(Not so secret) Diary of a tall girl

[gl12282]

Am actually really looking forward to Sunday. Bit apprehensive as I've been following the plan really well but as it's my second weigh this loss is likely to reflect what I can reasonably hope to lose each week in future if I stick 100%.

Yes and no. My losses have varied throughout my time on plan and although I had a big loss on my first week, my second week I only lost 1lb. And I usually stick pretty much to the plan. So don't worry too much if you have a smaller loss than you would like, just stick with it.

Good luck for Sunday.

Gail x

 

[puttingontheritz]

Yes and no. My losses have varied throughout my time on plan and although I had a big loss on my first week, my second week I only lost 1lb. And I usually stick pretty much to the plan. So don't worry too much if you have a smaller loss than you would like, just stick with it.

Good luck for Sunday.

Gail x

Ah that's good to know , I'm just getting nervous because I had a good loss last week and I'm worried the god of bathroom scales is going to take it all back again :/.

Of course, I'm not helping myself. Today I STUPIDLY decided to make cupcakes. Yeah. I don't know why, I think it was a sort of end of term = let's relax and bake instinct I have. I was halfway through making them before I even remembered I was food optimising. Amazingly I haven't had one yet. I have no idea how many syns they are each but with WI tomorrow I'm not going to risk it. I did however have a teaspoon of the buttercream icing. I had to shove the bowl in soapy dishwater before I did myself any more damage. Not sure how to syn that but I'll just not have any more syns tonight and hopefully I've saved enough over the week to cover it :sigh:. Apart from that today was goo , let's say a 90% day today.

Breakfast- Cheese (1HEA) and mushroom omelet on toast (1HEB)
Lunch- Pasta, garlic, mixed veg, mozzarella (1HEA) (baked, mmmm...)
Dinner- Rice, stock, mixed veg, quorn chicken style pieces
Snacks- Watermelon, grapes, banana, apple, clementines, 2 alpen light (1HEB), 1 meringue (3 syns), summer fruit, activia fat free yogurt, 1 tsp buttercream (>_<), jubbly ice lolly (1 syn) (I had a lot of snacks today ), orange juice (2.5 syns)
Total: 2HEB, 2HEA, 6.5 syns + buttercream

 

[puttingontheritz]

-2lb today (woop!) BUT I just ate 2 cupcakes. Iced. D: I feel like such an idiot. I was so hungry when I ate them but why, oh why? They were like 15 syns each. 35.5 syns today. Ok, breathe. That just means no more syns today and 10 syns every other day this week. I can do that. Gosh I feel like such a fool .

 

[puttingontheritz]

Well, I think I can safely write Sunday off as a bad job :/. Loss of internet yesterday added to the fact the floodgates had already been opened by Sunday's splurge meant it was pretty hellish. I was hungry the whole day but couldn't be bothered to make filling meals. In the end I ate up to my syns and had my HEBs, didn't have any HEAs or much free food and filled myself up with diet fizzy. A pretty rubbish diet but I didn't technically go off track and hopefully it was half step towards 100% today . Feeling nervous about a gain this week but hopefully I can claw it back to sts by Sunday. Also nervous about going home this weekend. Two reasons for this 1) All the junk my family eat (and all but my mum and me never gain an ounce- they eat the junk but not any proper meals) and 2) I've put on MORE weight since I saw them last- I'm almost back down to the weight I was when I last saw them thanks to the last 2 weeks of SW but I don't want them to think I'm currently getting bigger when it's the opposite :/ my mum WILL try to intervene.

Breakfast- Cheese (1HEA) and mushroom omelet with toast (1HEB) and an apple

 

[puttingontheritz]

I crawl back here with my head bowed and my eyes firmly on the floor. It's been 4 days since I last updated and, as far as I can work out, I seem to have taken these last 4 days as a horrible face-stuffing holiday. How could I have let myself do it? How could I convince myself that I wouldn't have to pay a price, that the cookies and cupcakes and full fat fizzy drinks wouldn't do anything if I didn't think about them and I could just jump back on the diet without having budged a pound. "In for a penny, in for a pound". Except at the rate I've been going it's probably going to be "in for a penny, in for half a stone!". I can't look at myself in the mirror without a feeling of disappointment and self hatred. I know it's a thought we all have at some point on this journey but how did I get so fat? I remember going to my first WW meeting with my mum, terrified, aged 14, 13 stone 1lb. 5 years later and I now weigh close on 15 stone. Just before I started uni I was down to 13 stone 3 (WW didn't do anything but instill a deep sense of "you should be dieting better" into me). I don't look like I feel I should look. I know theoretically how I got here, how I can change it, but inside all I can think of is how unfair it is I can't just promise to be good and some fairy godmother with come and magic me back to how I'm "supposed to be".

So that's why I'm back. I need to keep on top of this and I'm going back home today and won't have access to the internet for at least a week. I need to stay strong, I need to believe I can do this. I need to not worry about how long it will take. This is really long but it's just one of those days when you have to get everything off your chest.

I can do this. I need to think positive. No more spiraling out of control. Don't judge yourself against other people. Don't think this will happen on it's own. You have to seize the day, not the chocolate!

 

[puttingontheritz]

Feeling very tired, quite stressed, little bit sad that I got so hungry before lunch that instead of 2 alpen light bars for my second HEB of the day I ate 5 :/ and now I really want those 9 syns back.

Been looking at pretty clothes. It's half inspiring half crushing because I still have that fear that it's only a matter of time before I fail and the pretty clothes will never be mine. It would be nice to be able to fit into size 18 h&m clothes by summer.