BehindBlueEyes
Member
Hello.
My name is Blue and this is my diary.
I thought I’d start by introducing myself, writing about why I’m here, what my goals are, who I am.
I’m 25 and I’m morbidly obese. I suffer from depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues. I’ve been taking anti-depressants on and off for almost a year now and during that time I’ve gained a lot of weight due to comfort eating and lack of exercise. I realised this week that if I’m ever going to get better, I need to try and work something out. I’m on a waiting list for counselling, but in the mean time the least I can do it try to fix my diet and get some exercise. It’s a step in the right direction at least.
Armed with a sense of self-empowerment and determination, I looked through my options and decided how I wanted to approach this. Over the last four years I’ve been trying to lose weight and have tried a number of diets and I decided that the last thing I needed this time around was a diet plan. I need to change my eating routine, I need to establish a healthy, balanced diet. Now I’m the first to admit to being confused by all the conflicting dietary advice out there, I think I’ve got to the point where I’ve tried so many diets that I just don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong any more. So I’m going to be loosely following the Gi diet which prescribes lots of fruit, veg, protein and wholewheat carbs. Sounds pretty healthy to me.
I’ve also bought myself some workout clothes that fit so I can start going to the gym again. I’m intending to start with twice a week and gradually build it up. I don’t see the point in going all-out when I know it’ll just end up in a burn-out.
My number one rule, my biggest promise to myself is that I’m going to go easy on myself. I’m doing this to improve my health, not punish myself. I’m not even doing this to lose weight. My priority is to be healthy and happy. I’m not going to weight myself, I’m not going to write down every morsel of food I eat, I’m not going to be mad at myself for wanting chocolate, or even eating a bit. I’m going to enjoy it. All I can do is try my best and that’s all I’m asking of myself. I’m saying no to perfection, to 100% and yes to real life, to reality, to accepting mistakes and getting on with it regardless.
So right now I sound buzzed, right? I have that pre-diet optimism (even though it’s not actually a diet) that you get when you’ve cleared out the kitchen cupboards, stocked up on all the right foods and you've successfully made (and enjoyed) your first meal. When you’re full of determination and the feeling you’re unbeatable, that this time is the last time, the first day of a new life yadayadayada. But the reason I’m sat here writing this is because I know that that feeling will fade and I need something to keep me focused, I need an outlet. I need something to constantly remind me how important this actually is.
It's my mental health...It’s my health...It’s my life.
My name is Blue and this is my diary.
I thought I’d start by introducing myself, writing about why I’m here, what my goals are, who I am.
I’m 25 and I’m morbidly obese. I suffer from depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues. I’ve been taking anti-depressants on and off for almost a year now and during that time I’ve gained a lot of weight due to comfort eating and lack of exercise. I realised this week that if I’m ever going to get better, I need to try and work something out. I’m on a waiting list for counselling, but in the mean time the least I can do it try to fix my diet and get some exercise. It’s a step in the right direction at least.
Armed with a sense of self-empowerment and determination, I looked through my options and decided how I wanted to approach this. Over the last four years I’ve been trying to lose weight and have tried a number of diets and I decided that the last thing I needed this time around was a diet plan. I need to change my eating routine, I need to establish a healthy, balanced diet. Now I’m the first to admit to being confused by all the conflicting dietary advice out there, I think I’ve got to the point where I’ve tried so many diets that I just don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong any more. So I’m going to be loosely following the Gi diet which prescribes lots of fruit, veg, protein and wholewheat carbs. Sounds pretty healthy to me.
I’ve also bought myself some workout clothes that fit so I can start going to the gym again. I’m intending to start with twice a week and gradually build it up. I don’t see the point in going all-out when I know it’ll just end up in a burn-out.
My number one rule, my biggest promise to myself is that I’m going to go easy on myself. I’m doing this to improve my health, not punish myself. I’m not even doing this to lose weight. My priority is to be healthy and happy. I’m not going to weight myself, I’m not going to write down every morsel of food I eat, I’m not going to be mad at myself for wanting chocolate, or even eating a bit. I’m going to enjoy it. All I can do is try my best and that’s all I’m asking of myself. I’m saying no to perfection, to 100% and yes to real life, to reality, to accepting mistakes and getting on with it regardless.
So right now I sound buzzed, right? I have that pre-diet optimism (even though it’s not actually a diet) that you get when you’ve cleared out the kitchen cupboards, stocked up on all the right foods and you've successfully made (and enjoyed) your first meal. When you’re full of determination and the feeling you’re unbeatable, that this time is the last time, the first day of a new life yadayadayada. But the reason I’m sat here writing this is because I know that that feeling will fade and I need something to keep me focused, I need an outlet. I need something to constantly remind me how important this actually is.
It's my mental health...It’s my health...It’s my life.