Goreygirl
Gold Member
Went to bed feeling good yesterday as it was the first weekend in ages that I had felt in control. I laid out my gym gear for this morning and set the alarm for 7. The plan was to start Day 1 of the Couch to 5k - C25K Running Program programme. I then had Pilates (1st class) at 11.30, cats to the vets for 2.15 and then hypnotherapy at 4.30 with nothing but driving in between back and forth from the various locations.
The alarm went off and I got up to feed the cats and then went back to bed as it was raining. I "told" myself I'd set the alarm for 8 and see what it was like then and if still raining I'd go to the gym instead and would still have plenty of time to get to the class. FATAL MISTAKE... I realise now that is bargaining with my "negative/addict self" aka the Gremlin and the Gremlin always wins! And before you know it it's 9am and I'm stil in bed and setting the alarm for 10! At this stage the "Gremlin" was also whispering to me about how cosy I was in bed and how I could lie there and read my book and skip Pilates. But the psychotherapy must be working I guess because instead of giving in I started feeling a bit edgy and couldn't settle and then just seemed to accept that staying in bed may feel nice "right then" but that going to Pilates would make me feel so much better for longer and on a much deeper level (self-esteem). So I went. The room it's on is beside a gorgeous cafe in an old stone country house with no surround houses for acres. The cafe is very rustic .. some of the tables are huge slabs of oak, others glass mosaic topped, others old kitchen tables. Candles are everywhere as are little intererting nick-nacks. It's a 20 minute drive from me but while I was sitting there before the class having some water I realised how peaceful it feels. There was some very light jazz playing in the background and the atmosphere was very positive for some reason. I think I'll make sure I spend some time there more often. If I'm feeling down during the day just grab my journal and hop in the car to head there, curl up on a sofa and write.
I really really enjoyed the class and am so pleased I went. While I was waiting for the class I was trying to work out what was underneath the desire to stay in bed. Was it avoidance of reality? Was it reluctance to shake of the old comfort blanket? Is it because I think exercise makes me aware of how my body is the enemy even though the reality is that when I am doing it I realise my body is getting stronger, fitter. Am I so disconnected from my body that I automatically assign it the enemy role out of habit?
I also had hypnotherapy today to help with motivation in the mornings. The therapist planted the thought/belief that when I wake up in the mornings I will get up and get active because it feels pleasurable.
Sitting here tonight I feel calm and know that I have made positive choices today. I found new ways to deal with old situations and the outcomes have made me feel more positive than the old solutions I used to use which used to just cause me to feel worse about myself.
The alarm went off and I got up to feed the cats and then went back to bed as it was raining. I "told" myself I'd set the alarm for 8 and see what it was like then and if still raining I'd go to the gym instead and would still have plenty of time to get to the class. FATAL MISTAKE... I realise now that is bargaining with my "negative/addict self" aka the Gremlin and the Gremlin always wins! And before you know it it's 9am and I'm stil in bed and setting the alarm for 10! At this stage the "Gremlin" was also whispering to me about how cosy I was in bed and how I could lie there and read my book and skip Pilates. But the psychotherapy must be working I guess because instead of giving in I started feeling a bit edgy and couldn't settle and then just seemed to accept that staying in bed may feel nice "right then" but that going to Pilates would make me feel so much better for longer and on a much deeper level (self-esteem). So I went. The room it's on is beside a gorgeous cafe in an old stone country house with no surround houses for acres. The cafe is very rustic .. some of the tables are huge slabs of oak, others glass mosaic topped, others old kitchen tables. Candles are everywhere as are little intererting nick-nacks. It's a 20 minute drive from me but while I was sitting there before the class having some water I realised how peaceful it feels. There was some very light jazz playing in the background and the atmosphere was very positive for some reason. I think I'll make sure I spend some time there more often. If I'm feeling down during the day just grab my journal and hop in the car to head there, curl up on a sofa and write.
I really really enjoyed the class and am so pleased I went. While I was waiting for the class I was trying to work out what was underneath the desire to stay in bed. Was it avoidance of reality? Was it reluctance to shake of the old comfort blanket? Is it because I think exercise makes me aware of how my body is the enemy even though the reality is that when I am doing it I realise my body is getting stronger, fitter. Am I so disconnected from my body that I automatically assign it the enemy role out of habit?
I also had hypnotherapy today to help with motivation in the mornings. The therapist planted the thought/belief that when I wake up in the mornings I will get up and get active because it feels pleasurable.
Sitting here tonight I feel calm and know that I have made positive choices today. I found new ways to deal with old situations and the outcomes have made me feel more positive than the old solutions I used to use which used to just cause me to feel worse about myself.
