Thread: Amy's Diary

Aaah this isthe second time I have had to write this as didn’t post the first time.

I am surethe support is invaluable though. I havebeen reading for a few days and I would really like to become involved so heregoes:

A bit aboutme first,
I havealways been overweight. A larger childand when I went to secondary school I was 5ft 2 and 10 stone. Yes chubby but not horrific and no saggy skinas only 12. I wish I had maintainedthat! Oh well, first year at secondary school I gained 3 stone and pretty muchstayed that for the durations (down to 12.7 and up to 13.10)
When I got pregnantat 20 I thought wahay, no need to diet and ballooned to 20 stone.
Weightwatchers after 6 week check took me to 17 stone…stayed there for ages
SlimmingWorld in 2007 slimmed to 14 stone after 2^nd baby
Then lastyear I lost another stone taking me back to the familiar 13stone. At 5ft 4in and a BMI of 32 I am obese and thebody is older, stretchmarked and sagging but it is 13 stone…again.

Gained someChristmas weight and on return to SW after Christmas could not continue withthe lb on lb off diet any more. I justwant to get to my healthy weight once and for all and maintain it and as it’sthe last year of my 20s I would like to have been thin once in that time.

I am overweightbecause I am a binger my meals are healthy Vegan typical day is
Bfast: BranFlakes
Lunch:Sandwich
Dinner: Tofuand Rice
Snacks:Fruit
BUT: thenthere are those days where I eat 5000 calories in one go and destroy mykitchen. All the kids lunchbox stuff,biscuits, cake, chocolate crisps, and I will go to the shop for more. Until I feel sick.

I hope CWPcan help me to achieve my healthy weight and reset all my bad eating habits soI can maintain it.
I lookforward to getting to know you all. (well, less and less of you of course!)

Day 1: Saturday 9th February

Met CWPC today at 12:30
Had Bran Flakes for Breakfast
Weighed in at 13st8lb so have set myself a 3 stone target.
Had vegetable soup for lunch and then mint choc shake for dinner.
Felt ok but had normal food for bfast.

Felt very keen and excited. Although I don't want to announce it to too many. Just kids and boyfriend.

Woke up today feeling ok but then still had real food in me.

Went to cinema with kids and they had popcorn and sweets and I had water.

Breakfast was maple porridge which was ok but still tastes 'diety'

I made up a toffee and walnut shake in the car as they had their lunches.

Sat with Leek and Potato soup as they had chinese for CNY.

All ok for today.

Amy xx

Day 3: Monday 11th Feb

Well today I felt awful
Woke up with the shakes and felt faint in the shower
Had apple and cinnamon porridge but had to go and have a lay down again as felt so bad like I was going to pass out.

Think Boyf was worried
Pushed through but felt like I was in a trance driving to work
Then at about 30 mins into journey I had a moment of clarity and it all passed.
Lunch: tomato soup (yum)
Dinner: Vanilla shake
Reading the forums has become really helpful and I have been inspired to continue.

Amy xx

Day 4:

Bfast: Porridge Maple and Pecan
Lunch: Veggie Soup
Dinner: Butterscotch Shake

All ok, feel fine. I do want to eat but I can't say I am hungry. No rumbles or anything, just a desire to eat stuff.

I am finding that I take ages to drink a shake or soup not because it is not nice but beacsue I want to savour it and enjoy it and I know I won't get anything else for 6 hours! I hope it's the start of a good habit for when I can eat food again.

Amy xx

You can do this, this site is brilliant for support

Hi Amy, well done on embarking on the CWP and good luck with your 3 stone target, I agree I'm finding reading through people's diaries a real help and motivator x

Thank you so much. Yeah I hope I can offer mutual support. I really believe I have an addiction as strong as smoking or drugs as I know what's good and bad for me but powerless to stop myself. So I am on CDP for abstinence. Cold turkey. Like other addicts have to.
Xx

Hi Amy.
you will do it....There is a lot of support here...After the first WI you will be flying.
xxxxxx

Day 5:

Bfast: fruits of forest shake
Lunch: tomato soup
Dinner: choc orange shake

Feel ok again today although totally addicted to this site which helps so much....although little work gets done :-(

Only thing is as I am veggie normally the smell of meat is not pleasant however I think because I am food deprived I am craving anything as my boyfs chicken smelt amazing last night and pepperoni pizza tonight. Took some sniffs but resisted. Kids also made valentines cards for friends and put Lindor Chocolates in the cards so I do admit to putting my face into the bag and taking a huge sniff....smelt amazing.
But I keep telling myself I have dieted for 12 years and not been slim. 12 weeks and it's all over. I can go without for that long.

Almost only 11 to go! Xx

YOU CAN DO IT HUN!!!

Day 6:
Bfast: toffee shake
Lunch: Leek and Potato soup
Dinner: choc mint shake

So today at work a group of people on our training day ordered 5 dominos pizzas to share. Fortunately I wasn't in the groups that ordered so technically I couldn't have any but the smell was divine and I worried I would want to eat after work. I do really want something to eat but at the moment I am aware I want to be a healthy weight more so another successful day. But hey it's only week one. I am thinking about doing SS+ next week tho as losses seem to be the same on forum. Plus first invite out Tuesday to a Thai restaurant.
1. I don't want to go as I don't want to eat
2. If I go I may order something relatively safe but I worry it will open the flood gates
3. I don't want to explain why I can't go or take my own 'special food' as they are close friends and I don't want them to think 'oh she's on another diet' never gets anywhere etc
Hmmm what to do...

Originally Posted by Last_Timer

Day 6:
Bfast: toffee shake
Lunch: Leek and Potato soup
Dinner: choc mint shake

So today at work a group of people on our training day ordered 5 dominos pizzas to share. Fortunately I wasn't in the groups that ordered so technically I couldn't have any but the smell was divine and I worried I would want to eat after work. I do really want something to eat but at the moment I am aware I want to be a healthy weight more so another successful day. But hey it's only week one. I am thinking about doing SS+ next week tho as losses seem to be the same on forum. Plus first invite out Tuesday to a Thai restaurant.
1. I don't want to go as I don't want to eat
2. If I go I may order something relatively safe but I worry it will open the flood gates
3. I don't want to explain why I can't go or take my own 'special food' as they are close friends and I don't want them to think 'oh she's on another diet' never gets anywhere etc
Hmmm what to do...

If they're really friends they won't think that way at all - they'll be supportive. They've watched you struggle on SW. Why shouldn't you try something different? Just tell them you wanted to take food out of the equation. If I were you, I wouldn't eat. it's too soon to be able to trust yourself. No reason why you can't go with them, but just don't eat with them. Or ask if you can arrange something else that doesn't involve eating, like a trip to the cinema.

You're right in that the losses on SS+ are broadly the same as on SS but given your history I think I'd try to stay on SS for a little while longer. I might be wrong but I think you may be someone who needs to steer clear of "real food" for the time being, just to get you off to the best possible start.

Thanks Lily. Yeah def I would like to stay longer on SS really. I do worry a small meal won't be enough and will start off a hunger. Think I will skip meal. I can always use excuse of 'haven't got Childcare'. It's a shame but until I can say I've lost X amount on this diet so it must work I really don't feel I can share that I am on it. It is a baby shower/maternity leave meal for my closest friend who is the same height as me (5f4in) and a natural 8st 6.....we have had disagreements before over diets I have done but she doesn't get it's not about eating per say it's the psychological stuff. I know what's good and bad but I am compulsive.
Think I am just gonna steer clear for now whilst doing well and being focused this week.

Day 7: woo yay a whole week.
Bfast : vanilla shake
Lunch : apple porridge
Dinner: choc orange shake

Perfectly good day at work today. Felt fine and it was nice to feel fuller after having porridge for lunch.
It is half term now and I am currently laying on the bed utterly knackered and drained, maybe from work maybe from lack of food/cals. But there is no way I am doing anything tonight to ruin weigh in tomorrow. Hoping a good loss will motivate me over half term. :-/