Journey to a lighter, and more importantly healthier, me!! :-)

Hi,

I shall keep this brief for tonight, given the hour. I have recently started a thread asking for some support from you wonderful people, as I am attempting to follow the slimming world programme from home. The responses I have got from people so far have been really helpful. I am hoping that if I keep my own diary on here, 1) it will make me more accountable for what I am eating 2) if I am doing things wrong, hopefully some nice person will come along with some suggestions, and 3) if I am having a rough day, I shall tap away my frustrations, rather than bingeing on rubbish, or taking it out on my poor husband!

I shall fill this out a bit more tomorrow; a little background for those that are interested, little plans and steps that I have developed to help me in my journey, and of course, my food log for the day.

xXx

Yay to starting a diary, it really has helped me keep on track.

well day one has been a bit of a disaster. what with one thing or another, my positivity has flown straight out of the window.

day didn't start off too bad. I had breakfast as planned, played with my daughter, then exercised when she went down for her first nap. I couldn't have what I planned for lunch, as the pack of stir fry veg had gone off. ended up having bacon and backed beans on toast instead. We had to go straight out as soon as my daughter finally finished eating her lunch, I dropped her off, and then had the pleasure of spending more than an hour at the dentist!! This relly mucked up the rest of my day food wise. My face was so numb and swollen for about 4.5hrs afterwards, I couldn't manage to eat or drink anything. no proper dinner for me!

So, after getting home, several hours later, still with a swollen face, I stupidly state that I cannot be bothered to do anything else tonight. My 11 month old daughter must have heard that, as she spent an hour screaming after she was put to bed. She is currently crawling round the front room floor playing at 10pm, as I couldn't take the screaming anymore!

I have also put myself in a bad mood by job-hunting! there is absolutely nothing out there for me(i.e. something that I can work around childcare, and is worth my while once I pay for the said childcare!), so rather than doing something productive, I have just given myself something to worry about!! Phoned my mum a little while ago, in the hope of having a chat to make myself feel better, but that just fell on deaf ears. far too interested in watching the TV instead.

well, considering my daughter has just vomited all over the carpet yet again, there doesn't seem much point in trying to get anything done this evening. I shall get up in the morning, make myself a nice omelette, and then finally get down to my menu plan!!

So....I'm not doing well so far. I think I need to sort out my head a little, to enable me to focus on my new diet/lifestyle a bit better.

I haven't been well the past couple of days, and daughter has a bit of a cold, so that's fun. I am trying to sort out loads of stuff indoors as well. It's almost as if I need to declutter the immediate space around me, before I can even think about sorting out the mess that is my head! I don't know ..... perhaps these are all just excuses. We always seem to find excuses to break the diet, don't we? I've had a bad day at work....I'm getting my period.....I'm tired .....we're celebrating.....we're commiserating. There always seems to be more excuses to eat crap, than there is to eat healthily. In the short term anyway. I can give you a list as long as my arm for wanting to lose weight for good. But I don't very often think of those reasons when I am contemplating having a chocolate bar or something.

Perhaps I do need the support of a group to help me sort out my psychological issues with food. But to be honest, I didn't find these at all helpful when I went to WW. No offence to anyone who runs these groups, but they aren't actually trained in nutrition/counselling/behavioural therapy etc. Not that I am aware of anyway. If we could afford it I think I would seriously contemplate a few sessions of CBT. I know I need to think differently about food. Somehow I don't think my GP would be willing to refer me for that one! lol

I think I am just going to have to take this step by step. This is a marathon, not a sprint. First things first, I need to stick to 3 meals a day, and cut out the snacking. There is a lot less rubbish in this house now, so that will make it a little easier. I've just got to figure out a way to stop the mindless snacking. I know there are many occasions where I eat just because I fancy something, and I am not remotely hungry. Like right now - I really fancy a nice hot chocolate, with marshmallows and squirty cream. I have a bit of a headache, and that's often my first stop, rather than a painkiller, or just going to bed.

I still haven't properly planned out my meals yet; not that I haven't thought about it. I'm struggling to think of different meal ideas for breakfast and lunch. Well to be more precise, I'm struggling to think of meals with enough superfree foods. I can happily eat jacket potato and baked beans, or omelette for lunch. But that doesn't fit 1/3 superfree rule. I'm not really a lover of fruit and veg, so sticking a salad on the side of everything isn't really an option. I think I need to keep going through recipe books to find proper, yet quick and easy meals, that incorporate the fruits and veges.

I could do with a magic wand. I'm sure I shall be fine (within reason) once I am in organised, and have meal plans in place. Similarly once I am a little more organised indoors, and don't have so much on my plate, I shall be able to incorporate exercise into my daily routine. Even if I just take my daughter for a quick 15 min walk each day, just to get us out of the house.

Best laid plans and all that ..............

Well, tonight has been a bit more productive than I thought it was going to be! I have just sat and planned 4 weeks worth of meals! Well, there is 4 weeks worth of dinners, at least 20 different meals there, so will keep things nice and varied. I have only planned a weeks worth or breakfasts an lunches so far, but I don't struggle much with those. Plus it's quite normal to have weetabix on a regular basis - not so much with lasagne!

I will go through the menu plan again tomorrow - will write down syn values (if any) of my meals, and where I use my Healthy Extra's. Next step after that will be putting together all the recipes into one folder for easy access.
Obviously this plan isn't set in stone, but at least I have some sort of plan now. And if I don't fancy something one night, I will have a lot of other meals planned (will already know the syn value etc) and will just be able to swap around.

Well, that has made me a little more positive!

Yay that does sound positive & it will make it easier for you, to stick to plan.

I'm not sure if it was sitting down doing the menu plan last night, or if it's because I have remembered to take my Metformin the last day or so, but I have been a lot less hungry today, and eaten far less than I have the last few days or so. All good

wow - it's been over 6 months since I last wrote in this!! I haven't really dieted in that time either - half-heartedly bought books, magazines, and even went to a slimming world class!! Have obviously not stuck to anything for longer than a minute!!

I have been sick on and off since I can remember; I have had a couple of stomach bugs, a really bad eye infection, and near consistent colds/flu/chest infections. On days I feel rough I have been eating whatever is quick and easy, therefore mostly junk.

I really think I need to sort out my diet - not so much to lose weight, but mainly to make myself feel well for longer than a week at a time!!!

Again I am in a time of stress. I did start a new job in January, but was made redundant 2 weeks ago, so I am again looking for work. Crap is happening at my Hubbys work too.

We are off on holiday in 7 weeks (all paid for and I am not cancelling it! lol), but I am genuinely worried about fitting in the aeroplane seat! I'm not sure why; we went on honeymoon last year and I was only 7lbs or so lighter than I am now, and I fit fine. I won't lie, there wasn't too much room in the belt, but I didn't feel trapped or anything. So not exactly sure why I am so concerned about that.

Need to come up with some little changes that will help me to get well again!!

Here is a rough outline of my history, in case my weight loss journey is of help to others.

I was of a healthy weight until I left school at 16, though of course at that time I was convinced I was fat (I was a size 12, but most girls in my class were an 8/10). I had a rubbish diet, but I walked 3 miles home from school most days, which obviously helped me a lot. I got a part time job as soon as I finished my GCSE's, and having extra money in my pocket meant more junk food. I also walked less (would have taken too long to walk to work, so I got the bus or lifts), and started going to pubs and clubs with friends, drinking bacardi and eating cheesy chips. About 1 stone crept on by the time I was 18/19.

I started working in a call centre when I was 19, and my diet got even worse. There was always food around; someones birthday, celebratory doughnuts, vending machines full of crisps, chocolate and very sugary hot chocolate!!
When I was 20 I decided to come off of the pill, seen as I was single. I put on 1.5st in 9 months! I also had a lot of digestive problems at the time, and was backwards and forwards to the dr. I was eventually diagnosed with IBS, and other tests showed I might have PCOS, though it wasn't formally diagnosed. I went back on the pill, and managed to stop the weight gain. However I didn't really clean up my diet enough to lose any of the pounds that I had put on.
By the time I left this job, I was in a relationship, and living in my own house (officially on my own, but with my then boyfriend there at the weekends for takeaways etc). Over the next 4 years I dipped in and out of dieting, with my weight creeping up to 13st 7.
We decided to try for a baby in July 2011, and due to previous tests, I went back to GP's. A couple of visits/tests later and I was formally diagnosed with PCOS. I was really trying to lose weight at this point, but it was just going up!! I was put on Metformin in October 2011 to help ttc; this combined with going to the gym several times a week, and I eventually managed to lose a few pounds, getting back down to 13st 7.
I fell pregnant in January 2012, and obviously came off the Metformin. With my early cravings for biscuits, supernoodles, and crisp sandwiches, I soon put on weight!! I had got up to 14st 7 by 16weeks, and at full term I weighed in at 16st 12!!
3 days after I gave birth, I weighed 16st. By christmas, and after 3 months of breastfeeding, I got down to 15st.
In the run up to our wedding I was again trying to diet. I did get down to 14st 3, but went back up to 14st 7 by our wedding in June!!! By christmas I was back up to 15st!!

So that's a brief history. Obviously I am dealing with the PCOS, and its associated problems.Normal stresses of having an 18month old. problems caused by money/jobs, and of course I use all of them as excuses!!

Hi Emmaline - you are right, I do start off a new diet plan with far too many restrictions, banning foods and setting an unrealistic daily calorie allowance, setting myself up for a failure!! I've got to do something different if I want it to work!

I think what I am going to start off with, is writing a little list, and working out how I want my daughter to eat, both now and in the future. Then use that as my baseline. I need to be realistic - the weight that I want to lose has gone on over 10.5years!!! It's not going to be gone in a couple of months. Bottom line is that I want to set a good example to my daughter, both with my eating and exercise habits, and how I look.

How do I want my daughter to eat now?
3 healthy meals a day
Snacks between meals - fruit 95% of the time.
Drink only water and milk.

Breakfast - inc 1 portion of fruit
Lunch - inc 1 portion of veg
Dinner - inc 2 portions of veg
Snacks - inc 1 portion of fruit

How do I want my daughter to eat in the future?

As above, but also not to rely on food in times of physical/emotional stress. Not to see food as the answer to everything (celebrate = go out for a meal. Commiserate = get a takeaway/junk food in. It's christmas, lets eat our weight in chocolate).

My goal this week

To eat at least 2 portions of fruit, and 2 veg, per day.

It is nice to see you back, but what happened after your last post, you were so positive & then it suddenly ended, you sound positive again, but will it continue.

I'm aware I'm sounding negative, but don't mean to, I think you need to make real changes to your food.

I know you said you've been ill etc & just want to make something quick, that's is something which will happen again in the future it's how we deal with those situations.

Have you looked around here on the recipe section, there will be loads of quick meals you can eat, I know money is going to be hard for a while, but there are things you can eat which aren't too expensive, such as beans, potatoes, rice.

Keep coming on here, keep a diary & plan

Well over the last year life has been quite tough (between me and my husband we are now on the 5th redundancy in 15 months), very stressful, and being positive requires a hell of a lot of energy. By the end of september last year, I was spending hours upon hours looking for jobs. I was still trying to diet etc, but just not finding the time to go on here. By the time I had found a job, coming on here was something that I had gotten out of the habit of/plain forgot about. That's not to say that I wasn't trying to diet/be healthy some of the time. I just wasn't coming on here.

Yes, I know I sound positive again at the moment, and it's likely to change the second life gets hard again, or I have run out of energy to deal with it. I think the most important thing is to remain positive for as long as possible, and make small, permanent changes in that time.

I feel a little weird at the moment. As in the combination of my emotions are strange. After having a VERY relaxing spa day on Sunday, I feel very chilled out. Most relaxed that I have been for ages.

I actually looked in the mirror for longer than a couple of minutes earlier, and actually noticed my body shape and how it has changed. I really didn't like what I saw. My "love handles" have gone out of control!! Yet, I don't feel as devastated as I might have done had I measured myself etc at some other time. Normally realisations like this send me into a really low, cry-myself-to-sleep mood. Don't get me wrong, I have lost my appetite a little, and I have found it really easy to abstain from chocolate all day long. But it's kind of like my encounter with the mirror has made me buck my ideas up, rather than depressing me.

I have written down everything that I have eaten today; so far I have had 1120 calories. I may take a low cal hot chocolate, or a glass of skimmed milk to bed, which means I will still have had less than 1250 calories today. Great start!!

So, in the past week I have lost 4.75lbs!! woohoo!! and I actually only religiously counted calories on the first day. Since then although I haven't counted the calories, I have been conscious of my portion sizes and snacking. I have actually been drinking quite a bit of skimmed milk. Although this is about 90 calories a glass, it has helped me to snack a lot less. I also find it quite comforting, and it obviously has a sweetness to it, so it has helped me to cut down on my chocolate intake (although I have still had chocolate in the last week.....most days in fact!!).

I'm not going to measure myself this week (didn't have time this morning. My daughter fell and cut her head at breakfast time, and I then spent several hours at A&E) - I shall give myself until next Tuesday and then see how many inches I lose in a 2 week period.

Anyway, I am happy with the way things have gone this week. Lost weight and it hasn't been a struggle at all!!