weasey
Gold Member
28/02/12 - Musings on my time on total
In a wierd way I'm really pleased that I had such a colossal amount of weight to lose at the start of my journey! It has meant that I have spent a huge amount of time on the programme and this has really helped me. Below is a complete brain dump which is really interesting for me - but feel free to skip reading it!
I've been through a number of stages...
STAGE 1 (weeks 1 to 6) - Finding it all quite strange. Trying the different packs. Finding that I'd made a huge mistake in getting 7 porridges for my first week as I found them horrid - but eating them anyway because I'm good at sticking to rules! Learning to make the packs. Working out how to deal with lunch at work and, even worse, work lunches with clients. Seeing all the people on here who had lost lots of weight and being really pleased for them but not really believing that I would join them. Was horrified when I read something about having to eat differently at the end or all the weight would go back on. Didn't realise I would have to change my whole life (although it was obvious when I considered it logically) and didn't feel ready to commit to that. Decided to worry about that later! Had strange food related dreams and really missed veggies. Also a fantastic time health wise as my blood sugar came completely under control and I came off all of my diabetes medication! This gave me a huge boost, which got me past my 1 lb loss in week 2 (camomile tea - didn't know it could be a problem!). Thought the councelling was a bit silly really...
STAGE 2 (weeks 7 to 23) - Food packs became normal - just the way I ate. It was at this point when I realised at I would actually reach goal! With over 100lbs to lose in total this is a big thing. Bit bored with the packs so tried a few different thinks - such as a latte with the vanilla pack. Stopped worrying about the diet and started worrying about how on earth I would maintain at the end! How would I stop myself from overeating in the way I used to? What techniques could I use? I'm hugely into commitment, if I commit to do something I will do it no matter what and this works even if the commitment is to myself. However, in order to commit to myself I have to be certain that it is something I want to do and be very clear - just 'don't put the weight back on' isn't enough. I decided I would develop a list of rules for myself during my time on LL which would help me to maintain at the end. Also, when I went out to restaurants with other people I would look at the menu and think about what I would have when I was maintaining - and if it was something not too healthy then what would I do about it? I viewed this as practicing! Also realised that I was looking forward to being more active. Hubby and I decided to go on an activity holiday in over a year's time so that when I finish I can set myself fitness goals to achieve - I feel like I get motivated by seeing improvements and movements - don't feel like the only goal being 'maintain' would be enough for me - but fitness goals would be just the ticket. Medically still great with sugar under control. Was understanding the need for the councelling - although there were only two of us in the class for much of this time and the councellor kept doing her own thing instead of going through the books so I was getting quite frustrated. The break from food really helped me to understand the difference between just wanting food and feeling hungry. Didn't care how much I lost as long as it was going in the right direction. Put on 1 lb in my first milk week - interesting - perhaps I'm sensitive to carbs? Was also considering not being vegetarian at the end (had been one for 20 years) as it would mean that I would be eating completely different foods at the end and I thought that would help me.
STAGE 3 (weeks 24 to 27) - Decided to take control of my own councelling. When the LLC said that's all she wanted to cover so we could go but there were still 30 mins left I would fill the time with asking questions I had and talking about my reactions to things. I told her that I was very interested in the TA side and asked whether we could do a TA module. Much happier now that I have been assertive with regards to my councelling. Also felt ready to start 'practicing' with real food rather than imaginary! Still had a few stone to lose so didn't want to move to RTM. Was thinking about lite - but wanted to be sure it was for the right reasons and not just because I fancied food! Also was at a size 16 by the end of this stage and having to reassess myself and my body image. Decided to definitely stop being vegetarian - not because a veggie diet is bad for you but because I needed to change the way I ate and this would help me in achieving that.
STAGE 4 (weeks 28 to 30 [now!]) - Moved onto the lite programme. I viewed this as a precursor to RTM - a few months of eating one meal a day to learn portion sizes and also to see how I would behave when food was reintroduced - a bit scared about that! I knew I could go back to 4 packs if necessary so it felt a bit safer! On my second day I really really really wanted my meal - and ended up having it an hour early - not because of hunger. After I'd had it I still wated more and I ended up having my supper a few hours early and having a bar as I thought that might help the cravings. I didn't go off plan but I was very worried. Ever since then I haven't had any problems at all! I know that when I go through RTM and reintroduce other foods it may kick cravings off again and that when I'm maintaining I'll have all sorts of issues to contend with. However, I now know that I'll be able to maintain - in the same way as around week 6 when I knew I would get to goal. I no longer worry about stopping myself from eating the way I did before. I don't even like the idea of those foods. I'm loving the way I'm eating right now. I know I will hit problems and I am preparing my list of rules to help with that. But I am no longer scared of eating normally - just excited about my new life!
I expect to stay on lite for another couple of months then move to RTM. I intend to take RTM very slowly - perhaps spend 3 weeks in each stage instead of 1. I expect RTM and maintenance to be the toughest of all of the phases on this journey for me and I want to take it as slowly as I need to in order to achieve success. I honestly believe that if I hadn't had as much weight to lose I wouldn't have got as much out of this journey so in a strange way it has really helpled me!
In a wierd way I'm really pleased that I had such a colossal amount of weight to lose at the start of my journey! It has meant that I have spent a huge amount of time on the programme and this has really helped me. Below is a complete brain dump which is really interesting for me - but feel free to skip reading it!
I've been through a number of stages...
STAGE 1 (weeks 1 to 6) - Finding it all quite strange. Trying the different packs. Finding that I'd made a huge mistake in getting 7 porridges for my first week as I found them horrid - but eating them anyway because I'm good at sticking to rules! Learning to make the packs. Working out how to deal with lunch at work and, even worse, work lunches with clients. Seeing all the people on here who had lost lots of weight and being really pleased for them but not really believing that I would join them. Was horrified when I read something about having to eat differently at the end or all the weight would go back on. Didn't realise I would have to change my whole life (although it was obvious when I considered it logically) and didn't feel ready to commit to that. Decided to worry about that later! Had strange food related dreams and really missed veggies. Also a fantastic time health wise as my blood sugar came completely under control and I came off all of my diabetes medication! This gave me a huge boost, which got me past my 1 lb loss in week 2 (camomile tea - didn't know it could be a problem!). Thought the councelling was a bit silly really...
STAGE 2 (weeks 7 to 23) - Food packs became normal - just the way I ate. It was at this point when I realised at I would actually reach goal! With over 100lbs to lose in total this is a big thing. Bit bored with the packs so tried a few different thinks - such as a latte with the vanilla pack. Stopped worrying about the diet and started worrying about how on earth I would maintain at the end! How would I stop myself from overeating in the way I used to? What techniques could I use? I'm hugely into commitment, if I commit to do something I will do it no matter what and this works even if the commitment is to myself. However, in order to commit to myself I have to be certain that it is something I want to do and be very clear - just 'don't put the weight back on' isn't enough. I decided I would develop a list of rules for myself during my time on LL which would help me to maintain at the end. Also, when I went out to restaurants with other people I would look at the menu and think about what I would have when I was maintaining - and if it was something not too healthy then what would I do about it? I viewed this as practicing! Also realised that I was looking forward to being more active. Hubby and I decided to go on an activity holiday in over a year's time so that when I finish I can set myself fitness goals to achieve - I feel like I get motivated by seeing improvements and movements - don't feel like the only goal being 'maintain' would be enough for me - but fitness goals would be just the ticket. Medically still great with sugar under control. Was understanding the need for the councelling - although there were only two of us in the class for much of this time and the councellor kept doing her own thing instead of going through the books so I was getting quite frustrated. The break from food really helped me to understand the difference between just wanting food and feeling hungry. Didn't care how much I lost as long as it was going in the right direction. Put on 1 lb in my first milk week - interesting - perhaps I'm sensitive to carbs? Was also considering not being vegetarian at the end (had been one for 20 years) as it would mean that I would be eating completely different foods at the end and I thought that would help me.
STAGE 3 (weeks 24 to 27) - Decided to take control of my own councelling. When the LLC said that's all she wanted to cover so we could go but there were still 30 mins left I would fill the time with asking questions I had and talking about my reactions to things. I told her that I was very interested in the TA side and asked whether we could do a TA module. Much happier now that I have been assertive with regards to my councelling. Also felt ready to start 'practicing' with real food rather than imaginary! Still had a few stone to lose so didn't want to move to RTM. Was thinking about lite - but wanted to be sure it was for the right reasons and not just because I fancied food! Also was at a size 16 by the end of this stage and having to reassess myself and my body image. Decided to definitely stop being vegetarian - not because a veggie diet is bad for you but because I needed to change the way I ate and this would help me in achieving that.
STAGE 4 (weeks 28 to 30 [now!]) - Moved onto the lite programme. I viewed this as a precursor to RTM - a few months of eating one meal a day to learn portion sizes and also to see how I would behave when food was reintroduced - a bit scared about that! I knew I could go back to 4 packs if necessary so it felt a bit safer! On my second day I really really really wanted my meal - and ended up having it an hour early - not because of hunger. After I'd had it I still wated more and I ended up having my supper a few hours early and having a bar as I thought that might help the cravings. I didn't go off plan but I was very worried. Ever since then I haven't had any problems at all! I know that when I go through RTM and reintroduce other foods it may kick cravings off again and that when I'm maintaining I'll have all sorts of issues to contend with. However, I now know that I'll be able to maintain - in the same way as around week 6 when I knew I would get to goal. I no longer worry about stopping myself from eating the way I did before. I don't even like the idea of those foods. I'm loving the way I'm eating right now. I know I will hit problems and I am preparing my list of rules to help with that. But I am no longer scared of eating normally - just excited about my new life!
I expect to stay on lite for another couple of months then move to RTM. I intend to take RTM very slowly - perhaps spend 3 weeks in each stage instead of 1. I expect RTM and maintenance to be the toughest of all of the phases on this journey for me and I want to take it as slowly as I need to in order to achieve success. I honestly believe that if I hadn't had as much weight to lose I wouldn't have got as much out of this journey so in a strange way it has really helpled me!
