OK I am skulking back to Mini's this morning after a really bad lapse. After getting back on the SS wagon last week and doing really well I made the mistake of weighing myself at Boots to see how I had done that week as I see my counsellor fortnightly but like to know roughly where I am at - I had gained weight! It was only half a pound but I was so despondant as normally I would have dropped 4 or 5 pounds and I had been good all week. In hindsight it was probably water retention as I am still having massive hormone related problems but I allowed my chatterbox to take over and went a bit crazy. I am so disappointed as I almost definately won't make any of my targets for next weigh in and it is also extremely unlikely that I will fit into my party dress in 3 weeks.
I am only realistically on SS for another 12 days before I start moving up the plans - why on earth can't I find the willpower to stick to it? Managed 5 months no probs but these last few weeks feel so hard. MY CDC suggested moving up the plans a bit early if I am really struggling with SS but it's really important to me to prove to myself that I can do these last few days until I begin AAM on 3rd Dec then move up to 790. It sounds silly but I think part of me is terrified of being less than 11 stone for the first time in my life and having to maintain that - other people's expectations and pressures worry me a lot even though it's my weight and I have accepted it is likely I will fluctuate for a few months while I find out what portions and activity level will maintain me where I want to be. I have already seen how people react over minor blips, they forget your success so far and focus on the negative. Part of me however is just finding excuses and taking the easy option by eating and never acheiving my goal - few people expect me to get there so my chatterbox is telling me I may as well give up now.
But although I am disappointed in myself for the lapse I am going to move past it now and work on this day by day and prove I can last the distance and that minor blips won't matter when I am slim and healthy.
Sorry - needed to get all that out, it's a kind of therapy getting things written down for me, working out why I am sabotaging my own success etc. Ta for listening!
Here's to a positive diet day whatever plan you are on!
Kerrie x
I am only realistically on SS for another 12 days before I start moving up the plans - why on earth can't I find the willpower to stick to it? Managed 5 months no probs but these last few weeks feel so hard. MY CDC suggested moving up the plans a bit early if I am really struggling with SS but it's really important to me to prove to myself that I can do these last few days until I begin AAM on 3rd Dec then move up to 790. It sounds silly but I think part of me is terrified of being less than 11 stone for the first time in my life and having to maintain that - other people's expectations and pressures worry me a lot even though it's my weight and I have accepted it is likely I will fluctuate for a few months while I find out what portions and activity level will maintain me where I want to be. I have already seen how people react over minor blips, they forget your success so far and focus on the negative. Part of me however is just finding excuses and taking the easy option by eating and never acheiving my goal - few people expect me to get there so my chatterbox is telling me I may as well give up now.
But although I am disappointed in myself for the lapse I am going to move past it now and work on this day by day and prove I can last the distance and that minor blips won't matter when I am slim and healthy.
Sorry - needed to get all that out, it's a kind of therapy getting things written down for me, working out why I am sabotaging my own success etc. Ta for listening!
Here's to a positive diet day whatever plan you are on!
Kerrie x