Blue's Daily Diary
- Thread starter Blue Butterfly
- Start date
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
My pets are pretty much the reason I am still alive, they are my life and they are my babies 
The rspca lady just left and I PASSED the homecheck :happy036:
Because the branch is only a little one they don't have too many dogs in so I won't get a foster doggy just yet but they have a pair of dogs in that need to be separated (they keep fighting but pine for each other when alone, bless them) and 1 of them is a collie x and she is the one that *might* be coming here at some point.
They also have lots of staffies needing spaces apparently but no-one ever wants to foster them so they have to send them off to other rescues/fosters
So that all went well and today's eating is going well.
Yay for the good day!
The rspca lady just left and I PASSED the homecheck :happy036:
Because the branch is only a little one they don't have too many dogs in so I won't get a foster doggy just yet but they have a pair of dogs in that need to be separated (they keep fighting but pine for each other when alone, bless them) and 1 of them is a collie x and she is the one that *might* be coming here at some point.
They also have lots of staffies needing spaces apparently but no-one ever wants to foster them so they have to send them off to other rescues/fosters
So that all went well and today's eating is going well.
Yay for the good day!
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
Urgh happy feeling has gone, I bloody well hate depression...my moods just change without any warning most of the time :cry:
So I'm sitting here thinking lots of bad things and making myself feel awful
So I'm sitting here thinking lots of bad things and making myself feel awful
PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
Would some mindfulness help you lovely? Essentially it's forcing yourself to stop thinking about it, concentrating on your breathing and snapping your attention back if it starts to wander? Perhaps in its place you can focus on your awesome fostering! And what it will mean for you - getting you out more, playing with the doggies/pets, furry hot water bottles flopping across your feet (mine always do!), them pretending to listen to you telling them they're not allowed in the bed whilst stretched out on said bed with their paws in the air and their head on the pillows....(!) (yeah... they get away with murder!)
You can do it love!
You can do it love!
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
Thanks PSP, I am having a hard time right now and I'm trying so hard to stay positive but when that black cloud starts forming it's like I can't think about anything good, the feeling of...nothingness/sadness is almost a physical ache
I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, the last couple of years things have just gotten worse.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about things, my doctor has referred me to see a psychiatrist, psychologist and a gp counsellor but I've not had an appointment for any yet.
I used to have a cpn, did have for 4 years and that really helped but they decided they couldn't help me any more and left!
Maybe I'll write a bit in this diary about what's been going on just to get some things out of my head...people don't have to read if they don't want to, it'll just be nice to 'talk about things' even if it is just to my diary.
Going to have an early night and hope I feel more upbeat in the morning.
I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, the last couple of years things have just gotten worse.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about things, my doctor has referred me to see a psychiatrist, psychologist and a gp counsellor but I've not had an appointment for any yet.
I used to have a cpn, did have for 4 years and that really helped but they decided they couldn't help me any more and left!
Maybe I'll write a bit in this diary about what's been going on just to get some things out of my head...people don't have to read if they don't want to, it'll just be nice to 'talk about things' even if it is just to my diary.
Going to have an early night and hope I feel more upbeat in the morning.
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
I still feel pretty 'off' this morning, I wish depression gave us some warning or something so we could prepare for when it comes! My days like this can last just hours, days, weeks or months...I just never know.
I don't know if it happens to anyone else but when it starts happening I get this weird feeling in my whole body and all of a sudden feel 'down' and instantly feel worthless and start thinking negative thoughts.
Anyway, today is a food 'UP' day, yay!
Weirdly on my up days I don't want to go mad and eat rubbish like I would on a normal diet (although this is more a lifestyle change than a diet)
I bought a multi-pack of walkers baked crisps last Friday, crisps are my down fall and I used to eat about 2 family sized bags a day!, I haven't even wanted any of the crisps and haven't had a bag yet. I guess I'm also a little worried that if I do crave them and have some that I'll eat the whole lot!
Have a great Monday everyone. x
I don't know if it happens to anyone else but when it starts happening I get this weird feeling in my whole body and all of a sudden feel 'down' and instantly feel worthless and start thinking negative thoughts.
Anyway, today is a food 'UP' day, yay!
Weirdly on my up days I don't want to go mad and eat rubbish like I would on a normal diet (although this is more a lifestyle change than a diet)
I bought a multi-pack of walkers baked crisps last Friday, crisps are my down fall and I used to eat about 2 family sized bags a day!, I haven't even wanted any of the crisps and haven't had a bag yet. I guess I'm also a little worried that if I do crave them and have some that I'll eat the whole lot!
Have a great Monday everyone. x
PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
You are entitled to rant as much as tou want lovely, it's your diary and we're here to help you as much as we can
I really REALLY hope that you find some form of peace and help with the doctors suggestions and that you feel 'better' in some way as soon as possible thinking of you love xxx
I really REALLY hope that you find some form of peace and help with the doctors suggestions and that you feel 'better' in some way as soon as possible
thinking of you love xxxBlue Butterfly
Gold Member
Thanks again PSP, I love this section of the forum, you lot are so lovely.
Yesterday was a 'down' food day and I only had 500 calories, when I went to bed I was a bit hungry and was looking forward to breakfast this morning...I've been up ages and I'm not hungry at all so haven't eaten yet. It's all so weird!
Had a sneaky hop on the scales and I've lost 3lbs this week already, even if I don't lose any more by Friday I'll be happy with that.
I sort of keep thinking 'oh if I was on a vlcd I'd be losing weight quicker' but then I have to remind myself that although the weight loss may be quicker I do not stick to it for more than a week so in the long term the weight loss is less!
This way (calorie counting) may give me lower losses than a vlcd but I will stick to it for longer so I'll lose more weight.
My head is a funny place to be sometimes!
Yesterday was a 'down' food day and I only had 500 calories, when I went to bed I was a bit hungry and was looking forward to breakfast this morning...I've been up ages and I'm not hungry at all so haven't eaten yet. It's all so weird!
Had a sneaky hop on the scales and I've lost 3lbs this week already, even if I don't lose any more by Friday I'll be happy with that.
I sort of keep thinking 'oh if I was on a vlcd I'd be losing weight quicker' but then I have to remind myself that although the weight loss may be quicker I do not stick to it for more than a week so in the long term the weight loss is less!
This way (calorie counting) may give me lower losses than a vlcd but I will stick to it for longer so I'll lose more weight.
My head is a funny place to be sometimes!
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
Did my Leslie Sansone 1 mile walk and 5 minutes on my exercise bike. Can only manage 5 mins at a time on the bike but I figure 5 minutes is better than none.
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
Today's food - Mon 18th Aug 2014. Day 11
Going to try and eat more calories today, MFP says I should be having about 1800 a day and the 4:3 diet calculators say up to 3000 on 'up' days! So I could eat a little more and still lose weight.
Breakfast
- 100g (unpeeled) banana
- 45g shreddies
- 150ml semi skimmed milk
- Tesco low fat toffee yogurt
Lunch
- 200g new potatoes, boiled
- 200g heinz reduced salt and sugar baked beans
- 200g tesco healthy living coleslaw
Dinner
- 2 kingsmill wholemeal rolls
- 10g clover original spread
- 2 slices quorn peppered beef style slices
- 1 packet of walkers baked cheese and onion crisps
Total calories - 1567
Total fat - 45g
Going to try and eat more calories today, MFP says I should be having about 1800 a day and the 4:3 diet calculators say up to 3000 on 'up' days! So I could eat a little more and still lose weight.
Breakfast
- 100g (unpeeled) banana
- 45g shreddies
- 150ml semi skimmed milk
- Tesco low fat toffee yogurt
Lunch
- 200g new potatoes, boiled
- 200g heinz reduced salt and sugar baked beans
- 200g tesco healthy living coleslaw
Dinner
- 2 kingsmill wholemeal rolls
- 10g clover original spread
- 2 slices quorn peppered beef style slices
- 1 packet of walkers baked cheese and onion crisps
Total calories - 1567
Total fat - 45g
Last edited:
PurpleRoses
Gold Member
well done on the loss hun!!!
moonwatcher
Gold Member
Awww Blue, sorry you are having a tough time of it at the moment. I have to say you are doing fantastically with the weight loss, and fostering the dogs is wonderful. It's a very selfless thing to do, I'm not sure I could do it myself.
Re your changing states of mind... a couple of ideas. They may seem a bit way out, so feel free to ignore them if you want, because I realise it can be very annoying when people who have no real personal experience or even understanding of a problem start to offer their pet solutions. They are both personal experiences to me though, so I will throw then into the mix.
I've mentioned in my diary, or somewhere recently, that I am gluten/wheat intolerant. Now I have sort of known this for years without realising how much it affected me. Once I finally gave it up, I noticed all sorts of changes that went far beyond the expected 'stomach issues.' On doing a bit more research I found that all of these had been linked to wheat for sensitive people. One biggie was mood changes - I was amazed at the difference in my mood. Now if I give in and indulge I notice a very quick change in my mood to negative, depressed, down, can't be bothered to get out of bed, snappy, pessimistic, the list goes on.
The explanation is apparently to do with the blood/brain barrier and the effect the gluten protein has there. I say apparently because a) I am writing from memory, and b) I'm not qualified to say if this is true or not. The awful thing was that before giving it up properly, I battled against this nearly all the time, because I ate it every day, some days every meal. Now hun, I am not diagnosing you, but I did notice quite a lot of wheat in your food list on Saturday. Could be total co-incidence as this is definitely not a one size fits all thing, but maybe you could consider it and experiment. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.
The other thing I was thinking depends on how you feel about alternative remedies, but in the past I have used Bach Flower Remedies, with great success. If you google it, you will find loads of info, including how to decide which you need. From memory I think Mustard is for those 'black dog' times. (It doesn't taste anything like mustard btw). There is always the argument that they have a placebo effect, although I used to use them on my dog's fear of thunderstorms too, very successfully. But, to be honest, if it works, do we honestly care if it is because of a placebo effect or not? Some people think more conventional routes like counselling, have a placebo element to them as well, but I say if it works for a person, it's good enough!
As I say, feel free to ignore both of these, I won't be offended, and like Princess, really hope that you find a way through, whatever route and whichever method is good for you.
As for ranting, it's your diary, I say rant away! We are here to support you, and we all know how our moods can affect how easily we can stick to our eating plans, so it is all part of the support network. xxx
Re your changing states of mind... a couple of ideas. They may seem a bit way out, so feel free to ignore them if you want, because I realise it can be very annoying when people who have no real personal experience or even understanding of a problem start to offer their pet solutions. They are both personal experiences to me though, so I will throw then into the mix.
I've mentioned in my diary, or somewhere recently, that I am gluten/wheat intolerant. Now I have sort of known this for years without realising how much it affected me. Once I finally gave it up, I noticed all sorts of changes that went far beyond the expected 'stomach issues.' On doing a bit more research I found that all of these had been linked to wheat for sensitive people. One biggie was mood changes - I was amazed at the difference in my mood. Now if I give in and indulge I notice a very quick change in my mood to negative, depressed, down, can't be bothered to get out of bed, snappy, pessimistic, the list goes on.
The explanation is apparently to do with the blood/brain barrier and the effect the gluten protein has there. I say apparently because a) I am writing from memory, and b) I'm not qualified to say if this is true or not. The awful thing was that before giving it up properly, I battled against this nearly all the time, because I ate it every day, some days every meal. Now hun, I am not diagnosing you, but I did notice quite a lot of wheat in your food list on Saturday. Could be total co-incidence as this is definitely not a one size fits all thing, but maybe you could consider it and experiment. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.
The other thing I was thinking depends on how you feel about alternative remedies, but in the past I have used Bach Flower Remedies, with great success. If you google it, you will find loads of info, including how to decide which you need. From memory I think Mustard is for those 'black dog' times. (It doesn't taste anything like mustard btw). There is always the argument that they have a placebo effect, although I used to use them on my dog's fear of thunderstorms too, very successfully. But, to be honest, if it works, do we honestly care if it is because of a placebo effect or not? Some people think more conventional routes like counselling, have a placebo element to them as well, but I say if it works for a person, it's good enough!
As I say, feel free to ignore both of these, I won't be offended, and like Princess, really hope that you find a way through, whatever route and whichever method is good for you.
As for ranting, it's your diary, I say rant away! We are here to support you, and we all know how our moods can affect how easily we can stick to our eating plans, so it is all part of the support network. xxx
PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
I always find a short walk always cheers me up. It was strange, I was going to the supermarket for milk a couple of weeks ago. It was TOTM and I left the house in a foul mood but by the time I'd gotten all of 10 minutes away, I actually felt myself cheer up. I know TOTM blues are nothing compared to what you battle daily but if it may help you feel a little bit better I thought I'd mention it
Was also feeling a little rough this afternoon after a morning with a banging headache and took myself out in the garden to do some gardening for an hour - that worked too. There's something in this fresh air stuff!
HUGE congrats for the loss - hope it continues love and well done on keeping mobile too!
Was also feeling a little rough this afternoon after a morning with a banging headache and took myself out in the garden to do some gardening for an hour - that worked too. There's something in this fresh air stuff!
HUGE congrats for the loss - hope it continues love
and well done on keeping mobile too! Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
Thank you both for your lovely replies.
Moonwatcher I was tested earlier this year for about a billion (ok I may be exaggerating a teeny bit!) food allergy/intolerance things and apparently there is nothing wrong there. Did elimination diets and had some blood tests, I didn't feel any different cutting things out but maybe something has changed, I don't know.
I am interested in natural remedies, don't like taking pills for depression and anxiety they make me feel weird and I gain weight!
So I will be looking in to that, thank you
My doctor put ALL my meds up in June and added a sleeping tablet because I had to go through a court case (I was the victim, not the one in trouble!) and I was having such a hard time I almost succeeded in killing myself right before the trial started because I was that scared.
My doctor said she would put my meds up to 'get me through it' and then make sure I had some talking therapy for afterwards, well the court case is over and I still don't have any appointments for any therapists! I need to talk to someone about the whole thing, it is in my head all the time.
Anyway I stopped taking all my medication (stupid I know) a few weeks ago that probably hasn't helped my moods.
PSP, I think getting out in the fresh air helps too. I have a nice little garden I like to potter about in...I'm tempted to take my laptop outside and do my Leslie Sansone walks out there sometimes!
I had to go with my mum at 4pm to take her poorly cat to the vet, sadly her cat had to be put to sleep It's always horrible to lose a pet but my mum is disabled and pretty much housebound unless someone can take her out and her cat was her companion.
But I hadn't eaten lunch before I went and by the time I got back (just before 5pm) I was soooo hungry and I was upset and the first thing I thought was to eat something 'naughty'...but I didn't because I thought about what the scales might say on Friday, so I weighed out some potatoes and put them on to boil and had a big drink of water and will have a late lunch in about 5 minutes (this calorie counting seems to be teaching me a thing or two!)
Moonwatcher I was tested earlier this year for about a billion (ok I may be exaggerating a teeny bit!) food allergy/intolerance things and apparently there is nothing wrong there. Did elimination diets and had some blood tests, I didn't feel any different cutting things out but maybe something has changed, I don't know.
I am interested in natural remedies, don't like taking pills for depression and anxiety they make me feel weird and I gain weight!
So I will be looking in to that, thank you
My doctor put ALL my meds up in June and added a sleeping tablet because I had to go through a court case (I was the victim, not the one in trouble!) and I was having such a hard time I almost succeeded in killing myself right before the trial started because I was that scared.
My doctor said she would put my meds up to 'get me through it' and then make sure I had some talking therapy for afterwards, well the court case is over and I still don't have any appointments for any therapists! I need to talk to someone about the whole thing, it is in my head all the time.
Anyway I stopped taking all my medication (stupid I know) a few weeks ago that probably hasn't helped my moods.
PSP, I think getting out in the fresh air helps too. I have a nice little garden I like to potter about in...I'm tempted to take my laptop outside and do my Leslie Sansone walks out there sometimes!
I had to go with my mum at 4pm to take her poorly cat to the vet, sadly her cat had to be put to sleep
It's always horrible to lose a pet but my mum is disabled and pretty much housebound unless someone can take her out and her cat was her companion.But I hadn't eaten lunch before I went and by the time I got back (just before 5pm) I was soooo hungry and I was upset and the first thing I thought was to eat something 'naughty'...but I didn't because I thought about what the scales might say on Friday, so I weighed out some potatoes and put them on to boil and had a big drink of water and will have a late lunch in about 5 minutes (this calorie counting seems to be teaching me a thing or two!)
PrincessSparklePants
Little Miss Christmas
I'm so sorry that you've had to go through everything you have lovely I'm very very glad you weren't successful though! HUGE hugs my darling! If you ever need to talk my inbox is always open
I'm sorry to hear about your mums cat too It's heartbreaking to lose a pet, they're a member of the family just like humans are. another huge huge hug for both of you!
I'm very very glad you weren't successful though! HUGE hugs my darling! If you ever need to talk my inbox is always open I'm sorry to hear about your mums cat too
It's heartbreaking to lose a pet, they're a member of the family just like humans are. another huge huge hug for both of you! 
Karens100dayys
Full Member
Aww what a crappy weekend so sorry to hear about your mums cat and all the sadness your having to hold in take care lovely x x
Sent from my SM-T210 using MiniMins.com mobile app
Sent from my SM-T210 using MiniMins.com mobile app
apico04
Full Member
Hi!
Something I did and am doing to beat the whole depressions, poor pity me attitude, and just any general negative feeling I have is watching really funny TV Shows, Movies or anything else that will put a smile on my face. Between the laughs and my own consciousness working together it really helps me stay in perspective of what my goals are and why I am so lucky to be alive and on this journey. In the morning when I dont want to go for my walk or when my family orders pizza I always talk to myself before my instincts kick in and ruin my day or week. Some days are harder than most but for everyone of those days that I get through I hold it that much closer to my heart than the days that seem to fly by like a cool breeze. Every win counts and based on what I've read I believe you have a whole lot of them so dont ever forget because you earned them.
The way I look at it, in even the wort of days I know that watching Scrubs, Friends, The New Girl or even some silly cartoons with my nephew will at least give me short window to distract myself and regroup for the rest of the day.
Hope I helped and if you ever need someone to chat with done hesitate to shot me a PM.
Take Care & Smile...Your Doing Great!
Something I did and am doing to beat the whole depressions, poor pity me attitude, and just any general negative feeling I have is watching really funny TV Shows, Movies or anything else that will put a smile on my face. Between the laughs and my own consciousness working together it really helps me stay in perspective of what my goals are and why I am so lucky to be alive and on this journey. In the morning when I dont want to go for my walk or when my family orders pizza I always talk to myself before my instincts kick in and ruin my day or week. Some days are harder than most but for everyone of those days that I get through I hold it that much closer to my heart than the days that seem to fly by like a cool breeze. Every win counts and based on what I've read I believe you have a whole lot of them so dont ever forget because you earned them.
The way I look at it, in even the wort of days I know that watching Scrubs, Friends, The New Girl or even some silly cartoons with my nephew will at least give me short window to distract myself and regroup for the rest of the day.
Hope I helped and if you ever need someone to chat with done hesitate to shot me a PM.
Take Care & Smile...Your Doing Great!
Blue Butterfly
Gold Member
Thanks Pico
Well I have stayed pretty quiet today because it's been a rubbish day food wise, it was meant to be a 'down day' but it turned into an 'up day' It was my own fault, I went out and didn't have anything to eat and by the time I came home at about 8pm I was really hungry and ate some toasties and a packet of crisps.
So not the healthiest choices but definitely under 1800 cals.
Anyway...I HAVE JOINED A GYM!!!!!!
:character00115:
My family knew how much I missed going to the gym and swimming and knew I couldn't really afford to go so as an early Christmas present they have all clubbed together and got me a years gym membership so I can use the gym any time and swim any time (well I say swim, I can't actually swim well but I don't drown so that's good enough for me!)
First session tomorrow
Well I have stayed pretty quiet today because it's been a rubbish day food wise, it was meant to be a 'down day' but it turned into an 'up day' It was my own fault, I went out and didn't have anything to eat and by the time I came home at about 8pm I was really hungry and ate some toasties and a packet of crisps.
So not the healthiest choices but definitely under 1800 cals.
Anyway...I HAVE JOINED A GYM!!!!!!
:character00115:My family knew how much I missed going to the gym and swimming and knew I couldn't really afford to go so as an early Christmas present they have all clubbed together and got me a years gym membership so I can use the gym any time and swim any time (well I say swim, I can't actually swim well but I don't drown so that's good enough for me!)
First session tomorrow
moonwatcher
Gold Member
Sorry to hear about your mum's cat Blue. How sad for her.
What a lovely present from your family.
What a lovely present from your family.
