New start, new me - FlicG’s Diary
- Thread starter FlicG
- Start date
FlicG
Silver Member
Sorry - i've not checked in for a bit, other than my post from last week, which was sort of accountability for me.
I mostly made good choices over the weekend, but despite taking shakes with me, I didn't actually have any. I started off much better than I ended, but for full accountability, below is what I ate:
- Two half slices of domino's pizza, salad and cured meat (Friday night dinner)
- Mackerel salad and sea trout with spinach and green beans followed by chocolate fondant (saturday lunch - didn't eat breakfast or dinner)
- fish and chips, 1/4 lemon meringue patisserie (sunday lunch. about 6 chips, no batter)
- 2 mini egg cookies, chocolate brownie, 4 biscoff biscuits, cacio e pepe pasta for dinner on Sunday.
So, as you can see, Sunday night, I descended back to full binge mode. One bit of sugar, and I forgot all good behaviour. I think because I felt like i'd already "blown it" I should just carry on...
Monday's weigh in miraculously still recorded a 1lb loss, so perhaps my week of good behaviour made up for this, but it was definitely a wake up for me.
This sort of happened when I did the CWP a few years ago, but I never truly got back on plan. Although the timing was different then, as I was nearing the end of my weight loss, not still in the middle. I already knew I am much better when focussed on the plan (hence my sticking with products, rather than adding evening meals) but I know that this is not long term sustainable...
When do I start getting back "to normal?" Well, is there a normal for me anymore? Normal for me looks like a relatively healthy diet, and then binges when nobody is looking, feeling sorry for myself which leads to more binges and we are back to where we began. Well, it's time to break that!
I mostly made good choices over the weekend, but despite taking shakes with me, I didn't actually have any. I started off much better than I ended, but for full accountability, below is what I ate:
- Two half slices of domino's pizza, salad and cured meat (Friday night dinner)
- Mackerel salad and sea trout with spinach and green beans followed by chocolate fondant (saturday lunch - didn't eat breakfast or dinner)
- fish and chips, 1/4 lemon meringue patisserie (sunday lunch. about 6 chips, no batter)
- 2 mini egg cookies, chocolate brownie, 4 biscoff biscuits, cacio e pepe pasta for dinner on Sunday.
So, as you can see, Sunday night, I descended back to full binge mode. One bit of sugar, and I forgot all good behaviour. I think because I felt like i'd already "blown it" I should just carry on...
Monday's weigh in miraculously still recorded a 1lb loss, so perhaps my week of good behaviour made up for this, but it was definitely a wake up for me.
This sort of happened when I did the CWP a few years ago, but I never truly got back on plan. Although the timing was different then, as I was nearing the end of my weight loss, not still in the middle. I already knew I am much better when focussed on the plan (hence my sticking with products, rather than adding evening meals) but I know that this is not long term sustainable...
When do I start getting back "to normal?" Well, is there a normal for me anymore? Normal for me looks like a relatively healthy diet, and then binges when nobody is looking, feeling sorry for myself which leads to more binges and we are back to where we began. Well, it's time to break that!
FlicG
Silver Member
So, it's weigh day again. Thankfully, after my weekend descent into old behaviours, I got straight back on plan Monday. Tuesday night was a meal out with some friends (would have preferred this to be later in the week so I could have had more on plan days behind me) but the rest of the week went well. Two kids birthday parties at the weekend where I navigated beige buffets with cucumber stick collateral only, and I was rewarded on todays weigh in with a 5lb loss from last week, and a total loss of 3 stone over the last 10 weeks.
I now weigh my previous "heaviest weight which prompts me to start a diet" which is slightly laughable, depressing but also exciting, as I feel like now the hard work can really begin.
I'm below the lightest I got to between pregnancies, but like I said, pre-babies, this was always my measured "heaviest." I expect the next 3 1/2 stone to take much longer to come off, especially as I move on to a proper 800cal plan eating meals.
At present, I have probably 1 meal per week - dinner with friends, a family dinner, a party. This makes me sound like a way more of a social life than I do, haha, but I am actually seeing people now, rather than avoiding them like I have for the last year or so. This week, I have dinner with friends on Saturday night, so have a whole week of being on plan.
Mentally, I know I need to move to having a meal in the evening because it's not sustainable to live on shakes forever, but I'm putting it off because I don't know if this is opening the floodgates for binging again. Reading @Jo1989's diary, there were some really great points about starting each day as a new page but I don't know if I can actually manage that yet.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Time for some planning.
I have a weekend away for my MIL's birthday in 2 weeks. I would LOVE to loose 3.5/4lb this week as it would take me to my halfway point. This is potentially a stretch as i've lost the "easy" weight now, and i'm into the stubborn stuff! For her birthday weekend, I know there will be some family meals, but I'm hoping that I can stick with a shake or something for breakfast at least and then try and stick with low carb options throughout the days. Best laid plans and all, especially since weekends away (in the past and recently) have seen me eschew any plan for indulgence. I won't be drinking as I "gave up for lent" - ah, lent, providing me a great excuse to not add in those extras. I might have to have a celebratory glass of fizz, but I know my SIL is also not drinking, so we might get away with it if we stick together. I'm honestly not that bothered about drinking - two pregnancies, plus breastfeeding has meant I have a fairly low alcohol tolerance, and honestly, I don't ever feel like it's worth the calories (OK, maybe an espresso martini is...)
After the birthday weekend, I have a week before it's my eldest's fourth birthday, so my plan is to stick with 3 products until her birthday weekend and then move to having a meal (evening/lunch) at weekends, sticking with three products in the week.
Beginning of May is my husband's birthday, and then mine and our anniversary all scattered through the month. This is where I will add in an evening meal EVERY night. Why does this feel like a huge step? Because I never successfully managed to "move up the steps" on this diet before. Again, I think it was Jo1989 or anna who posted about maintenance, and what happens when you're not actively "loosing weight." Realistically, I need to be looking at how to manage my weight long term, and this might be step one. I've also been looking at the keto diet, but since my family have a history of heart problems, I feel like high fat might be one step too far. Intermittent fasting, 5:2, 4:3 are also options, but my research continues...
It's great to see a few more people kicking about here again - I find posting cathartic but also a helpful offload for me. I hope that some of the rambling resonates with some of you others too. We're in this together!
I now weigh my previous "heaviest weight which prompts me to start a diet" which is slightly laughable, depressing but also exciting, as I feel like now the hard work can really begin.
I'm below the lightest I got to between pregnancies, but like I said, pre-babies, this was always my measured "heaviest." I expect the next 3 1/2 stone to take much longer to come off, especially as I move on to a proper 800cal plan eating meals.
At present, I have probably 1 meal per week - dinner with friends, a family dinner, a party. This makes me sound like a way more of a social life than I do, haha, but I am actually seeing people now, rather than avoiding them like I have for the last year or so. This week, I have dinner with friends on Saturday night, so have a whole week of being on plan.
Mentally, I know I need to move to having a meal in the evening because it's not sustainable to live on shakes forever, but I'm putting it off because I don't know if this is opening the floodgates for binging again. Reading @Jo1989's diary, there were some really great points about starting each day as a new page but I don't know if I can actually manage that yet.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Time for some planning.
I have a weekend away for my MIL's birthday in 2 weeks. I would LOVE to loose 3.5/4lb this week as it would take me to my halfway point. This is potentially a stretch as i've lost the "easy" weight now, and i'm into the stubborn stuff! For her birthday weekend, I know there will be some family meals, but I'm hoping that I can stick with a shake or something for breakfast at least and then try and stick with low carb options throughout the days. Best laid plans and all, especially since weekends away (in the past and recently) have seen me eschew any plan for indulgence. I won't be drinking as I "gave up for lent" - ah, lent, providing me a great excuse to not add in those extras. I might have to have a celebratory glass of fizz, but I know my SIL is also not drinking, so we might get away with it if we stick together. I'm honestly not that bothered about drinking - two pregnancies, plus breastfeeding has meant I have a fairly low alcohol tolerance, and honestly, I don't ever feel like it's worth the calories (OK, maybe an espresso martini is...)
After the birthday weekend, I have a week before it's my eldest's fourth birthday, so my plan is to stick with 3 products until her birthday weekend and then move to having a meal (evening/lunch) at weekends, sticking with three products in the week.
Beginning of May is my husband's birthday, and then mine and our anniversary all scattered through the month. This is where I will add in an evening meal EVERY night. Why does this feel like a huge step? Because I never successfully managed to "move up the steps" on this diet before. Again, I think it was Jo1989 or anna who posted about maintenance, and what happens when you're not actively "loosing weight." Realistically, I need to be looking at how to manage my weight long term, and this might be step one. I've also been looking at the keto diet, but since my family have a history of heart problems, I feel like high fat might be one step too far. Intermittent fasting, 5:2, 4:3 are also options, but my research continues...
It's great to see a few more people kicking about here again - I find posting cathartic but also a helpful offload for me. I hope that some of the rambling resonates with some of you others too. We're in this together!
Ha the ‘acceptable weight’ buffer - totally recognise that!
Sounds like you’ve got lots of events to challenge you to change coming up. I imagine you’ll lose more or less the same on 810, but that’s if it’s really 810..
You’ve absolutely got to do what’s best for you, but I’m not convinced even the best planned low carb meals work in an 810 plan when you’re dealing with meals out, so wonder if you just forget the calories those days and just try and stay low carb, and stick to lowest level of plan the other days to balance it out? I guess it depends if you now feel you need a meal every day. Apologies if I’m overstepping, just reading and imagining me talking to myself and interpreting what I’d say in response!
Sounds like you’ve got lots of events to challenge you to change coming up. I imagine you’ll lose more or less the same on 810, but that’s if it’s really 810..
You’ve absolutely got to do what’s best for you, but I’m not convinced even the best planned low carb meals work in an 810 plan when you’re dealing with meals out, so wonder if you just forget the calories those days and just try and stay low carb, and stick to lowest level of plan the other days to balance it out? I guess it depends if you now feel you need a meal every day. Apologies if I’m overstepping, just reading and imagining me talking to myself and interpreting what I’d say in response!
FlicG
Silver Member
Thanks Jo. This is exactly what I’m trying to deal with at the moment, so not overstepping at all! I currently go out, don’t think about calories, just make a sensible choice for that meal (no carbs, steak and salad kind of thing) and then get straight back to it with three meal replacements. Where I’m coming from on the meal each day thing is trying to get myself back into something a bit more “normal” because I find sticking with the products fine, but from previous experience, it’s when I add in regular food again that I then start to struggle. I guess my thought is that if I can incorporate food back in to this plan, I’ll find it easier to transition from it once I’m at my target weight? At the moment, I feel anxious about that step because from reading my previous diary, that’s when things started to change (albeit, I was dealing with Christmas etc then!)
I think with busy April and May, I am better off sticking with just “celebration meals” and keeping on plan for the rest of the time, as that’ll be the easiest option I think?!
FlicG
Silver Member
So, I was rereading my old diary yesterday: https://www.minimins.com/threads/my-personal-weight-loss-journey.344694/ if anyone else is interested in reading some mad ramblings! It’s quite useful to see some of the old thoughts and feelings that I’ve gone back to. I’m only about halfway through it at the moment, plenty to reread!
FlicG
Silver Member
Checking in! This week has been going pretty well, except for a birthday cake incident yesterday. I had a couple of mouthfuls, but straight back to plan (despite my brain trying to convince me to cheat and give up!) Pretty pleased with that, especially as I cooked OH one of my favourite dinners!
Onwards to the weekend. I’m going out to dinner with some girlfriends on Saturday night, but planning steak and salad and will be back on track Sunday morning.
Onwards to the weekend. I’m going out to dinner with some girlfriends on Saturday night, but planning steak and salad and will be back on track Sunday morning.
FlicG
Silver Member
Kept busy this weekend to try and avoid food - I’m missing those binge sessions - definitely not all food related. Trying to break habits and rituals too - I think I’m going to have to get rid of a specific bowl in our house, because of its association. Hope everyone has had a good weekend?
FlicG
Silver Member
Monday weigh in and another 3lb down. 3st 1lb to go to my target weight (and 2st 8lb to go to my new "upper limit." I've been doing this for 12 weeks now and i'm finding my rhythm definitely.
This weekend I was supposed to be away, but Covid struck on Thursday so I had a weekend at home with just my youngest, whilst my husband and eldest continued to go away. This would normally be a binge situation with me making the most of being alone and eating whatever I wanted. I am so pleased to say I stayed on plan all weekend! I had 200cal evening meals on Saturday and Sunday night which was really nice and despite those familiar urges popping up, I resisted!
Covid test is negative for me today and i'm feeling better which is a relief. My oldest daughter has a cough now so i'm at home rather than work today and out of normal routine which might a be a bit tricky.
I am planning to stick with 3 products for the medium term, but thinking of introducing evening meals at the weekends. I know that the recommendation was to do this for 12 weeks so that's sort of on my mind, but also things are going well, so I dont know if i'm ready for a change yet...lots to think about this week!
This weekend I was supposed to be away, but Covid struck on Thursday so I had a weekend at home with just my youngest, whilst my husband and eldest continued to go away. This would normally be a binge situation with me making the most of being alone and eating whatever I wanted. I am so pleased to say I stayed on plan all weekend! I had 200cal evening meals on Saturday and Sunday night which was really nice and despite those familiar urges popping up, I resisted!
Covid test is negative for me today and i'm feeling better which is a relief. My oldest daughter has a cough now so i'm at home rather than work today and out of normal routine which might a be a bit tricky.
I am planning to stick with 3 products for the medium term, but thinking of introducing evening meals at the weekends. I know that the recommendation was to do this for 12 weeks so that's sort of on my mind, but also things are going well, so I dont know if i'm ready for a change yet...lots to think about this week!
Amazing achievement breaking your habits!
In terms of eating meals, you just need to do what’s most sustainable for you, and only you know that! As you know, I’m having a meal on days out, and that’s basically most weekends too so if it helps feel normal but doesn’t slow down weight loss, no harm done!
FlicG
Silver Member
Here we are, another Monday and another weigh in. This time, 5lb off bringing me to 14st 10lb. I cannot remember the last time I was in the 14st bracket! 3lb till I hit 4st loss which i'm hoping to do in the next couple of weeks.
This weekend has been all about navigating birthday cake for my eldest's birthday and children's party food, which was successful! I enjoyed a sunday roast yesterday (steamed carrots, cabbage, brocolli and cauliflower with roast beef and a little bit of gravy.) REAL FOOD!
I think the old plan was after 12 weeks, have a week off/add a meal. I'm not ready/organised enough/prepared enough to do that this week. I think I might see if I can do another 6 weeks which would take me up to my birthday...I tend to have one meal a week at the moment which is working for me. Although I keep getting the niggling binge feeling, I'm actually not feeling too bad overall. I'm starting to see real progress in terms of clothes sizes, which also helps to motivate.
This week looks pretty clear at the moment, so time to work on those next 3lb!
This weekend has been all about navigating birthday cake for my eldest's birthday and children's party food, which was successful! I enjoyed a sunday roast yesterday (steamed carrots, cabbage, brocolli and cauliflower with roast beef and a little bit of gravy.) REAL FOOD!
I think the old plan was after 12 weeks, have a week off/add a meal. I'm not ready/organised enough/prepared enough to do that this week. I think I might see if I can do another 6 weeks which would take me up to my birthday...I tend to have one meal a week at the moment which is working for me. Although I keep getting the niggling binge feeling, I'm actually not feeling too bad overall. I'm starting to see real progress in terms of clothes sizes, which also helps to motivate.
This week looks pretty clear at the moment, so time to work on those next 3lb!
FlicG
Silver Member
Oops - it's Tuesday and i've not updated.
Another good Monday weigh in and 4lb off taking me just over the 4st loss and better than i'd hoped for for the week!
Doing a lot of thinking about my next steps now. I've been reading about reverse dieting and also listening to podcasts about binge eating/breaking those cycles.
I'm quite aware that i've done this bit before - the loosing doing a VLCD isn't the issue for me, it's the reintroduction of food, and how I manage that - I know I need a plan for the next steps and I need to decide what that is before I start doing something - having re-read my old diary, this is when things started to go wrong and my binge eating cycle started again, so it's a clear point I need to focus on this time.
Whilst i'm happy on the shakes, feeling in control and seeing decent weekly losses, i'm concerned about sticking with this plan and the long term affect on my metabolism. I had thought that perhaps I would stick with this plan until i have 1/2 a stone to go, but I might move on sooner than that.
At the moment, my thoughts are to try and follow reverse dieting which is all about reintroducing calories slowly. I think I will start off by going up by 100 cals (1/2 a product) and do this for a couple of weeks before adding in another 100cals (another 1/2 a product) and after another couple of weeks, add in the 200cal evening meal.
Probably controversially, i've been doing 3 products, like I did with CWP back in the day which is 600cals - that means that my first two additions will bring me up to the current 800 plan and then by mid-may i'll be on 1000cals. I'll see where I am then. I'd like to introduce some more exercise into my plan too, i'm thinking of getting back to running, but i'd also like to do weight training, logistically this might take a bit more organising!
So, that's this week's musings. Hope you're all doing well!
Another good Monday weigh in and 4lb off taking me just over the 4st loss and better than i'd hoped for for the week!
Doing a lot of thinking about my next steps now. I've been reading about reverse dieting and also listening to podcasts about binge eating/breaking those cycles.
I'm quite aware that i've done this bit before - the loosing doing a VLCD isn't the issue for me, it's the reintroduction of food, and how I manage that - I know I need a plan for the next steps and I need to decide what that is before I start doing something - having re-read my old diary, this is when things started to go wrong and my binge eating cycle started again, so it's a clear point I need to focus on this time.
Whilst i'm happy on the shakes, feeling in control and seeing decent weekly losses, i'm concerned about sticking with this plan and the long term affect on my metabolism. I had thought that perhaps I would stick with this plan until i have 1/2 a stone to go, but I might move on sooner than that.
At the moment, my thoughts are to try and follow reverse dieting which is all about reintroducing calories slowly. I think I will start off by going up by 100 cals (1/2 a product) and do this for a couple of weeks before adding in another 100cals (another 1/2 a product) and after another couple of weeks, add in the 200cal evening meal.
Probably controversially, i've been doing 3 products, like I did with CWP back in the day which is 600cals - that means that my first two additions will bring me up to the current 800 plan and then by mid-may i'll be on 1000cals. I'll see where I am then. I'd like to introduce some more exercise into my plan too, i'm thinking of getting back to running, but i'd also like to do weight training, logistically this might take a bit more organising!
So, that's this week's musings. Hope you're all doing well!
FlicG
Silver Member
Hello everyone!
It's been a while, and i'm conscious that this journey started a year ago, and I dropped off last April from updating! With it being January, I know that new starters may come, and my diary is
So, what happened after April 12th? Well, over the next two months, I stuck with the plan, adding in weekend meals when we had things (remember easter? and the jubilee?) Listening to binge podcasts etc were really helpful for me, and I enrolled in a course to break some of these binge eating habits etc.
I lost another stone, taking me to 13st 7lb (1st off my target weight) but realised that I had lost the energy and motivation, and I was in a happy place. I also thought that 13st 7lb was probably more achievable to maintain. So, a 5st loss overall, which was pretty great. I slowly started to reintroduce food, often still opting for a shake for breakfast at work, and doing things like increasing my exercise levels, generally being more active and investigating foods that I actually like. Alongside the binge eating course, I was feeling mega positive. I stopped weighing myself as I realised this was a big trigger for me, but my clothes were still fitting and I felt great.
September my eldest started school, and teamed with that, my busiest two weeks of work, and a family wedding which required complex logistics, I lost my way, and haven't been fully in the mindset to dive back in.
I've not been fully binging, but I am overeating, picking and I can see these behaviours creeping back in. Winter doesn't help as we've been riddled with colds, and Christmas has been quite a triggering time in the past, and I haven't fully coped with it as well as I could. I also know that the weight has crept back on - not all by any means, but I can feel it, daily.
I had planned a pre-christmas blitz - two weeks on plan to get me back on track, but in reality, my heart wasn't fully in it and I gave up after a day.
So, where am I now? Anxiously thinking about stepping on the scales again and smashing out a couple of weeks back on plan. I restocked with my favourite flavours, I just need to stop the self-sabotage and get on with it. I think that a couple of weeks will afford me that time to mentally readjust. The biggest thing is that I have no time to myself at the moment - it's either work, parenting or jobs around the house and i'm exhausted by life. This means i'm back to using food as a comfort again, and I don't know how to get that mental clarity without first putting myself through the pain of sachets for a couple of weeks...I also need to pick up the course again and carry on to the end - I have a habit of starting something and thinking that i'm "cured" or because i've paid the money, I will osmotically absorb the information, forgetting that this stuff actually takes work, more work than mentally, I can give it at the moment (hence the ease of sachets and a simple plan.)
I hope that this helps some newbies to realise that this diet isn't a long term solution, and though the weight loss aspect can be great to begin with, it's the behind the scenes work, which needs to continue, that will actually help long term,
I'll still be checking in periodically - more so as I get back on plan as i've always found keeping this "diary" really useful.
xx
It's been a while, and i'm conscious that this journey started a year ago, and I dropped off last April from updating! With it being January, I know that new starters may come, and my diary is
So, what happened after April 12th? Well, over the next two months, I stuck with the plan, adding in weekend meals when we had things (remember easter? and the jubilee?) Listening to binge podcasts etc were really helpful for me, and I enrolled in a course to break some of these binge eating habits etc.
I lost another stone, taking me to 13st 7lb (1st off my target weight) but realised that I had lost the energy and motivation, and I was in a happy place. I also thought that 13st 7lb was probably more achievable to maintain. So, a 5st loss overall, which was pretty great. I slowly started to reintroduce food, often still opting for a shake for breakfast at work, and doing things like increasing my exercise levels, generally being more active and investigating foods that I actually like. Alongside the binge eating course, I was feeling mega positive. I stopped weighing myself as I realised this was a big trigger for me, but my clothes were still fitting and I felt great.
September my eldest started school, and teamed with that, my busiest two weeks of work, and a family wedding which required complex logistics, I lost my way, and haven't been fully in the mindset to dive back in.
I've not been fully binging, but I am overeating, picking and I can see these behaviours creeping back in. Winter doesn't help as we've been riddled with colds, and Christmas has been quite a triggering time in the past, and I haven't fully coped with it as well as I could. I also know that the weight has crept back on - not all by any means, but I can feel it, daily.
I had planned a pre-christmas blitz - two weeks on plan to get me back on track, but in reality, my heart wasn't fully in it and I gave up after a day.
So, where am I now? Anxiously thinking about stepping on the scales again and smashing out a couple of weeks back on plan. I restocked with my favourite flavours, I just need to stop the self-sabotage and get on with it. I think that a couple of weeks will afford me that time to mentally readjust. The biggest thing is that I have no time to myself at the moment - it's either work, parenting or jobs around the house and i'm exhausted by life. This means i'm back to using food as a comfort again, and I don't know how to get that mental clarity without first putting myself through the pain of sachets for a couple of weeks...I also need to pick up the course again and carry on to the end - I have a habit of starting something and thinking that i'm "cured" or because i've paid the money, I will osmotically absorb the information, forgetting that this stuff actually takes work, more work than mentally, I can give it at the moment (hence the ease of sachets and a simple plan.)
I hope that this helps some newbies to realise that this diet isn't a long term solution, and though the weight loss aspect can be great to begin with, it's the behind the scenes work, which needs to continue, that will actually help long term,
I'll still be checking in periodically - more so as I get back on plan as i've always found keeping this "diary" really useful.
xx
littlemissnaughty
Gold Member
Welcome back hun,
Like you I've been on here for a long time and just started back for January!
You have done amazingly well previously so I know you'll be brilliant this time as well.
Good luck!
like me too!
xx
