Cerulean
Silver Member
One thing I discovered about people in the last year is that they really don't think about you as much as you think they do. People may treat you more positively if you're skinny and wearing the shiny clothes and have freshly saloned hair, but it's also about creating a cycle of self care. I've seen men swoon over 20 stone bombshells with glossy hair and a lipstick pout that says 'I'm worth it' and pass over prettier girls in the 16s who were in a grubby top and greasy hair that said 'Don't even look at me'
I kept saying to my LLC all the way down through the weights that the weight was no longer what I was paying for. I've mentioned before on here, that the posts that bring me down the most on Minis are the ones when people say 'I only lost a lb - what's wrong with me?' I always feel like shouting - but what did you GAIN this week?! Did you notice that you can jump up the steps you always used to puff up, did you feel confident enough to be cheeky with the chap at the newsagent? Did you stand up for yourself in a meeting when normally you say nothing? I gained so much in self esteem and self control - how many diets have you honestly stuck to for more than a week before little cheats snuck in? How many diets lasted more than a month?
Whatever you feel yourself to be, Sez - and I'm not going to patronise you with beauty on the inside rubbish - you are a million times better than you were. Start first of all with the improvement in your health - I think in a lot of ways health is the foundation of beauty - if you're worrying or cranky you aren't smiling...looking after yourself is vital. Every day can be an ugly day if you let it be...it's the most dangerous trap of all - and as you've quite rightly recognised - if you feel like that you're not taking care of yourself.
I'd seriously ask your adult to have a word with that voice that says that you're not worth it (it's well intended - the voice wants to stop others from hurting by keeping you under their radar) - There's a Paul McKenna line from one of his CDs you can adapt where you thank the voice for protecting you from being hurt by others for so many years but now that you are taking control of your self esteem you would like to manage yourself in a more nurturing positive way.
I think you are coming very close to blossoming, Sarah...really and truly I do.
My thoughts on sabotage
Sabotage is protection from fear - there is a theory that the word came from a time during the Industrial Revolution in France when mill workers would throw their shoes (sabots) into the looms to stop them from working. They were doing damage to protect themselves from the fear of losing their livelihood. It's protection...you are trying to look after yourself - but in a non-productve way!
My thoughts on writing a new script
I can;t remember when I said it, but I gave a lot of thought to what iw anted to be on the other side of management and came down to the conclusions of what this article says.
I'll share the affirmation for my future that I started to build back then...it's a bit long but I needed to use certain words and be specific about some things. Now that my food choices have widened I am going to start to use it to see if it helps to control the binges.
My name is Sarah and I eat light, nourishing, quality meals when I am hungry. I enjoy rich food in appropriate portions on a daily basis without guilt and I am full of energy and light.
I am active in some way for at least an hour every day because I enjoy it!
Slimming down
One of the great things about abstinence is that I can go anywhere now and quite happily have just a pot of tea and a water and not feel deprived or like I should have ordered an entire meal! Even without food, LL adapted my behaviour into that of a sane, slim woman rather than an disciple of the Crazy Cake Queen! The binge behaviour is peculiar - but I separate it totally from my normal eating so that I don't confuse the two - eventually I am going to have to deal with healthy meals plus having just one slice of cake without running like a mad woman towards the nearest bakery. My ultimate goal is to be like I was after my Paul McKenna seminar - able to have a bar of chocolate in the house and help myself to the last chunk of it about 10 days after opening it because I was able to eat it a couple of pieces at a time when I felt like it. I want to have a biscuit tin that has biscuits in it that I don't empty at 10 o'clock at night because I thought that would make me feel better than a cup of chamomile tea and an early night.
I sort of have to pull all of this together - but I know I am heading in the right direction - I am not allowing my binges to scupper me - rather I understand that my Route to Management has to inevitable take me through some of them so that I can deal with them and come out the other side knowing that if I have them I can correct my behaviour afterwards, but also not to avoid the pain they are tying to smother, but look at what I was trying to hide with sugar and fat. They are cries for help - and in the old days I would just ignore them until the cries got louder.
I kept saying to my LLC all the way down through the weights that the weight was no longer what I was paying for. I've mentioned before on here, that the posts that bring me down the most on Minis are the ones when people say 'I only lost a lb - what's wrong with me?' I always feel like shouting - but what did you GAIN this week?! Did you notice that you can jump up the steps you always used to puff up, did you feel confident enough to be cheeky with the chap at the newsagent? Did you stand up for yourself in a meeting when normally you say nothing? I gained so much in self esteem and self control - how many diets have you honestly stuck to for more than a week before little cheats snuck in? How many diets lasted more than a month?
Whatever you feel yourself to be, Sez - and I'm not going to patronise you with beauty on the inside rubbish - you are a million times better than you were. Start first of all with the improvement in your health - I think in a lot of ways health is the foundation of beauty - if you're worrying or cranky you aren't smiling...looking after yourself is vital. Every day can be an ugly day if you let it be...it's the most dangerous trap of all - and as you've quite rightly recognised - if you feel like that you're not taking care of yourself.
I'd seriously ask your adult to have a word with that voice that says that you're not worth it (it's well intended - the voice wants to stop others from hurting by keeping you under their radar) - There's a Paul McKenna line from one of his CDs you can adapt where you thank the voice for protecting you from being hurt by others for so many years but now that you are taking control of your self esteem you would like to manage yourself in a more nurturing positive way.
I think you are coming very close to blossoming, Sarah...really and truly I do.
My thoughts on sabotage
Sabotage is protection from fear - there is a theory that the word came from a time during the Industrial Revolution in France when mill workers would throw their shoes (sabots) into the looms to stop them from working. They were doing damage to protect themselves from the fear of losing their livelihood. It's protection...you are trying to look after yourself - but in a non-productve way!
My thoughts on writing a new script
I can;t remember when I said it, but I gave a lot of thought to what iw anted to be on the other side of management and came down to the conclusions of what this article says.
I'll share the affirmation for my future that I started to build back then...it's a bit long but I needed to use certain words and be specific about some things. Now that my food choices have widened I am going to start to use it to see if it helps to control the binges.
My name is Sarah and I eat light, nourishing, quality meals when I am hungry. I enjoy rich food in appropriate portions on a daily basis without guilt and I am full of energy and light.
I am active in some way for at least an hour every day because I enjoy it!
Slimming down
One of the great things about abstinence is that I can go anywhere now and quite happily have just a pot of tea and a water and not feel deprived or like I should have ordered an entire meal! Even without food, LL adapted my behaviour into that of a sane, slim woman rather than an disciple of the Crazy Cake Queen! The binge behaviour is peculiar - but I separate it totally from my normal eating so that I don't confuse the two - eventually I am going to have to deal with healthy meals plus having just one slice of cake without running like a mad woman towards the nearest bakery. My ultimate goal is to be like I was after my Paul McKenna seminar - able to have a bar of chocolate in the house and help myself to the last chunk of it about 10 days after opening it because I was able to eat it a couple of pieces at a time when I felt like it. I want to have a biscuit tin that has biscuits in it that I don't empty at 10 o'clock at night because I thought that would make me feel better than a cup of chamomile tea and an early night.
I sort of have to pull all of this together - but I know I am heading in the right direction - I am not allowing my binges to scupper me - rather I understand that my Route to Management has to inevitable take me through some of them so that I can deal with them and come out the other side knowing that if I have them I can correct my behaviour afterwards, but also not to avoid the pain they are tying to smother, but look at what I was trying to hide with sugar and fat. They are cries for help - and in the old days I would just ignore them until the cries got louder.