Before, during and (eventually) after...Paul's open and honest account.

[porkypaul]

Very quickly....

2.5 pounds off, 2 stone award and slimmer of the week, so very happy with that....Not so happy with my car though, seems it has broken a coil spring God damn it - 2013 is being a pain already..still, these things are here to test us..Nothing that can't be fixed - not that I can afford it mind but what you going to do?..

Hoping for a 1 pound loss next week, making it to Club 10 if I do

 

[Laura250blue]

Well done on your 2.5lb loss

 

[Derbynanny]

Well done on that loss sow etc . Annoying about the car i came back from my Christmas holiday to the same thing had to be rescued from gatwick on a rac flat bed . Ended up being 2 springs and one went through the abs sensor . You don't have a ford do you ?

 

[*EB*]

Very quickly....

2.5 pounds off, 2 stone award and slimmer of the week, so very happy with that....Not so happy with my car though, seems it has broken a coil spring God damn it - 2013 is being a pain already..still, these things are here to test us..Nothing that can't be fixed - not that I can afford it mind but what you going to do?..

Hoping for a 1 pound loss next week, making it to Club 10 if I do

Excellent result x well done!

 

[ladybird777]

Well done - I read your diary last night and came back today to see how you'd done.

 

[skinnylegs]

Oh well done you. Great weight loss.

 

[porkypaul]

16th Jan

Decided today that I want to change jobs, been at my place for over 2 years now and I just can't take any more of it...won't say why just in case Big Brother is watching somehow Anyway, I've applied for 5 jobs tonight for starters, hoping at least one of them will give me the courtesy of an interview, not as if I'm applying to be a rocket scientist, hehe Oh and I have a couple of nice suits which should fit me now I'm two stone lighter.

Car won't be fixed until Wednesday at the earliest and I've still got to find a way of getting it to the damn garage! Ah, I'll worry about that later in the week. I've got use of another car tomorrow, I'm off Wednesday and I've managed to secure myself a lift Fri and Sat and then back to using other car Sunday, day off Monday and then I'll worry about it then.

Today's been strange food wise...Had one of those SW bar things for my breakfast (hexb) that someone had put in the SOTW fruit basket. Attempted to eat lunch at work but it wasn't great - half a dozen fork full's and I pushed it aside. Had some fruit in the afternoon and then a huge syn free Spag Bog for dinner..yummy. Had a pack of Quavers for a snack but that was it on the syn front - hmmm, not fifteen for sure. Weird how one can go from one extreme to the other in a few days. I've put on here how difficult it was all of last week, yet today I've hardly given food a second thought, not one tinsy urge for a binge...Wouldn't it be great to have the answers as to why it's like that?..Think of the money you could make lol!

There are a few programmes on the TV at the moment about weigh losses etc..Embarrassing (fat) bodies on Monday night, then that programme filmed in the Sunderland hospital's fat clinic been on tonight. Not sure if I'm weird by believing it's good (for me) to watch these. It's a huge reminder of how I could easily get if I'm not careful...I do sit there and wonder how in the hell do people let themselves get so overweight. Ok, so I started at 22 stone but I'm quite tall with a big torso and you'd never guess I weighed that much (cliche' being 'I carry it well') but I just couldn't imagine actually being another 10 or 15 or even 20 stone heavier. But then again, I can get very..um, what's the word?..Very, 'Judgemental' I suppose.

The 29 yr old that was on last week, who weighed 45 odd stone..He's telling the cameras and us, the viewers, how good he's been and that he's managed to lose three stone in twelve weeks!? Eh?! On one hand he should be applauded but surely if he was really serious about wanting to lose it (as he claimed) he can't be being that strict to lose just 3lb a week for 12 weeks, especially as he's 30 stone overweight. Or the woman who was on last night who had a number of medical complications because of her weight..She was complaining and saying how upset she was by it all and how she wanted so much to be better (she wasn't that old)- she goes away and comes back six months later having lost a stone! Again, eh? Then again, perhaps I watch these programmes with my 'all or nothing' head on eh? Perhaps I'm too judgemental sometimes, well when it comes to these programmes, or more so some of the people on them.

I was thinking today about how quick time goes and how, if I stick to the eating plan, I will be to target in (what will seem) no time. We're already half way through January..Here's how I see it...Pay day Friday week, sister's birthday, Valentines day, and then (as it's a short month) the end of Feb. Look forward then to it becoming warmer...Before you know it, it's the end of March, I mean, that's like ten weeks away...Things go to plan and I'll be over half way there by then

 

[elm]

If you just bought the car, shouldn't it have coverage? Or do they not have that in your country?

 

[porkypaul]

If you just bought the car, shouldn't it have coverage? Or do they not have that in your country?

Oh no, nothing like that, unfortunately...Car's quite a few years old now.

Just though I'd quickly pop in to say today (Wednesday) has been much the same as Tuesday..Crap day at work but good day on the
eating front - no hint of a binge twinge (I might coin that phrase lol) and enjoyed a small breakfast, light lunch and big dinner. All good
SW food though and only 6 - 8 syns..Long may this continue.

 

[skinnylegs]

I'm really glad that you're doing so well especially after the week you've had. Fingers crossed on the job front.

 

[porkypaul]

17th Jan

Day off work today ..Still can't get my car fixed, looks like it's going to be the end of next week before that happens..hey ho, C'est la vie and all that.

Had a lovely cheese salad sandwich for my lunch today, with the obligatory pack of Quavers and tonight I'm having SW Scotch eggs, chips and beans - nom nom

I am, seemingly, much hungrier today which has probably got a lot to do with being at home at not at work but the urge to binge isn't there. I was wondering earlier if the wish to binge is, in any way, related to the fact that I'm so far off target still...I've seventy odd pounds still to lose and even at two pounds a week that's thirty-five weeks away. When one is at a low ebb then thirty-five weeks seems like forever and feels unachievable. Perhaps that's when the binge twinge comes on because I'm subconsciously saying to myself that there's no point in trying because I can't achieve it anyway? Hmmm, I don't know. Still, that's negative thinking and I'm not feeling negative today.

Had a couple of preliminary phone interviews today so that's a positive on the job front- both of them are quite happy to move me on to the first interview 'proper'...I guess it's a waiting game now? I do get involved with recruitment in my current job (which has nothing to do with the job I do) and I can see the benefits of doing that now. You get a feeling of knowing what they do and don't want to hear lol. Trust me, you do make your mind up 99% within the first couple of minutes of interviewing someone for a job. The saying 'first impressions count' is no more relevant when you go for a job interview.

I am beginning to feel the difference of losing just over two stone. I'm a little bit more agile, a lot more comfortable, acid indigestion has gone altogether, I've more energy and my clothes are fitting me better. I now believe that it's so, so important to praise yourself when you do something (even something as simple as tying your laces) which you find distinctly easier to do prior to losing the weight you have. Actually, I've just taken a look at my 'before' picture..Have to admit, I'm disgusted by it - embarrassed and horrified too! Wow..keep looking at that and I should never go back!!

 

[RainbowRose]

You are doing so well and you sound so determined...well done!

I also watch all the weight loss programmes and am disappointed Biggest Loser UK is not on this year ...I was discussing on another thread that I read recently about a woman losing 8 stone in 6 weeks!!!!!! on LighterLife and then I watched the man on Weight Loss Ward who had lost 4 stone 11lb in 5 weeks!!!! CRIKEY...oh well, I'll just keep plodding on...good things (and results) come to those who wait

Have a good evening Paul

 

[porkypaul]

20th Jan (early hours of)

Well, this week is certainly flying by..positively so.

No urges to binge and no problems with my 'eating' - so to speak. Well, that's to say that I've carried on the theme of light breakfast, light lunch and nice sized dinner. Not having my 15 syns either but that hasn't been a struggle.

Monday's weigh in will be week seven so I'm at the top of the hill regarding keeping this going and staying 100% focussed.

Had to smile re a comment from one of the women at work. She said jokingly that I was 'wasting away' but more seriously, that it was really starting to notice. She followed this up by suggesting I must be very close to getting to where I want to be. I smiled back saying I've still another four stone (minimum) to lose. She wouldn't have it, saying if I lost that much I'd be too skinny. I suppose it reinforces what I said earlier about being lucky that I 'carry' my weight well. I mean, going on 'those charts', even when I have lost another four stone I'll still be nearly two stone heavier than I should weigh at my heaviest.

Decided that I'm not listening to any so-called charts or so called expert advice. I'll keep going until I can look in the mirror (both dressed and undressed) and be honestly and truly happy with what reflects back at me, once there I will be looking to maintain. I've said here that will be on or around fifteen stone five pounds, with my first true target though is getting into the seventeen stone (something) bracket.

I'm going to mention again this 'before' picture I have. Taken just eight weeks ago and already I'm beginning to not recognise that person and not just because of the size I am, but the person I am. I may have mentioned this before (and I apologise if I have) but I recently saw a picture of myself from December 2011 with a cigarette in my hand, and it was the same feeling..I find it hard to believe I ever smoked, I just don't look right with a fag in my hand...I'm going to hazard a guess that I will feel the same way about my weight.

As the title of this thread suggests, this is all about my journey. Once I have lost another stone and one pound I will post, here, two pictures...One being the 'before' picture and one being the 'during' picture. The reason why I'll do it then is because once I have lost another fifteen pounds, I will be exactly half way to my goal. Then, sometime before November of this year, I'll post all three of the pictures...Before, during and after

It really is strange what difference a week makes you know...By staying really strong through the tough, difficult periods - and being able to come out the other side of that..it does feel as though it's a little easier. You're a bit more used to eating less and eating correctly, you're a little lighter, a little more proud of yourself, it's a little more noticeable to other people that you're losing weight and there's a little more confidence within your mind that you can, in fact, do this. And, by looking at that 'before' picture of yourself, you're a little bit more detached from that unhappy, depressed, withdrawn and disillusioned person you'd become.

 

[*EB*]

Looking forward to the photos, I've been taking a photo at each stone I lose...10lbs until my 2 stone (since going back post baby!) it's very motivating seeing the differences.

Are you exercising as well? I need to restart my fitness!!!

X

 

[skinnylegs]

You're doing so well Paul. I think you're right to go by how you look in the mirror than off a chart. It's how you feel not what a chart tells you how to feel.

 

[Derbynanny]

Isn't it amazing how relatively easy it can be at times and how good you feel when it is like that . So wish I could bottle up those feelings for when the hard times come . I went into melt down mode last week and totally binged ... That point when you are just eating for the sake of eating and nothing tastes good anymore :-( it lasted 3 days and I felt miserable . Now after 3 back on track days I feel like I can conquer the world well at least the sw world . Keep up the good work Teresa

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

Well done Paul I like and get your thinking - looking forward to seeing your pictures x

 

[porkypaul]

Evening of 20th Jan

:happy036: I'm off work tomorrow and the snow is tipping it down! And it's weigh in day and that's flown by...wow

Interesting tonight..Had a HUGE dinner of free food. that being Sweet and Sour chicken with rice. Realise how I've still a lot of work to do re cutting down on my portion sizes. It's all well and good it being free food but I've got to seriously consider eating less, even if it is 'free'. What made it that much more interesting was this...I'd finished the said dinner, I really was (over) full but I still wanted more, not of the free stuff but chocolate or cake or bread and butter or anything similar...How weird is that and what exactly is that all about. It's been easy enough not to have any of that stuff because I was too full (and still am) but I still had (and still have) that urge to eat it.

I haven't been exercising yet..Keep promising to do so but I'm using the weather as a pathetic excuse not to do any...It's a cop out and I know it..hmmm - perhaps I should start with an alternative, like something on the xbox 360 connect thing. I've talked about it before so I'm beginning to sound like a scratched record.

So who has to the answer to what it exactly is that we all want to bottle up...You know, when things are going easy and all of this losing weight and eating properly is a doddle...Are we so used to eating rubbish that we will always, at any given point, crave to have some of what we've always had?...I've been overweight for a vast majority of my adult life (say 28 of the last 30 years) so it's not that difficult to work out why those cravings come like they do. I'm beginning to believe that half the battle is re-training our minds...just got to keep telling it (one's mind) that I don't eat that 'crap' any more. But even as I sit here now, as full as I still feel - I just want to go and eat something I shouldn't....grrrrrrrrr But why ? This is what really bloody annoys me - Surely nicotine is a much more difficult drug to kick that crap food is and I've been smoking that in vast quantities for 28 of the last 30 years too and I've found it relatively easy to stop.

Are we born to be smokers, born to be obese or born to be drug addicts? No, surely not..Ok, I can accept some of us are born with addictive personalities but it's all about control isn't it? Are some of us simply rebels who don't want to be told what we can or can't smoke, eat or inject? It's perhaps easier than I think...Don't feel sorry for myself and simply accept that I will be obese and unhappy if I make the choice to eat too much crappy food. The trouble is, is that there are times when I just don't care about what I'm doing to myself, I just don't care that

My biggest sized trousers have to be kept up with a belt because they won't do up
I have to hide the wrappings from food I've bought and scoffed in secret
I can't play football with my son because I feel too lethargic and worn out
I have chronic acid indigestion
I wake up from a deep sleep gasping for breath
I Wish that my wife to sod off to bed so I can go and raid the cupboards
I get out of breath if I walk up the stairs (once) too quickly
I shun social events because I'm too embarrassed as well as having nothing decent to wear
I'm too ashamed of my body to even consider 'doing anything' in the bedroom
I can't clean myself properly after going to the loo so I have to have a shower

.........Why in God's name don't I care that I do those things to myself? Sheesh...I just gotta make all the above something I only ever used to do to myself, those days have to go once and for all.

 

[Derbynanny]

Once again such an open and honest post .


One thing I would say is do NOT even think of cutting back your portion sizes until the weight loss has stalled even then there are other things you can do before portion size ( speed foods and more super free etc )

Whenever I think about cutting the portions or cutting the carbs etc I always end up hungry and bingeing.

I think many of us have deep rooted feelings of food as a treat or a comfort especially snack / sweet food and we believe we are being deprived if we can't have what we want when we want it, inside we all have a rebellious toddler. I work as a nanny and I need to treat my inner child the same way as I do a demanding toddler.

Hope you get to wi tomorrow and remember whatever the number it is just part of a bigger picture we are eating ourselves healthier.

 

[RainbowRose]

Hello again Paul

When I came back and joined this forum almost 2 years ago, I could have written your posts myself! In my first few posts, I made a list of everything I hated about my size and shape and more importantly how unhealthy I felt.

Excess weight causes and leads to all sorts of nasty conditions, and don't I know it!!!..So take comfort in the fact you are doing something about it and that takes great determination and motivation. Like me, you have a young child and want to enjoy being a parent. You have all the right reasons and sensible thinking towards your quest.

Print the same list you typed here and pin it up where you can see it every day, pin up the photos you mention and use them to motivate and encourage you. I have done that Paul and believe me, when it is in your face every day, you do believe in yourself and you become more determined.

I don't know why we still crave the naughty food, the only reason I can think of is...habit!..and like everything else, if you keep repeating something it becomes a habit, so make the quest for the new you..your new habit!

You have stopped smoking, very well done..that took determination and a mountain of willpower, so you have the ability to use the same willpower to keep at this!

Don't always rely on numbers on scales, even when they refuse to budge, you may still be losing inches, so measure yourself monthly, neck, arms, chest, waist, legs etc, you will be surprised..and rather pleased

I am in the silver section of the diaries, but you need 500 posts to read my diary, maybe when you do, you could pop in and just have a wee read of the first few pages...I had the very same issues, I'm not at goal, but I'm plodding on!

Wishing you lots of luck and feel free to pm me if you ever need to rant or scream, or just chat.. i understand..like so many others on here!