35 Rules of the Universe

Discussion in 'CD Off Topic' started by suepat10, 19 March 2010 Social URL.

  1. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    [FONT=&quot]> *THE 35 RULES OF THE UNIVERSE ***
    >
    >
    > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
    > laxative on the same night.
    >
    > 2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
    >
    > 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
    > standing in a garage makes you a car.
    >
    > 4.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
    >
    > 5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
    >
    > 6. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a
    > nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
    >
    > 7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
    > program.
    >
    > 8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
    > the holiday.
    >
    > 9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
    >
    > 10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel
    > so good.
    >
    > 11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
    >
    > 12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
    > Embrace your differences. Love each other.
    >
    > 13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
    >
    > 14. A balanced diet is a pie in each hand.
    >
    > 15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
    > waist change places.
    >
    > 16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.
    >
    > 17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three
    > weeks before you need it.
    >
    > 18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
    >
    > 19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
    > mistake when you make it again.
    >
    > 20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
    >
    > 21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
    >
    > 22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the
    > real world.
    >
    > 23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
    >
    > 24. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
    >
    > 25. People who want to share either their religious or political
    > views with you never want you to share yours with them.
    >
    > 26. You should not confuse your career with your life.
    >
    > 27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
    >
    > 28.. Never lick a steak knife.
    >
    > 29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
    >
    > 30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
    > compelling reason why we observe daylight saving time.
    >
    > 31.. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
    > suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
    > actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
    >
    > 32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
    > gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
    > that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
    > drivers.
    >
    > 33. Your friends love you anyway.
    >
    > 34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
    > amateur built the ARK. A large group of professionals built the
    > Titanic.
    >
    > 35. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
    > [/FONT]
     
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  3. MiniMimi2091

    MiniMimi2091 running strictly on fat!

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  4. <3.

    <3. Full Member

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    Hilarious!
     
  5. katzigs

    katzigs Full Member

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    Toots Gold Member

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    xx
     
  7. Determined2011

    Determined2011 Full Member

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    haha brilliant
     
  8. Skinnywishes

    Skinnywishes Member

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    Love these quotes!!! X
     
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