a laugh for all those totm girls!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by JodieJoJo, 16 October 2007 Social URL.

  1. JodieJoJo

    JodieJoJo Silver Member

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    Hope i can actually do this, not the most clever person with a computer but i will try! My friend sent me this by email today and i thought it was great and wanted to share it with you all (as we often seem to be discussing our totm!)


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER

    BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE


    Dear Mr. Thatcher


    I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I
    appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
    Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horse riding or salsa
    dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
    tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
    Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
    crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and
    secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 (fighter jet) in my
    pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the
    curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting
    right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
    through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll
    be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with
    knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

    As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
    quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
    monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
    puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying
    and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realise it's a tough time for most
    women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge
    to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because
    he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

    Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just
    crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the
    reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
    inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and
    there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

    "Have a Happy Period."

    Are you *+*#*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
    middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
    happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
    above sound the least bit pleasurable?


    Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
    there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack
    yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so
    you don't march down to the local Tesco's armed with a hunting rifle and a
    sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull
    your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi
    pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually
    pertinent,like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"?
    or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately,
    there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
    maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
    Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
    bullshit.

    And that's a promise I will keep.

    Always.

    Kind regards
     
    SoonToBeGorgeous likes this.
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  3. storm_survivor

    storm_survivor Member

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    I love it! lol
     
  4. tarlton

    tarlton Member

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    I think thats the thing i needed to see to cheer me up!
     
  5. dietingqueen

    dietingqueen Gold Member

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    he he

    that is really good!

    xx
     
  6. blue_grapefruit

    blue_grapefruit Gold Member

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    I have a severe negative - i love kahlua and hadnt thought about it for ages :(

    BUT! LMFAO at Aunty Flo!!!!!!

    hahahaha
     
  7. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

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    I got this by email and was :giggle: :giggle: for ages!! :cool:
     
    Mini likes this.
  8. saffron

    saffron Gold Member

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  9. Tazzi

    Tazzi is Special :P

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    Hehehe so good and brilliantly true. i love the bit about the inbred hillbilly with
    knife skills.

    Thanks for cheering me up!
    Taz x
     
  10. Chika

    Chika Silver Member

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    Haha thats brilliant! Do they really say that?
     
  11. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Very good!!!!:party0023:
     
  12. andi

    andi Bye bye bellies!!!

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    Brilliant!
     
  13. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

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    :rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:

    PMSL!!!!

    Absolutely stunning - thanks for posting!!!
     
  14. Mochaj

    Mochaj Gold Member

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    hehe, excellent!
     
  15. Mrs Depp

    Mrs Depp Gold Member

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    Brilliant and so true! Some months I do develop frighteningly accurate knife skills! :D:eek: Along with plate throwing, cushion tossing, fly swatting and the inane desire to tidy newspapers all the time! :rolleyes::D
     
  16. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    Hysterical!!!!
     
  17. mckenzie

    mckenzie Member

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    :D This has to be the bomb :D
     
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