Hon we are all on the same boat here, start a diary they are very therapeutic u just say what you want! But it's time to put on our big girl (or boy) pants and decide we are going to succeed and devil help anyone who stands in our way.
Time to move on and learn from what happened, we had a bbq last week and I had to disappear as I would have crumbled, you need to recognise you need to step away from situations you don't have the will power for. To do that shows strength in itself. There's none of us need to martyr ourselves but we need to understand our triggers and how to control them before we can expect to be able to forgo them.