Thread: Social life

Hi everyone I hope you've all had a great Xmas and have a great new year. I'm just wondering how everyone's social life is effected by their weight? I feel so humiliated about how much weight I've put on that I avoid seeing my friends all together, and they are starting to think I am just rude and ignorant! They are always offering me out clubbing but I will always put it off as I know that I don't look good in any of my clothes ATM . I don't want to lose all of my friends due to this, but if I see them I worry they may judge me! and now because I have put it off so many times no one bothers with me anymore. And as this I'd quite an embarrassing issue for me I don't feel although I can talk to my friends about it. Can anyone else relate to how I feel and give any advice? Jenn xx

I know exactly how you feel. I have put on a lot of weight this year and I notice as my weight has gone up my social life has gone down. Its all me, I find myself making excuses not to go out anymore. I have lose count of the number of nights out, cinema trips, lunches I have said no too cause I feel so crap about how I look. I am also worried that if I go out I will just eat more rubbish, at least at home I have some control over what I eat.

I make excuses, no babysitter, working, no money so hopefully no one thinks I am being ignorant. I am fed up with it now. I want to be able to start living my life again. I am just going to take it day by day really.

I think you should just take the next invite that comes your way...your friends don't hang out with you cause of your weight, I am sure they will understand and not judge you at all.

When I was pretty much depressed (must have been, never diagnosed or anything though) I barely wanted to be around anyone, there was almost a voice in my head telling me that even my closest friends and family just pitied me and actually couldn't stand to be around me. So that had an effect on my social life.

Nowadays I'm mostly better and I do have some sort of a social life. But I only do things with people in the day or early evening like going for a meal or something. I only like being around a couple of people, being in a group makes me terribly nervous, even if I know them all to varying degrees. Mainly because of what I said above, I'm fine with close friends and family most of the time now, but I'm still incredibly wary of people I only know to a certain extent and am convinced they don't want to be around me.

The thought of going to a club or something terrifies me for that reason. Also I don't really like the idea of clubs in general but I'm guessing that's because I've conditioned myself not to like them!

Being on a PGCE course at the minute (I know, doesn't match with the social anxiety does it? Fine with kids, terrified in the staffroom lol) generally means I have the perfect excuse not to have a life beyond the odd coffee with coursemates. But occasionally the ones on the course who like to go clubbing (new graduates like me, the rest are career changers) invite everyone out and I have to turn them down. Just before Christmas a lot of us went out for a meal which was nice, but they said they were going on to a bar/club type place afterwards so I had to make my excuses and leave, which made me look a bit odd but there we go.

It's silly because I know I'm not *that* huge- in fact when I was at my biggest but blissfully unaware of it I did brave clubs a couple of times with friends at home. But now all I can think of is how awful and out of place I'd look if I went. Yet I know people who are a similar size, go out tons and have bucketloads of confidence. I want some!

I hope some of this made sense, feeling ranty and almost high on Pepsi Max if that's possible!

I'm so sorry you feel that way Jenn..cus if they are your real friends, then they will honestly not give a damn if you are bigger! I know you may feel conscious about it, and yes they may think 'oh shes put on a bit of weight', cus i know that when one of my friends did, we all noticed, but not one of us said anything or judged her negatively for it, cus we are her friend!! But whats the worst that could happen if they do think that?? Nothing!! We all think that people are noticing us looking really fat or something, but actually no one really is...everyone is so caught up in their own stuff that they really don't give a damn!! Im sure you look lovely in something you own so just go out with them and be damned what anyone thinks...even though most of them arent even thinking anything :P x

I know what you mean, as I must admit that my weight does affect my social life. I do suffer a bit from depression and am a bit of an introvert anyway, but my weight and concerns over that do tend to mean that I'm a bit shy about going out to meet new people. This is a bit of a problem as my closest mates have moved away, so a bit anti-social if I'm honest.