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Time to face reality.... What do you think?

#1
Hi... i'm new here and even though there are many reasons I want to lose weight (about 5 stone) there is one reason in particular that some people may disagree with. The person I would really like to spend the rest of my life is really trying to hold back from getting involved with me although it's clear there are feelings there. Even though he hasn't admitted this I know it's because he doesn't want to be lumbered with a 'fat' woman. Now i'm fairly sure most of our instincts here would be to slate the guy and say it's shallow etc but is it really?? Having given it a lot of thought I really think it's understandable that somebody would want to be with someone who is at least reasonably slim and more importantly healthy.. We all know that carrying alot of extra weight holds limitations on our physical activity... for example I would avoid hill walking like the plague right now... I don't like to go swimming due to how I look... and so I was wondering when you really think it through if you also think it's understandable for somebody to be hesitant about getting involved with somebody with alot of extra weight.
Thought this might make an interesting talking point.

Happy dieting.. Amanda :)
 
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#2
Ooh Amanda, what an interesting topic! I think it's perfectly reasonable to be motivated to lose weight to impress the man of your dreams, although ideally we should want to do it for us. But I guess, in a way you are ... so you have a chance of getting your man! I know that although I am losing weight for me, I would be a liar to say that I didn't want the new-shaped me to impress friends or lovers. And the thought of being happy to go swimming, or hill walking or whatever would be joyous. Stick with it ... learn to love yourself on the way ... and good luck x
 
#3
hello and welcome hun.

i understand where your coming from, at one point in my life i was trying to impress my bf and my family about losing weight and getting slim but my bf in particular didnt care if i was fat or slim, my sister on the other hand is skinny and image was important to her and it made me get competitive and obsessive about my body. i always felt like the fat one out of all my friends so maybe i was losing weight for them rather than myself, but after a while i thought to myself, i needed to lose weight for me because no matter how much i lose i'm going to be making myself happy.

so goodluck hun your in the right place x
 
#4
Hi to you both... I definately think losing weight for ourselves is the most important thing without doubt and also in many of our cases losing weight so that we can be healthier for our children but i suppose the point I was making is I don't think, having thought it through, that it's unreasonable for somebody to be put off getting into a long term relationship with somebody who is very overweight. I think more from the point of health and the restrictions that might put on what things they can do and places they can go as a couple rather than appearances.

I just feel i've had a bit of a wake up call and have now realised that making excuses for being 'big' and potentially blaming people around me for thinking I should 'slim down' was wrong. They are absolutely right. I really feel like ive seen the 'diet' light lol and that i've at last accepted that I shouldn't be like this and that I HAVE to do something about it and maybe in his way but without saying anything he has helped me to see that. Just hope I feel this motivated a few weeks down the line (watch out for my.. i've hit a wall...thread.. lol)...

: )
 

*gold.emerald*

dancing queen ;)
#5
hey, hey Amanda- you seem to be going the right way- once you know you want to loose- so I am sure you will now- so just keep going, take one day at a time. It's not about perfection, just persistence, so good luck! :)
 
#6
Hi to you both... I definately think losing weight for ourselves is the most important thing without doubt and also in many of our cases losing weight so that we can be healthier for our children but i suppose the point I was making is I don't think, having thought it through, that it's unreasonable for somebody to be put off getting into a long term relationship with somebody who is very overweight. I think more from the point of health and the restrictions that might put on what things they can do and places they can go as a couple rather than appearances.

I just feel i've had a bit of a wake up call and have now realised that making excuses for being 'big' and potentially blaming people around me for thinking I should 'slim down' was wrong. They are absolutely right. I really feel like ive seen the 'diet' light lol and that i've at last accepted that I shouldn't be like this and that I HAVE to do something about it and maybe in his way but without saying anything he has helped me to see that. Just hope I feel this motivated a few weeks down the line (watch out for my.. i've hit a wall...thread.. lol)...

: )

loool your so funny hehe... dont worry if you hit the wall i'm here to take you off the wall, the people on this thread are really nice and supportive and we will see where your going wrong, and no doubt if your doing well we will always encourage you aswell.
 

Rigby

Full Member
#7
I don't think that there's anything wrong in your approach. Ultimately you're still doing it because it's something you want to do for yourself, it's not that someone has told you that you've got to change for them.

As for worrying about losing motivation, I think you might surprise yourself :)
 
#8
hey Amanda, everyone needs an incentive to lose weight and everyones reason is different. In a way though you are doing it for yourself, just indirectly. You want to be with this man... so to ensure that happens you need to lose the weight. Nothing at all wrong with that! Good luck in your weight loss honey and we are all here for you!!

x
 

Mumma K

Gold Member
#9
Mmmh !!! I don't know I would be a little bit wary of getting involded with someone who has issues with fatter woman.
Ultimately it shouldn't matter if your fat or your thin if someone can't see past the exterior then I do think it is somewhat shallow.
Of course you could lose wait to impress and try and win him over but would you always be living in fear of gaining a few pounds and him leaving you for it.
Of course its his right to have his own opinion on what he finds attractive
But should you lose weight to win him over NO!!
you'd spend every hour of every day worrying about weight gain or him running off with a slimmer model
should you lose weight for yourself hell yeah!!
 
#10
Hi Kally... i totally agree with most of what you say but I honestly don't think it's the appearance thing. He is quite sporty, outdoorsy etc and he obviously wants to be able to be around somebody who wants to do those sorts of things or should I say CAN do those sorts of things.. of course I can to an extent but we went camping a while back and he wanted to go on a long cycle ride and I had to decline.. im just not fit enough... I think it's understandable that he might think twice before committing to somebody who can't do basic healthy activities without breaking out in a sweat after two mins.

Thanks for all your replies.. it's very nice to meet you all

Mand
 
#11
I think it is important that you want to lose weight for yourself - that is why I think I never succeeded properly before - I was always doing it for others, and not in the right mindframe myself.

However, I think it is perfectly normal to lose it for others too. My family is so sporty and one of the benefits of my weight loss will be being able to join in with all the activities again.... so similar to your situation...!