Pretty little blue Pill!!!- the fight to the end!!!!!

[Kes]

im not exactly feeling better.... i physically feel better in the i think and hope that the worst of my HORRID monthly is over. but today im so emotional!!!
i dont know how to describe it exactly....
i had a dream about an ex (well i dont think we were ever really together but we had a really strong spark and bond) and its brought up so many emotions.....
i have been scowering the internet for his phone number and or email, as he doesnt respond to any of the emails ive sent to the email address that ive got for him...
ive finally just found a telephone number for him.. i dont know why i want to get back in contact with him. as im perfetctly happy in my marriage. (well 99% of the time) but i really dont want to lose his friendship...
but oh my gosh. i just want to cry at the thought of him...
i know what you are all going to say. and thats not to contact him (well most of you might say that anyway, it would only dredge up past that doesnt need to be brought up) but i really need to talk to him. i dont know why... he is accross the other side of the world in my home country (australia if anyone doesnt already know)
im so ahhhhhh i dont know...

 

[cherrytimmers]

i have the same bond with someone so i kinds know how you feel. i am also happily married and i know he is married too but it's been tough as i never told him how i felt - i think it was obvious but i would do anything to stay close to him as i didn't want to lose him as a friend ie. i was one of the first visitors when his daughter was born and i sang at his wedding! that was tough - especially when he would dredge up previous drunken exploits when he was tipsy!! his view of it all was that we were too compatible, but in my head it was taht i wasn't skinny enough for him, it plays on your head even if you are happy with your o/h why not contact him?? have you tried facebook?? it's a good way of people knowing you're there and the contact you have is as much or as little as you want! i have friends that have moved away from the UK and while i only speak to one of them on the phone (in the US) i have friends in oz and nz! I don't really speak to my friend anymore becasue i no longer work with him but this month he's shaving his head for charity and invited me along! i'm going to go, and take my beautiful daughter with me!...............x

 

[Earthmother]

I guess we all have someone with a special place in our hearts, no matter how happy we are with our partners. However, I know two people who have contacted former loves thru Friends Reunited and it broke up their marriages. One is very happy with the ex, the other wishes she'd never heard of Friends Reunited and regrets losing her marriage. Think very carefully.

 

[cherrytimmers]

i guess thats good advice also - i'd ask yourself if you imagine that preson knocking on your door and saying i love you - what would you say back? if you're not sure - don't contact but if you're 110% sure you'd say i'm sorry then do!

 

[Kes]

oh i would never leave my husband. or ever go behind his back, my husband had an affair just after we got married and i would never ever do that to him (although at the begining of it all i just wanted to do exactly that..) but i would be completly honest with him in telling him im contacting him and i wouldnt hide such a thing.. it was a horrible feeling when i found out about my husbands affair and would never go behind anyones back to be with someone...

 

[kae]

oooh god i know the feeling! its so weird isnt it! is only a quick post cos i have only just got in from 730 this morn but i didnt want to post an run!

I think when yiu settle down and get in to a routine of doing the same thing your mind often wonders back to a time when u were more care free! And for some reason a certain person sticks in your mind! for me i know the person was not right for me and never would be but you pin point that time in your life to being a happy one! For some reason we erase the bad stuff and fucus on the good stuff! It soo mind boggling isnt it!!

I hate to be a boring old so and so but the person that trigger these .. erm feelings i make no contact at all cos in a way its just like a fantasy (some thing you should rarely act out! heheh) and as much as you love your husband you are gunna have what if moments!

S my advice is stick to the fanasys! the reality of it is alot more boring hehehe

love katie!!

ps i hope i havent babbled on... i am soooo sleep deprived its unreal hahaha

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Kes]

is it wrong for me to want to stay friends and keep in touch then.... i understand where everyones coming from, but i would never want to leave my husband for him or any of my other past experiences... but i am friends and do keep in touch with a lot of them regardless of if we had that spark or not.....
should i just completly cut all these people out of my life, and just have them as memories??

 

[kae]

is it wrong for me to want to stay friends and keep in touch then.... i understand where everyones coming from, but i would never want to leave my husband for him or any of my other past experiences... but i am friends and do keep in touch with a lot of them regardless of if we had that spark or not.....
should i just completly cut all these people out of my life, and just have them as memories??

it is a really tough one this! On one hand why shouldnt you be friends! on the other would you be happy with your husband if he got in touch with some one from his past who he had some feelings for? even if he did not want to start a realtionship!

if it was my OH i dont think id be too happy. but then again were not married but we do have 2 kids together! I just would not be keen on it at all!

hope this helps hun!

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kes]

ive got no problem with my hubby talking to other people past or present. but he knows that anyone who has anything to do with his affair he isnt allowed to tlak to (well ive voiced my opinion about the matter very clearly.)
i dont think i would ever stop him talking to one of his ex's... in fact i think he does still talk to one of them (as they were more like friends)

 

[cherrytimmers]

he's on the other side of the world Kes - whats the harm. you know you're not gonna cheat and if you o/h gets a little moody about you contacting old friends tough titties! - he crossed the line don't mean you will x

 

[Kes]

thanks all...
im not exactly feelng great at the moment... feeling really low in general, and probly slightly depressed....
im tired, and just lacking that normal oomfh ive normally got... so bored right now.........

anyway ive not updated on the last couple of days... so i should do that...

ive been having the usual shakes.
although this morning i had a cinnamon and raisin bagel (without anything on it) for breakfast, and a shake for lunch.
last night for dinner we had steak with wholegrain mustard, onion and peppercorn sauce and loads of veg
tonight we had pad thai again (without the egg)
we have a friend down from sheffield tonight and tomorrow so i hope things can stay the same. they are having normal pizza tomorrow night and i got a Weight watchers one for me. and we are going to have salad.
they are all going Karting tomorrow night which im a bit down about that i can not go because of my back cant do anything fun anymore!!!!!
anyone got a little pick me up???

 

[cherrytimmers]

not legal i'm afraid!! LOL!

chin up kes.... you may have only been on xenical for a few weeks but you are an inspiration! i only hope that you get something back alike what we get from you! Your recipes, your menus, your words...... more than you know chick x
:wave_cry:

 

[Kes]

thankyou... thats really sweet of you to say that....
(now in tears)

i dont know whats wrong with me........

 

[kae]

awww hun dont wanna sound like a clieche (sp??) but is it totm?


Also its just not fair when other people are doing some thing and you cant! Couldnt they have chosen something else to do that you culd be involved in?

On the plus side you sound very incontroll of your food hun and thats fantastic!

Im from sheffield too! maybe i know these friends?? heheh maybe not!

keep your chin up hunny! your doing a fab job! you are defo an inspiration hun!

speak soon

love katie
xxx

 

[Kes]

its a Boy thing!! lol... so its kinda no aimed for me.. but when it was organised i was going to be doing it... as i like cars....

he lives in creswell so i dunno where that is from you kae...
yeah it is that time of the month.... i guess its just that.....
i just feel really low and depressed..... ive not felt like this before....

i dont hvae any urges to have bad food. not like i used to....

i did have for pudding tonight some chocolate brownie ben and jerries frozen yoghurt one... oh thats yummy....

 

[Kes]

although im on my last day of my period.....

 

[kae]

u feelin any better today mrs?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Kes]

yes and no...
i still feel really down.... i have finished my period. so i dont see why im all ... the boys went out and had some drinks last night but i just didnt feel like going, so i said i was tired. (which i was.. but stil didnt feel like being out) and today they have gone out shopping.. oh my goodness ive got something wrong with me because i didnt want to go shopping.. what girl doesnt want to go shopping!!!
BLAH

 

[Earthmother]

Actually, I never want to go shopping, However yesterday I went shopping with my sons girlfriend and when I saw all the fabulous clothes I could buy if I was slimmer it actually strengthened my resolve. I'm starting to think about fashion again, instead of just being grateful to find something that fits, regardless of whether I love the design or not (usually not).

 

[Kes]

i usually love shopping, just didnt want to leave the house.....

ok just looking over my diary ive not updated on food for a bloody long time... so heres a catch up.
Wednesday:
usual drive time coffee, sweetner and skimmed milk
Breakfast- chocolate premade slim fast shake *forgot to take my tablet GRRRRRR)
Snack- Tea with 1 sugar, semi skimmed milk
Lunch- Banoffee premade slim fast shake
Snack- Satsuma
Dinner- Hubby's Lemon chicken and salad.
Drink: 2.4litres
No work out today.

Thursday:
Usual drive time coffee, sweetner and skimmed milk
Breakfast: Chocolate pre made slim fast shake
Snack: Nothing
Lunch: Chocolate premade slimfast shake
Snack: Satsuma, Tea with sweetner and semi milk
Dinner: Steak with wholegrain mustard and onion and black peppercorn sauce, brocolli, peas and corn and a small amount of potatoes.
Drink: 2.5 litres
no workout today.

Friday:
Coffee in bed... ahhhh so nice!!! sweetner and Skimmed milk
Breakfast: Dry Raisin and Cinnamon Bagel
Snack: Nothing
Lunch: Chocolate premade slim fast shake.
Snack: Nothing
Dinner: Pad Thai (large portion) NO EGG
Pudding: 1/2 tub Ben & Jerries Frozen Yoghurt (chocolate brownie)
Drink: 2.1 litres
Exersise: cleaning for about 4 hours....

Saturday:
Coffee, sweetner and skimmed milk.
Breakfast: wasnt up early enough...
Snack: Nothing
Lunch: Weight watchers plain bagel with Tesco's extra light choices garlic and herb soft cheese, 1 tablespoon baked beans.
Snack: 1 Apple
Dinner: 1 weight watchers ham and pineapple Pizza, 3 table spoons spice sensation cous cous, salad.
Pudding: weight watchers chocolate mousse
Drink: 2.5 litres
Exercise: 39mins Wii Fit.

Sunday:
Breakfast: nothing (wasnt up early enought)
Snack: nothing
Lunch: Strawberry Powder made slim fast shake, Coffee sweetner and skimmed milk.
Snack: nothing
Dinner: Chickens stuffed with Tesco's extra light choices garlic and herb soft cheese wraped in Ham.
2 slices of Parma Ham GRRR so cranky at myself about that one!!!!!
3 tablespoons tomato cous cous, salad and home made chips.
Drink: 2.25 litres.
Exersise: 39 mins Wii Fit... why i dont do 1 more min is beyond me LOL...
Measured myself on sat (did it 3 weeks ago)
and ive lost...
Waist- 2 inches
Bum- 2 inches
Boobs- 2 inches
each leg- 1 inch each
arms- 1/2 inch each

WOW i was completly over the moon about that!!!
and ive finally got a pair of trousers that pretty much fall off me... WOOP WOOP... if i were to wear them i would need a belt... which is cool.. but im going to pass them onto a friend, who i hope they will fit... so then they are out of my life forever!!. not keeping the big clothes... just kept all my smaller ones!!!!

wow... i cant believe ive writen all that.....
not overly hungry today, so im not going for breakfast or snack but will just go for lunch... i know you shouldnt skip breakfast, but im kinda still in bed... (laptop made it up here so i can be a lazy one this morning lol)

going to get in a fit session later, and i have got no idea what we are going to have for dinner....

Im feeling much better, still not right in myself for some reason... much much better....