i am starting my diary and hoping that its will help me stay focused and be something to reflect on when tempted or losing my battle.
i was always a chubby kid and never felt feminine at 5ft 9" since I was 13, I spent most of my teenage years going up on down between a 14-16 and on entering my twenties that became 14-18
i put 4 stone on in both my pregnancies and did manage to loses most of that, but it was when I stopped smoking about 6 years ago that I think things became bad. I was 15.9 at my heaviest but became ill with gallstones and lost 3 of that. I felt like fraud. People were saying well done etc and giving my compliments, but I knew deep down I'd made no real effort it was the gallstones.
In the last 2 years. I have lost 2 stone each spring and spent the remainder of the year putting it all back on. I am always outgoing and seen as the funny one etc. but after being made redundant at Xmas my confidence crashed and I started having panic attacks and became really down. I was very reluctant to go to the doctors( having never gone through this before)but I did started taking sertraline and began counselling. This was a real turning point for me as the counsellor identified many issues i have...daughter with needs, losing my dad etc and we discussed how I comfort ate and drank. So I am empowering myself and taking the fatty in me on in a battle. I want to say that I'm sad instead of eat when I'm sad and rebuild myself.
I'm am surprised I've been so frank on here....I guess it's the sort of anonymity that frees me. I couldn't tell my friends most of what I have just fessed up on here.
I am looking forward to my future and hope to lose another 3lb tomorrow. Fingers crossed.