Thread: Julz Management, here we go!

Management diary
14 Oct
I'm glad I took the week to plan ready for this week. I had a bit of a wobble in the week, did not lapse but suddenly a little overwhelmed and felt it was quite daunting to move to this next phase. Chatterbox going nineteen to the dozen, where choices are everywhere, food input smells, thoughts, seeing it everywhere. My senses seem even more heightened, struggling a little to keep it all in context. Have not managed much exercise this week, I can change that this week coming.

Day one phase one, Vanilla shake, banana shake, strawberry shake. Spicy quorn with watercress and spinach, no dressing.
I was really looking forward to cooking this meal tonight, did not feel hungry when I started prep, however when I served it up I was hungry. It was delicious, I struggled with the amount of salad I needed to eat and did not finish it.

Struggled then to have my 4th pack as def not hungry. Opted for a bar which was ok. Still feeling very full 3 hours since I ate, I am sure it will get easier with the bloating and the volume.
I have planned my menu for the week, it is a bit strange the choices you have on week one, there is quite a choice, but raw vegetables only, not sure why?

Since joining my new group 3 weeks ago, I am astounded at how much I have learned in these weeks, I have learned more in 3 weeks than I did in 6 months at the old group. I have had several light bulb moments, and now finally getting it! I am so pleased and positive about it all, its brilliant.!

Going to try and update daily........

Exercise today
10,000 steps

Found you ,,, thanks for the pm x

I had trouble finding me too!! Thought it would be a better idea to move to the RTM thread, but now I'm not so sure!

15 October Day 2 Management
Vanilla shake, bar, spicy quorn, salad leaves and honey and mustard fat free dressing, Banana shake, strawberry shake.
Made the decision yesterday after being so overfull and bloated after eating late that I would eat earlier today and did so.
Same meal as yesterday as I made double the quorn to save on time today. The amount of green salad leaves you need to eat is massive, went down easier today with dressing.
Struggled again today with the four packs as well as the meal, thank goodness it is only for one week, then going down to 3 packs, although the meal size increases.
Note to self, when cutting chillies up, wear gloves, and remember not to rub eyes!
I am enjoying experimenting with different herbs and spices, I bought a basil plant today and used it in my salad, it smells so fragrant it was lovely.

Has a really good session last week with the new group, that is 2 sessions that have been great. I am learning and reiterating lots of messages that I either did not get at the old group or were not covered so well. One question LLC asked me this week at the end of the session was had I covered crooked thinking? I said a little, something I said which was 'I am never going back to this size EVER again' triggered a conversation that this was crooked thinking, we are going to cover crooked thinking thoroughly next week.

We had a new lady this week, 2 of the others are on about week 10, so its a mix but it is working ok.

Had some positive strokes over the last couple of weeks, one was a guy I used to work with 5 years ago, I walked passed him in the street and he said, 'wow! I nearly didn't recognise you, you look fantastic!'. It was just lovely to hear. The other one was when I walked into a meeting with a client, he was on the phone, and suddenly said ' I have to go, there is someone that has just walked into this meeting and I don't know who they are!' Again, it was just so lovely to hear, he has not seen me for about a year and was just so lovely.

Started my mood and diary yesterday, so far ok, just really struggling fitting in four packs plus the meal. Will try and spread the packs out more tomorrow, as again I have an overfull bloated stomach. Also, chatterbox going off, 'why am I eating when I am not physically hungry?' Which goes against the LL cbt. I'm sure it will settle down

Night night
Jx

Exercise diary
Lateral Thigh Trainer 20 minutes
Mini trampoline 5 minutes
6 second abs x 25
9000 steps
Swiss ball 5 minutes

16 October
Vanilla shake, Marinated tofu and salad, Banana shake, Strawberry shake. No fourth pack.
Yesterday evening turned into a real battle, after feeling very full having eaten my meal and 4 packs, my internal chatterbox kicked off, and I ended up eating an additional 3 bars. Could not stop myself or would not stop myself, from eating them. I clearly was not hungry, I tried distraction to no avail. Rebellious child again................
I did identify a trigger, boredom in the evening, I had had a lovely day, it was beautiful and warm, I had been out window shopping in a pretty little town for most of the day, just chilling. Lots of food and treats around but it did not bother me in the slightest. I had loads of things to do in the evening but just chose eat the bars...............

Later on I read BL and spanglymum's diaries and really identified with the latest updates, they touched a raw nerve. I had already eaten my bars by then, so it was not a factor.
The 'finish it' mentality seems to have taken over my brain, not an excuse for this behaviour. But this is not all of the time, I know I have had these bad habits for a lifetime, and have been on LL for 6 months, which in the scheme of things is short, but can't get my head around the ups and downs when I felt fine all day. I enjoyed the cooking, had every opportunity to eat more when I was cooking and it did not even enter my mind. Today I went shopping in Asda, I was quite hungry at the time, I even walked through McDonald's, not an issue, didn't want anything at all. Had a good day generally, did my exercise this morning, feeling really focussed, so what was going on yesterday?????????????

I really need to be able to control this, otherwise I am never going to cope with 'the real world' of food and eating. I just want to be 'normal', not have to be so entirely focussed on food, what I can and cant eat and when, my brains some days are really frying with it all, yet other days, no issue............

Got my Beck book back out tonight and I am off to bed shortly to restart reading it, see if there is any logic or reasoning behind my behaviour. Also finding I am maybe over thinking everything, where will it end.............. Its not 'normal' to be like this??????????

Exercise diary
Day 1 30 day shred shredded again, ( have made a decision to do it every day from today)
6 second abs x 30
mini trampoline x 5 minutes

Hope everyone is having a good weekend
Jx

Hi Julz,
Could you write down what your chatterbox was saying last night? If you are covering crooked thinking with your group next meeting maybe you could discuss with your LLC? This is something that we will face in the future because of our past patterns, but there must be ways to break the pattern and form new thinking. My LLC suggested thinking about why I wanted to eat at those times when I wasn't actually hungry, what was I feeding? and to think about when I was on Total and how I would cope with those thoughts as evenings are my trigger times also... I guess that's why I'm on here in the evenings, keeps my fingers and thoughts distracted!

Thanks eatlikeabird, you know, sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. I knew I should write it down to get it out of my head and deal with it, like I have in the past. Somehow, I just did not remember.
I will write it down and as you suggest, speak to LLC on Thursday.
Hope you sleep better tonight
Jx

Forgot to add earlier, I am really looking forward to not feeling so cold all the time!. This first week of maintenance not helping as you can't cook any vegetables so its salad or raw very, brrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhh.
Jx

17 October
Vanilla shake, Chilli con carne pack, mushroom soup, marinated tofu and green salad. No 4th pack

Interesting day, learned a couple of things too.

I have been very tired today, didn't sleep too well

Very loud wind (TMI) and gurgling tummy, had some indigestion earlier, cooked the tofu with extra cayenne pepper to give it some flavour, my taste buds are needing stronger flavours.

Have to go to bed, will finish this entry tomorrow night,

Exercise diary
Day 2 30 day shred, shredded!
9000 steps
6 second abs 30

Hi Julz
Hows it going hun.
Cathy

23 October
Ticking over thanks Cathy, its been a interesting few days. I have been enjoying the larger meal portion sizes, extra vegetable choices and thank goodness I can now start to cook the veggies.
I had a lovely meal today, I made the Spicy Indian Chicken from week 2 recipes, along with a mix of fresh Brussels sprouts, asparagus, mange tout, green beans, cauliflower and broccolli. All the veggies came to the 3 portions @ 80 grams each.
I took my time when I ate it, savouring every mouthful, that was about 3 pm, had my breakfast shake at 9am. Also enjoying all the new flavours, discovering new tastes everyday.
I felt fairly full afterwards and all week I have been craving something sweet after eating my meals almost everyday. A couple of times I had a bar, which I should not have had as I had already by then had my packs for the day.
To pre empt that this week I decided to get some sugar free jelly's which are on the menu for next week anyway, so yesterday and today I had one, they were lovely and enough to take away the desire to have something sweet. I am definitely not hungry.
The problem I had today and yesterday, if a tummy ache about an hour or so after eating, along with a bloated tummy which lasts for hours. It is 9pm, I am so not hungry but have only had a shake and the meal so far today, and it is really pushing every boundary in my brain to eat when I am not hungry which goes against all of the LL training.

I have been off my exercise most of this week, I have been feeling very tired and not sleeping very well again, not sure what the trigger for that is. Had my flu jab a few days ago and my arm is very swollen and sore.
Anyway, I went swimming today and did some more exercise and feel better for it. Details below.

I am going to take my meal to work tomorrow so I can eat at lunchtime to see if the 'over full' feeling is better.

Just had a mushroom soup as it is the smallest pack I can have, I only have one bar left till Thursday

Went shopping today for a winter coat, I had bought a cheap one from Primarni, for £18 (kept the receipt) its long with a hood bit like a puffa jacket material. My daughter made an observation which had not occurred to me, firstly, I need a warm, waterproof coat as I walk to and from work everyday and I am always cold! Secondly it needs to last a long time, so get a good one!
Went to TKMAXX and found a lovely long warm coat with a hood that fits really well. I bought it, £79, I have never paid that much for a coat for me, ever!

I also bought a short jacket today, what I am trying to do is buy sensibly, these clothes have to last me a long time.
Well the short jacket (bit like a ski jacket) fits well, but snuggly. I found myself drifting off in an internal conversation chatterbox style, 'should I take it back and buy a bigger one? In case I gain a few pounds?' what's that all about................

Feeling positive about the coming week, its going to be very busy at work with probable fairly high stress levels, so will be a testing time, but don't feel phased by it........ at the moment!

How are you doing Cathy?

Hope everyone has a good week
Jx
Exercise diary
Lateral Thigh Trainer 20 mins
Mini trampoline 10 mins
6 second abs x 30
22 lengths swimming

24 October
Food today,
7am vanilla shake
12 noon tandoori quorn and salad
7pm mushroom soup
8pm strawberry sugar free jelly
8.30pm strawberry shake
Still struggling to eat after having my meal, even at lunchtime, feel full.
Feeling quite strong today, despite that I bought a bar of chocolate, and enjoyed it.
Still struggling to sleep and am quite exhausted. Craving sugar or sweet things, shakes not enough.
Really tough day at work today, hoping for a better one tomorrow.
Going to get some chromium to help with that.
Looking forward to next week when I can start eating fruit.

Exercise
10,000 steps
Have a good week all
Jx

Doing well lady ,,, just popped in to say a quick hi x

Hi Julz
How you doing hun.Ive had a few lapses and lots of chatterbox and crooked thinking going on.How are you managing you sugar cravings.I went the same way but I am now back on track. I am half way through week 4 still struggling with chatterbox telling me its ok to taste different foods.
Hope your doing ok hun.
Cathy

Snap!!!!! Thought my sugar cravings were hormonal, really having a challenging time. I've been really tearful for the last couple if days, no reason I am aware of just teary. I know what I should be doing...... Have been eating sugar free jellies, they have helped. Decided not going to get bars next week as I am treating them like chocolate. I have eaten 7 since Thursday, if I had more I would eat them.
Found myself rummaging through the cupboards earlier even though I am not hungry or thirsty. Hope this passes soon, not enjoying it.
Went to gp yesterday as I now have a bladder problem, tablets contain sugar, but I need to take them so will be out of ketosis this week.
Might do a total day in the week to keep my sanity.
Hope you have a better weekend
Jx

Hi Julz - I started RTM on Wednesday this week and reading this has been really helpful, thank you so much. I too struggle with having 4 packs and the meal and didn't have the last one on either Wednesday or Friday - by the time I got home from work, walked the dogs, prepared and ate the meal, I was falling asleep! Now I'm really worried that I've sabotaged myself. Do you think I should force that final pack in even if I'm not hungry?