Well I thought I would re-ignite the weight loss diary flame.
I start back on exante on Saturday. However, this time I am more relaxed and don't feel the need to un-hinge my mouth and eat lots of delicious food. I don't feel that I am never going to eat this food again and therefore I have capped my time in 100% TS for 12 weeks. After that I will have decided to either carry on because my weight loss hasn't been enough or slowly withdraw from the programme over a period of a month.
Also this time I intend to exercise; not sufficient amounts to make look like a red sweaty dying swan but enough to pevent any muscle wastage and to keep my metabolic rate tick along nicely.
However, I am worried about the hunger pangs, being tired and lightheaded, which, are all the symptoms I have had before when doing LL but less with my attempts on exante.
I feel like I am writing this diary like I did when I was a teenager and being honest and open. I dont expect anyone to read it or find it remotely interesting, but I does help me to feel like I am not on my own and if by reading other peoples diaries and for others to comment on mine then I would be extremely happy.
The start of exante always feels as though I need a hand to hold and each step is a major achievement. Even now before I start I reach out and hope someone is there who is able to say to me 'it's okay and all is well for today'. I have battled with my weight since I was a teenager and I don't have the children to explain my weight yo-yoing. I eat too much and then too little. For my height I never ate enough which sounds odd, but it caused an unknown relationship with food and at the ripe old age of nearly 37, I am still struggling. Therefore, this time has to be the last time that I find myself struggling. During this stage I want to examine why I put on weight, feel the need to eat after a bad day rather than look after myself and go to bed and rest.
I have a dream of a flat stomach, toned legs and wearing a white hot bikini and cowboy hat in Ibiza in 2015 when I am 40!!!! My partner is on the same journey and dreams for himself, but has comfortably said that for him he doesn't have vision of him in a hot white bikini, strange that!! Lol!!!!! However even with my partner by my side, I do look forward to reading posts and to feel the comfort of numbers.
I hope you are all well
To use an excellent phrase 'onwards and downwards'
Xxx