JODIDI'S DIARY - I will not give up, I will reach my target!

[jodidi]

As some of you know, my hubby had a very nasty motorbike accident a few months ago which left him bed bound for 2 mths and a year before he can walk properly. So SW kind of went out of the window. But I am ready to continue and complete my journey to target now. These last few months have been a blur especially as I have practically lived in the hospital and looked after our 2 yr old too. Being as heavy as I am has hindered me alot at this time and i feel disgusted with myself for letting myself get into this state. Then to lose 2 1/2st and put 1 1/2st back on is crazy! Because of my weight I have found it hard physically, rushing around and doing things like getting my husbands wheelchair ready as bending down, my belly gets in to way :cry: and its funny but sad at the same time. I am so tired of being lke this. It is hinderng my life so much, well actually, I AM HINDERING MY LIFE SO MUCH! I need to take responsilbility for my weight and stop blaming everyone and everything. I could think up a myriad of excuses for going off plan or blame it on someone/thing else. But the fact is that i want that cake, but the moment ive eaten it feel crap, physically and mentally :cry:. Am only hurting myself by doing this and the food is so NOT worth it. I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS and need to start believing this. TBH I dont feel like am worth it and I do sabatage myself because I think I dont think deserve something good. I dont have any self confidence or self esteme and I want it back! Take the other day, I nipped to Dotty P's and bought a cute flower clip for my hair (my friend had come round and had one in and she looked cool). Anyway when it came to wearing it I chickened out because I thought everyone would be looking at me and laugh thinking "why is she bothering". I know its daft but thats what goes through my head and why I walk round like a bag lady bewcause I done think im worth it. I want to believe im worth it and feel confident to wear that clip, lol!

So im going to write my thoughts about food and slimming in general in this diary and would love you too read it and comment when you feel like it
Seriously I would love the support and if anyone has any tips on how I can start feelng positive about myself again it would be much appriciated as it is not fun feelng like this.

Thanks for hanging in there as I am abit of a rambler

 

[ronniejacobs]

sending you a huge hug honey

 

[jodidi]

Thanks

Im going to stick with green days because I enjoy them and so does my family and they are cheap to shop for!

 

[jodidi]

Living with the in-laws could turn you to and thats all I need to say on the matter, lol!

Anyone who's lived with the in-laws will know what I mean!

Please let us get a council house soon before I lose my sanity

 

[jodidi]

I havent been staying the meetings but I know that part of my success in losing 2 1/2st last year was because I stayed to class. Plus my SWC was fab but she has left unfortunately. The new SWC is nice but ive only stayed to one class since shes been our SWC so I think its time I started to stay again and take this seriously!

 

[chazzdiver]

Darling, i know that sometimes we have our moments where we don't want to be around our other group members, feeling like we've put a big sign saying "Failure" above us and that everyone will be judging us and thinking we are cheating the diet ect. HOWEVER this is NOT the case!

The whole point of Image Therapy is to make each other feel more confident about ourselves and to be supportive of each other when we are feeling as you are now. there have been times during the first time i joined SW where i followed it down to a tee and gained a lot, but cheated and lost. sometimes our bodies do that, it could be the weather or change in how active we are. it took my body a whole month to adjust me doing more sports and to start going down again.

bad things happen in life which will cause us to lose focus on ourselves. so don't despair! smile and say to yourself, "this is not just a diet TO me. this is FOR me. this is a lifestyle change that i want so i can feel good about myself". after all hun, if we were able to lose weight at home by ourselves we would have done so already, and not bothered to pay £4.50 a week.

Being at group helps you realise that there are others who are going through what you are going through, sometimes all you need is a hug and those other members there can do that for you. other times you might want inspiration, once again ask other members who are doing well what recipes they are trying and see what works for you.

Just remember one thing hun. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. our tastes are different, our styles, looks, feelings, reasons for joining. everything we do is different but everyone in slimming world ultimately has the same goal, no matter how long it takes them, people CAN lose and keep the weight off as long as they keep to it. successes and failures happen, but you'll never truely lose the battle against your weight unless you give up hun. so lift you head high and tell yourself that you can do this, not because of someone else, or even for your appearance but for your chance to be all that you can and not be ruled by food, but control it instead.

Don't compare your weight loss to someone else because you are not them, you are you. a beautiful, wonderful person who took the first step to combatting food and took another to ask for help on here. you are a wonderful and brave person for doing so and i hope that what i have said helps you. i wish you the best hun and hope you will be able to smile about yourself soon.

cute dog btw oh and we love ramblers...or maybe you couldn't tell by my post, look at the size of it! hehe

P.S. if you are a chocoholic like me and can't seem to stop at one bar/biscuit then i have a suggestion.

mix one sachet of hot chocolate Options (any flavour you like) with one of those small pots of Total 0 yogurts and add sweetener to your taste and wholla! a very filling 2syn chocolate yougurt.

 

[jodidi]

Thanks it is so easy to get caught up in the diet mentalty. This has to be a lifestyle and its not just about food, its about health, fitness, feeling confident and wanting to and being able to go out there and live your life. Its the little things to me too like doing my nails because I want to and it makes me feel good. But i dont because I feel like I dont deserve it and im selfish for doing something for me.

How do I stop feeling like this???

I think ive lost myself abit TBH, since living at my in-laws. My hubby is an only child and his mum hasnt let go of the apron strings yet. They treat me and my hubby like kids and it drives me nuts. I love my privivecy and we dont get any here especially as my hubby has to live downstairs now. We need our own space desparately.
In fact my mother-in-law has just interfeared again and now im all wound up.

Need to chill out!

 

[jodidi]

Don't compare your weight loss to someone else

That is so true and I am so guilty of it.

we love ramblers...or maybe you couldn't tell by my post, look at the size of it! hehe

 

[chazzdiver]

you are feeling bad about nail polish hun? well that's simple!
here are the reasons that you MUST have it.
1. it makes you feel good.
2. feeling good makes you more confident about yourself.
3. if you feel good then your weight loss will be better. - therefore painting toes makes you lose weight and ultimately saves you money too (cheaper clothes, nicer food choices, no slimming world weekly bills hehe).
4. only straight non-crossdressing guys don't want to wear nail polish.
5. nail polish lasts longer than an icecream so you get more for your moneys worth for the same effect.
6. nail polish isn't usually that expensive compared to most things people treat themselves to.

points against nail polish....none, nope, nada.

there is nothing wrong with treating yourself hun. life is for living, we only get one chance at it, unless you believe in reincarnation, then you can do the same thing over and over...anyway what was i saying...yeah, everyone needs their own time and space to relax and unwind, less they have a mental breakdown. small things usually mean a lot to us, like a handmade card ect, and it's those things that make life worth living. don't cut them out for thinking you don't deserve them hun, you do. especially since we are girls *nods* yep, we deserve to be treated all the time *smirks* after all don't men want us to be delicate and dainty? all the more reason to wear nail polish, your man won't be able to resist LOL.

i'm terrible for a habit of weighing myself everyday

on the mother-in-law front, if you want her to treat you like adults show her you are. now i don't mean the pair of you romp on the floor in front of her, 'cause that's truamatising for any parent. but you BOTH need to sit down with her together and calmly explain that you are adults who need their privacy and space and remind them that you are a couple and shouldn't have to be in seperate rooms like naughty kids, and that you are doing your best at finding a new place so your not under their hair, but will still need less interferance because you are adults. adults with rights, needs and everything else labelled under adulthood.

anyway i hope you are feeling better.

 

[jodidi]

you are feeling bad about nail polish hun? well that's simple!
here are the reasons that you MUST have it.
1. it makes you feel good.
2. feeling good makes you more confident about yourself.
3. if you feel good then your weight loss will be better. - therefore painting toes makes you lose weight and ultimately saves you money too (cheaper clothes, nicer food choices, no slimming world weekly bills hehe).
4. only straight non-crossdressing guys don't want to wear nail polish.
5. nail polish lasts longer than an icecream so you get more for your moneys worth for the same effect.
6. nail polish isn't usually that expensive compared to most things people treat themselves to.

points against nail polish....none, nope, nada.
.

made me feel better already!

on the mother-in-law front, if you want her to treat you like adults show her you are. now i don't mean the pair of you romp on the floor in front of her, 'cause that's truamatising for any parent. but you BOTH need to sit down with her together and calmly explain that you are adults who need their privacy and space and remind them that you are a couple and shouldn't have to be in seperate rooms like naughty kids, and that you are doing your best at finding a new place so your not under their hair, but will still need less interferance because you are adults. adults with rights, needs and everything else labelled under adulthood.

anyway i hope you are feeling better.

My hubby is downstairs because he has just come off beng bed bound and so he cant get around. So i sleep next to hm in a char and sometimes in our little boys room on the floor next to him. So we live in the conservatory as that is where hubby is. So we dont get any privacy. I slept in our bed in the loft last night as the nights on the chair and floor are starting to take there toll but I miss being with my hubby (sad i no as hes only downstairs , but we are a very very close couple). So im going to alternate sleeping upstairs with sleeping with hubby.

 

[chazzdiver]

Glad i could cheer you up. any other problems that i could help with? you can contact me any time...not sure how things work on here yet, but i think i need more posts to do that...hmmm. but you can still talk on here

i wish him a quick recovery for you hun. sleeping alone when you have a partner sucks...well unless he snores that is. *shudders* if i wasn't already hearing impaired i would have been from my last boyfriend.

 

[jodidi]

i wish him a quick recovery for you hun. sleeping alone when you have a partner sucks...well unless he snores that is. *shudders* if i wasn't already hearing impaired i would have been from my last boyfriend.

Lol, if anyone would annoyed by snoring it would be my husband, lol! I actually woke myself up the other night, so feeling sorry for him, I went and slept on the sofa in the living room

 

[chazzdiver]

LOL, he's probably used to it by now though.

 

[jodidi]

Yes me thinks he is .

Tho sometimes we're in competition

 

[jodidi]

Had a 100% day yesterday, so Im feeling really good about myself today !

 

[chazzdiver]

yey! i'm so happy you're happy, that it's made me happy, 'cause i was a bit happy, now i'm a lot happy!