Ok, have spent a fair amount of time thinking about yesterday and how I feel/felt.
I'm still not entirely sure about what I'll do (3 main options, go ahead, postpone, cancel), but I'll concede that even 68 pages of people (77 actually - the last page led to another 9 pages on another forum) is not necessarily a huge cross-section of the people. People gaining weight may search for it on google - whereas people losing weight, or maintainng may not. I only found it because I was interested to find out how much gallbladders weigh.
I still have trouble believing that they are all kidding themselves but some of them must be. Too many "my diet hasn't changed" posts and I've both heard and made all the same excuses for much of my fat life. But because some of them must be kidding thmselves, then I must be able to discount a portion of them. Which makes the liklihood of being affected by a genuine issue, lower. Some of them must be right though; but how many have undiagnosed thyroid issues? I've read that surgery can cause thyroid problems.
The reason I was so terrified is because I don't want my old life at all, in fact it would be much worse to taste thinness and then go back. I've grown a lot but I also feel that I would withdraw again. My emotional state is better today but yesterday I can honestly say, the thought of going back to the way I was, much was worse than the thought of dying under the knife.
I was concerned by the thought of having it done while my metabolism is stuffed (my metabolism will be much lower for some time after I finish this diet). I'm thinking though that perhaps a few weeks of LL after my GB is taken out, followed by 12 weeks of painfully slow reintroduction of food might actually be beneficial. A lot of people with GB being removed will go a bit wild when they can suddenly eat what they used to eat, painfree. I won't be able to do this - indeed I'm still intent on a healthy, lower fat, smaller portioned, exercise filled lifestyle. So that may put me into a very good position.
I also know that if the weight does pile on uncontrollably, I will step back onto the LL wagon to stabilise. I cannot believe that anyone could do LL properly and not lose weight. And as hard as it is to restart LL, I believe that I could do it - because the alternative would be much harder.
So I'm in a holding pattern just now; I need more info and honesty from y doctors (they haven't mentioned any side effects) to be sure. Yesterday I was sure I'd postpone, now I'm edging nearer going for it.