Saddlebag's Refeed

[Saddlebag]

Thanks Weasey, thanks HTBSS It is becoming less of an effort to eat well but I still consciously do most of it. I've not reached for a full fat coke in the shops for so long now though. It was such a weakness! On the other hand if I pop into the Co-op after work for milk etc I often find myself walking around thinking 'what can I eat right now?' It was such a habit of mine to nip in for toothpaste and come out with a packet of sandwiches, a bag of multipack crisps and a pork pie, or something like that... I've also started to pay for my fuel at the pump when I can now- to avoid going into the shop!!

Anyway, it's Friday, I got up at 5, did my exercise and weighed myself. I'm somewhere between 10.1 and 10.2. Yay! This is a good thing, because my brother and his girlfriend are coming up from London on Sunday which means a big family barbecue. My mum has asked me to do chocolate melty puddings, which I have agreed to do. She is getting chicken for me especially and is going to do some veggy kebabs so I can balance out the meal a bit!

 

[LucySera]

Balance and moderation is definately key - a little bit of what you really fancy won't do any harm, it's too much of what you kinda-'suppose you want to'-impulse buy/eat that tends to be problematic I think your approach to the BBQ sounds sensible, keep it clean and healthy for the most part and indulge in a little bit of dessert! I think this is what most slim people tend to do in the long-term. Well done you - you seem to have really gotten into the maintenance stride! You might still be learning as you go, but the proof is in your steady weight.

 

[Saddlebag]

Thanks Lucy. I am definitely still learning as I go!
I cannot believe how much I have treated my body like a dustbin this weekend. I've taken it too far with the sweet treats and have just craved sugar like mad. I've been asking myself "are you hungry? Do you need more food?" to which I have answered no and no. Then have eaten anyway. Just sweet stuff though- savoury food has been fine.
I had the lovely melty chocolate pud earlier after the barbecue. It was delicious. But a few hours later I was home and found myself baking cookies as I 'needed' more sugar!!!
I wouldn't say I feel guilty, because I know that tomorrow I will be eating my usual weekday foods and won't deviate from that. I also went for a run early this morning with the dog, about 3 miles, so feel like I've done my body some good despite filling it with crap.
So my lesson for today was more of a reminder than a lesson- sugar is ADDICTIVE!! I made 5 big cookies and ate 3, one after another. Then sat on the sofa thinking "I'm so full, how am I going to fit the other 2 in?" Then 'new me' appeared out the blue, I found myself in the kitchen squirting fairy liquid over the cookies saying "there you go, just solved your problem"...
I now have a massive sugar rush and if I didn't feel so full I'd be doing my 30 day shred to try and work off my very bloated tummy!
Although my current plan is working (eating well Monday to Friday, then doing what I like at weekends), I'm finding myself increasingly unsettled about the way I'm eating on Saturdays and Sundays. I know that I can get my weight back down during the week. I'm not worried about that aspect. So what is it? Is it that I'm out of control at the weekends? I can't put my finger on it. Is this what sugar does to my brain?! Any advice is welcomed.

 

[weasey]

First of all I just want to say how fantastic it is that you did the washing up liquid thing! To be able to stop part way through and decide not to do any more is fantastic and you should be very proud of the change in yourself.

If you are feeling uncomfortable with how you are eating on the weekends it may be useful to think abut why you eat, when you eat, where you eat, what you eat. Is it about dealing with emotions? Is it in secret? Try to analyse what you are feeling around the eating. It may be that you are supressing emotions which would be better dealt with, or it may be that the behaviour is fine but you have feelings of guilt associated with eating that type of food, or any other number of possible explanations. Spending time mulling on that will be time well spent and will allow you to understand your relationship with food better. Good uck!

 

[Saddlebag]

Thanks Weasey!
I've been racking my brain trying to think of what it is that makes me binge at the weekend- you must be right, it has to be an emotion. I have lovely friends, family close by who I see a lot, own my house, have a job I love... But have been really, really messed around by blokes recently and as a result am now completely closed to the idea of meeting somebody- I just don't want the heartache anymore which is what men in my life have made me feel for the last couple of years. I think as a result I'm happier BUT... I get lonely at the weekends, and bored. When all my friends are doing coupley stuff I end up sat at home alone and that's when I start I think. Also there's nobody to keep me in check and say "erm, you've just eaten 3 cookies in a row..."
Phew. I need to find some single friends!

 

[Saddlebag]

Back to 10.2 this morning.

The day started off well, with peach and fat free yoghurt for breakfast and an apple. Mid morning had a banana, then my usual small salad sandwich for lunch with a plum, satsuma and nectarine. Treated myself to a packet of snakajacks as they fit into my allowance.

Left work and stopped at the Co-op to get some more yoghurt and other bits. Came out with:
Fat free Greek yoghurt (well done me)
Sugar free squash (well done me)
Tinned peaches in juice (well done me)

Big bag of peanut M&Ms (no idea why)
Big bag of revels (nope... Still no idea)
White chocolate Magnum (it's been cold and windy here today so again, no idea)

Now. I do not know what was going on in my head. I wasn't hungry! I sat in the car and practically inhaled the Magnum, opened both bags of sweets and drove home shovelling them into my mouth. I felt sick after a couple of handfuls and didn't want any more. When I got to my mum's I gave them to her to throw them in her bin or for her to keep- I just didn't trust myself with them!

I then went home and put a huge jacket potato in the oven. I then had some rice cakes with sweetcorn relish on (yes, I know it's a revolting combination and have no idea what caused me to do it) and ate them. I heated up some beans for my potato and in a moment of wisdom put a garlic bread in that I'd found in the freezer.
When it was ready I ate the whole lot, except 2 slices of garlic bread that are left over. I am in so much pain from overeating and needless to say I feel extremely greedy!!

Yet again I'm in this weekend cycle of bingeing. After thinking about what Weasey said last week, I'm getting more and more convinced that this overeating at weekends is not always to do with the actual foods. I think that when I'm with a group of friends, having a barbecue on a Saturday for instance, I'm eating for pleasure/ hunger/ as a social thing. I don't have a problem with any of those reasons at the weekend. (During the week food is fuel ONLY). I think the problem is when I'm alone, or know I'm going to be alone, something inside me triggers me to eat. It may be comfort eating, but I suspect it goes deeper than that- I was always a 'secret' eater. I looked like I ate like a rabbit but at night time I would raid the fridge, or at school I'd go to the shop as well as having school lunch, at work I'd nip out for lunch and buy double- a pack of sandwiches to eat whilst walking then another to eat with my colleagues. Is it the fact that I know I am going to be free to eat without criticism? That I can eat less healthy foods without someone saying "I thought you were on a diet?" or "you'll get fat again!" I had a pack of snakajacks for lunch and a colleague said "I hope they're low calorie!" I wanted to shout "Who are you to tell me what I can and can't eat???!!!! If I want calories I'll damn well eat calories!!!" but I just politely laughed and assured him that they were fairly low calorie.
I'm not sure what's going on in my head but I'm trying to work it out. I may go and see the councillor that I saw a few years ago for eating issues.
Lesson of the day: Maintenance is NOT plain sailing...

 

[weasey]

Sorry to hear that you are having some difficulties. Maintenance is not easy for most of us. The important thing is to ask the questions you are asking - the whys - and try to understand where it is coming from. When I have unhelpful things I tend to be thinking only about eating what I'm craving - I need a way of reminding myself of the effect it has on my body - not just in fat but also in sugar level and the way I physically feel afterwards. I'm thinking of writing a little card up to remind me of those things and giving myself permission to eat anything - as long as I read the card first so as to remind myself.

On Dukan Consolidation I can have one 'Celebration' meal a week. At this meal I can eat anything I want and still be on the diet. But it's portion limited - no second helpings - one starter, one main course and one pudding - one glass of something. He stresses that it's one meal and not one day! It isn't an invitation to binge as it is portion limited. At the same time you can have anything which helps me to control my cravings - whatever food it is is not off limits I just can't have it today. I'm going for my first celebration meal on Tuesday - an Indian - and I'm a bit scared actually...

 

[Saddlebag]

I can totally relate to that Weasey- feeling scared of certain foods/ situations. You have the right frame of mind though, in that you have set your rules to stick to. One portion, enjoy it. I'm sure that you will enjoy it very much and it will satisfy you enough not to crave more.

Yesterday I ate a lot but didn't seem to binge as much. I had an egg on a small slice of toast for breakfast. I went to Loch Fyne for lunch and had a chicken liver parfait then mussels. Not exactly low calorie but I surprised myself by not wanting pudding- I just didn't want it. Was this because I was with my mum, who was always the person I'd hide my eating from the most? Was it because I had a small piece of chocolate and she said "be careful or you'll put it all back on?" I don't know. She knows me better than anybody else, so I know that when she makes remarks it's because I need keeping in check. Even though they make me a bit cross at the time!
It was an early lunch so at about 4.30 I was hungry and had a small bowl of soup at home. I made it so I know it's very low cal. I went to a friend's later and had a small bowl of chili and rice and a cookie.
So, no massive binges, I did eat quite a bit but there was no multipack-of-crisps or huge-batch-of-biscuits incidents.
Today I've had fat free yoghurt and fruit for breakfast. Might have soup for lunch as I'm having Chinese for dinner

 

[carrot_tit]

Hi Saddlebag, just wanted to say how much i enjoyed reading your diary. It's also given me hope that either though i won't be at my target when i begin to refeed i might actually lose some weight during refeed. I'll be uping my exercise routine once i'm into refeed so hoping it will help me tone up and get back into my old clothes which i can't quite fit in at the moment.

I'm looking forward to reading about more of your journey.

 

[Saddlebag]

Hi Saddlebag, just wanted to say how much i enjoyed reading your diary. It's also given me hope that either though i won't be at my target when i begin to refeed i might actually lose some weight during refeed. I'll be uping my exercise routine once i'm into refeed so hoping it will help me tone up and get back into my old clothes which i can't quite fit in at the moment.

I'm looking forward to reading about more of your journey.

Ah thanks It tends to be my ramblings and whinging about my lack of weekend control to be honest Maintenance really is a challenge!
In relation to your refeed, I'm of the opinion that the refeed boosts metabolism which is why I lost weight on it. I can't think why I did otherwise.
Exercise is a really good routine to get into... If you make it part of your new lifestyle, the more you do it the harder it is to give up! It's definitely helped me tone up, I use vitamin E cocoa butter too to try and keep my skin soft. After about 4 stone gone there's parts that are looking a bit 'empty' It's funny how your shape changes too- your clothes will fit in no time, in fact I bet you'll be buying new stuff as those clothes will be too big!

Well, I think I tempted fate earlier. Went to asda to get lettuce, cucumber and fat free yoghurt. I bought those things, + a big bag of beef and onion crisps and a big bar of milka with dime bar in it.... Ate it all in the car, it tasted soooooooo good... Oh and there were 2 chocolate waffles that fell into my mouth too. Whoops.
Anyway. What's done is done, it was a yummy feast. I've been very busy doing house stuff today so probably worked off half a waffle. I'm looking forward to tomorrow to be all strict again.

 

[yo-yo-dieter]

Hi Saddlebag

I've really enjoyed reading your diary, and it makes me inspired that it's possible for someone not to put all the weight back on the minute they stop SS-ing (like I did last time), but also that the 'danger' to slip into old habits will always be there.

Keep it up x

 

[Saddlebag]

Thanks Yo yo. The dangers are definitely still there- I will always love food and one of the reasons I chose to let myself have weekend freedom is that I know I can eat strictly during the week with an incentive. It's not ideal, but at the moment I feel that if I did go all out, rarely allowing myself treats, I'd totally come off the wagon. This way I get it out of my system by Monday and I'm ready to go again. Gradually I hope to totally regain control but it's a long journey! Good luck- if I can do it anybody can!

 

[Saddlebag]

10.2 this morning, yippee!

 

[GretaGrip]

Well done on maintaining !


I'm currently 2 or 3 weeks into something similar. I'm 5 ft 4 and attempting to maintain 9 stone 11 which I appear to be doing quite well so far. Early days though !

Enjoy reading your diary

 

[weasey]

You are doing fantastically Saddlebag! Well done!

 

[weasey]

And well done GretAGrip too!

 

[Saddlebag]

Thanks Weasey, and Gretagrip, you're both doing so well too! It's great how we have adjusted our lifestyles to make maintenance work for us. We should be very proud of ourselves

This weekend has been a bit of a a blowout again- had a big party on Friday and I drank a lot! Then on Saturday I had an awful hangover for most of the day and ate a lot of rubbish as a result.
Today I'm feeling it as I've piled pounds on and my tummy is bad, so I'll be relatively good today. I used to suffer from IBS and I'm feeling the symptoms a little this morning which is a good a sign as any that I cannot cope with an unhealthy diet.

 

[GretaGrip]

Thanks girls


I'd still like to lose another couple of lbs but just can't decide if I should . Hard to know when to stop isn't it ? I change the goalposts all the time

Very prone to binging too so have to be mindful of this . Stuffing my face in the car mindlessly is absolutely something I can see myself doing too! Hard habits to break aren't they ?

 

[Saddlebag]

I know what you mean Greta. Very often people around you will say "don't lose any more" but a lot of the time it's because they don't like change, or they don't like how it affects their own lives, and a load of other reasons.
I asked a very trusted friend to tell me if she thought I was losing too much and she has reassured me at times when others have said stuff that I look good and haven't lost too much.

Bingeing has always been my weakness- It's a bit like an addiction for me so I've treated it like giving up smoking. I used to binge constantly, every day. Now I do it at the weekends and it's easier than going cold turkey! Weasey helped me to realise why I was doing it. You really do have to look into why you're doing it rather than just trying to stop. I thought it was being lonely but I think it is actually when I'm alone I can eat secretly! Which is why I often binge in the car- nobody can see me do it.

Yesterday was a bit of an achievement for me. I had a monstrous Friday and Saturday. Loads of booze and terrible foods. Sunday I woke up and wasn't hungry at all- I didn't eat much all day, just fruit. I was busy cleaning and gardening. I had a stir fry later, and some malteasers... But today have woken up at 10.2 I'm going to try and use this head start to bump my weight down to 10 stone, then it'll be 4 stone.

 

[GretaGrip]

Ho are you getting on?