How long does it take to change mentally?

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by fatboynotyetslim, 25 November 2007 Social URL.

  1. fatboynotyetslim

    fatboynotyetslim Full Member

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    My thoughts....

    I went to a party last night and saw friends and family I hadn't seen since I began this diet.
    Of course everyone plied me with compliments and were very curious as to how much weight I had lost.
    I felt good receiving the praises but at the same time did not want to be the centre of attention and felt ashamed to reveal how much weight I had lost. I simply replied vaguely suggesting a couple of stones only. They obviously new I wasn't prepared to reveal my weight. I have lost nearly 11 stones. Surely if I had revealed how much I had weighed it would have helped me mentally come to terms with the changes that are taking place. Secretly deep down I guess I'm a little fearful of regaining the weight and so by keeping my initial weight a secret I'm giving myself an excuse to return to the heavier me! Who knows?
    Although the changes physically are amazing I wonder how long it will take to change me mentally. For years I have let my weight control my life and has influenced my thoughts and actions on a daily basis. As I change physically I'm not quite sure who I am becoming or how I should act. I feel great, for sure but I need to lose these inhibitions I have and start to live life to the full. After all, we are here for a bloody good time, not a bloody long time!
     
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  3. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Hi there

    I have recently posted a couple of times on this very subject. I too am embarking on the mental journey and finding it a tough one. Feeling great but a sense of not knowing who you are, where you fit in and how to act. I have taken great comfort from the responses I have received which confirm that this is extremely common and something that most of us will go through at some stage. I've come to think of it as a positive thing - until we get to know and accept ourselves as we now are we cannot let go of the fat people we were. The advice I have received is that it will take time, don't rush yourself, small steps and it will come. For now just rejoice in how fantastically well you have done and how good that makes you feel.

    Sorry probably not that constructive but just wanted you to know you certainly aren't alone out there with the battle of the mind!!

    Georgie
    xx
     
  4. rade

    rade try, try & try some more!

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    I think you reveal what you want, when you want... this has been your journey... other people can speculate or support or whatever... it doesn't change what you've done and been through....


    congratulations :clap:
     
  5. fatboynotyetslim

    fatboynotyetslim Full Member

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    thanks for your thoughts porgeous. congrats on your success so far. you look great and I'm sure you'll reach your goal v.soon.
    It was actually after having read your earlier posts I felt compelled to put my thoughts down. Its amazing how much more there is to losing weight. For someone such as myself who has always been overweight even as a child I've lost my identity. I hope to enjoy finding out who I am just as I'm sure you will too.
     
  6. lollylou1

    lollylou1 Full Member

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    HI

    Hi i am new to the site and new to the cambridge diet also, i am finding reading through peoples threads on here an inspiration and i am sure you are all very proud of what you have achieved so far and yet to achieve i hope i can have as much success as you have
    Lou
    xxx
     
  7. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Thanks John, it really does help sometimes just to get your thoughts down on paper so to speak - just to voice them somehow takes some of the pressure off. I too have had a weight problem for many many years and don't know myself as anything other than Georgie who is trying to lose weight, can't quite accept being just Georgie if you see what I mean. Like you I worry that I won't be able to maintain it and I have a slimmer body on temporary loan only!! It is an exciting and thrilling concept that we could actually do this and maintain it but one that is also a little daunting and a tad scary. However, as you quite rightly say I think it is one that ultimately will be extremely rewarding for us both and for everyone else who has similar feelings.

    Let's raise a glass of water to a voyage of discovery!

    Georgie
    x
     
  8. fatboynotyetslim

    fatboynotyetslim Full Member

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    Hi Lou,

    Good luck with your journey. It will definetly be one hell of a trip. But you can take heart from the fact whatever lies ahead there's sure to be many here to guide you along the way.

    Good luck
     
  9. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Hi and welcome Lolly to the most thrilling rollercoaster ride there is. As John says you will find oodles of support and guidance here on Minis to help you through and I look forward to hearing about your journey.

    Georgie
    x
     
  10. fatboynotyetslim

    fatboynotyetslim Full Member

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    Cheers!!
     
  11. mrs c

    mrs c Cambridge Consultant

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    Hi there, just had a quick look at your blog, WELL DONE, the transformation is brilliant, you have done so well. It does take quite a while to get our heads around the new 'us', i lost over 6 stones earlier this yr, got to goal beg july, i remember dancing around the changing rooms of a shop that i had never been able to go into before, everyone looked at me as if i was mad, but i was so happy to fit into a size 14, haven't been that size for 15yrs, the emotions i was feeling i can't explain, a whole new wardrobe, then my counsellor arranged a makeover for me, with photos, it was a day to remember, i felt like a queen, everyone was making a fuss of me for a day, again can't explain how i felt. Then to top it all off i went back to Italy early Aug, hadn't seen any of my family there since last Aug, the reaction to me was amazing, a lot of people only knew who i was as my husband and children were with me, on my own people just looked and you could see their minds trying to figure out who i was, again the feeling was brilliant. I was centre of attention, took quite a bit of getting used to, as i was always the one who hid in the corner, the quite fat one. At my local they had been supportive throughout the journey and had watched not only my body changing shape but a confident person emerging, i felt like i could take on the world and win, it seemed people wanted to know me, i felt a bit like 'you didin't want to know me when i was fat, but now i am slimmer you do.' In fact i did bite the bullet and say this to a few people, and their reaction was one of surprise, and between us i managed to figure out that it wasn't them not wanting to know me, but me ashamed of what i looked like and hiding away from them in different ways. Now i walk up with my head held high, i walk into situations that before i would have run a mile from. Even over 5mths on i am still adjusting to the new me, peoples reactions who i haven't seen for a while, some people just dont recognise me and go to walk pass me, until i say 'hi' and they realise that it is me.

    It is a hard journey mentally, but it takes time, i am determined that i will not get back to where i was, i am enjoying life too much, the new confident me.

    Good luck in discovering the new you, it will emerge and unfortunately you will have to deal with the issues as you come to them, but remember you have done so well and deal with it as it comes, don't be embarsed about where you started from.
     
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  12. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

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    This subject facinates me so i thought I would chip in my experiences.
    I have been overweight/obsese all my life and super mobidly obese for the last 10 years (the ten years that took me from 17 to 27). My weight governed almost every aspect of my personality - how I acted in groups of people, the job I felt capable to do, the relationships I settled for, even my very basic needs/rights as I felt I had to be a perfect daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, friend etc etc - the unrealistic expectations I had of myself for each of these roles massively impacted the quality of my life and I was very unhappy but deep down i told myself I deserved nothing more.
    I have lost the weight now (so happy about that) but now I have removed the "scapegoat" I used almost everyday to explain my unhappiness I have also had to take responsibility for changing my life for the better. This can feel very uncomfortable sometimes, and I am most definitley out of my comfort zone the majority of the time at the moment.
    LL for me has supplied me with the tools to improve my life, it was not (as I had previously imagined) a magic wand to fix all the problems I had.
    What I can say is that shedding the weight has given me the confidence and the self esteem to get out there and make the changes necessary to obtain the lifestyle I have chosen for myself. The weird thing about it all is that losing the weight was only the BEGINNING of this process, not the end. I have learnt that my life is what I make of it, where previously I felt like it was set in stone and I had no power over it at all.
    The point I am trying to make (rather badly) is that getting to your goal is only the beginning of your new life - not the endpoint. Allow yourself time to adjust to the new you and try not to have unrealistic expectations of how you will feel when you get there. You are such a different person when you reach your goal that it can take some time to get to know yourself again and reassess your values and aspirations. If like me, you decide to make some drastic changes (I started a second job to re-direct my career path into something more suitable for my new found skills) then there can be periods of time where you are well and truly out of your comfort zone.
    Its a process of transition and it is different for everyone - but make time to remind yourself every day of how far you have come and acknowledge your achievement, it really makes a difference when you are learning to love the "new you".

    Good luck and sorry for the rambling
    Laura
     
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  13. fatboynotyetslim

    fatboynotyetslim Full Member

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    Laura its amazing how similar our thoughts and experiences are. I too had unrealistic expectations of myself and have aspired to be the sort of person I thought a slim person would be. This has placed a huge amount of pressure on me over the years and one reason I have experienced some incredible lows in life. For the majority of my late teens and twenties life has flown by without me really participating in it. This will always be one of the regrets I have but I will not fall in to the trap of living in the past. If I.ve allowed myself to waste part of my life, I'm sure as hell going to try to live life to the full and make up for those years.
    As I change physically and my confidence grows I will not back down from situations but embrace them and tackle them head on.
    I always knew the real journey would start after I had lost the weight, I never actually knew just what that involved, but as I near my target I'm starting to become more aware. I have thought alot more about it, especially in the past couple of days. I don't have any concrete answers as yet but I'm confident I'll find the real person within.
     
  14. SoonToBeGorgeous

    SoonToBeGorgeous Loving the Cambridge Diet

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    I have had exactly the same problems myself.

    I started out knowing how successful Cambridge is but unsure as to how successful it would be for me.

    Then the weight started to fall off and continued to fall off.

    I am picking up clothes in a store and looking at them thinking 'that will never fit' and I try them on and they are too big and fall off me!

    I too don't want to tell my friends how much weight I have lost. I have lost nearly 5 1/2 stones with 5 1/2 stones to go. At the beginning I wanted to tell them how much I have lost. Now I am getting that I don't want to do that any more - I hate the thoughts of them working out how much I weighed before I started because I am truly truly ashamed of that weight.

    I have to just keep focussing on the amount of weight that has gone and the way my body is starting to take on a fabulous new shape and design. Being able to wear clothes I haven't been able to wear for over 20 years. Putting clothes out to the Charity shop and to sell on Ebay on an almost weekly basis, knowing that the clothes which fit me right now will not fit me come January 1st.

    Watching the new me emerging like a butterfly from a chrysalis.

    It is a truly magical and wonderful journey and we must never lose sight of how much effort and sheer willpower we have contributed to that process.

    Hope everyone has a fantastic Cambridge journey x
     
  15. Jelly belly

    Jelly belly Member

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    Hi John,

    First of all congratulations on the weight loss.

    As you can see from the replies you're obviously not alone.

    I had a chat with my CDC this week asking how long it would take for my head to catch up with my body.

    I've lost 5.5 stone and gone from a size 24 to a size 14/16 and although the clothes are smaller and i'm still amazed that something that small actually fits i still see me in the mirror.

    Like you I get loads of compliments when i see people that I havn't seen for a while but all I see is the stomach and the fat that I saw before.

    I'm hopin that it will just get better with each day and that 1 day I won;t even think about it.

    Keep going John you;ve done great

    Jo xx
     
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  16. SHAZA

    SHAZA Silver Member

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    What a brilliant thread

    Its amazing to read that as you loose weight the problems that you always hid behind rolls of fat come to the surface

    Fatboynotyetslim ~ well done for the massive weight loss ~ I know what you mean about admiting how much weight you have lost ~ I can see people mentally working out what I must have weighed before ~ why do we think that it would be any different, we have always lied about our weight so whats new !!

    Mrs C ~ I totally get your post, I am so glad that someone out there feels the same as me, I hate peoples reaction to me loosing weight. They take a big intake of breath and then rabbit on about how much better I look and how much younger and I must feel better and I think SHUT UP, you dont know anything, and who do you think you are to inflict all this attention on me, How come you will stand and talk to me now, just because I have lost weight. I want to scream

    I AM SHARON, SAME AS I EVER WAS AND DONT FOR GOODNESS SAKE JUDGE ME BY MY WAIST SIZE

    I am rabbiting on, sorry folks but I am really struggling with the "emotions" of loosing weight and I still have a long long way to go but at the moment, I am hating the attention, I want to be liked for who I am and not what I weigh !!!

    Can of worms well and truly open hey Big John (oh just checked out your blog ~ you have done so amazing and in such a short time frame too)

    Shaza
     
  17. chunkychicken

    chunkychicken Full Member

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    Shaza - don't get me started on that soapbox.
    In a nutshell sometimes I want to just kick people square in the shin! You know the ones that wouldn't even make eye contact with you before the weight started to come off, but make a beeline to chat to you now the weight is off. Or the men that would have recoiled in horror if you accidently brushed past them before and now go out of their way to hold a door open....
    I have days where I am flattered and happy about this, that I am getting the recognition for my hard work, and then there are days where I want to scream at them that I am the same person with the same feelings and just how bloody shallow are they ????
    Anywho, its all a learning process and I am starting to realise that the only opinion of the new me that matters is my own. (doesn't restrain the urge to kick shins on occasion though!! LOL)
    Have a great day everyone.

    p.s. John - great attitude mate. There is a whole new life waiting for you out there - get out there and have a great old time, you deserve it!
    x
    Laura
     
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  19. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi

    I am new here. I have posted a bit about me on the introduction sticky thread, and I have been reading this thread.

    I have not started LL yet. I plan too after the holidays. I just cannot make that kind of commitment without time to get my head around it.

    It's so inspirational reading all your stories. It makes me sad at the same time as it comforts me. We all have missed out on a lot because of our weight, haven't we. :( I guess thats why it made me sad. But at the same time hopeful. If that makes sense.

    I am hoping to finally chase the demons out of my head and get back to who I am, trapped inside this unfriendly body. I too wonder about the mental implications. I have ALWAYS seen myslef as being fat. I was not fat until I was 26 or 27 - I am 47 now. I sat on the sidelines of my youth, ashamed of my body, yet when I look back at old photos, I was a normal sized girl. All I saw was a fat one. No doubt due to believing the teasing from my brothers and their friends. When it really got serious, was after an extremely hurtful and unfair comment made by my EX husband. That was when it all went downhill, and the weight piled on. For the past 20 years I feel as if I have been slowly killing myself. Its been a long painful road, and I can;t imagine that after losing (hopefully) the weight that there won't be a need for a major mental revamp.

    The whole thing scares me. FOod has been both a comfort and a weapon. Giving it up scares the hell outta me. BUt my weight now scares it outta me more. I hate it, and I hope theinspiration I feel now, reading some of these comments stays with me, and I for once find myself again, buried under all this fat.

    Whatever mental work that will be needed, certainly wo't be any worse then what is has been for the past 40 years. It's got to be worth it.

    Well done to all of you. I hope I am as successful as you all have been. REally - my hats off to you and I am in awe.

    Thanks for letting me share.
     
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