Anyone in a new relationship?

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by krupskaya, 3 July 2010 Social URL.

  1. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Hi all, after years of being single (and piling on the pounds) I've found myself a really nice guy. The only spanner in the works is that I am bitterly ashamed of my size... We have yet to, ahem, 'get jiggy with it' and I'm so mortified of him seeing me disrobed I'm embarassed to say. I always used to be slim and the weight gain is since I've been single so I'm not used to this. I hate the sight of myself in the mirror because of my size and I'm afraid I'm really gonna mess things up by being so shy. We're taking things really slowly but when push comes to shove, I feel so unsexy at this weight (I'm a short arse too!). What to do, what to do... Wish I could just fast forward a year on SW!
     
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  3. Mags12

    Mags12 Full Member

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    Hello hun

    I know exactly how you are feeling. I too was a person that was always slim but anti depressants over the years put a stop to that. I would say that you should try and have confidence in yourself and I know it's not easy. The guy you're seeing likes you for you not for your size :) I dated a guy recently and I was a nightmare lol. I was so paranoid about my size and my unwilling nature to 'get jiggy' lol that we split up. We stayed friends and one day chatting I mentioned how my size had got in the way of us and he looked at me like I was nuts and said are you kidding? Your size or what you perceive to be your size wasn't the problem it's how you are over it.

    Bottom line, guys like women in all shapes and sizes hun and sometimes the vibe that we give out is worse than anything we think we can see in the mirror. God I sound like an agony aunt lol.

    Keep your chin up and remember that this guy is with you because he wants to be :) and taking it slowly you're giving yourself the chance to get more comfortable with him, whatever is meant to happen will and this is the way I will be thinking when I next date someone new.

    Good luck :)
    xx
     
  4. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Thanks for the reply BikiniQueen. Lord, I so identify. I put the weight on through psych meds too. I have to get over myself or else I'm gonna sabotage this relationship. For pete's sake - he can see the size I am so is not gonna expect Twiggy when I disrobe! Clothes don't hide the fact I'm fat. And he seems to like me as I am. Gonna have to put my best foot forward tho easier said than done...

    Thanks hun,

    ZXXXX
     
  5. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Being as you started dating him at the size you are, then you know that he knows what size you are and likes you at that size. If you arent confident then go for the semi-dressed option, wear a short nightie or negligee until you get more comfortable with each other!

    You have nothing to worry about, everything you think he will think is in your head and is really what you think, not what he thinks. If he didnt like you, as you are, he wouldnt be seeing you, would he?
     
  6. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    You are so right MadameLaMinx. Now I've just got to get it into that thick head of mine lol!

    ZXXXX
     
  7. not_lar_croft

    not_lar_croft Silver Member

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    Some really good answers BQ and MLM.
     
  8. gemma_

    gemma_ Silver Member

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    your exactly same weight and heigh as me - sowithout sounding nasty i know exactly how you feel size wise (ive the added extra of stretch marks and saggyness having two kids though lol)
    I've been with my partner as long as i can remember and its only recently we.ve opened up and he's seen me! (since having our kids)

    Can you build up to the 'jiggy' bit gradually soyou can get used to him seeing your body and feeling it? that way you both can get used to it without rushing in there.

    Saying that me personally I don't look 'slim' and if I was to get with a new person looking at me they know there not going to be feeling a super model! this guy obviously likes you, but if your feeling like this you need to build up body confidence around him. Does he know your in process losing weight? If so he knows thatyou mustn't like your body as it is and will be concious.
     
  9. Honeyoc

    Honeyoc Is a crunchy mama!

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    OOh new boyfriend, how exciting!!! From your stats I'm assuming you've recently started SW? One thing I can tell you from experience is that as soon as you get stuck into SW, even though you may not outwardly look very different, you will certainly feel very very different! You'll feel light on your feet, your stomach will be flatter and you'll have a more positive attitude towards life and your weight. And with the attention and sexy chemistry with your new man, you'll be feeling full of life an vivacious in no time!! Like you said, your clothes don't make you look like a size 8 when you're say, a size 16 (wouldn't that be nice! :D ) so your boyfriend has seen your size and loves it so you have nothing to worry about! We all know that women are more critical of their bodies than men are so I think all the flaws you zone in on will not even be noticed! He'll be too busy looking at your voluptuous curves and bewbs no doubt hee hee!!
     
  10. rosiepeace

    rosiepeace Silver Member

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    All the responses so far are really good advice to you hun. I would also add that you should be honest with him and let him know how you are feeling - there is no rush to 'getting jiggy with it' and you should both be ready for it. Also if you open up to him you may find that he has some issues with himself as well.

    Good luck with your relationship hun. :)
     
  11. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Thankyou gemma and Honeyoc. Gemma - we are twins! We have very similar stats. And both knee high to a grasshopper. I really really appreciate both your replies. I think the key is to take things slowly as suggested. He's a lovely bloke and seems very patient. He's already mentioned how much he likes my 'curves' - and let's face it I have plenty of curves to go round! He can see I'm not a small girl and this doesn't put him off at all. I am determined not to muck things up because of my poor body image (I started SW last monday). I do at times wonder what he sees in me though...Stupid I know. I'm just gonna have to step out of my comfort zone a wee bit.

    Thanks for the replies - it really helps more than you know...

    Hugs

    ZXXXXXXXXXXXX
     
  12. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    I once was told by a very wise lady friend that if a bloke fancys you with your clothes on, he has no illusions as to what will be underneath.

    hun, no matter what size you are, if he's attracted to you now, with your beautiful personality also, then he's not expecting any size 8 figure underneath it all.

    In all honesty, if you want it to go anywhere, you should explain (when the times right) how you feel, and even tell him your following sw if you havn't already. I would have never made it without the support of my OH xxxx
     
  13. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Thankyou Rosie - so kind to post a reply. Do you really think I should tell him or should I just brazen it out? Don't know what the best option is to be honest...He doesn't he even know I've joined SW yet - I'll tell him when I see him next. That should give him some clues as to how I'm feeling about my bod.

    It's all so exciting and so very very scary at the same time! That's relationships for you eh? A few years ago when I was slim I'd have been all for tearing my clothes off and getting down to it :8855:!

    Now things are a little more tricky...

    Thanks hun,

    ZXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
     
  14. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Fern, I think you've hit the nail squarely on the head. He has absolutely NO illusions about how I look under my clothes. So it's silly really isn't it? He's not expecting a Slimcea girl and he ain't gonna get one. But he likes me, has proudly introduced me to all his friends and has talked about introducing me to his family. I take this as meaning that he really likes me!

    I'm starting to wonder what I'm worrying about. So many thankyous to all you guys!

    Zxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  15. Mel2

    Mel2 Silver Member

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    He probably has hang ups about his body too so could be feeling just as nervous as you!!!!
    I'm sure once 'it' happens you'll be so caught up in the moment you won't even think about your wobbly bits!!! And once you've got the first time out of the way you'll feel much better about getting down to it the next time!!!!
     
  16. Trolley Dolly xx

    Trolley Dolly xx Full Member

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    Most blokes don't notice the bits we don't like:) but if you feeling a bit self concious when you get jiggy " why not try some candles, and some sexy underwear...bet he will love it and you will too.
    He like you for you...:)
     
  17. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Aaaaw - thankyou Trolley and Mel. One thing I've got going for me is that I have a humungous (and reasonably perky) 'chest' - F-G cups :8855:. Hopefully he'll be so bedazzled by these he won't be looking elsewhere ha ha! You've gotta larf...

    Thankyou guys,

    ZXXXXXXXXXXXX
     
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  19. Devon Dolce

    Devon Dolce 1lb at a time!

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    Hun, go and treat yourself to some gorgeous underwear - doesn't have to be expensive, just a lovely matching set in a colour that you love and when you see it makes you smile! Hell, get a couple of sets! And when you go on your dates with the man, wear it! You'll feel ultra gorgeous and confident about what you're wearing underneath and there IS NOTHING sexier than a confident woman! Even if you don't feel 100% confident yet, fake it - I heard once that the more you practice feeling confident one day you'll wake up and won't have to 'fake it' anymore, you will be! xxx
     
  20. *gold.emerald*

    *gold.emerald* dancing queen ;)

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    awwww, this does sound so very exciting!!! :) -and some really good advice here, so I'll just wish you a happy time :)
     
  21. krupskaya

    krupskaya Gold Member

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    Thankyou DD and GoldEmerald. Do you know, I'm so glad I posted here. I've had some fantastic replies. They've really boosted my confidence!

    Do you know DD I agree there IS nothing sexier than a confident woman and I'm gonna fake it till I make it...My confidence has been so boosted that I just rang the boyf to arrange our next date...

    I can't thank you all enough for your support. I'm truly touched :cry:.

    Big hugs

    ZXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
     
  22. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    I love how nookie-related posts always get lots of replies... you depraved bunch lol. Glad you are feeling better, Zoe. The confidence thing is most definitely the key to it all and you have every reason to be confident as he sounds like he adores you so it will all be fab. the great thing for you also is that you will get smaller as you date so you will just get better and more confident as you go. So many relationship have amazing romps at the start that fizzle out after a while but you'll be the opposite :D
     
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