Am I a freak to feel scared of being thinner?

[Broadstairsgirl]

I'm having a bad day today. I got some clothes that haven't fitted me for a couple of years out to try on today and found that they do and now I feel a bit weird.

I don't feel thin enough to get into them and I'm almost regretting the fact that i'll have to ebay them! It's made me wonder if I really want to be a size 14 rather than a size 18. I know logically that I will be able to wear much nicer things then but it's almost as if part of my brain is trying to sabotage me.

Am I a freak to be scared of being thinner?

 

[AnnieAnnie]

No not at all. I feel like when I am big then people will just dismiss me without being critical, so I never bother with my clothes/hair/make up/general appearance. However, when I am thinner, I feel people will be more judgemental and feel much more vulnerable, so I make so much more of an effort.

It is entirely screwed up I know!

Stick with it, I think in cognitive behavioural therapy what you are thinking is known as a 'crooked thought', something that is trying to derail you. Maybe google it.

Good luck x

 

[merlynne]

No, I know what you mean. It is scary changing yourself, physically and mentally. I was down to a BMI of 27 a few years ago and I felt exactly the same, but looked totally different, and was treated very differently. I found it a bit confusing like I didn't know how to be me any more.

And now, like the above poster, I'm already starting to be more paranoid about clothes/hair/makeup. Even though I've only lost two stone so far, I don't feel like I have a 'pass' now.

Even thinking about what to wear a few stone more down the line freaks me out. Where do lower BMI women shop?

I'm not sure I know how to be thin. But.....I'll figure it out when I'm there!!! And you will too.

 

[bana]

The first time i did the CWP, i got into the 9 stones after loosing over 3 stone, and the attention i got was so overwhelming that i was only in the 9's for a week and starting to put the weight back on. It isnt until loosing the weight on the second attempt of CWP, that i have come to realise this reason and trying to learn how thin feels and not to be scared.
Your not a freak, well if you are then i am too! Its a whole new world outside and it takes time to adjust, sometimes i still think im big and have the same mind set. I catch myself in the mirror or shop window and have to double take.
You loose the weight so quickly i think it takes the brain longer to catch up IYKWIM!
x

 

[Lily]

The first time i did the CWP, i got into the 9 stones after loosing over 3 stone, and the attention i got was so overwhelming that i was only in the 9's for a week and starting to put the weight back on. It isnt until loosing the weight on the second attempt of CWP, that i have come to realise this reason and trying to learn how thin feels and not to be scared.
Your not a freak, well if you are then i am too! Its a whole new world outside and it takes time to adjust, sometimes i still think im big and have the same mind set. I catch myself in the mirror or shop window and have to double take.
You loose the weight so quickly i think it takes the brain longer to catch up IYKWIM!
x

Completely agree! I remember being rather freaked out when I didn't recognise myself in the CCTV monitor at the front of Brantano - looked behind me to see where this 'other woman' was!

My head definitely hadn't had time to catch up. Sooo looking forward to that happening this time around!

 

[Divster]

Dawn French said on live tv this week this is from the daily mail online

She said: 'I kind of do because I did like myself, I've never disliked myself in any way and the weight has nothing to do with my self esteem... so I'm used to that old body, I know how it works, I know how it moves, and I'm less used to this newer one. That's all it is really.'

Holly asked her if she was now bored of everyone talking about her dramatic weight loss and Dawn replied: 'Yeah I do! Well I suppose I've always thought that that isn't really what mattered, and yet by losing all this weight I realise that for a lot of people that is all that matters and that's really sad.
'And I refuse to dislike the old body and you know, I may have it again you never know!'

I know deep down, this is what is stopping me from even getting started, just not sure what the answers are. Maybe just dont feel like I deserve to feel better

 

[kerrypants]

I'm the same, and I think part of it is that people at work, who I see more than family mostly, are always commenting on how thin I look. I can't see it as much as they seem to be able to, and they think im being modest (and a few apparently think im fishing for more complements) but my brain is not catching up with it. I can feel size 22 clothes hanging off me, but I dont feel slim enough to go buy smaller sizes, my brain says "come off it, you try and buy a size 16/18, the staff will laugh you out the shop, fatty!" I look like a right raggamuffin! I think diets like cambridge induce some sort of body dysmorphia, or it has with me anyway. Im not thin yet, I still have another 3/4 stone (havent quite decided where my goal is yet) to lose, but I kind of dont want to as im already getting so many comments im scared of the reactions im going to continue getting as i continue to lose.

 

[Sapphireblue]

I'm not scared, but i do feel like my head hasn't caught up with my body, and i am more critical of my body and how clothes fit than i was before. Partly i think because it's difficult to recognise that i'm not really fat anymore and also i think before i would always make safe choices with my clothes. I don't mean sticking to black but more going for flattering fits and styles. And that was the best i could do at my size, so i just blocked out how i looked and didn't think about it day to day. Now because of the changes i'm loads more conscious of how i look.

It will take time to adjust, but there's no way i'm putting it back on!

 

[spangles]

i have really strange feelings about it. i didn't especially love my body at size 24, but i didn't have a poor self image. i dressed better than most slim people i know and my husband thought i was beautiful so i felt it... plus i had big boobs and liked getting drunk, so i got chatted up a lot.

now...

it's not that i don't like the way i look. i do. but i can't quite gauge it. i don't understand where i fit in. i was still the fattest of all the fifteen or so women at the heads of dept meeting i was at on tuesday - by a safe distance. so i know i'm not slim. but i look good, and people keep telling me i look tiny. and i keep being aware of how much less space i take up... i feel tiny.

and sometimes it's not 100% nice. on new year's eve i went out to a raucous pub where i always used to get chatted up before... and it was like i was invisible. i blended in. i don't want to blend in. i need to be noticed.

 

[Daisy65]

Spangles, maybe you are acting differently. I know i am different when i am slimmer, everyone comments. You may have to give up your old persona and find a new self for your new body. Ignore me if I'm talking rubbish!

 

[spangles]

maybe. i liked the old me, though... :/

 

[Daisy65]

maybe. i liked the old me, though... :/

You sound so sad... I guess you are in a transitionary stage, not your old self and not yet at the weight you want to be. I have to say I think the cd diet is great but the lack of food sometimes makes me quite subdued.

 

[spangles]

not to mention the lack of booze!

i think... i never did this because i wanted to be slimmer. i was happy how i was, so this isn't achieving a long-yearned-for goal for me. i just need to be a certain arbitrary weight for a medical referral. It's been imposed on me.

 

[Daisy65]

not to mention the lack of booze!

i think... i never did this because i wanted to be slimmer. i was happy how i was, so this isn't achieving a long-yearned-for goal for me. i just need to be a certain arbitrary weight for a medical referral. It's been imposed on me.

Yes I can see that are in a different position than most of us on the forum. Hopefully when it's over you will find some side benefits in losing the weight.

 

[debkat]

I can relate to this so much, and for me it's more about realising WHO you are!

For me even tho I was bigger than all my mates I always got the pick of the boys ( I am talking when I was young) because I was the life and sole of the party! I was making up for the great figure everyone else had!

At 20 I lost loads and got myself to a size 8 ( these were the days when the smallest size was 8 in the uk - not sure why it ever changed) it was the men more than the women friends I had who said its not you anymore you don't look right, please put a bit of weight back on!

I realise now I did change back then! I stopped being me! Inwardly unconfident but outwardly looking confident! Again mAking up for my size! but I was more conscious of what people thought than normal, so behaved less normal for me, if you know what I mean!

Many years later I've worked it out! I am me! No matter what size I am I'm always going to be inwardly unconfident! Fact I hate my body, even when I'm thinner! Tho I do feel much better! But I will NOT Alter me I will always be outwardly confident, up for a laugh and the life and sole of the party!

When you are loved by your family lots! Who also sometimes can't accept the new you it can be hard. Ie they treat you differently! What YOU have to remember is WHO you are, the same person, who still loves lots and enjoys life (your just smaller)
And sometimes it's hard to take someone saying how good you look cos it don't ever happen normally, continue to be you! It's what you ate liked and loved for and you can't go wrong

Hopefully that all makes sense? It does to me anyway!