From S to L

[BlueTopaz]

So my current ring size is a UK S. My old ring size at bmi 25-27 was an L, which I plan to be when I propose to my girlfriend! I've got it on the larger side as it will give me some flexibility with maintenance, and I can always buy attachments to size it down if my weight fluctuates, instead of paying a lot to size it up!

This is my only goal for the forseeable future. No body shaming, no hating myself into thinness. I'm happy with my appearance and I am loved as I am, but it's hard to move and function in my body these days. Focusing on my engagement ring being a set size to keep me accountable, instead of how sick/disabled I am, is the most positive and joyful motivation I could have to guide me through this journey

Since I'm planning for lifelong positive changes, for my health, I'm not going to be über strict about my calorie limit or food choices. Small and sustainable changes are the way to go. As long as I'm in the region of 1200-1500cal most days of each week, and I've managed to have 3 meals and 3 snacks at regular intervals through the day, that's all I want. My goal is to work my way up to consistently meeting those targets by the end of September, then reassess from there

Start date: Monday 14th August 2023
Start weight: 208.2lb, bmi 41.4
Engagement goal weight: 132lb, bmi 26.3
Maintenance goal weight: 98-110.5lb, bmi 19.5-22


Day 1 calorie intake: 1413cal
Meals: 2
Snacks: 2

 

[BlueTopaz]

So far so good!

Day 2 calorie intake: 1411
Meals: 4
Snacks: 1

 

[Visualizing]

Well done. My start weight was 209lbs and I’m only 5ft2. Aiming for 140lbs first as I know I’ll feel good there. BMI says healthy for me is 137lbs but I’ll see when I get to 140lbs. So we have the same weight to shift.

Have a great day xx

 

[BlueTopaz]

Well done. My start weight was 209lbs and I’m only 5ft2. Aiming for 140lbs first as I know I’ll feel good there. BMI says healthy for me is 137lbs but I’ll see when I get to 140lbs. So we have the same weight to shift.

Have a great day xx

Thank you! Yes, my ideal weight when I was younger was about 100lb (bmi 20) but now I'm older I think I might feel better around 110, maybe even up to 120. Bmi is only a guideline so I'm glad your main goal is to get to where you feel at your best! I'm excited to be on this journey with you

 

[BlueTopaz]

Treated myself to Caffe Nero today, I started duloxetine a couple months ago to help with fibromyalgia and it is helping ease some of my symptoms, but also has the added bonus of suppressing my appetite! It's been the only thing to counteract the extreme hunger I've had from long COVID dizziness/fatigue and the quetiapine I also take to relax my muscles and get better sleep

I drank the coffee, but haven't felt hungry enough to eat my cheese & mushroom toastie yet so I'm going to wait a little while longer before eating since together the coffee & toastie come to 545cal which is roughly 1/3-1/2 my GP recommended daily intake (1000-1500cal/day), so if I can spread that out a bit more into the early afternoon hopefully it means I won't go over my intake later in the day

I did struggle with disordered eating as a teen, so while it's important for me to lose weight, I also need to make sure I eat enough daily and not restrict my diet too much. I'm not limiting any foods, so I do aim to have "real" dairy milk, butter, full fat cheese, etc. in moderation so I maintain exposure to old fear foods, and if I go above 1700 or even 2000cal some days, that's okay as long as I eat right the rest of the time I've put a lot of work into healing my relationship with food and my body, and I don't want to lose that on my journey to a healthier body

If anyone's in the UK, I really recommend trying Caffe Nero's grande latte with 1 pump sugar free caramel syrup, and 1 pump gingerbread syrup. I get it with semi-skimmed milk, so not sure how it might taste with lower calorie alternatives, but the whole thing as I order it is 181cal, no need for sweetener, and it's my absolute favourite when Starbucks' pumpkin spice lattes are out of season

 

[BlueTopaz]

Day 3 calorie intake: 1384
Meals: 3
Snacks: 2

Think I was a bit overly worried about my Caffe Nero treat putting me above a reasonable amount of calories. I anticipated eating a lot more than I did in the evening

Still, it'll all even out! Some days will be under my ideal calorie count, others over. That's how intuitive, non-disordered eating works. I've got this

Edit: Stayed up a couple hours after I thought I was about to drift off, so I had a low calorie lasagne and feel so much better about my intake now! Almost on target for my meal & snacks goal, and I think I'll be most comfortable staying above 1200 if I can help it. I don't want to get in the habit of consistently being around 1000cal/day unless I plateau badly enough that it becomes necessary. My GP gave me the okay to eat as low as 1000 but I do think it's in my best interest to keep that as a last resort

 

[Visualizing]

Well done you. Xx

 

[BlueTopaz]

Well done you. Xx

Thank you

 

[MrsTea]

You are doing brilliantly, sensible is vital if there’s been disordered eating previously. When I previously lost 10stone low carb, I continued overeating but just on low carb things, it didn’t help that part of me at all, and it crept back up. Now I’m 210lb ish and need to get to 140lb but I’d most like to be able to get to a point where I can deal with portions long term.
What’s your engagement rings like?

 

[BlueTopaz]

You are doing brilliantly, sensible is vital if there’s been disordered eating previously. When I previously lost 10stone low carb, I continued overeating but just on low carb things, it didn’t help that part of me at all, and it crept back up. Now I’m 210lb ish and need to get to 140lb but I’d most like to be able to get to a point where I can deal with portions long term.
What’s your engagement rings like?

Thank you! It's really easy for it to creep up, that's exactly why I want to focus on permanently changing the way I eat to something sustainable, because if I pay too much attention to my weight it'll be a case of dieting until I reach the "end" and then just binging it all back

They're a gorgeous rustic silver leaf design with a blue topaz in the centre The ring has an engraved woody texture, and two leaves "embrace" the stone on top and bottom. My girlfriend sent me pictures of her dream rings way back when we were just playfully flirting, and when things got more serious I went back through our chat history and reverse google image searched her favourite one and found the Etsy seller! I contacted the seller to make sure she'd still be making them a few months from that point, as my girlfriend's also been losing weight over the last couple years (she's done amazing, I'm so so proud of her) and I wanted to get her most accurate ring size Then I bought them in April to make sure we didn't miss out on our perfect rings

The only surprise for her really is the when. She knows I have the rings, she knows I got our favourite one from the bunch of pictures we exchanged, and she knows it will happen. We've communicated everything including boundaries for how long we wanted to be together before getting engaged (1.5-2 years absolute minimum for both of us), and things like her wanting the proposal to be at home in private, etc. so I know she's going to love it and we're both completely on the same page

 

[MrsTea]

Thank you for sharing that @BlueTopaz, it made my heart sing for you both; your love.

 

[BlueTopaz]

Day 4 calorie intake: 1364
Meals: 3
Snacks: 2

Fell asleep last night before posting here because I was sure I'd eat something else before bed, but then I didn't. Oops!

 

[MrsTea]

You’re doing well @BlueTopaz how are you feeling today?

 

[BlueTopaz]

You’re doing well @BlueTopaz how are you feeling today?

Thank you!

I'm okay, slept in really late even though I went to bed quite early, but I've had really bad acid reflux keeping me awake the last few weeks and it's gone away now with the last few days eating well and actually drinking water instead of soft drinks, so I probably just needed a long good quality sleep to catch up Treated myself to Korean food tonight, but I've only had half of it so far and put the rest in the fridge either for later or tomorrow

How are you doing?

P.S. Omg I just came back to log my intake for today and realised I never hit post on this reply

 

[BlueTopaz]

Day 5 calorie intake: 1638
Meals: 2
Snacks: 2

Better over than under intake! I couldn't finish my treat meal, but at the same time because I slept in until the afternoon I didn't eat until around 4pm anyway So around 9:30 I started feeling hungry again and got the rest of my food out of the fridge since I didn't want to end the day at 844cal. And then about an hour later I wanted dessert and went a bit ham on the chocolate Still, it's a really reasonable amount and I should try not to get hung up on having a higher intake some days

 

[MrsTea]

You may find it helpful at the beginning to also calculate the average out a week’s worth of consumed calories, see that you’re doing fine so the urge to be hung up is less.
I’m fine. I’m trying to work out (emotionally) what level of weighing myself is the healthiest long term. I don’t want to become disordered again (or rather, more) so is daily not good, or does weekly lead to fixation even more? When I started low carb years ago it was daily then I moved to weekly then avoided them like the plague whilst putting all the weight back on….there has to be lessons learnt but I’m not sure what they are .

 

[BlueTopaz]

You may find it helpful at the beginning to also calculate the average out a week’s worth of consumed calories, see that you’re doing fine so the urge to be hung up is less.
I’m fine. I’m trying to work out (emotionally) what level of weighing myself is the healthiest long term. I don’t want to become disordered again (or rather, more) so is daily not good, or does weekly lead to fixation even more? When I started low carb years ago it was daily then I moved to weekly then avoided them like the plague whilst putting all the weight back on….there has to be lessons learnt but I’m not sure what they are .

Thank you

Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I feel about as recovered as you can get but you always have to be looking over your shoulder and pep talking yourself out of behaviours and thought patterns before you even feel them I'm really proud of you and I hope you can keep up a balanced and genuinely healthy attitude and approach as you go on this journey

I think everyone's unique and hopefully you'll find what works best for you I did weigh daily the first 3 days just to get a feel for how this intake was affecting my weight, but I'm sticking to weekly from now on Hopefully you'll be able to trust your instincts both with food and weight tracking soon enough

 

[BlueTopaz]

Day 6 calorie intake: 1045
Meals: 2
Snacks: 2

Woke up in the afternoon again today and went out for my friend's birthday tonight. So proud of myself for staying out as long as I did (5 hours!!!) even though we were just sat in the pub the whole time. I was on diet coke all night as sugary or alcoholic drinks both trigger my pain, but I did have one shot of Bailey's with her. Intake is lower than I'd like today, as I expected to have another meal when I got home, but not too low and I suppose it evens out yesterday!

Like an idiot, I went home with her purse and house keys in my bag though So I had to then get her a taxi to mine to get them! Got her McDonald's since she was hungry and has to be up with the kids in the morning, but I'm in so much pain I just have no appetite so I'm off to bed now and if the mood strikes me in the morning for a fry up or Maccie's then I think I will indulge

 

[Visualizing]

Oohhhh well done last night. Good luck this morning.

 

[BlueTopaz]

Oohhhh well done last night. Good luck this morning.

Thank you!

I've woken up feeling rough and ordered myself some Caffe Nero again to boost my energy and muscle recovery. Weighed myself so I don't feel pressured to restrict for tomorrow as I need to make sure that dieting doesn't turn into an eating disorder again. I'm 206.6lb today, so down 1.6lb this week. Perfectly on target as my ED therapist told me not to lose more than 2lb a week, 1.5lb in one week is the golden zone!