Arggghhh!!!...... and breathe

[daisydoll]

i have been avoiding here the last couple of days as i have been all over the place in regards to food!

After my first perfect week, I did 2 full days of 4 packs abstinence, then the following 2 days ate 5 packs and the next day blew it and ate. then one day of abstinence then decided to have a big talk to myself in the mirror - (BL stylee!)

several things .....

I found some horrendous old photos of myself which has kicked me into touch and im going to put one on my desktop

ive really missed excercising - have only done 1 class in the last fortnight.
i'm trying to get to grips with the thought that its better to be 9 stone and fit than 8 stone and unfit

i have lost about half my hair

i hadn't realised it had happened!!!
yesterday i tried to put it in plaits and ive got nothing there - i am gobsmacked, ive really not noticed it at all. the total amount of hair is less of what would normally would have made one plait

my hubby says he hadn't noticed - and being as i hadn't either i'm not actually too worried, just gobsmacked! i'm a bit concious of it now tho, but i know it will grow back...

so....
i have decided to start eating again. start excercising again and just CUT OUT THE CRAP!!!


In summery, the 12 days back on packs reminded me of the following facts:

• i need to put into practice all the distractions i learnt in abstinence - having a drink of water, painting my nails, coming on here etc etc when i want to eat for no reason.
• there is no reason to be 'scared' of being hungry but to enjoy the emptiness as in an hour or whatever i will be able to eat.
• i need to plan the timings - i need to 'know' i can eat at certain times - only half an hour to go, in two and half hours i can have lunch works well for me
• to use the 'its only food' mantra - it works for me
• the need to log what i eat so stuff doesn't get eaten mindlessly

i'm glad i did it, as its given me chance to refocus - and i might use it in the future as a tool to do so to give me some 'head space'
it will be interesting to see at next weeks weigh in if i have actually lost anything...but actaully if its stopped me in my tracks, given me space to rethink then actually thats maybe what i needed rather than the weight loss.

so i now plan to eat sensibly once more - cut out the crap that had been sliding in and get back to running and excercise classes.

i feel much better - hence the 'breathe' in the title of the post!

sorry for waffling, it does help to get it all down on 'paper'

daisy x

 

[Blonde Logic]

Glad the mirror chat helped you. It always helps me. Tough love is toughest, and mose effective, when it comes from ourselves I find. Works for me anyway.

Buckled down now Daisy. You KNOW you can do this. ANd you DESERVE to conquor those demons, so just keep working at it. ITs a long old arduos at times thing to change a lifetimes of habits.

xx

 

[Poppysparkle]

This is very interesting to me. I have just ordered 28 packs of Exante, as my sensible eating and exercise just didn't quite come off!! I think I need total abstinence to get my head back in the right space. Well, all I can hope is that I can get this 10lb off, as it's so important to me, and I can't afford to replace my wardrobe again....

Keep us updated Daisy.

 

[katalena]

Good to have you back here Daisy, have missed your posts. I think giving yourself a good talking to in the mirror is a fantastic idea as ultimately it is only "you" that can sort "you" out.

I think it is important that you find that place where you can be comfortable and not be in constant battle with yourself and if for you, that is 9 stone and fit then go with it hun.

Good luck with "you"

Please don't avoid here! We all need here, it helps us all immensely!

Kat xx

 

[Anders]

One of the reasons I don't want to go back on food packs is the hair loss. Our LLC says it doesn't usually affect men - but mine was getting noticeably thinner

 

[strawberryblonde]

Good luck there girl. Don't forget how far yu have come and if I may say so you are looking fab.
Caro

 

[kenshin112]

good luck daisy
and please i pray you get back on track, letting all the hard work you've put in just vanish is something i dont want to see anyone do, and i must say you and bl have been 2 of the biggest inspirations to most of the people on here
good luck
x

 

[Sean(JSF)]

Good on you Daisy, sounds like a very sensible conclusion to come to & if being on the packs has helped in your thought process then I'm really pleased for you.

It is a struggle isn't it? But then no one said it was going to be easy - after all if it was easy for us we wouldn't have needed to start LL in the first place.

One hell of a learning experience for all maintainers, but I guess the old mantra is as true now as ever "today is the first day of the rest of your life" - forget yesterday, focus on today, then repeat tomorrow.

Good luck Daisy

 

[susianna]

Hi Daisy

That's most of what frightens me about going back on the packs as I lost loads of hair but as you say it will come back, mine has and i'm really pleased with it now.

I think you are doing the right thing .... hope its going well!

x

 

[daisydoll]

Ok
so 4 weeks on and i'm still struggling!
I have just read back what i wrote and it all sounds so positive what i planned to do - why can't i follow my good plans????

in summery - i went to a meeting two weeks ago and had put back 5 of the 6 lb i lost. which was no surprise.
i didn't go last week -partly cos we were going out, but i could have re-organised and gone later but i avoided going as i knew i had put on again - and thought to myself i would try really hard this week and lose it so i could at least STS at weigh on

so did i? did i heck as like - i have just kept on making poor choices and now im facing weigh in this afternoon of a big gain - i will prob have tipped myself back into the overweight BMI :-(

With the next 2 weeks off work, always a danger zone for me - and obviously xmas too - I am going have to be soooo careful that I'm not starting the new year at 10 stone.

So what to do?
Well
1. I went back to aerobics this morning. (I have done no excercise for 6 weeks, which is the main problem as when i excercise i can keep off the weight.)
2. I will go to class this afternoon - even tho it will be horrible to stand on those scales it needs to be done
3. I will cut out processed food of any sort for a few days - just eat fresh/raw then limit my treats over xmas
4. I will do another aerobics class on tuesday - and get out for a walk/jog twice before next saturday

so mad at myself - off out tonight for a drink in town with the girls, just hoping i can still fit into my LBD!

daisy x

 

[daisydoll]

well 2lb on at weigh in so not as bad as i thought and still healthy bmi (just!)
great night out - pics in album.
6 vodkas but then some mushy peas and 1/4 portion of chips

i have decided to chill a bit over the next fortnight - try and be as sensible as possible - do a bit opf excercise and in jan start on a bit of a plan!

daisy x

 

[kenshin112]

mmmmm still not doing badly
hows pilates class coming on Daisy
x

 

[daisydoll]

hmmmm- no pilates for 4 weeks now.
ive got out of the routine of going. im so stupid as i love it, its just been busy, cold, dark etc etc all the crap excuses....

i am going back in the new year definately - mind you i will need new workout gear soon as i've grown out of my size 8 stuff :-(
x

 

[thin_inside]

Hi Daisy

Seems like you have forgotton some of your CBT stuff. Have you tried going back to the Foundation book and looking back through, or redoing some of the exercises in the RTM book? Things such as being positive, writing a thoughts record etc.

It's always a bad time of year to be losing weight, but you are strong. Stay in check over the holidays - get the kids out walking, kicking a ball, sledging (teatrays just as good), on the bikes or take a home exercise class with you leading and the kids following!

I'm thinking these things for me as much as offering them to yourself. Have fun whatever you do.

xx

 

[daisydoll]

i'd love to get out sledging - if we had any snow!!!!
think we are the only blinking place without it - very frustrating!
daisy x

 

[kenshin112]

daisy all i can say is dont let all this hard work you have put in, in rtm and foundation go to waste, im 100% confident that it wont, so once it strikes 1st jan get back into the mood for exercise and them pilates classes, and im sure you'll be in them size 8s before you know it
HAPPY early Xmas
x