Needed a laugh...

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Monkey_Monkey_Underpants, 21 January 2011 Social URL.

  1. Monkey_Monkey_Underpants

    Monkey_Monkey_Underpants Well, hello...

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    ... and someone emailed me this. It's an old one, I'd seen it before; but it makes me laugh every time!

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

    By the way, the humour hasn’t done them any harm – it may be relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never had a fatal accident in the jet flight era.


    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in the cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backorder.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: The number 3 engine is missing. (I love this one!)
    S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one saved for last......

    P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
     
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  3. lucylupin

    lucylupin Full Member

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    Love it:D:D
     
  4. emily87

    emily87 Onwards and downwards!

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    Hehe, that last one made me chuckle.
     
  5. Shabba

    Shabba Loves the Nom Nom!!!

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    I love this. It always gets a laugh or two
     
  6. Trudy

    Trudy Full Member

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    needed that...:)..thanks
     
  7. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Very funny !!!!
     
  8. Swadey73

    Swadey73 Full Member

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    Brilliant, made me cackle!
     
  9. Debridger

    Debridger On track to target

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  10. custardlipstick

    custardlipstick Addicted to Cheese

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    Haha! brill x
     
  11. Qua Sae

    Qua Sae Full Member

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    Hahaha! Great stuff! The last few really had me chuckling away :D
     
  12. julesm

    julesm Slimming World

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  13. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    :thankyou::8855::8855:
     
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