling friend has come to live with me and you guessed it she's same height as me and a size 10, no idea about her weight but literally perfect figure.
She eats soooooooooo much chocolate and bread type things it's unfair!

Now I know you shouldn't compare yourself but in one sense she's everything I want to be lol figure wise and shows me it's possible but the next I know it's motabalism and I couldn't be that teeny and eat a box of chocolates a day!

I've forced down a yogurt ( I don't like them but think I lost well when I ate them) while she's had toast a muffin and a yogurt
 
Hi iwannabeslim!

Not that I want you to be in the same boat but it's nice to have someone that understands! I think on one hand I should be happy I've got a bf when I know I don't look attractive then I think screw you you're meant to love me it's all a vicious circle. He of course tells me he loves me it's just I'm not the person I was as I'm not happy. When I was 15st something I started losing weight n he was gutted and said he loved me how I was but when we talk about that now he says bcos I was confident. It's just hurtful as it makes me start thinking he thinks all the horrible things I think about myself

Doesn't help that he eats rubbish and is still a good body, if he wants to drop some weight he cuts out the bag of hating he has a day for a week n boom he's slimmer! Grrrrrrrrrr

I'd love to wear leggings but have to wear a suit which is awkward as can't get my jacket on n off properly so they go on back of my chair n office is freezing n I'm pretending I'm not Baltic!!

Have you got a thread? How tall are you n how old? Xx
 
Hi emma3334, here to subscribe!
The best of luck with your weight loss journey!!
 
Last edited:
Hi Emma, Thought I'd stop by and A subscribe and B give you some love. I'm 27 and weighed in at 22stone 6lbs on Sunday.. haha I didn't cry because I know exactly how I got to be the size I am but I know it's hard, I started at 24 stone in 2014 and lost 5 stone and put some back on and like you say you have to keep at it.

Emma3334 said:
hi

I know I shouldn't use the word fat
Click to expand...

I'm a plus size blogger and always get told I have far to much confidence or people always seem shocked that someone of my size ( I'm currently wearing size 22-26 ) shouldn't be so confident but I love myself, I love my skin - even the wobbly bits. I'm not fat. I HAVE fat, but that doesn't have to define me. So pound by pound and inch by inch I'll get my body how I want it and I'll love it every step of the way :) - I found my way to take out the power behind the word Fat and used that power to do something about it and by the sounds of it, you have too and that's certainly something to celebrate and not cry about :)

Sounds like your day 1 was good! lol I'm always proud of not using a whole block of cheese over spagbowl haha!

Hope you have a fantastic day 2!
 
Hi strawberry And lucie thanks so much for saying hello.
It's so nice to have people on the other side of the screen and knowing people are routing for you plus it makes me try to be good so o don't have to confess lol

I've re read my second post back and feel mean I love the girl and it's only secretly bcos I know I could be that size but it's always seemed so unobtainable that I've claimed it impossible.

Anyway today is planned as its a long one! Spinach and ham omelette with a bit of grated cheese on top.

Then big lunch left over bolognaise which has been turned into chilli with rice and a heap of spinach with some grated cheese for lunch

Then 2 alpen bars as I won't get back in the house until about 9 tonight grrrr so they should stop any pit stops at garages or worse!

Not too sure about tea which isn't ideal but if I only eat one alpen then might just have beans on one toast. Are beans superfree or just free?

Hope everyone has a nice day, sadly my one day of being good as not resulted in me losing a million stone over night but maybe tomorrow lol x
 
Also lucie I think if you're happy and healthy then that's fine no matter your size but I'm not and that's the issue. I out all this weight back on because I was happy and didn't mind getting a bit bigger or a bit more but it spiralled! I don't think anyone should question why you're confident just because you're not in a pair of size 10s! That's awful!

Also congratulations for realising you were putting it back on and starting again before it all went back on and more like me!
 
haha love the " sadly my one day of being good as not resulted in me losing a million stone over night but maybe tomorrow" haha made me chuckle! Sounds like a very focused day, The beans aren't SP but are free :) - have a lovely day gorgeous! xx
 
Lol my theory at this stage is if I keep thinking one day I'll just wake up and it'll of happened I'll keep going and eventually it will!

Thanks I really struggle with the third superfree! Let's just get through the day then I'll worry about tea when I get home.

Don't know if I mentioned but the hearings broken at work and has been since Xmas eve as its a huge Victorian building its sooooooo cold so everyone's feeling sorry for themselves and yday were getting naughty Hot food so must try again to resist! X
 
Emma3334 said:
hi

I know I shouldn't use the word fat and I wouldn't to someone else but I have to face facts after pretending I'm ok and haven't put on that much weight I got weighed this morning 17st 4.5 I cried.
I remember about 4 years ago starting and I was 15st 2 I cried and said I'd never be that big again, I got down to 13st and was happy then slowly put it back on then went back to SW and was 16st guess what I did.... Cried! Got back down to 13.7 then put it back on!

So I'm now practically 3 stone heavier, I'm not fitting into size 18s and kidding myself they're small fitting.... They're not!

My bf who normally doesn't care whatsoever about my weight he's been with me at 12st and all the ups and downs and never batted an eyelid but recently he's asked me a few times about slimming world or similar and I eventually broke down and cried (trust me im not usually a crier!) he said it was cos he could see how upset I was and unhappy. That I don't want to go out anymore and don't like cuddles anymore (get your minds out the gutter cuddles!)

I'm 28 at the end of this month and feel like this has been my life for like 6 years now up and down and I need to remember that slimming world is a lifestyle change and that when you lose it don't just go back to old ways!

So today was day 1
I had 1 piece toast this morning and an apple and banana

Lunch I had a bachelor pasta packet with added onions and loads of spinach and some ham

Then tea I made bolognaise with quorn mince, onions, celery and peppers with passata and spices to make the sauce. I actually managed to not cook ALL the spaghetti lol and didn't put an entire block of cheese on!

I've had 4 pints of sugar free juice (5.5 is 3 litres) and several cups of tea so think I'm doing good liquid wise

I'm feeling quite positive, I know it's only day 1 but it's one day that I haven't cheated and I've been good and stuck to plan!
Click to expand...
Hi my love you sound just like me. Iv been kidding myself for so long that I'm just a bit on the curvy side!! Which I am and I always have been and I like curves however 3 baby's in 8 years and 3 emergency sections have left me with an unsightly stomach area which I still look pregnant in some pictures. My arms are like thighs also!! My family and husband swear in not "fat" but I see differently. In all honesty I'm still squeezing into 12/14 but I'm fed up of overhangs and zips coming undone!! I have a small waist which I like and a fairly small bum haha but I'm just all out of proportion and need to take control once and for all. At barely 5'1 I would be happy with 9st 7 and after Xmas 10st maybe which Although sounds a lot it suits me however at my first meeting on Thursday i wouldn't be surprised if the scales showed closer to 13st and I'm dreading it I know il cry! My husband will never know my weight I need to keep this for me. He's very supportive and I know loves me the way I am even when he has to touch my tummy. We can do it!! Xx
 
Lunch was massive and gorgeous just what I needed all hot! Had a banana too.
Was still mega full so no alpen bar till I got in at 9pm but then had one and was still full but then suddenly panicked I hadn't eaten but couldn't face proper food, so had a chicken mug shot. The packaging is all different and I hope it's still free!

I've had 2.5 litres of juice and several cups of tea so think waters done well.

I'm abit worried about tomorrow's lunch as nothing prepared! May gav uncle bens Mexican rice pouch but don't know the syns with spinach. I struggle with add ins! Grrrr

Day 2 done yesssssss
 
Hanz mega good luck for Thursday!!
It's fantastic your other half is so supportive and nice! You also sound like you've got a cracking figure so well done you!!! We can all do this together. Although I totally get you about fat arms however all parts of me are just huge at the moment!

Me and lovely house mate were looking At old photos tonight and cannot believe how slim I once was grrrrrrrr so frustrating! Xx
 
Emma3334 said:
Hi iwannabeslim!

Not that I want you to be in the same boat but it's nice to have someone that understands! I think on one hand I should be happy I've got a bf when I know I don't look attractive then I think screw you you're meant to love me it's all a vicious circle. He of course tells me he loves me it's just I'm not the person I was as I'm not happy. When I was 15st something I started losing weight n he was gutted and said he loved me how I was but when we talk about that now he says bcos I was confident. It's just hurtful as it makes me start thinking he thinks all the horrible things I think about myself

Doesn't help that he eats rubbish and is still a good body, if he wants to drop some weight he cuts out the bag of hating he has a day for a week n boom he's slimmer! Grrrrrrrrrr

I'd love to wear leggings but have to wear a suit which is awkward as can't get my jacket on n off properly so they go on back of my chair n office is freezing n I'm pretending I'm not Baltic!!

Have you got a thread? How tall are you n how old? Xx
Click to expand...

Hey Emma, sorry Ive only just seen this! I couldnt find your thread for some reason.
No I dont have a thread, so will just chat to you on here if thats ok? Ive had threads before and its hasnt really made much difference, so having someone to chat to, that understands where im coming from, i think will help...?!

Im 5ft 7in - so not quite as tall as you.
Excuse my avatar, this is not a selfie (i wish!!!) but this is my inspiration pic, to try and keep me on track.

Im on day 3 today and so far so good. How are you getting on this week?
 
Oh no - glad you found me again - and my random rants! Of course it is, chat away.

What weight are you aiming for or is it a clothes size in mind? I love that were about the same weight and height ish I think that's helpful sometimes. However Im trying to understand more that many people struggle and are unhappy regardless of how much Id love their figure eg housemate!
My pics very old and Im a lot slimmer in that wish I looked like that now but hey ho nevermind onwards and upwards - What have you been eating?

I had grapes and then toast and scrambled eggs this morning, lunch was rubbish but on plan I had uncle bens Mexican rice with spinach and onions. Ive got a banana too for later this afternoon.

Now I know this is all probably in my head BUT I grabbed a suit skirt this morning and put it on but just realised as I type this it isn't cutting off my circulation hurray! now im not saying that 2.5 days on SW has made this skirt fit..... ok I am!! That's what im clinging onto like a little cliff edge!

Nearly at 2 litres of water/juice done too so all in all not bad, I am shattered though.
 
By the time I got home tonight it was 6.30 I've got an exam for work a week today and I haven't opened the text book yet which is a massive worry as normally is months worth of studying. Started trying to read then thought **** I need to make real food! Started making shepherd pie onion and carrots in with the mince with a side of cabbage felt like it took forever! Meanwhile bf visits with a massive make your own asda pizza which are our normal revision treats waaaaaaaaa the boy wants me to lose weight then eats half huge pizza then has some shepherds pie! How is life fair he's not fat!!!!

I didn't even think I was hungry but inhaled my tea and didn't even really taste it disgusting behaviour really but I'm all full now. On a plus point I used natural yog in the potato so I resisted putting a tub of butter in (you know what I mean) and also resisted a block of cheese on top! It's small changes. However this will make you laugh due to recent house move I no longer have a masher!!!!!!! Had to mash a pan of potatoes with a fork!!! What an idiot lol silly me!

On a positive note I've packed some up for my lunch tomorrow so that's me prepared there! And I'm nearly at 3 litres of juice/water so all in all proud of myself. Day 3 done without a cheat! This may be nothing to most people but it's quite an achievement for me. One day at a time!

I really must open this book but instead I want to watch tv and snuggle I'm mega tired from super long day yday! Hope everyone else is getting on ok x
 
Jackie it's horrific isn't it! I hate exam time but unfortunately this year is full of them! Just makes me want to do other things and eat! X
 
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