puzzles
Full Member
This is a really difficult post for me; please bear with me and I'd love to hear your stories too :grouphugg:
Right from being a little girl I struggled with eating and food. I always enjoyed eating, to be honest – I spent a lot of time with my nan because my parents worked full time when I was very young, and there were never many toys or games or books at her house but there was chocolate and biscuits and I suppose I ate to help alleviate the boredom. I’ve also always been inclined towards a more sedentary lifestyle than others – I love reading and would spend hours with a book when I was young; I also liked to paint and most of the games I played were with dolls. I just wasn’t into charging around as much as other kids and this was heavily criticised by both parents, but especially my mum.
Despite this I wasn’t a fat child – I wasn’t a “straight up and down” kid but I certainly blended roughly into the playground just fine. The problem was, I was constantly being told I was fat by my parents and because they made a thing of it, food became something that had to be sneaked and eaten when I was alone. I saw eating as a bad, shameful thing.
I had a horrendous time when I went up to secondary school and was bullied really nastily for three years (I was never called fat even once though.) The bullying was so horrible that I changed schools between year 9 and year 10, and when I went shopping with my mum for the new school uniform I’d have to wear she told me I’d be the fattest girl there and no one would want to be friends with me.
I went on a strict diet and I got down to well below 8 stone, looking back I think I was bordering on being anorexic, I was certainly obsessive. But when I left school and started at sixth form college life had another blow for me as my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and three months later she died. My dad went to pieces and we stopped having meal times as such and I think I gained around 2 stone in this time which wasn’t that horrendous really but I was just snacking and picking a lot. I really slammed weight on when I went to university though. I didn’t like it but felt pressured to enjoy myself even though I wasn’t and I sort of fooled myself into thinking I was having an amazing time when really I was extremely unhappy. I couldn’t sleep and would go to the 24 hour Spar for chocolate and sweets at 3 a.m. and would buy chips and pizzas too. I felt very uncomfortable still eating in front of people as a hangover from my childhood so would buy takeaways or sweets and eat them in my room. I don't know what I weighed when I left as I was totally in denial and living in stretchy trousers and tops and telling myself I was a size 14 and I wasn't! :sigh:
I started teacher training after I left and then started my first teaching job - now that was VERY hard and I practically lived at McDonalds. One horrible day a boy called me fat repeatedly, you effing fat b-tch etc and I wasn't bothered by anything but being called fat and I bought a set of scales and I weighed 14 and a half stone. I tried to lose weight but "couldn't" (I gave up to easily but also I just didn't know how.) Then I decided to leave that school and got another job and also bought a house, at the age of 24 it was like going home and I decided I didn't want to "go home" weighing 14 and a half stone so I went on a diet - I did it "my way" which wasn't very healthy but was effective and lost 3 and a half stone and I bounced between 10 and a half and 11 and a half since. I'm pleased I've never let myself get that big again (although I realise now that although I was fat I wasn't THAT fat, I am always so hard on myself) but when the scales pushed 12 stone I took action with the cambridge diet, I can't really cook (I do want to learn) so find WW and the like so hard.
I hope that with this diet I can put my food demons to rest and realise that I can eat and enjoy food again as part of a healthy balanced approach to food and to life.
How about you? x
Right from being a little girl I struggled with eating and food. I always enjoyed eating, to be honest – I spent a lot of time with my nan because my parents worked full time when I was very young, and there were never many toys or games or books at her house but there was chocolate and biscuits and I suppose I ate to help alleviate the boredom. I’ve also always been inclined towards a more sedentary lifestyle than others – I love reading and would spend hours with a book when I was young; I also liked to paint and most of the games I played were with dolls. I just wasn’t into charging around as much as other kids and this was heavily criticised by both parents, but especially my mum.
Despite this I wasn’t a fat child – I wasn’t a “straight up and down” kid but I certainly blended roughly into the playground just fine. The problem was, I was constantly being told I was fat by my parents and because they made a thing of it, food became something that had to be sneaked and eaten when I was alone. I saw eating as a bad, shameful thing.
I had a horrendous time when I went up to secondary school and was bullied really nastily for three years (I was never called fat even once though.) The bullying was so horrible that I changed schools between year 9 and year 10, and when I went shopping with my mum for the new school uniform I’d have to wear she told me I’d be the fattest girl there and no one would want to be friends with me.
I went on a strict diet and I got down to well below 8 stone, looking back I think I was bordering on being anorexic, I was certainly obsessive. But when I left school and started at sixth form college life had another blow for me as my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and three months later she died. My dad went to pieces and we stopped having meal times as such and I think I gained around 2 stone in this time which wasn’t that horrendous really but I was just snacking and picking a lot. I really slammed weight on when I went to university though. I didn’t like it but felt pressured to enjoy myself even though I wasn’t and I sort of fooled myself into thinking I was having an amazing time when really I was extremely unhappy. I couldn’t sleep and would go to the 24 hour Spar for chocolate and sweets at 3 a.m. and would buy chips and pizzas too. I felt very uncomfortable still eating in front of people as a hangover from my childhood so would buy takeaways or sweets and eat them in my room. I don't know what I weighed when I left as I was totally in denial and living in stretchy trousers and tops and telling myself I was a size 14 and I wasn't! :sigh:
I started teacher training after I left and then started my first teaching job - now that was VERY hard and I practically lived at McDonalds. One horrible day a boy called me fat repeatedly, you effing fat b-tch etc and I wasn't bothered by anything but being called fat and I bought a set of scales and I weighed 14 and a half stone. I tried to lose weight but "couldn't" (I gave up to easily but also I just didn't know how.) Then I decided to leave that school and got another job and also bought a house, at the age of 24 it was like going home and I decided I didn't want to "go home" weighing 14 and a half stone so I went on a diet - I did it "my way" which wasn't very healthy but was effective and lost 3 and a half stone and I bounced between 10 and a half and 11 and a half since. I'm pleased I've never let myself get that big again (although I realise now that although I was fat I wasn't THAT fat, I am always so hard on myself) but when the scales pushed 12 stone I took action with the cambridge diet, I can't really cook (I do want to learn) so find WW and the like so hard.
I hope that with this diet I can put my food demons to rest and realise that I can eat and enjoy food again as part of a healthy balanced approach to food and to life.
How about you? x
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