Muffin top / bingo wings / back boobs no more!

Ahhhhh cai how exciting. I had my elf a week early.

Are you all ready? My best advice is buy lots of black leggings as they are a life saver to wear in the days and weeks after birth.

Mothers are different cos you can tell them to shut up and at least discuss things. Mother in laws seem to idolize their sons.

...it might be cheaper than childcare but I will pay rather than go through this in all honesty x
 
new_mum31 said:
Ahhhhh cai how exciting. I had my elf a week early. Are you all ready? My best advice is buy lots of black leggings as they are a life saver to wear in the days and weeks after birth. Mothers are different cos you can tell them to shut up and at least discuss things. Mother in laws seem to idolize their sons. ...it might be cheaper than childcare but I will pay rather than go through this in all honesty x
Click to expand...

I feel ready - hoping I last till Thursday which is pay day and I want to go but a few more essentials for me (pads etc) which hubby won't be able to go possibly get lol.

Fingers crossed he won't be late...a week early would be grand! :) x
 
Exciting times. Good luck. I loved having my babies, 4 altogether, shame they grow up sooooo fast!
Happy days ahead x


Sent from my eye phone using MiniMins.com mobile app
 
Whoop got weighed this morning. Lost another 2lb and I got weighed in full clothes so hopefully its more.

Remember evil sausage?

Someone is hiding them in my freezer. I thought I had two perfectly nice sausages defrosting. Cooked them and bang, another gross dirty flea bitten goats finger.
 
Pork is evil

Tried to cook some today

dirty vile skank

I actually through it in the bin, apologised to the bin, then nearly started to cry . I hate disappointing food
 
Back to the pork

Horrendous.

I only imagine that is the taste you get when you lick a dead fish.
 
Whooop finished my shifts.not at work for seven days.

Got fish and chips as a treat was lovely and totally worth it.

Not had my usual gin and tonic last night so I needed a perk me up!

Having my monthly weigh in on tuesday and getting measured.

X
 
The elf threw up all over me today.down my bra, the works.

She then rubbed her cheeks in the vom and said "ahhhhh" to emphasise she was ill.

Chicken and veg for tea.

Seriously considering giving up dairy for a week, heard loads of people say it worked wonders for their weight loss x
 
Got weighed. Lost 8lb. In a month that is lol.

Feel great on blue print. Elf assisting healthy eating plan by insisting she has a bite of everything I eat.

Don't want her eating rubbish so am being very good.


Remember the dog that kept farting infront of my house?!

The biiiiitch is only trying to train it to turd on my drive. The workmen saw her patting it and saying "good dog" when it shat on my drive. Granted she picked it up but there will definitely be poo smear left behind.

I'm seriously declaring war.
Options are -
Throwing evil pork sausage at her head as she walks past
Congratulating her on success of sex change in post office when I see her next.obviously she has not had one.
Publicly shouting "why does your dog fart / crappo in front of my house? Have you had an affair with my hubby? If so please have him, he does my head in?

Suggestions please. This needs to stop
 
new_mum31 said:
Got weighed. Lost 8lb. In a month that is lol. Feel great on blue print. Elf assisting healthy eating plan by insisting she has a bite of everything I eat. Don't want her eating rubbish so am being very good. Remember the dog that kept farting infront of my house?! The biiiiitch is only trying to train it to turd on my drive. The workmen saw her patting it and saying "good dog" when it shat on my drive. Granted she picked it up but there will definitely be poo smear left behind. I'm seriously declaring war. Options are - Throwing evil pork sausage at her head as she walks past Congratulating her on success of sex change in post office when I see her next.obviously she has not had one. Publicly shouting "why does your dog fart / crappo in front of my house? Have you had an affair with my hubby? If so please have him, he does my head in? Suggestions please. This needs to stop
Click to expand...

Vinegar on your paving will make the dog sneeze and not want to do its business...vinegar on the lady might be more fun tho!!

Set up sprinklers and when u see her switch it on??

Leave a huge human poo on her lawn?! (That is something for the dark of the night!!)

The sex change one is good! X
 
Vinegar on the floor will make me want fish and chips.

Although a human poo would prove horric...
I would poo on my own leg then no doubt fall into it, while some one filmed it and put it on u tube if I tried to do a Mr whippy on her lawn.I have the Co ordination of a fish wrapped in Cling film trying to walk on olive oil.

My revenge cannot involve any acts of Co ordination.

I was thinking off following her around , like a foot step behind her at all time until she cracked?
 
My advice would be to take the poo prepared - not quickly whip yr trousers down and force one out lol. Although the mental image is funny!!
 
Hahaha I'm laughing so hard at this thread!!!
Mental thoughts not so good tho ;)

Any decision what u will do then? Hehe xx
 
Meh. She hates me. Came in today and even though it rained the driveway still smelt of dog fart.

I have been so good on my new healthy living plan I refuse to let dog fart affect me. Went to net a friend for coffee, naturally size 8 with two kids under three who begged me to eat a cake with her.I point blank refused. I'm at the cinema this weekend so plan on having sweets. Not very primal but I like sweets and its my little treat. That and we have elf with the parents whoooop so nice adult time.

You know dog fart lady? What gets me most of all is the bloody perfect "country living" outfits she wears. Barbour jackets, hunter wellies ect neck scarf. And yet she practically boots her dog to get it to fart at my house.

I think its cos I'm not from the village.

Also today I think a goat might have fancied me? It kept running after me in this field while making crazy noises and lunging.

I ran off pushing elf while shrieking "attempt goat rape"
 
Last edited:
Oh my word

I just realised the goat will have been after the hot food I bought from the village hanging of the pram, not me!

Ha ha not even a goat fancies me!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

I
Donkey to Unicorn
Replies
1
Views
701
Hev_Sparrow
Hev_Sparrow
Back
Top