Tina's diary of hopefull optimism!

We had sports day Monday and it's nerve wracking enough when things are running smoothly! It hurts because you love your son so much, hope both you and him feel better very soon xxx
 
Hi all. Thanks for all the cheering up messages :) it was a bloody awfull day yesterday an I still feel a bit fragile :( I think it was because I've not seen him be restrained like that for years and obviously he's a lot bigger and stronger now so the holding techniques are a lot more invasive? It's different when we have to do it at home. It's a lot less aggressive and obviously he trusts us more an calms down a lot faster etc. But schools first priority is the safety of EVERYONE so I understand why they have to do it that way. I just haven't seen them do it before and it was awfull to watch and not be able to do anything!!! It's really affected me :(
For anyone who doesn't know anything about it J has Aspergers which is a form of autism.
I think what was worse was not being able to see anything I recognised as my child in this wailing screaming kicking biting banshee. When he has a full meltdown like that it's like 'he' just disappears and there's nobody home? There's just this overwhelming rage an frustration? Or maybe it's more a fight or flight reflex? I'm not sure but It's really scary. He can't control himself, he can't calm himself down, and he can't remember much about it when it's over. So the restraining is about preventing him from hurting himself or anyone else and helping him find his way back to himself. But afterwards he's just physically exhausted an mentally battered for a bit. So he's still upstairs in bed right now but the ear plugs are out and the DS is on so that's a good sign lol
I think this is the final nail in the coffin of any normal mainstream high dreams I might have had :( there's no way he'll make enough progress in time. An I just have to accept that. It doesn't rule out independent living for his adulthood tho. Just makes the chances of it that much lower!
God knows what I ate yesterday. I couldn't tell you! Marmite on toast i think? I did order a Chinese about half ten as we'd only just got him settled an asleep by then but by time it arrived I had a massive headache so ate about four forkfulls, felt sick, and went to bed. Then the OH tried to give me a hug and I had a bit of a grizzle so I got back up and had a hot choc then went back to bed again lol trying to plan a healthy day out now but not really feeling it. I think the diet will be a struggle this weekend!!

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Aww hun. You stay strong. He's got better chances of progression with a lovely caring mum like you. And the DS in on so that's always a good sign lol :)
 
Hi hun,

when you mentioned AS yesterday I assumed it was aspergers. Before I got ill I was a carer for adults with learning difficulties, and I had two clients with Aspergers. The only reason they were both in care is because their parents had given up on them, and weren't willing to try and keep them as independant as possible.

I was very close to one of them, and I used to bake cakes with him, which he loved, but it always had to be the same cakes. Lemon drizzle or chocolate fudge. He Knew the weights and measurements of by heart, and it had to be followed exactly the same way every time.

I'm sorry yesterday was so hard. Like Bostik said, at least the DS is on, which can only be a good thing :D
 
Awwww sweetie I am so so sorry that you had to see that and that you are going through this. Hot chocolate is definitely my go to comfort drink at night, I hope it helped.... I'm sure you will get J back to a good place this weekend {hug}
 
Long hard arduous day today. J is finally having to face the fact he's not like other kids. He's asking some hard questions. Think he is a mite depressed really.
I did my usual and decided that a bit of nest building was in order!! Have ripped everything out me an OH's bedroom, scrubbed it, rearranged it, and put it all back in but differently!! OH is in trouble as I don't think he's dusted his half the bedroom in the three yrs we have lived here!!!!
J has spent the afternoon measuring all the bedroom furniture and amusing himself by planning out different layouts on that weird maths paper with all the lines on (which funnily enough was a gift from my freind who thought he'd have fun with it!!)
The planning went much better when my daughter pointed out to him about leaving space for doors to open haha!! She has amused herself by 'sorting' my make up and toiletries draws in my dressing table lol half of it's now in her room an she looked like a painted hussy by teatime!!

Have eaten a fair amount of crapola but I'm hoping that five hours of lugging solid pine furniture about has burnt it off!!!! Canna be arsed to have dinner now either!!! So I've eaten....
shredded wheat for breakfast
Poppy an buckwheat bread with butter cheese an chutney
Turkish delight ice cream bar
5 coconut rings (which I had to eat as little J bet me I couldn't get 5 in my mouth.... Turns out I CAN!!!)
An a richmonds sausage left over from kids tea.

Could have been worse tho right??

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Bread with butter and cheese yum :D

As for the coconut ring dare, I couldn't have let that one go either, and I'm so proud of you for fitting in 5!! :rolleyes:

Hope things have started to settle down a bit for you.
 
Haha your kids sound so cute planning room layouts and that. I totally used to do that when I was little. In the back of my maths book cos it's all squares :eek:
 
Bleurgh. Bad weekend food wise :( we decided on a last min famy picnic off in the wilds of Cannock chase. Cue much eating crap an lounging around in the sun with a few desperado's lol I do love that tequila beer :) but I feel much better in myself now :) which is good!!

Bad news is today's WI puts me at 184. So I've somehow gained 3lb and I'm not in the 12's anymore :( pleeeeeeaaase be water retention!!!!!!!! Will catch up with diaries etc later xxx but I'm back on the wagon today!!! Scouts honour!!!!

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Oh yes I forgot. ....... Today I'm wearing a DRESS.
I've been working up to it with 3/4 trousers lol it's just above the knee but my legs are officially out of the closet today :)
Bit concerned that I look vaguely preggers in it tho haha.

The weekend of naughtiness = bloating of dooooom!!!

Right now for the school run. Dump kids and hit the pool!!!

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I love deperados and my brother was drinking them yesterday at the BBQ, but I managed to say no. Only just mind!!

I stupidly stood on the scales aswell yesterday, and they delightfully told me I was 2lb heavier. My advice. DON'T DO IT!!!!

Congrats on the dress wearing, bet it felt great :D
 
It felt draughty lol I'm soooo out of practice at dress wearing!!!

So I hit aqua fit. Then did some weedkilling :) I've weedkillered my feet mostly lol had a leisurely lunch and a quick tidy round. Now I plan to deal with my post swimming pool hair nightmare and head out to fill fridge with tasty healthy foods :) the lettuce drawer is empty and the fruit bowl has one wrinkly apple in it!!!!

Today I've had melon for breakfast.
Was blindsided by the digestives but came to my senses halfway thru number two so that's my morning snack lol
Lunch was easy as had some chicken left so 100g of George Formanned chicken, salad and some spicy rice :)
Not sure bout tea but I'm thinking maybe wholegrain pasta, veggies and tomatoes with the last smidge of mozzarella on top??
I'm 1 litre of water down an one to go.

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Note to self....... Attempting to chug a litre of water at 10.30 is a bad idea.

I'm lying in bed with it sloshing about everytime I roll over !!! Shall be up in the night methinks!!!

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Have ditched a pound of water retention over night :) two more to go :( I hate losing pounds I've already lost!!! And I've lost/gained all the 13somethings about ten times now!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrr.

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I'm sure you don't look preggers in it, I'm sure you look great!!
 
Good for you, wearing a dress! Haha, the water situation didn't sound too pleasant!
 
Note to self....... Attempting to chug a litre of water at 10.30 is a bad idea.

I'm lying in bed with it sloshing about everytime I roll over !!! Shall be up in the night methinks!!!

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Haha! The worst about water at night is that you wake up in AGONY with a litre of water in your tummy wanting to get out, yet your so comfy in your bed that you don't want to get out. I try not to drink water past 10 o'clock now (I go to bed around midnight) I enjoy my sleep too much :D
 
happyhealthy said:
Haha! The worst about water at night is that you wake up in AGONY with a litre of water in your tummy wanting to get out, yet your so comfy in your bed that you don't want to get out. I try not to drink water past 10 o'clock now (I go to bed around midnight) I enjoy my sleep too much :D

Just try it after three bloody kids (and they were all big babies too!! ) :( bladder control is so not my strong suit lol

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Important calorie counting lesson........

If you pick at bits of crap all afternoon you won't have enough cals for lovely home baked wedges with your tea!!!!

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With you on the bladder control (And I've only had one!!). Hate having to get up in the night (and they do laugh at me at work when I'm constantly off out to the loo!!)

Nibbling is fatal. Can't you run up and down the stairs a few times to earn a wedge??:D

Bumble
x
 
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