Weasey's Diary - The Journey to Size 10...
- Thread starter weasey
- Start date
weasey
Gold Member
23/03/2012 - Dear Body
Dear Body,
I just wanted to say thankyou for looking after me so well throughout my life. For most of that I have chosen to eat so much that you have had to deal with all kinds of problems, including producing extra insulin to deal with blood sugar levels and finding places to store the excess fat which I chose to consume. Throughout it all you have coped really well and I want to appologise to you for causing our pancreas so many problems that I gave you type 2 diabetes. I especially want to say sorry for keeping eating in the same way for 2 years even after I had been told what I had done to you.
I also want to thank you for looking after me so well for the last 7 months whilst I have been on total and then lite. You have handled to weight loss well and took me into ketosis with very few symptoms. That was kind of you. I am so sorry that I have had to lose weight so quickly and our skin has gone wrinkly but I have been told that you may perform another miracle and be able to get rid of most of the wrinkles within 12 months of me finishing. For that, as for everything else, I thank you.
We still have a while to go on the weight loss. I would like to get you to a comfortable size 10 before we finish. I promise to get there and to look after you once we are there. Not only chosing nutritious food and not overeating but also in choosing to exercise more and get you fitter. I plan to engage a personal trainer to help me in keeping this promise to you and I hope that having fitness goals to achieve will help to keep me on track. I won't be perfect once I'm at goal - I know that. But I will try my utmost and I will make up for any issues so that you do not suffer. This is my commitment to you.
In the mean time I have one small favour to ask of you. I know - I feel really rude asking for a favour given how badly I've treated you in the past and how well you've looked after me despite that. However, it would mean a huge amount to me if you could choose to use the fat which is stored on our stomach rather than anywhere else. That is the place that is still holding on to it and it doesn't need to. I know that you like to keep fat there in case I choose to have a baby so that you can cope with any shortages of food during our pregnancy. However, let me assure you of two things...
1. I will never choose to have a baby. It isn't in my life plan and I will actively try to avoid having it happen. I love children but I have never felt the urge to have them which I feel I should have if we're to be a good parent. So thank you for looking after me again but I assure you that it isn't necessary.
2. If in some unplanned future we happened to fall pregnant there won't be a shortage of food. I live in a country where food is plentiful and I promise that it won't be in short supply.
So finally, another thank you.
Yours faithfully,
Your Mind xxx
PS I don't mind if you want to take a bit more fat off our thighs whilst you're at it...
Dear Body,
I just wanted to say thankyou for looking after me so well throughout my life. For most of that I have chosen to eat so much that you have had to deal with all kinds of problems, including producing extra insulin to deal with blood sugar levels and finding places to store the excess fat which I chose to consume. Throughout it all you have coped really well and I want to appologise to you for causing our pancreas so many problems that I gave you type 2 diabetes. I especially want to say sorry for keeping eating in the same way for 2 years even after I had been told what I had done to you.
I also want to thank you for looking after me so well for the last 7 months whilst I have been on total and then lite. You have handled to weight loss well and took me into ketosis with very few symptoms. That was kind of you. I am so sorry that I have had to lose weight so quickly and our skin has gone wrinkly but I have been told that you may perform another miracle and be able to get rid of most of the wrinkles within 12 months of me finishing. For that, as for everything else, I thank you.
We still have a while to go on the weight loss. I would like to get you to a comfortable size 10 before we finish. I promise to get there and to look after you once we are there. Not only chosing nutritious food and not overeating but also in choosing to exercise more and get you fitter. I plan to engage a personal trainer to help me in keeping this promise to you and I hope that having fitness goals to achieve will help to keep me on track. I won't be perfect once I'm at goal - I know that. But I will try my utmost and I will make up for any issues so that you do not suffer. This is my commitment to you.
In the mean time I have one small favour to ask of you. I know - I feel really rude asking for a favour given how badly I've treated you in the past and how well you've looked after me despite that. However, it would mean a huge amount to me if you could choose to use the fat which is stored on our stomach rather than anywhere else. That is the place that is still holding on to it and it doesn't need to. I know that you like to keep fat there in case I choose to have a baby so that you can cope with any shortages of food during our pregnancy. However, let me assure you of two things...
1. I will never choose to have a baby. It isn't in my life plan and I will actively try to avoid having it happen. I love children but I have never felt the urge to have them which I feel I should have if we're to be a good parent. So thank you for looking after me again but I assure you that it isn't necessary.
2. If in some unplanned future we happened to fall pregnant there won't be a shortage of food. I live in a country where food is plentiful and I promise that it won't be in short supply.
So finally, another thank you.
Yours faithfully,
Your Mind xxx
PS I don't mind if you want to take a bit more fat off our thighs whilst you're at it...
Shivie
On a mission!
Well said Weasey! That brought a little tear to my eye! We have so much apologising to do to our poor bodies for continuously shovelling cr*p into them over the years with hardly a second thought.
You're doing so fantastically girl, it's truly inspiring, phenomenal weight loss. Keep it up x
You're doing so fantastically girl, it's truly inspiring, phenomenal weight loss. Keep it up x
BordersGirl
Feeling great in 2012!
Lol, that's exactly where I'd like to lose from the most. I'd add something else to my request too.
Dear body, since it's not in my lifeplan to have babies (as I prefer puppies), I really don't need you to go through all the hassle of the monthly cycle thing anymore so I'd be happy if you could just stop bothering with that too as soon as you can. Thanks body!
Dear body, since it's not in my lifeplan to have babies (as I prefer puppies), I really don't need you to go through all the hassle of the monthly cycle thing anymore so I'd be happy if you could just stop bothering with that too as soon as you can. Thanks body!
weasey
Gold Member
05/04/2012 - I Will Never Put The Weight Back on Again - Crooked Thinking
(For those of you on Slim and Save please note that crooked thinking is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy concept related to thoughts which we have that are actually destructive rather than helpful. All or nothing thinking is one of the types of crooked thinking where you are extreme in your thinking - often includes works such as 'never' or 'always'.)
Had a really interesting session tonight looking at all or nothing thinking and analysing it. Interestingly the example we used was 'I will never put the weight on again.'. That's quite interesting as it's a phrase I have used in the past and is also one which I see on the forum quite a lot. It's also one which sounds like a really positive statement.
Evidence for the statement...
- Some people do maintain long term.
- I have been doing therapy and that will help me to maintain.
Evidence Against the statement...
- 90% of people do not maintain their weight loss after any diet.
- I have never maintained previous weight losses.
- Lots of people return to LL.
More balanced statement...
- In order to maintain my weight loss I will have to change my lifestyle.
I found this a really interesting exercise. The all or nothing statement sounded really positive until we had been through the analysis. Then I realised that it was a demand and relied on willpower. The more balanced statement wasn't a demand but a statement of how to achieve what I wanted. Still a bit in awe that such a simple technique could lead to such a strong outcome.
(For those of you on Slim and Save please note that crooked thinking is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy concept related to thoughts which we have that are actually destructive rather than helpful. All or nothing thinking is one of the types of crooked thinking where you are extreme in your thinking - often includes works such as 'never' or 'always'.)
Had a really interesting session tonight looking at all or nothing thinking and analysing it. Interestingly the example we used was 'I will never put the weight on again.'. That's quite interesting as it's a phrase I have used in the past and is also one which I see on the forum quite a lot. It's also one which sounds like a really positive statement.
Evidence for the statement...
- Some people do maintain long term.
- I have been doing therapy and that will help me to maintain.
Evidence Against the statement...
- 90% of people do not maintain their weight loss after any diet.
- I have never maintained previous weight losses.
- Lots of people return to LL.
More balanced statement...
- In order to maintain my weight loss I will have to change my lifestyle.
I found this a really interesting exercise. The all or nothing statement sounded really positive until we had been through the analysis. Then I realised that it was a demand and relied on willpower. The more balanced statement wasn't a demand but a statement of how to achieve what I wanted. Still a bit in awe that such a simple technique could lead to such a strong outcome.
biggusburdus
Gold Member
Such a wonderful thought provoking read! pics are fab and you've had such an amazing journey. I really liked the letter to your body! :cry:Made me sad when I think of what I have put mine through..
weasey
Gold Member
06/04/2012 - Parent Questions
My answers to the questions about my Parent ego state from Frank Bruno's 'Weight Loss for Everyone the TA Way'. When Parent, Child, Adult start with a capital letter it means the internal ego state - not other people. (For those of you on slim and save TA says that there are 3 ego states in your personality : Parent - can be controlling or nurturing of yourself and others : Adult - rational thinking : Child - either doing things because you think it's what other people want or rebelling)
Do you tend to "go into" your parent often?
No - but yes! It depends which Parent ego state you mean. I very rarely go into critical parent - either in reference to myself or other people. I am quite non judgemental and enjoy the fact that everyone is so different. My nurturing parent is more active. I look after myself quite a lot. I spoil myself with lovely treats. I also look after other people quite a lot.
What are some of the things you learnt from authority figures other than your parents?
I'm not sure really. I guess the main other authority figures in my life would have been school teachers. Apart from obviously learning facts from them I can't think of anything I learnt from people other than my parents - who had a very strong influence on me. Perhaps I should mull on this a bit...
Did your parents often address themselves to your child ego state?
I think they mainly addressed my adult ego state. They encouraged me to reason things out and think about things. Obvioisly there were times when they wanted me to behave a certain way and would have punished me if I hadn't. That was rare though. My mum in particular was very nurturing. I certainly remember being in my adaptive child quite a bit.
What was the dominant style of your parents - authoritarian, democratic or permissive?
democratic
Did your parents in various ways "hex" you and make the prediction you would be fat? Has this become a message in your Parent?
They never told me I would be fat. I was fat - especially in teenage years. I didn't feel strong disapproval at home because I was fat - but I didn't have approval either. My mum would put me on diets. I didn't chose the type of diet so looking at it now I can see that I had a lack of control around it. Although it didn't feel like she was being mean or controlling at the time. It felt like she cared about me and she was giving me the message that I could change. I wasn't really that interested in changing though. Also, my dad was a big man and I saw the way that he ate and I think that had quite an influence on me and my behaviours. I've also be tokd throughout my life that I'm very like my dad so I guess it's possible that I thought I would be large - or that it was ok to be so.
What are some of the attributions about you which have become part of your Parent?List two or three "bad" traits that have become part of your self-image. Conversely, list two or three "good" traits that have become part of your self-image.
I can't think of any bad attributions! I was always told that I was pretty and clever and that I could do anything I set my mind to. I was always encouraged and loved. I was never told that I was fat or that I would always be fat or anything like that. But as I said above I was always told that I was like my dad and he was a large man. People meant that I looked like him and had a similar personality but I think I may have also applied it to my size.
What does your Parent say about your body type?
Not a lot! I don't think of myself as having a body type as such. I think my body type is normal. I don't think that I was fat because I had a low motabolism or anything like that. I was fat because I overate.
Does your Parent say that you are entitled to as much food as you can possibly eat?
Certainly it used to. I decided when I was young not to worry about my weight and that it was ok to be different. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and in whatever quantities I chose. I think this had a fantastic impact on my mental health and a terrible impact on my physical heath. I don't think my Parent says that to me any more. I effectively spent a long time in the pre-contemplation stage of the cycle of change. I know that it's a cycle and that I could end up back at that stage again so there is a danger that I would start to hear those messages from my Parent again. I haven't heard them since starting this journey though.
Does your parent make you feel guilt about what you eat, when you eat, why you eat, and where you eat? Is your inner Parent a "put-down artist" that more often than not makes you feel bad about eating?
no
My answers to the questions about my Parent ego state from Frank Bruno's 'Weight Loss for Everyone the TA Way'. When Parent, Child, Adult start with a capital letter it means the internal ego state - not other people. (For those of you on slim and save TA says that there are 3 ego states in your personality : Parent - can be controlling or nurturing of yourself and others : Adult - rational thinking : Child - either doing things because you think it's what other people want or rebelling)
Do you tend to "go into" your parent often?
No - but yes! It depends which Parent ego state you mean. I very rarely go into critical parent - either in reference to myself or other people. I am quite non judgemental and enjoy the fact that everyone is so different. My nurturing parent is more active. I look after myself quite a lot. I spoil myself with lovely treats. I also look after other people quite a lot.
What are some of the things you learnt from authority figures other than your parents?
I'm not sure really. I guess the main other authority figures in my life would have been school teachers. Apart from obviously learning facts from them I can't think of anything I learnt from people other than my parents - who had a very strong influence on me. Perhaps I should mull on this a bit...
Did your parents often address themselves to your child ego state?
I think they mainly addressed my adult ego state. They encouraged me to reason things out and think about things. Obvioisly there were times when they wanted me to behave a certain way and would have punished me if I hadn't. That was rare though. My mum in particular was very nurturing. I certainly remember being in my adaptive child quite a bit.
What was the dominant style of your parents - authoritarian, democratic or permissive?
democratic
Did your parents in various ways "hex" you and make the prediction you would be fat? Has this become a message in your Parent?
They never told me I would be fat. I was fat - especially in teenage years. I didn't feel strong disapproval at home because I was fat - but I didn't have approval either. My mum would put me on diets. I didn't chose the type of diet so looking at it now I can see that I had a lack of control around it. Although it didn't feel like she was being mean or controlling at the time. It felt like she cared about me and she was giving me the message that I could change. I wasn't really that interested in changing though. Also, my dad was a big man and I saw the way that he ate and I think that had quite an influence on me and my behaviours. I've also be tokd throughout my life that I'm very like my dad so I guess it's possible that I thought I would be large - or that it was ok to be so.
What are some of the attributions about you which have become part of your Parent?List two or three "bad" traits that have become part of your self-image. Conversely, list two or three "good" traits that have become part of your self-image.
I can't think of any bad attributions! I was always told that I was pretty and clever and that I could do anything I set my mind to. I was always encouraged and loved. I was never told that I was fat or that I would always be fat or anything like that. But as I said above I was always told that I was like my dad and he was a large man. People meant that I looked like him and had a similar personality but I think I may have also applied it to my size.
What does your Parent say about your body type?
Not a lot! I don't think of myself as having a body type as such. I think my body type is normal. I don't think that I was fat because I had a low motabolism or anything like that. I was fat because I overate.
Does your Parent say that you are entitled to as much food as you can possibly eat?
Certainly it used to. I decided when I was young not to worry about my weight and that it was ok to be different. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and in whatever quantities I chose. I think this had a fantastic impact on my mental health and a terrible impact on my physical heath. I don't think my Parent says that to me any more. I effectively spent a long time in the pre-contemplation stage of the cycle of change. I know that it's a cycle and that I could end up back at that stage again so there is a danger that I would start to hear those messages from my Parent again. I haven't heard them since starting this journey though.
Does your parent make you feel guilt about what you eat, when you eat, why you eat, and where you eat? Is your inner Parent a "put-down artist" that more often than not makes you feel bad about eating?
no
weasey
Gold Member
06/04/2012 - Child Questions
My answers to the questions about my Child ego state from Frank Bruno's 'Weight Loss for Everyone the TA Way'. When Parent, Child, Adult start with a capital letter it means the internal ego state - not other people.
Do you tend to "go into" your Child often? What are some of the situations which push your Child button?
Not that common for me. I will rebel strongly against any attempt at control by someone else though.
What are some of the feeling messages taped in your personal Child? What in particular makes you feel angry, anxious, bored, rejected, depressed or unloved.
I feel annoyed when someone tries to control me and I will do things which are not wholey rational just to prove to them that they can't control me. I don't tend to feel anxious. I do get bored sometimes and that has been a signal for food in the past - now I realise that I'm bored and do something else instead. I don't feel rejected or unloved very often, probably because I have a close relationship with my husband. I rarely feel depressed.
Do you sometimes go into your Child when you are in a particularly good mood? Under such conditions do you tend to eat impulsively?
Yes - I use food to celebrate things and am happy to overeat as it is a treat.
Which Child ego state seems to be the dominant one in you - the Adapted Child, the Rebellious Child or the Natural Child?
Rebellious Child all the way baby!
Do you tend to "purchase" the affection of others by trying too hard to please them?
No
Do you feel you are suffering from stroke hunger? Is much of your craving for food really your Child's hunger for strokes?
No. I do sometimes eat when I'm bored though.
Can you think of a situation recently when your Little Professor pushed your Child button? Did the Child's reaction result in unnecessary eating?
No and no.
Have you been hurt lately? Have you collected any brown stamps?
No
Have you done something particularly weel recently? Have you collected any gold stamps?
No
Have you been trading in any stamps for "free" food?
No
When was the last time your Child bowed to the wish of a friend that you eat?
Can't remember - but a long time ago.
What are some of your favourite kid foods? Do you tend to turn to them when you feel in need of strokes?
Not the typical ones listed in the book. Mine all tend to be savoury and pastry oriented. They are also the types of food I would overeat on.
What are someof your more frequently used excuses - wooden legs - for overeating or eating the wrong foods for you?
I have never felt that I needed an excuse. I eat what I want, when I want it without guilt.
What is the central magical fantasy of your particular Child?
It probably used to be that I could lose the weight immediately. After that it would have been to be able to maintain a lower weight without changing my eating habits. Now it would be that I never put the weight back on.
My answers to the questions about my Child ego state from Frank Bruno's 'Weight Loss for Everyone the TA Way'. When Parent, Child, Adult start with a capital letter it means the internal ego state - not other people.
Do you tend to "go into" your Child often? What are some of the situations which push your Child button?
Not that common for me. I will rebel strongly against any attempt at control by someone else though.
What are some of the feeling messages taped in your personal Child? What in particular makes you feel angry, anxious, bored, rejected, depressed or unloved.
I feel annoyed when someone tries to control me and I will do things which are not wholey rational just to prove to them that they can't control me. I don't tend to feel anxious. I do get bored sometimes and that has been a signal for food in the past - now I realise that I'm bored and do something else instead. I don't feel rejected or unloved very often, probably because I have a close relationship with my husband. I rarely feel depressed.
Do you sometimes go into your Child when you are in a particularly good mood? Under such conditions do you tend to eat impulsively?
Yes - I use food to celebrate things and am happy to overeat as it is a treat.
Which Child ego state seems to be the dominant one in you - the Adapted Child, the Rebellious Child or the Natural Child?
Rebellious Child all the way baby!
Do you tend to "purchase" the affection of others by trying too hard to please them?
No
Do you feel you are suffering from stroke hunger? Is much of your craving for food really your Child's hunger for strokes?
No. I do sometimes eat when I'm bored though.
Can you think of a situation recently when your Little Professor pushed your Child button? Did the Child's reaction result in unnecessary eating?
No and no.
Have you been hurt lately? Have you collected any brown stamps?
No
Have you done something particularly weel recently? Have you collected any gold stamps?
No
Have you been trading in any stamps for "free" food?
No
When was the last time your Child bowed to the wish of a friend that you eat?
Can't remember - but a long time ago.
What are some of your favourite kid foods? Do you tend to turn to them when you feel in need of strokes?
Not the typical ones listed in the book. Mine all tend to be savoury and pastry oriented. They are also the types of food I would overeat on.
What are someof your more frequently used excuses - wooden legs - for overeating or eating the wrong foods for you?
I have never felt that I needed an excuse. I eat what I want, when I want it without guilt.
What is the central magical fantasy of your particular Child?
It probably used to be that I could lose the weight immediately. After that it would have been to be able to maintain a lower weight without changing my eating habits. Now it would be that I never put the weight back on.
weasey
Gold Member
08/04/2012 - Just Realised Something!
For the last few days I've been a bit confused. I told my hubby that I almost felt like I'd never been fat. Now this is a wierd thing to say as I have ben obese or morbidly obese for the whole of my adult life before this programme and I'm 43! It didn't feel like an exact description of my attitude but it was the closest I could come to describing it. I was rather worried as I wondered whether I was in some way denying it and setting myself up for touble in maintenance - although that didn't feel quite right either.
Well, I've just worked out what it is. I now think of myself as a slim person! It's not that I have never been obese it's just that instead of thinking of myself as an obese person I have now swapped to thinking of myself as slim! I have been working on my body image (mainly by going into shops and trying on clothes in the changing rooms until the sight of my smaller body was no longer a shock to me!) and I got that reasonably sorted a few weeks ago. But I guess I never really realised that I thought of myself as an obese person - because I always had because I always was.
This realisation is quite freeing for me! I am now free to behave like a slim person. Not sure quite what I mean by that but I'll mull on it! Sorry for all of the exclamation marks(!).
For the last few days I've been a bit confused. I told my hubby that I almost felt like I'd never been fat. Now this is a wierd thing to say as I have ben obese or morbidly obese for the whole of my adult life before this programme and I'm 43! It didn't feel like an exact description of my attitude but it was the closest I could come to describing it. I was rather worried as I wondered whether I was in some way denying it and setting myself up for touble in maintenance - although that didn't feel quite right either.
Well, I've just worked out what it is. I now think of myself as a slim person! It's not that I have never been obese it's just that instead of thinking of myself as an obese person I have now swapped to thinking of myself as slim! I have been working on my body image (mainly by going into shops and trying on clothes in the changing rooms until the sight of my smaller body was no longer a shock to me!) and I got that reasonably sorted a few weeks ago. But I guess I never really realised that I thought of myself as an obese person - because I always had because I always was.
This realisation is quite freeing for me! I am now free to behave like a slim person. Not sure quite what I mean by that but I'll mull on it! Sorry for all of the exclamation marks(!).
BordersGirl
Feeling great in 2012!
Have you moved to a place where you're happy with your body image? I know I'm slimmer and I feel good about that but I look at my body and also see how far I still have to go. Do you get past that too, or am I destined to be always unhappy with my body shape?
weasey
Gold Member
BordersGirl said:
I'm not that bothered about my body shape - although I never have been so I'm not sure if that's helpful! I am currently a size 12 and I want to be a size 10. I am ok everywhere except for my tummy (which still has a chunk of fat) and the tops of my thighs (similar chunks of fat!). If I get to a comfortable size 10 and I still have chunks of fat then fine - I'll have chunks of fat! I think not being that bothered about my body image is probably one of the things that allowed me to put on so much weight - but also means I've never beaten myself up over it either. I don't expect to have the perfect body - I'll have lose skin and stretch marks and such like. Fine. I'll be healthy. That's my main goal. I don't need to look good in a bikini to go on the beach (in a swimsuit of course!).
