WW, calorie counting, VLCD using milkshake powders (dairy free), and finally undiagnosed eating disorder of some form...
when i was 16 I stopped eating properly, over exercised, saw myself as fat, lied to my parents about what I'd eaten during the day, occasionally binged on crap but could never bring myself to make myself sick...I had a terirble home life and this was a matter of control I suppose. in an average day i'd get up for college, drink a half cup of tea, cycle a mile and a half to college, have a snicker and a whole cuppa, do lessons, cycle half a mile to the shops with my mate's shopping lists, cycle the half mile back, lie to them about having eaten at the shops while having a 45 cal cuppa soup and a halfsize can of coke, do more lessons, cycle a mile and a half home and tell my mum i'd eaten at college so i could miss dinner and have another 45 cal cuppa soup about 7pm. most of my calories came from alcohol which I relied upon throughout the day and also lied about.... I was a pretty messed up teenager. I used to go over my friend ayesha's house and her mum would constantly offer me food. i thought she was being hospitable, looking back she was trying to help. I went from 13st to 8st 4 which is when i stopped looking at my weight. Size 20-22 to 8-10 in the end. most of my friends thought i was being sensible about losing weight, even my partner at the time didn't know. I wasn't being sensible.
when i got to uni my friend ayesha and i ended up at the same uni by accident (she failed all her exams and got in through clearing lol), we lived together and she could actually see what i ate, so knowing i can't pass up free food (even when i was starving myself i couldn't pass up free food!) she used to feed me, and when her mum came over she'd feed me too lol. she also watched what I drank too... I met my husband at the end of m first year. Ayesha and I argued badly when i had a nervous breakdown in our second year and we didn't start talking again until 2 years ago, but I am still grateful to Ayesha and Nasrin for what they did for me.
my weight has yo-yo'd since then and i have tried all sorts of things to fix it, I've been bouncing between 14st and 12.5st for 6 years now. I never seem to get below 12st 4 before giving up on whatever diet I'm doing though out of fear generally, fear of ending up like I was at 16.
so I have an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food. I am not only addicted to sugar and fat and refined flours, I also enjoy feeling hungry so slimming world is perfect. I HAVE to eat to lose weight, I NEVER get hungry enough to enjoy the feeling, I HAVE to eat the right things, I CAN'T start drinking either because of the syn value (partly SW, partly because hubby knows about my past and wont let me go overboard!). keeping a food diary means I also CAN'T lie to myself, so it's pretty much the perfect plan for me.
I'm now 12st 6 and still going! slowly, but still going!!!!
