Jezebella's Journey Forward

[Jezebella]

Hey Hun

Wishing you a brilliant night out!! How fab is it to have so many wardrobe choices, do post pics of what you wear, am dying to see.

Have a fun and fab evening, I have WI soon too, and the scales will tell, I am in such a panic, keep wanting to jump back on the packs, but its not really realistic when it is only a pound or 2.

Jez
xx

 

[kenshin112]

hey jez have a wonderful new year you, em, lily and chai heres to a healthier and slim 2k10

 

[Jezebella]

Maintenance Days 25,26 and 27

Well another update on here from me. The last day of 2009 was pretty good up until the evening and although the evening wasn't that bad, it really was down to bad planning on my part. The planning is so all important to keeping the weight off. Breakfast of porridge with the usual bits but only ate it quite late at about 12pm, so didn't really feel that hungry for lunch. A friend over from Norway came to visit for a bit, and I did have one slivver of very naughty Xmas cake, which is now firmly wrapped up and put away in the top of the cupboard!!! At about 5pm I had a lovely salad with some smoked salmon and fat free tzatziki and a half slice of bread. We headed off at about 7 to my cousins in Kent as we had promised to go over there. It was always due to be an emotional evening due to the fact it is their first new years eve without their Mom/Wife (my Uncle was there too) They had provided food - all snacky bits, and there was nothing at all even vaguely healthy!!! Interesting as they are all superfit and run marathons, so I guess they use the excercise to keep the weight down. I had 2 very small glasses of wine - probably not even 100ml each and a nibble on some crumbed chicken, a mini spring roll and a mini sausage roll. We then headed to the local pub (2 minuts walk from theirs) very interesting and my how dressed up everyone was, I infact felt a little underdressed!!! Funny how vastly different the fashion is 40 miles out of London!!!! Some gave me a glass of wine so I added loads of ice and just sipped on it. Also then ordered a diet coke which I drank and just pretended to drink the rest of the wine. It seems as long as you have a glass in your hand people do not question too closely!!! We headed back to theirs for midnight, and some other neighbours arrived, all very drunk and some dressed in fancy dress!! Quite a bizarre evening!! I had a glass and half of champagne at around midnight and by now I was absolutely starving!!! So I had 2 mince pies and some cheese and crackers with a bit of apple I found. They all got a bit tearful so when the other guests left we sat with them a bit, and headed home at 2am- beautiful but freezing night with a few snowflakes!!! I was so hungry when we got home, I had a muller rice heated up with some fruit compote and a cup of tea.

Day 26

Yesterday I woke up at about 10 and was feeling so guilty about the mince pies of the night before I decided to skip porridge and reverted to my old favourite of Sunshine breakfast - yoghurt with fresh fruit and a smattering of nuts and crazens!! I forgot just how much I love it!! Because I was still feeling emotional and I was just lurking at home I felt like snacking the entire day!! It was such a battle of wills going on for me not to eat. Bliss does not help as she seems to think if it is "fat free" or "low cal" it is ok to just snack - I have tried explaining to her that even so, it is no excuse to eat because then it proves that nothing has be learned and we are reverting to old behaviours or using food to soothe!! Lunch was at about 5pm - some left over roast beef, salad and 2 cracker breads (a fab bread alternative at only 20cal a slice). The hunger never really went away yesterday, so it felt like a battle all damn day!!!! Bliss made a very nice ham, cabbage and bacon casserole with tiny bit of potato in it for dinner - Really fantastic and filling!!!! Just right for this freezing weather. We had pud much much later of compote, jelly and yoghurt!! I had to dissuaed her 3 x to skip the skinny cow hot choc, the skinny cow ice cream and the low cal crisps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was also thrilled to get in at least 3l of water during the day.

Today has been good, so far, one cup of tea, black coffee, breakfast of porridge with banana, raisin and pecan and the usual spoon of fat free yoghurt. Snack has been a pink lady apple - yummy and sweet. I should probably think about some lunch, but might just hold off for dinner instead. Had a great time at PC World and finally got a new printer - wireless - woohoo. Came home and made a few compotes,and a huge pot of ratatouille!! Also found some lean pork mince on special at the supermarket so have a plan for some pork kofte with tzatziki and salad for tomorrow. Tonight I have planned something I have been craving for many many months, some Thai Green Curry!!! I found the skinny coconut milk and will be adding loads of veg to it for bulk along with skinless lean chicken breast. Cannot wait for it as it has always been a favorite!!

Well more later, hope so far the New Year has been good to you.

Jez
xx

 

[Jezebella]

Maintenance Day 28

I did end up making the thai curry last night and it was soooooo worth the wait! I loaded it with veg, broccoli, buternut, bamboo shoots and courgette. This with a little sticky rice and wow!! I really had forgotten how clean and sharp the flavours are in thai food. Pud was some apple and blueberry compote, sprinkled with the last bit of the Xmas pud and some ff vanilla yoghurt. I have been dying to make a nutty crumble type topping for some baked apple, but alas still no oven here so made do with pudding crumbs instead - it was delish. Hopefully the oven arrives tomorrow as promised. Cannot believe I havent had one for 12 days now. Had a skinny cow hot choc to end the evening off.

Today, because I slept in quite late, I ended up having a lunch and no breakfast. Lovely roast veg, some turkey breast, courgette, broccoli, red cabbage and gravy. Dinner was some grilled sirloin with mushrooms, grilled tomato and green leaf salad. Pud is my old favourite of flambed bananas with pecan, raisin and some banana muller light.

Water intake for both days has been good, and the scales showed a drop of 500g this morning, so hopefully I am getting things back on track. I didnt realise 3lbs would make me feel so panicky and it is such a tempting thought to just do packs to shift it really quickly, but if I don't learn how to manage this now I will be failing as I cannot go back on packs everytime I need to control my weight for the rest of my life. I am watching portion size, even if it is a low calorie item and asking myself before anything goes into my mouth if I really am hungry and really do need it? I cannot wait for class on Tuesday as a good chat in there and with LLC will help me get my head into a better place. Arrrrrrrgh the panic, the panic.....

Jez
xx

 

[slendablenda]

Thai curry sounds lovely Jez and some interesting, wholesome and tasty meal choices.
You are so right that this feeling makes us feel panicky. I suppose it's understandable when the whole focus for so long has been on a downward trend and then to plateau.
3lbs is not much at all - just enough
for a wake up call. You are responding better than me. I keep thinking what low calorie snacks CAN I have. Keep reminding myself about the water.
I hope you do get your oven tomorrow.
Some years ago I survived with a microwave, toaster, kettle and barbie for almost 4 months. I became very inventive and imaginative by the end, but was I pleased when my new cooker arrived.
Now i have a Stoves Range Cooker with gas hobsand griddle and 2 electric ovens. I love it.
You are doing really well hun.
I'm also looking forward to class tomorrow evening and back into normal work routine. All the Christmas treat foods are nearly gone. Cake and pud went out for the birds this morning. I wondered if their beaks would stick together or they'd get drunk on the brandy. Hopefully it kept them warm!

 

[Jezebella]

Lol SB I adore your description of the birds and the Xmas cake!!! I hope they got drunk and warm!! It sure is freezing out there. I am loving the inventiveness of no oven, but realistically I shouldnt be using the stove top atm either. I just am as I cannot live on microwave food and try to be healthy. I have managed to loose some of the 3lbs and I have no idea why when I eat less than Bliss and have drunk less apart from NYE where she was designated driver I seem more panicy and she seems to have put on less. It's not even like I ate that badly, and I so want to eventually live a normal life and not worry about every single thing I put into my mouth. I know it is normal for weight to go up and down, but I promised myself I would start the new year the same as when I ended the old. My clothes are not tighter so that is some small relief. I have about another 1lb or just over to get back to where I want to be weight wise. Still much lower then when I started RTM but it is my happy weight.

The reason I am so concerned about the snacking is this. We have loads of low cal snacks about, the skinny cow ice creams, hot choc etc. Em seems to be able to justify it by saying it is low cal etc etc. I personally worry about this as it then means nothing has changed, it still has a calorie value after all, yes it is a better choice, but it is still using food as a treat/medicine when we all managed fine in abstinence without. Occasionally it is ok, but when it starts to be hot choc every night I begin to worry, thus reigning it back in. I really cannot afford to fail in this now. I am never ever going back. It is one of my biggest fears.

Hope tomorrow is good to you, I still have 2 days off, but loads of bits and bobs to do.

Big hugs, hope you got my mail.

Jez
xx

 

[kenshin112]

hey Jez i am exactly the same with some things ie having a skinny cow hot choc i think to myself too much of it might not be good, but it just makes me exercise harder, do your log your food intake for the day hun? so you can see how many cals,fat,protein and carbs you are having?

 

[Jezebella]

I havent logged for a while Ken, because I was becoming slightly obsessive about it, and thought it would be a good idea to stop for a bit and see how I could manage my weight without the counting. I will probably start to log again tomorrow and do it for a week or so just to keep on track.

Jez
xx

 

[kenshin112]

ive come to log it including my exercise, so i can see calorie deflict and how many calories im consuming daily and its working wonders for me

 

[Jezebella]

Maintenance Day 29

The first month of maintenance almost over, and it has been even more of a rollercoaster than abstinence, or RTM. I think it is the lack of control that I really miss, or the boundries that I had during the process. It finally feels like I am getting back into a proper routine and so that is helping me feel more in control. Finally got the Xmas decs packed away today - kinda sad as it was such a beautiful tree. The house is now completely back to rights - bar 2 sets of glasses I still need to find homes for and finally the new oven arrived!!! Sorry you all call it a cooker in the UK. Breakfast was my usual porridge with half a banana 15 g raisins, 30g ff yoghurt 5ml honey and 5g pecan nuts - yes yes, I am logging again, and that is also helping me feel much more in control. I was a bit obsessive about it so decided to give it a break and have done for the past month, but I thought it would be a good idea to log again and see if was eating as much as I thought or still had it vaguely under control. Lunch was a bowl of winter veggie Covent Garden soup and dinner ended up being much later than expected. I was waiting for someone to arrive to pick something up, they were due at 6pm but were hugely delayed and only got here after 8!!! I didn't want to cook until they had gone. When we finally got round to christening the new oven, we had some of my favourite (been craving it too!) salmon fillet with a little extra light philly mixed with dill, and wholegrain mustard. Was really craving veggies too so had some broccoli, ratatouille, a few roasted roots, and 70g of cooked cous cous. Because the house is now sorted, we finally got to sit at the dining room table again and it was amazing how much better it felt to sit down and eat properly. You are just so much more conscious of the food and feel the fullness better. You also eat a whole lot more slowly. All these things have gone by the bye apart from a few meals when my folks were over, because of the Xmas tree taking up sooo much damn space!!! It felt really good.

I had 2 snacks today an apple and half a packet of salt and vinegar crack a jack rice snacks and 2 cups of tea with milk. So calories were as follows:

326cal for breakfast
209cal for lunch
145 cal for snacks
481 cal for dinner

Total so far for today : 1161cal

Not too bad, water consuption is almost at 2l not counting lots of black coffee and the 2 teas.

All in all I am feeling much better about things today and looking forward to WI tomorrow to see my LLC and have a good old chat about all this. I will carry on logging for the next few weeks and will end tonight with a muller light yoghurt and a jelly.

This takes my daily calorific intake to 1280cal. According to Food Focus to maintain my weight I should be on 1700 odd cal a day, so w00, if I can stick to around the 1300 mark for a bit that should help too.

Jez
xx

 

[kenshin112]

porridge i have to say is the perfect breakfast you can't fault it
and good stuff logging again

 

[Foxtrot]

If logging works for you, then log it! It's not harming anyone else and if you do things best with a bit of a boundary then it helps. There are plenty more worse obsessions out there!!!

 

[slendablenda]

That's true Foxy. Everyone is different.
I tell myself the same about my obsession for searching for bargains in charity shops. Problem is I'll need a new house soon to put them all in !

 

[Jezebella]

Maintenance Day 30

After feeling pretty good about myself and my eating at the end of the day yesterday, there was still no change on the scales this morning and I felt really miserable. Perhaps I need to do as Daisy and BL suggest and weigh less? I headed out to do a few chores and it was damn freeeeeeeezing!! Was so glad I had taken a cup of coffee with me, it took ages to defrost the car. My bottle of water that I keep in there was frozen solid!!!!! Got home and made the usual porridge with banana and bits. Had actually come very close to just having a pack instead, but really need to see a week through. The panic was just immense. I then settled down to have a good read of a book which is a rare treat for me whilst waiting for the hire company to collect the fridge. After that was sorted, I ended up having a small nap... another fabulous treat Then the great inner debate on "am I really hungry enough to eat lunch????" So I ended up having water, then more water, then even more water. This filled me up quite nicely so had a kids sized banana at about 4pm. Headed off to class just before 6.

It was just the best thing to be back, and to have the support of group and LLC again. Amazingly on his scales I am only up 1/2lb since my last WI a month ago so taking Xmas into account this isnt that bad, and perhaps I have been stressing for nothing? He was really happy with me and that alone made me feel great. Loads of my RTM group were there and a few people who were refocussing in January, so compared to most of my group who are back on packs for a while after Xmas I suppose I didn't do too badly. What was wonderful was the fact we all realised we were refocussing and stopping things in their tracks, and hearing everyones stories you see how far we have all com since this time last year. It really is so inspirational. Just the security of group and being able to chat made me feel much better. Dinner was the midnight breakfast, some 190g sliced lean ham, 1 egg scrambled on wholewheat toast, 90g baked beans, 1 grilled tomato and 75g root veg "chips". Have ended up leaving some of the egg on toast and some of the ham. Nice to see that for a change my stomach is smaller than my eyes!!! If I am hungry later I will have the last bit of ham. Pud I am not sure yet, but possibly some yoghurt and sugar free jelly. Or perhaps some apple compote.

A small sense of relief, but still want to get down to my happy weight on the home scales. The security blanket of going to class is awesome and I am excited at the thought of going back next week.

I also forgot to mention last night, that I have finally taken the bull by the horns so to speak, and have signed up to do a 4 week class in Burlesque Dancing. Something I have always wanted to do. Really looking forward to it and first class is this Saturday - not sure how I will be able to dance in heels but hey, good excercise, and hopefully a chance to meet a few single ladies who might want to go out on the town. This might also help with a bit of body confidence, because my feelings towards the flabby belly have still not gone. I also noticed that my legs are all saggy now too!!!

I am looking forward to summer and dreding it in equal quantity- all those skimpy clothes.

So thats the news for the day..... more tomorrow, and still no bloody snow in London, although at least they have been gritting - really looking foward to a snow day if poss!!!

Jez
xx

 

[daisydoll]

burlesque dancing - sounds great fun!

yes put the scales away - they are having an effect on your day and its a 'false' sense of happiness or negativity

well done on your weigh in!

stop stressing!!
daisy x

 

[sukie sue]

hey jez,
so nice to hear you sound positive again xxx
dont sweat the emotional stuff hun youve had a hof a ride under the security of the packs , it shakes most people up quite allot when they have to trust thier own judgement
ive posted on the refocus thread as i neeeeeeed so bad to get my head back right again :0)
speak soon
sue xx

 

[Jezebella]

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo Good to have you back babe, I have really missed you Lets get this cracked together!!! Cannot wait to hear all your news!!

Big Hugs

Jez
xx

 

[sukie sue]

good to be back hunnie , missed you all xxx

 

[slendablenda]

All that angst you gave yourself

for half a pound ! Chuck the scales in the Thames hun.
I just love the sound of the burlesque dancing. Can't wait to hear how it goes.

 

[Jezebella]

Nervous about it SB, but what the hell, it could be fun and at least I will learn a few tricks to turn me into an old screen siren ;P Might help in the bag a man stakes!!

SS shall we ressurect the May thread?

Jez
xx