Indianprincess
Full Member
Hi all. Well Im back AGAIN!
This year has started off better than I could have ever imagined...why? Well firstly I went clubbing for the 1st time on new years eve (I have never done this because of my insecurity about my weight), I also went on my first girls only holiday to LA and Vegas without the OH(who I seem to take cuz I love him but as a security blanket) and I also went out to a bar last week without the aid of the OH again!! I know this may seem silly but for me, this is a huge achievement! My weight has controlled my life so much that I started to pretend that it didnt matter. Well in actual fact is does. In so many ways, I was ashamed to admit. I felt insecure about getting the train or bus incase people stared at me, I wouldnt go out clubbing incase someone said something aloud to take the pee(which has never happened), I even froze to death because I didnt want to wear a thick jacket incase I looked even fatter!!! Well I said SOD that to it this year!!! I cannot carry on living this way!
I also realised on holiday that I have a bad view of my body image. I want plastic surgery galore which is unhealthy and also eat just for the sake of it. Its not out of hunger but because of a want or need and I have finally admitted it to myself. As soon as I think of doing CD, I think of how much food I can eat before Monday or how will I cope? What about birthdays and Valentines days etc? How silly is that? I have 30 or 40 years to enjoy those...but I worry all the same and thats because Im addicted to food. Like a drug or alcoholic..Im addicted and it will kill me!!!
So I have choosen to write a blog, everyday on here about my moods and emotions while on CD. I hope that it helps people and I hope that it can keep me focused on the goal!!
Which is to be healthy(because ive been having chest pains), normal weight and never have to shop for summer clothes in Evans EVER again!
c
xxxManjitxxx
This year has started off better than I could have ever imagined...why? Well firstly I went clubbing for the 1st time on new years eve (I have never done this because of my insecurity about my weight), I also went on my first girls only holiday to LA and Vegas without the OH(who I seem to take cuz I love him but as a security blanket) and I also went out to a bar last week without the aid of the OH again!! I know this may seem silly but for me, this is a huge achievement! My weight has controlled my life so much that I started to pretend that it didnt matter. Well in actual fact is does. In so many ways, I was ashamed to admit. I felt insecure about getting the train or bus incase people stared at me, I wouldnt go out clubbing incase someone said something aloud to take the pee(which has never happened), I even froze to death because I didnt want to wear a thick jacket incase I looked even fatter!!! Well I said SOD that to it this year!!! I cannot carry on living this way!
I also realised on holiday that I have a bad view of my body image. I want plastic surgery galore which is unhealthy and also eat just for the sake of it. Its not out of hunger but because of a want or need and I have finally admitted it to myself. As soon as I think of doing CD, I think of how much food I can eat before Monday or how will I cope? What about birthdays and Valentines days etc? How silly is that? I have 30 or 40 years to enjoy those...but I worry all the same and thats because Im addicted to food. Like a drug or alcoholic..Im addicted and it will kill me!!!
So I have choosen to write a blog, everyday on here about my moods and emotions while on CD. I hope that it helps people and I hope that it can keep me focused on the goal!!
Which is to be healthy(because ive been having chest pains), normal weight and never have to shop for summer clothes in Evans EVER again!
c
xxxManjitxxx
