Before, during and (eventually) after...Paul's open and honest account.

Thursday 19th Jan

Well, loving this EE choice :) Purchased a SW cook book yesterday and cooked Turkey Meatballs with a spicy tomato sauce and Tagi pasta tonight...How nice was it?! ...One of the positives of this non smoking lark is being able to taste foods that much better...so having something like I did tonight made it all the nicer. Going to make myself a (lean) beef stew tomorrow...loads of veg in it...drool


Feeling a lot more chipper today...proud of battling through what I did last weekend and happy I've had a little loss last week...Hoping for 2 1/2 lb this week for a stone and a half in a month. Going to be interesting though, what with trying the EE this week. Bad thing but good thing is that my electronic scales are playing up and I'm unable to weigh myself :cry: so I'll have no idea where I'll be before next wednesday...Again I'm working lates so won't get weighed until 8:45pm.

For sure this journey isn't going to be easy, I know that as well as everyone reading this. But if I can just keep on getting through these mini crises then surely it has to get easier doesn't it? It is simple to see why people fail and why I did last time. If you're not in a 100% correct frame of mind then you'll only be able to kid yourself for so long...I still detest what I see in the mirror though, if only that alone was enough to keep me fully focussed...strangely it isn't :mad:

I know this sounds like a cliche' but if I can do this then anyone can...honest to God they can. I know I'm not out of the woods yet (am I ever going to be) but I need to start being more proud of myself than I am at the moment. It's that feeling good about yourself that's hard to do- after spending so many years not doing so, one just can't flick a switch. I'm wondering how much I'll have to lose before I start to feel really proud, and beleive I'm really getting somewhere...another 20 lbs me thinks- about 3 stone altogether.

So there we go...Off work tomorrow which is good, before I have to work the weekend...sigh. :rolleyes: Still, have to pay the bills eh? lol

Roll on Wednesday :D
 
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Loving the honestly in your posts Paul :) and you are so correct, i too wish that not liking what i see in the mirror was enough to keep me focused. the strange thing is, it WAS a mirror that started me off last year!..just got to find that darn switch that keeps the lightbulb moment on now! :)

have a great weekend and keep going, you are doing well :)
 
26th Jan

Ugh...not been well the last 3 or 4 days - which is unusual for me. Had a poorly tum which has left me with cramps and a very uncomfortable bloated feeling. Feeling much better this morning. Have no idea what's caused it, 'cept maybe eating too many eggs.

It's quite difficult to stay 100% focussed when you feel crappy but I didn't venture off plan that badly...If anything I didn't eat enough (A's, B's and fruit/veg).

Anyhoo, no weigh in last night because I was working late and got away late - I was going to look for another meeting to attend today but I'm starting work early and going straight out afterwards. Having said that, it'll be nice missing a week because I'll have a chance to get into the 18 stones bracket next wednesday.

I'm still off the dreaded weed which I'm very happy about. It's weird because for the first time since I gave up, I could smell (stale) smoke on someone at work. Strange that it's has taken me four weeks to be able to do that. Didn't make me think "Oh yuk, that's what I used to smell like" which is a shame ha! There have been one or two 'moments' these past five days where I've felt like I've really wanted to have a puff but I have resisted the temptation :)

I was making the boy's lunch boxes the other morning and one of them wanted (Primula) spread cheese. Had to laugh as to how much I wanted to grab a piece of bread and smother it with the Primula and scoff it down. Was is it about eating healthily which makes me crave such foods? I mean, Primula cheese wasn't something I'd consciously buy week in, week out...if at all. But there was I, stood there making this sandwich, feeling like this stuff was the best food ever made! I resisted by the way.

Not sure if I've mentioned before that I'm a bit of a pyromaniac on the side- love our (huge) bonfire parties we have every year. That being said, I took a little road trip the other day and purchased about 70% of the fireworks I'll have for this year (and I have a LOT). They are all consumer fireworks, but they are the biggest and best...I live in a village about 15 miles from Peterborough and I've managed to gain quite a reputation for my back-garden displays...Anyway, it was one of those, 'look at the bargains' things - bit like a woman would be in a clothes/shoe shop lol...I managed to secure £1300 worth of fireworks for £350, which is a pretty good deal me thinks! They are now all safely stored away until October time and I'll be paying for those over the course of the next six months.

Just jumped on my own scales (they are working again) and they tell me I've lost a couple of pounds...Hmm, it is first thing in the morning though and I was wearing very little. The weight's heading in the right direction though and I feel like I've got my 'MoJo' back now I'm feeling better.

Hmmm, talking about food- think I'll go have some breakfast...HExB (toast) and lime marmalade. :D
 
Christmas Eve 2012

Well, well, well...what a year it has been and, to top it all off, I have found my way back to this wonderful site.

It's been a real crappy 2012 if I'm honest, sprinkled with a few bits of good news- but very little of that. I have to admit that trying to give up smoking AND lose weight (on top of other issues) was rather folly...doomed to fail. Still, one has to live and learn :)

Just over three weeks ago I was finally able to say (to myself) that I won't ever smoke again. As per previous posts, I gave up smoking around this time last year. I haven't smoked since, despite the numerous situations I've found myself in where all I wanted to do was actually smoke. However, I seem to have will power I didn't know existed and I resisted at every turn. From smoking between twenty - sixty fags a day (for THIRTY years) to nothing has been a real achievement. I need to be proud of myself.

So, with giving up the 'weed' a success I felt I was able to turn to the next personal issue, to finally lose the weight...once and for all. On Dec 3rd (the day after my 48th birthday) I took myself down to the nearest SW group and weighed in. I tipped the scales at an embarrassing 307 pounds...just about twenty-two stones, I was disgusted.

From always feeling I should give up smoking to actually WANTING to is what made the difference and the same now applies to losing this weight.

I've just weighed in (third week of weight loss) and I'm twenty-five pounds lighter. First week I lost fifteen and a half pounds, second week was four and a half and this week I've lost five, so it's a very good start. I'm focussed and strong and I hope to stay that way. Last January I was kidding myself about being able to 'do it'. There was way too much 'crap' going on in my personal life for me to ever do well. The one thing I'm not doing this time is fooling myself into believing I could succeed, personal issues are very much more settled and I 'can see the light' now.

So I suppose it's a case of 'Here we go again' for the third time. I believe I'm here to stay this time - to see it through to the seven stone I want to shed and even beyond that. I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to have more than one attempt on this particular wagon. I've fallen off twice but I have a much better seat this time around so let's see how I go.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to one and all...
 
Wow amazing losses!!! Keep going at it - you can do it - and you have proved it by giving up smoking. Well done, and remember to reflect often on how well you have done so far...good luck over xmas ;)
 
Missed you Paul!
 
Hello Paul, I just skimmed and read through the entire 9 pages. Good luck with your third attempt buddy, 25lbs is very impressive though. Keep it up!

I am sure you have heard all of the advice out there, but hey if I inspire any motivation then it is worth it.

Imagine yourself in 8 months time. You could either be the same or you can be the man you've been waiting to be for a long time. I use this to motivate myself. I personally do not want have this body any longer, at least until 8 stone is dropped off it.

You can do it man! Good luck!
 
REV23 said:
Imagine yourself in 8 months time. You could either be the same or you can be the man you've been waiting to be for a long time!
Click to expand...

Thanks for this, it's a very good reminder of what is needed to keep oneself motivated!

Thanks also to Elle and Elm :)

Well, it's been two days of relaxing, not carnage, just relaxing off the plan. I haven't totally pigged out but I have eaten like (one suspects) most normal people do at this time of year...I have avoided the chocolates though, which is a good thing. It's probably been about 100 syns over the two days but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I'm back to work today and back on plan. I am not feeling guilty or annoyed at myself either...I've had a wonderful couple of days and now I will switch back on and focus 110%.

I am going to bore everyone and mention again that today is the 366th day (2012 was a leap year) of not smoking - so technically that is a whole year being off the smokes...Weird that I just can't see it as a major achievement, me being me in that respect.

It's a shame how the days fall over the New Year because it means I will have to miss out on a weigh in next Monday, have to wait for the 7th January now. One thing I'm not doing this time around is weighing myself at home or at Boots (chemist) or anywhere else for that matter. It's to do with the different approach I have to all this. I'll lose the weight at whatever rate it comes off, I'm not going to worry about it. I know I've always weighed myself 5 - 10 times a week before now but that achieves nothing at the end of the day. You see, if one looks forward to Christmas 2013 and I've only lost a pound a week, then that's still puts virtually at my target weight!

So I sit here having really enjoyed Christmas so far but always very happy that I'm back on the plan. Although it was nice relaxing off plan, I don't want to be off said plan any longer. One of the stranger aspects of all this was eating a pack of Walkers cheese and onion crisps...I used to scoff these and other flavours) on a very regular basis but not having had them for over three weeks, they tasted weird...not nice at all actually. I could only really taste 'fat', if that makes sense, it wasn't nice at all and I didn't finish the pack. Was much the same when I had a cold meat sandwich on Xmas day night. Even though I used Flora 'extra light', all I could taste was the fat in it.

I hope you've all had a great Christmas and that you have a very happy New Year. I'd best go get dressed and get off to work :( It's horrible having a week off and then having to go back - boo! Still, I've only got two days on then I have the weekend off lol, so it's not all bad.
 
well done for getting back on it! I've restarted several times and sometimes we just have to accept that we have to try again and climb back on that wagon.
 
Dec 30th 2012

Well, after taking two complete days off for Xmas day and Boxing day I'm very pleased with myself that I got straight back on the wagon on the 27th and today marks the fourth day of being totally back on plan. I'm still debating tomorrow night though, that being if I should have a night off (not the whole day) and have a few drinks. That being said, I am working New Years day at 09:00 !

I'm a little frustrated that I'll not be weighing in tomorrow as I should do, the meeting has moved to a morning weigh-in for this week and I can't attend (work). I'm disappointed because I feel I've lost weight this week and it's always nice to see the results on the scales. However, if I'm to continue on my present path, then I should definitely be in the 19's for my next weigh in. Actually, I have the potential to hit three things...1) Get in the 19 stone (something) bracket. 2) Get my 2 stone award and 3) Achieve my club 10.

I've been on this site quite a lot over the past week or so, more reading than anything else and it's great to read about other people's journeys. It does help to motivate you to keep going and achieve your own goals. There was one thread I posted on where I talk about binging being likened to alcoholism, insofar that it, too, is an addiction in my eyes. Someone else talks about not understanding how people can have a biscuit or two and just put the packet aside because she (the poster) can't do that - eat one and the whole pack will go. This is where I said the following:

I have a strange comparison; My best friend of 45 years is a recovering alcoholic, he hasn't had a drink for 14 years now. I saw him through the very worst of his alcoholism and he used to say that he can't understand how people can have one or two drinks and then just stop. He''d say that if he had one drink, he'd have to carry on until he was drunk or ran out of money. I'm the same as you on the biscuit thing and I can only put it down to addiction.

So I do see my binge eating as an addiction, well now I do. It's something that I'm going to have to fight with for ever, not just whilst I lose weight. An addition to the cupboard today is a big box of Family Circle biscuits, these just happen to be my favourite :( I've got a real (binge) battle going on already. A big part of me just wants to go open them and eat the contents...I have to, I just have to keep telling myself that I don't do that any more....

Happy New Year to everyone x
 
I can understand the whole binge thing, I'm a teacher so at Christmas I was given a lot of chocolate which is currently sat in a cupboard along with short bread biscuits, chocolate and crackers and my "fat" is saying just open it start again tomorrow. But no we can both do it! If I dont binge on the contents of my cupboard then I think you shouldn't either!
I had a cold pizza situation today but with a mince pie, just standing there looking at the glorious sugary pastry pie sat on the side, shoved it in the bread bin in the end so I couldn't see it.

Good luck with your non binge and keep up the cracking work.
 
Jan 3rd 2013

S'funny how not having the weekly weigh in bothers me, I feel it's all to do with not quite knowing 'where you are' in regards to how much more I've lost.

It's easy for me to think I've lost more weight but I'm not absolutely sure and I think it's that which is bugging me. Or, being a little more specific, it might be more that I'll, put some sort of number in my head before weigh in regarding what I hope to have lost over two weeks - consequently that number might be lower than I expected/hoped for and I'll be disappointed. All that said, I am working Fri, Sat, Sun and Monday though and that always takes my mind off how I'm fairing.

I think I'm best just waiting and seeing, if I've lost then great- even if it's a pound.

Had fruit again this morning (for breakfast) which makes it three days out of four I've done that - a good thing to do when I have a day off from work as it releases me to have my hexa and hexb for lunch - which I enjoy so much more.

The night of the 3rd of December, when I sat in the SW meeting, I said to myself that if I can get to seven weigh in's then I will have gotten over a particularly large bridge and this will be pivotal to my success. Well, next Monday will be weigh-in number five. I know for certain that if I get to the end of Jan, still on this wagon then I'm going to do this - I'm going all the way!!
 
I think the weekly weigh ins help to keep you on track. You should carry on after 7 weeks its a new start so don't focus on what happened before it's about what happens now. Also don't forget we're sending the before and after pics next new year's!
 
so nice to see you back and well done so far :) Isn't it silly how now weighing in when you want to can make you feel anxious. But not long until weigh in now .

I can so understand the addiction thing

Good luck

Teresa
 
Hey how did weigh In go? Keep going this must be week 6 now? Love a super free tea what did you have?
 
skinnylegs said:
Hey how did weigh In go? Keep going this must be week 6 now? Love a super free tea what did you have?
Click to expand...

Weigh-in is tomorrow (Monday) evening...it'll be week five...I think I'm looking forward to it, be a tad disappointed if it's not 4lbs to be honest but we'll see.

Last two mornings I have had the syn free pancakes for breakfast. The sound of them was yukky, they looked yukky when I was mixing them but they tasted bliddy loverly when I ate them :) Having a roast dinner later as that's my weekly treat! Work today and tomorrow so I shouldn't have too much time to think about getting weighed but still, I wish 7pm Monday night would hurry up and get here :)
 
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Don't put too much pressure on yourself about the weight loss because at the end of they if it's coming off then you're closer to target. I had a thought about the whole 6 week blow out how about this week you buy yourself a 6 week countdown because it will make you go because otherwise it's £5 down the drain. I've been contemplating going back but to be honest I can't really afford it but I do miss the whole atmosphere.
I've tried the syn free pancakes to be honest I didn't really like them have you tried the half syn cake? That's nice and fills a sweet craving.
Sorry just looking at your stats did you lose 15.5 pounds in your first week?
 
skinnylegs said:
I've tried the syn free pancakes to be honest I didn't really like them

Have you tried the half syn cake? That's nice and fills a sweet craving.

Sorry just looking at your stats did you lose 15.5 pounds in your first week?
Click to expand...

The one's with porridge, Muller light and Eggs, yeah? I'll eat them on a regular basis me thinks :)

No, haven't had that cake you speak about...Recipe ?

And..yes, I did lose 15.5 pounds in my first week, simply by eating properly...I didn't think it'd be that much because I did eat loads, albeit the right stuff :)

So, yep - Just one more day before I can weigh in...As I've already said, it will be a relief to finally do so. Just looking at my before pics again :( :( :( That 'man' just gotta go go go ! Well, 25% of him does lol
 
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