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Doves Diary

#1
So much going on in my head thought it would be good to put it down. I used to write down how I felt loads when I was younger but stopped don't know why?

I've come to realise some fundamental things of late:-

I have to actively participate in the LL journey - I participate in group but it's like after group I forget about what I have learned and concentrate on the food packs. I need to deal with thoughts / feelings as they arise and not suppress them.

I am sabotaging myself because I am scared of losing weight. - being overweight is my defining feature if I'm not fat anymore what am I??? I am back to the smallest size since early 20s and I'm scared to get smaller which is crazy. Someone else hit the nail on the head when the said that when you lose weight all the issues had when you were overweight still exist. I really need to address my issues now

I can do this. It's not hard just different.

I am in denial about my eating habits.

I am lazy

I am starting to have much more self awareness which I need in order to change

I am very organised which can help me plan my life more

I have support. I just need to ask for it

I can do this!!!!!

What I do now is unhealthy habits I need to find healthy habits

I do the best I can with what I know. I now know better

I am deserving of being slim and healthy

I am responsible for me

It's ok to be selfish sometimes
ITs ok to put me first

Feel like I've just had verbal what it's but feel better. Need to think about my goals some more for tomorrow

Sx

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#2
Hi Doves, Very good start indeed! Now all you need to do is keep on posting your feelings day by day and I will guarantee you will find it very cathartic!

I have been keeping a diary book since ? --yonks! anyway, it's surprising how just "voicing" the days anxieties and general happenings can release a lot of tension, apart from which I have often looked back and found that some of the things are quite funny to read.

One of the things that I think a lot of us overweights find very hard is to accept praise for losing the pounds as it's so foreign to us, isn't it?

All the very best in your efforts....:)
 
#3
Doves - if I could "Like" your post I would. I think we are similar in a lot of ways. Good luck with your journey.,
 
#4
Awh thanks Gingette going to keep up with my diary. Definitely helps. What LL do you go to you're in Glasgow as well. I'm at Hillington.

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#5
I got a right kick up the butt yesterday. Twice!!!! First - Saw a girl from school at the shops she looked really glam and immaculate. Me on the other hand had just been swimming and had forgotten a brush - I looked a state I realised I don't take any time to look my best. I'm not setting a good example for my DD.

Second watching DVD of holiday from 2009. I couldn't believe how big I looked I asked DH and DD if that's what I looked like duh!! Politely they said yes.

I'm in complete denial about my size!! I think if I acknowledge it I'll be crippled by it and won't do anything out of embarrassment. I have the opposite of anorexia I see myself thinner. How can I sort this out I think this is the key to me being successful.

Anybody been in this place???

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#6
If you read through some of the diaries here you will find loads of us are in denial of how we really look x I am for definite i avoid the camera like the plague but when someone does actually catch me i cant believe it but saying that hubby took a photo of me first day i started and i could actually see a difference from the last crap pic he took last year (i lost nearly 3 stone on s/w last year) but even now i still dont see myself as a size 30 woman as silly as it sounds,maybe thats a good thing it may be easier to train my mind i deserve and am going to be smaller, keep posting and keep believing and im sure everything will fall into place for us all, its right what everyone said the foodpacks take care of the hunger and practical side of losing weight its the mental side a lot of us struggle with have a fab day xxxkaren.
 
#7
In a better place today. First thing I did when I got up was to throw all my big knickers away!!!! I now have a nice row of smaller size lovely pants. I used to wear black full size pants everyday for 2 reasons 1 they never rolled down ;-) and 2 before getting my mirena I had more or less constant totm so needed them. I don't need those pants anymore :). Today I wore a lovely White lacy pair of brazilian pants. I also left the house looking glam!!!

I was getting all my old baby stuff out my mums loft today for a friend from work couldn't believe how much stuff I had. My friend had cancer last year and never thought she would have a baby so I'm delighted to give her my stuff. It has really made me broody well broodier I think my biological click is ticking very loudly just now will put that on the back burner for now as I want to get this weight of first

I really feel like I'm going to do it this time come Christmas I'm gonna be a size 12 :)

I was thinking of the things I'm going to do when I lose weight

Horse riding so love this not done it in years :-(
Go down a water slide
Buy designer clothes
Buy pretty shoes
Run tried it last year my knees couldn't take it
Paragliding
Baby no 2. Maybe ???

That's all I can think of for now

Well better get back to my washing

Xx

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#9
DOVES said:
I got a right kick up the butt yesterday. Twice!!!! First - Saw a girl from school at the shops she looked really glam and immaculate. Me on the other hand had just been swimming and had forgotten a brush - I looked a state I realised I don't take any time to look my best. I'm not setting a good example for my DD.

Second watching DVD of holiday from 2009. I couldn't believe how big I looked I asked DH and DD if that's what I looked like duh!! Politely they said yes.

I'm in complete denial about my size!! I think if I acknowledge it I'll be crippled by it and won't do anything out of embarrassment. I have the opposite of anorexia I see myself thinner. How can I sort this out I think this is the key to me being successful.

Anybody been in this place???

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I'm the same!!! I thinking see myself as thinner too, then I catch myself in a reflection I havd to look twice Its like a kick in the balls sometimes! Not that I've got any bug you know what I mean!

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#10
Well after all my false starts I've finally managed to make a start list 4.5 lbs.

Feeling much better today. Can't wait to keep going in this direction. :)
 


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