Spanglymum's 2014 and beyond!

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Some things aren't for a public forum, even if posted under a pseudonym, and even if they have a direct impact on my ability to stick to a diet. Had second thoughts about this topic so have redacted.
 
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Thanks, both. I appreciate your support. Things are good. Still trying to be mindful and properly observe what's going on for me emotionally and physiologically. Yesterday I had a horribly sore tummy. At one point I thought I finally had PMT (haven't had a period since Feb) but no. I had a thought that perhaps it was having grain for breakfast that set me off - so today I had scrambled eggs and some asparagus and ham and haven't had a single twinge. Just had my packed lunch, which was similar (without the eggs) and low carb and feel good. We shall see. Need to think about which two days will be fast days this week. It's looking like Monday and Tuesday at the moment. I need to phone for my blood results this afternoon: FBC, ferritin, and oestrogens. First time I've had the hormone one done, but having had four periods in eight weeks and then nothing since (they think it was the periods that made me anaemic) and given that I'm getting occasional hot flashes, my GP said I could be perimenopausal. I'm not sure that would explain the joint pains, but maybe it would? (The pains started nine years ago so I would have been v v young for early menopause symptoms.)

Hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to the weekend!
 
So - all my bloods were normal (hollow laugh). Well, it would be good to be grateful, but who am I trying to kid? I'm annoyed and frustrated. All this pain for all these years and nothing. Nothing wrong with me. Hmm.

Finally got my period today - three months late :confused:. So four periods in eight weeks at the start of the year, then a three month gap, and nothing going on with my hormones. If you say so :rolleyes:

Had a bit of a "moment" earlier today, in a good way. Today's the day I do travel duties for my husband as he has his medical treatment. Turns out he'd decided I was going to change my plans for the rest of the year (long story but it's complicated to do with children's after school clubs and my journey to work and the school run etc) and hadn't bothered to ask me. I was so cross - but I'm not good at expressing it - so I just went quiet. And then I thought that no, this is a chance to practice being assertive and looking after myself. So I was all calm and just said what he'd suggested wouldn't work for me, because XYZ, and we would need to think of something else.

He exploded! He doesn't get angry very often, and I've realised part of that is because I make sure I never annoy him - so I'm always very compliant and obliging, even when it means I put myself out (which is quite often, now I've started noticing it). Eek! Anyway, it was interesting because I could feel myself getting anxious, and wanting to change what I'd said, to make it "better" - but then I thought, "no - I count too". So I just waited.

I think he got the message I wasn't going to be swayed. We'll see. It feels good to stand up for myself actually. Unfamiliar, but good!

And the best bit? I'm on a fast day, and the whole thing originally had me craving sugar - but now I know I can get through the day and will be just fine on packs.
 
Did my packs today too - so that's my two days done. Weigh in is tomorrow. I'm not expecting a loss. Slightly worried I may have gained again (0.4lb last week but then turned out I was premenstrual). I just seem to get so bloated all the time. I sometimes wonder if doing lighter life really messed up my body (but thinking that way - madness lies).
 
Seems like you have got in the swing of the fasting days. I'm so all or nothing I struggled with it but I think probably would be easier from a vlcd adding in non fasting days.

Interesting learning with the situation with your husband. I have done so much the past couple of years to deal with my conflict avoidance but it's still awful that feeling that we'll blow everything up if we state our case. Well done on stating your needs and sticking your ground. The only way it gets easier is doing it and in the long run you will be healthier and happier. Saw this today on the Brene Brown site which has some relevance "Anger is a signal and one worth listening to!" -- Dr. Harriet Lerner - Brené Brown It struck a chord with me.

Hope you get a good weigh in.
 
I'll have a look at that, thanks. You have a great track record of recommending good resources! :) Just had another chance to exercise my assertiveness muscles. I'm on the train to work and catching up on work emails. Just checked my phone. Next time I won't react at all - but this time I almost got ensnared. Loads of messages. My husband's gone out to our daughter's class assembly leaving the burglar alarm armed, and the cleaner is due today. She set it off, poor thing (this has happened before). He's not answering his phone so the cleaner's manager has texted me to sort it out. I was about to tie myself in knots sorting it out and then thought "no"!?! This isn't my problem. Hubby wants me to rearrange the cleaner for another day (even though he can disarm the alarm remotely if he just thought about it for a second). I've said I can't do that as I'm on my way to work and am working through my inbox. I feel guilty saying no. Isn't that odd?? Bother. I've had to step in as the cleaner doesn't know what to do or when he will be back. I AM SO ANNOYED. Have sent him a message to say I've cancelled the cleaner, apologised on his behalf and am very cross. Really wish I'd ignored the messages now. What would he have done then? The assumption is that I will sort everything out. No more!!!
 
Lost 1.5lb!

We talked a lot at group last night about assertiveness. I do think I know how to be assertive. But my husband doesn't like it. He got really upset this morning, saying I had been 'screaming' at him, which just is not true!! I did query a few things he did which normally I would have let pass, but he interpreted that as me 'screaming'. I'm sorry to say he got a rise out of me and as he kept going on about it and I kept trying to stay calm, saying, 'i haven't been screaming' he just got more and more irrational. Then said, 'you're doing it now!' Which just wasn't true. I hate that. I really hate when someone says that black is white like that. So I'm sorry to say I raised my voice and said (not very proud of this) 'this is screaming! Are you satisfied now?!' And he just calmly said, 'see what I mean? You always use aggression to make a point.'

I'm really sad now. Not because of the incident itself, which I regret and will handle differently next time (probably by just walking away from it I think) but because I saw his other side. The side that I avoid by not rocking the boat and by being compliant.

He's a bully too!!!

OMG.

Not sure what to do with this realisation. I need to learn to stand up for myself but also not allow him to wind me up like that again. He ends up with the moral high ground because he can say that I screamed at him. Oh bugger :-( now I understand why I'm fat again :-(
 
Wow, you are doing some serious mind work, well done! Does that realisation want to make you eat or make you more determined?

Well done on your loss :)
 
I think now this has come to your attention you won't be able to ignore it and carry on as before. The way you have dealt with it has a positive intention - I suspect like me you eat to mask the anger and allow yourself to be compliant - but it doesn't work in the long term because of the weight and the fact that you become exhausted and burnt out. It's not easy to change those ingrained habits though and you might find you need some help with it.

It's a hard realisation and I feel for you. Good luck with it and this is a safe place for venting
 
Well, this week I'm pleased to report a 0.4lb gain. Pleased because my hubby and I went to two posh restaurants this weekend, and stayed in a hotel and had cooked breakfasts, so I'm really happy the gain is so small. I must have been making some good choices!!

So, one more week of 5:2 (bank holiday weekend) and then I've promised myself I will be back on packs 100% for eight weeks after that.

Bit apprehensive but also excited. I have this picture in my head of someone at work asking me if I've lost weight, a couple of months from now :-D
 
By the way, I actually got an apology from my husband re the 'screaming' incident, and flowers, and my dinner cooked for me! Assertiveness works, evidently! ;-)
 
Hello! So on Wednesday I'm starting eight weeks of LL Total. I am also transferring (next Monday)to a different part of the business to start a new, interim, role - running a project for the next nine months or so. I also have a job interview this week for a more senior role as well (same organisation). So lots of change. But I don't want to put this off any longer. The time will pass anyway, right, whether I do the packs or not? So why not end up a bit llighter in a couple of months' time. Enough beating myself up about being back (almost) at the beginning again. I can and will do this.
 
We are never back at the beginning again because we've learned too much along the way. :) Good luck with the restart. If you fancy the incentive of a 100% thread we are doing two weeks at a time here. http://www.minimins.com/cambridge-d...week-100-challenge-start-date-25-05-14-a.html No need to log a start weight unless you want to and you can just check in each day to keep you on track. I did find it made me more accountable and kept me away from those odd bits of protein here and there and my losses have been better than even the first time I did LL.
 
Ok. So I relaxed a bit - my last week before Total. I've gained five pounds???!!! How is that even possible?!

Anyway. Today was a perfect day of packs, water and green tea. Day one - done.

Group was small but good tonight. Game playing... Food for thought, definitely.

Clinquant, thanks for the pointer to the two week group. I've joined :)
 
Day two has dawned and I feel beautifully calm. Aaaaaaah.
 
How much am addicted to using food as a tranquilliser? Blimey. I hadn't realised when doing 5:2... because this feels more of a commitment, it seems I've been fighting food thoughts all afternoon. I haven't succumbed (go me!) and I know it will pass (if all else fails - v early night) - but it's been a bit of a mental battle today.
 
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