Feeling really cross!!!!

[Kaalin]

Sorry, I just wanted to vent... My mum is driving me insane !!! I think I've mentioned it before, but she had an eating disorder in my early childhood and I think the result of which could have been a contributory factor to my over-eating. I was restricted to a low-fat diet as a child as she was paranoid I'd end up fat because of her unhappy childhood and relationship with food (and weight problems). When I had control of my own eating habits, for example when I was home alone and when I started earning my own money that RC came out in me and I'd gorge on the wrong things!!! I don't blame her directly as it was me that ultimately had control, she did the best job she knew how to do and didn't want the unhappiness she experienced due to weight transferred to me.

I've never been convinced that the eating disorder has disappeared as she has odd eating habits and obsessively works out. She dresses well and would rather be stressed in her job and earn lots of money to buy lots of clothes than to have a more calmer lifestyle and a job she enjoys. It has unfortunately been transferred on to me during my time with LL whereby she's convinced I have an eating disorder and I'm becoming obsessed with losing more weight. Even though I've stopped now, she is constantly making sniping remarks about being "too thin" (in actual fact, she's a similar, maybe even a little smaller than me but doesn't see it!). Now she's threatened by my clothing choices, she's always saying things like "oh well I'm going to have to be careful what I buy now aren't I just in case YOU'VE bought it"...she's not happy with my weight loss at all. Yeah her own issue, but it's taking the cream a bit away from me and it's making me very unsettled. Aren't we supposed to get positive reinforcement from our mothers? A few weeks ago someone posted on the forums about how proud their mum was of them, and it sparked others to say so and it stung so much I cried :tear_drop:

So sorry guys, I just wanted to vent as it really stings And the whole thing about surrounding yourself with people who make you feel positive is a bit difficult when a family member is the one that makes me feel more negative than ever!!

 

[minime]

Sorry your feeling angry about your mum, like you say there's not much you can really do about her attitude, except ask her to support while you go through maintenance. Maybe explain to her again that you have completed the weight loss part but are now going on to maintenance. My mum is a very negative person, I've not even told her I'm doing LL, she is so quick to tell me when I'm putting on weight, but not to tell me I'm doing well when I'm losing it.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Oh man. Kaalin....and you to Mini - so sorry to hear your moms are not supportive. It just goes to show, jealousy can come in all kinds of packages - even moms. And thats what it sounds like to me. They fear they have to change becuase you are changing maybe.

Honey - try not to let it derail your success and your acheivement - its really a shame - but if that is how she is and she won;t change, I think you need to start looking for your support network somehwere else. I don;t mean that harshly - but she may be a continual source of dissappointment for you, which can sabatoge your efforts. ANd no one is worth that.

What can't people just embrace what another is happy for!!?? Why must they always bring their own agenda in to it, to try and knock someone down. That makes me angry when that happens.

Well, we all love you - and we are all so very proud of you, and we are your internet 'family.' YOu know you can count on us - so don;t let her get to you. We will do our best to make up for it. And hopefully with time, she can put her own feelings of self worth aside and congratulate you.

I bet she does quietly, without letting anyone know.

I am proud of you Kaalin.

XX

 

[Tazzi]

Sorry you are feeling a bit stressed and angry at the moment hun. Your mum may just feel a bit threatened, as well as looking out for you. If you are happy in yourself and think you look damn good, dont let it bother you. Have you told her how you feel about her coments? x

 

[Kaalin]

Hello everyone, thanks for your replies - lots and lots of thought provoking advice there and I'm very grateful. It's nice to think you're so proud of me as I am you! I get lots of nice comments from others so I shouldn't (but do!) dwell on the ones I get negative comments from. Its a bit like that story on the CD - "looking for happiness in the wrong place"!

It's funny you don't tend to think that your mum could possibly be jealous of you! It's a bizarre thought really and she is just impossible to try to verbalise any thoughts or feelings with. No matter how you phrase things, she takes it so personally and in such a negative way and then tries to turn the responsibility around. She is a really difficult person to be honest and it's constantly like trying to tread on egg shells - funnily enough she has the nerve to comment that it's me that's prickly!! LS your mum sounds exactly the same as mine and yes, I do think she has always competed with me and still does in many ways. She was also far from helpful with my depression too. The benefit of this helps me to realise what kind of mother I don't want to be for my children and I am big on giving them praise (maybe a little OTT!)

Anyway, I've found the less I see her the less she gets to me so I'll just steer well clear for a bit! Thanks everyone. Hope you're having a good Sunday xxx