hippoellie
CDC
:cry: Hi All,
I am back from my hols too like so many and have come back in a really mixed state of mind. First, I cheated on my holiday- I ate a slice of cake one day, had a whole trout on another day and ate cold meat almost every day because I was so hungry all the time. Came back and weighed in and had lost 2lbs- now I am pleased that I still lost weight but furious with myself that I gave in to food, especially as I should know why I did it and be in control of that now.
The hunger seemed to come from not having control over my daily schedule- staying with in-laws (m-in-law was complimentary about my weight-loss which is a miracle!) so they called the shots most of the time- and it was a lovely holiday and they are very nice if a bit stressful, but handing over control of my day to them awakened this massive emotional hunger in me. This need to be in control is something I am very aware of from counselling- but what is the point of being aware of it if I cannot tackle it and manage what it awakens in me? And I know all this is true, cos when I got home on Sunday I was totally back in control of my diet- didn't feel at all hungry and didn't cheat!
Second, I am in a way angry that I lost weight- because now there is going to be a chatterbox in my head saying- go on, you know if you have a bit of meat or cheese you will be fine cos its zero carb- and now I have to re-conquer that chatterbox. Single sourcing is so easy because it gives you that control, and feeds your own determination to succeed. Now this whole area of temptation has opened up again...aaaagh!!
So I feel unable to celebrate my achievements now- e.g. losing weight, am now in the 14 stones for the first time since I was a teenager (and I sure ain't no teenager now), that I am looking good in size 20 clothes now instead of a bit squeezed in, that I am trying on 18s without being embarassed and know that they will fit me soon, and that somehow I have crossed the threshold of people looking at me and seeing 'a fat person' and now see ME first and then might notice that I am a pretty chunky lass. Instead of being boosted by these things I am beating myself up and can't seem to stop.
And now as you can see what I have written I have also turned into a bloomin' whinger to boot!!
Sorry for the moan- I really missed you all so much while I was away and could only log on a couple of times- perhaps the best thing this holiday showed me was that (and I knew this already) Minimins is the BEST SUPPORT NETWORK in the world!:wow: and without it I would be totally lost.
Hope you all had a great easter- I need another week off work to catch up with you all- logged on to see over 4000 new posts since I was last here and of course I will read them all!
Kx (whinger)
I am back from my hols too like so many and have come back in a really mixed state of mind. First, I cheated on my holiday- I ate a slice of cake one day, had a whole trout on another day and ate cold meat almost every day because I was so hungry all the time. Came back and weighed in and had lost 2lbs- now I am pleased that I still lost weight but furious with myself that I gave in to food, especially as I should know why I did it and be in control of that now.
The hunger seemed to come from not having control over my daily schedule- staying with in-laws (m-in-law was complimentary about my weight-loss which is a miracle!) so they called the shots most of the time- and it was a lovely holiday and they are very nice if a bit stressful, but handing over control of my day to them awakened this massive emotional hunger in me. This need to be in control is something I am very aware of from counselling- but what is the point of being aware of it if I cannot tackle it and manage what it awakens in me? And I know all this is true, cos when I got home on Sunday I was totally back in control of my diet- didn't feel at all hungry and didn't cheat!
Second, I am in a way angry that I lost weight- because now there is going to be a chatterbox in my head saying- go on, you know if you have a bit of meat or cheese you will be fine cos its zero carb- and now I have to re-conquer that chatterbox. Single sourcing is so easy because it gives you that control, and feeds your own determination to succeed. Now this whole area of temptation has opened up again...aaaagh!!
So I feel unable to celebrate my achievements now- e.g. losing weight, am now in the 14 stones for the first time since I was a teenager (and I sure ain't no teenager now), that I am looking good in size 20 clothes now instead of a bit squeezed in, that I am trying on 18s without being embarassed and know that they will fit me soon, and that somehow I have crossed the threshold of people looking at me and seeing 'a fat person' and now see ME first and then might notice that I am a pretty chunky lass. Instead of being boosted by these things I am beating myself up and can't seem to stop.
And now as you can see what I have written I have also turned into a bloomin' whinger to boot!!
Sorry for the moan- I really missed you all so much while I was away and could only log on a couple of times- perhaps the best thing this holiday showed me was that (and I knew this already) Minimins is the BEST SUPPORT NETWORK in the world!:wow: and without it I would be totally lost.
Hope you all had a great easter- I need another week off work to catch up with you all- logged on to see over 4000 new posts since I was last here and of course I will read them all!
Kx (whinger)